CBWR? Chapter 35

Hopefully, this one will post without issues! :)

Thanks for everyone's patience. I wish I could do something about it, but I don't work for FFN. ;)

As far as whether or not Bella & Edward have a choice in this whole wedding thing - they really don't. Not unless they scrap the whole plan and start again, and they don't really have time for all that. So...wedding bells it is! Obviously, whatever fictional city they live in at the moment, there isn't a waiting period. Artistic license, darn it! LOL

"I'm not wearing a fucking tie."

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Chapter 35

I could hear all kinds of chatter going on in Bella's room, and I didn't like what I was hearing at all.

"I didn't have anything white," Rose was saying. "But we at least have to get some pictures, and I was sure this would fit you…"

"What the fuck are you doing, Rose?" I growled, but Alice shoved me out into the hallway and slammed the door shut. Next thing I knew, her Beretta was in my face again.

"No seeing the bride in her dress before the wedding, fucker!"

"Goddamnit, Alice!" I yelled back. "This isn't for real."

"Yeah it is," she snickered.

"But it's not…it's not really!"

"Well, you will have to get it annulled at some point," Jasper said. "But I do think they have a point about not seeing Bella in her dress. Bad luck and all."

"Are you fucking shitting me?"

"Edward," Jasper took another step forward and put his hand on my shoulder. Alice took a step back, giving him a little more room as she holstered her gun. "We're about to take out three decent sized crime families in twenty-four hours. I'm not willing to chance any kind of bad luck. So you and I are going to get ready and head to the courthouse, and the girls will bring Bella there when she's ready."

"You people are crazy," I mumbled, but let him drag me out.

Apparently, a "wedding outfit" had already been chosen for me. Black slacks and jacket along with a light blue shirt that was supposed to match Bella's dress.

Fucking kill me.

"Last touches," Jasper said as he handed me a tie.

"I'm not wearing a fucking tie."

"Just put it on," he grumbled.

"No," I said. "I put my foot down at a fucking noose. I'll wear the rest, but the tie is out."

I ignored Jasper's protests as I headed out to the balcony to smoke. Rain was pouring straight down, and the overhang was just barely keeping it off me as I leaned against the bricks. As I dragged smoke into my lungs, I thought about the things Bella had said in the middle of the night and tried to make some sense out of them.

She said she was going to take care of me, and I had no idea what she meant. I didn't need anything – I had everything I could possibly want, so why had she said that? And why had those words been crawling around in my head all day? I keep thinking about some of her questions as well – the ones about my mom and what she did for me, and asking about that teacher I had when I first went to school.

She didn't stay.

I knew…somewhere inside of myself that I wasn't like other people I knew – not even other criminals in the same kind of business. Others had families and friends – they hung out with each other and had dinner, even when they weren't talking about the next deal. I didn't do that – not ever. I never saw any reason to do it.

I thought about the last time I had sex with Kate – how warm it was inside of her, and how I felt when she said my name as she came. It felt…good…hearing my name said like that. Like whatever I was doing was something she wanted, and that if I could just make her feel like that again, then maybe she would…

She didn't stay.

They never stay.

I heard the sliding door shift, and Jasper joined me.

"You about ready to go?"

"Yeah," I answered. He looked out over the city for a minute. "Hey, Jasper? Could I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Is there…something wrong with me?"

Jasper laughed.

"Compared to whom?" he snorted. "We're all kind of fucked up, you know."

"But you…you and Alice…you guys are really a thing now, aren't you."

"Yeah, we are."

"And Emmett and Rosalie have been together forever."

"Pretty much."

"So, is there something wrong with me?"

Jasper looked at me sideways and narrowed his eyes a bit.

"Yeah, Edward, there is."

"What is it?"

"The fact that you don't know pretty much sums it," he replied, cryptically.

Puzzles. Fucking awesome.

"Is that supposed to help?"

He just shook his head.

"Jasper, I've know you as long as I've known anyone," I said. "I wouldn't say we're friends, but we're at least a little better than acquaintances, aren't we?"

"Not by much," he answered. "Aside from strictly business, you've probably said more to me in the last three minutes than you have in the last three years."

I sighed, figuring he was probably right.

"Am I that fucked up?" I finally asked.

Jasper turned so he was facing me head on.

"Yeah, Edward," he confirmed. "Out of a group of seriously fucked up people, you take the cake."

"What's wrong with me?"

"You have no idea how to deal with people. To you, everyone you come across is either a commodity or a liability. You hoard one, destroy the other. This is the first and only time I think you have tried to do something that wasn't purely for your own gain, and I'm not completely sure the end result isn't just to alleviate guilt."

Well, yeah – I felt guilty. I was guilty.

"Of course, the idea that you are actually feeling guilty about anything is a step up."

I leaned my head back against the bricks and blew smoke up at the sky.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"No shit."

I glared over at him.

"I don't know what you expect me to say," Jasper commented as he leaned his shoulder against the wall. "But for what it's worth, you seem to have more emotion towards the girl you bought than anyone else I have ever seen you interact with, including every girlfriend of yours that I met. I don't know if that's a good thing for her, but I would call it improvement on your part."

I flicked the butt of the cigarette off the balcony.

"That's all you got for me, huh?"

"More than you deserve," he said. He pushed off the wall with his fingertips and went back inside, leaving me to the rain. My shoes were wet, and I remembered waking up after a rainstorm a day or two after my parents left. My shoes had gotten soaked, and when I walked to school they made strange, squishing sounds. They kept doing that all day, and when one of the kids made a comment about it, I decked him.

I really didn't know what Jasper seemed to think I was lacking, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with what Bella was talking about. She said she was going to take care of me, which I had believed was ludicrous. Now, I wasn't so sure. Maybe…if she could tell me what was wrong with me…maybe I could fix it.

I could learn, right?

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Chapter End Notes:

I dunno, Doofus - can you?

Next chapter - the wedding! Should post later today.

I will be writing an o/s for Fandom Fights Tsunami. Just like the Flood Relief - $10 donation gets you all kinds of exclusive stuff! Check out the link below for details. I'll post a teaser up for it before the end of April.

http://www.fandomfightstsunami.blogspot.com/