CBWR? Chapter 67

Author’s notes:

You can reply to other reviews now, in case you haven’t noticed.

Finally saw Water for Elephants.  I liked it, but I still think it should have been called “Whiskey for Elephants” instead.

You are beautiful like this.

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Chapter 67:

It felt like my brain was vibrating. I didn’t think I had ever gone so long without sleep, and I would have expected it to happen faster, but I didn’t just drop into unconsciousness like you would think.  I just lay next to Bella concentrating on the scent of her neck and the feeling of her hand on my face.

When her voice floated into my ears, I figured I must have fallen asleep.  Her soft words felt like they were caressing my neck and jaw on their way up to my ears.

“I don’t know what to think of you sometimes,” I heard her say.  “You must be the most bizarre man to ever live.  You’ve done simply horrible things, but inside it all it’s like you are just a little child looking for his mommy.  Why aren’t you angry with them?  They left you with nothing, but it doesn’t even occur to you that what they did was wrong.  Even when they were there, it doesn’t sound like you were ever given what you needed when you were little.”

The backs of her fingers ran over my neck.  The tingling in my skin seemed to match the tingling in my brain.  Everything felt warm. 

“You don’t even know what you are missing.  I don’t think you have any idea what it is like to care for someone, or to have someone care for you.  You wouldn’t even know it if it was happening.  You don’t know it when it’s happening.  No wonder you thought you had to buy yourself someone to be with you.”

“I want to hate you.”  Her voice was so soft in my dream, I could barely hear her.  Even though the sound was muted, the words still slammed into me like a wrecking ball.  “And I did, at first, but then I just thought you were the lesser of the evils in front of me.  Once I understood…really understood that you all but hand-picked me…”

Under my cheek I could feel her take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“I hated you again.”  Her hand stopped moving on my cheek, and then it was gone from my skin entirely.  “If my mom had…if she had died...I would have killed you in your sleep the first chance I had.”

My dream had certainly turned nightmare, but there didn’t seem to be any way out of it.  Just like Bella had no way out of her nightmare…it would always be there, lurking in the back.  It didn’t matter if I could return her to the normalcy of her parents and her school friends; it would always haunt her existence.

“You look so peaceful when you are sleeping,” she said, and the strange dream took on yet another tone.  Her fingers started running over my face again, and I hoped this meant the nightmare was over.  “So much younger and…I don’t know…different.  Like maybe this is how you were supposed to be – the way you would have been if you had been raised right.  You are beautiful like this.”

I heard her sigh.

“I always thought you were the most attractive man I had ever seen.  It didn’t matter – not at first.  You were still ugly to me then.  But now…after everything you are trying to do for me…even though you know there’s nothing you can really do to make it right…it’s different now.  Somewhere inside of you is someone who could be caring and loving, if he only knew what it meant.  When I look at you now, I think maybe you really could be beautiful.”

“Bella…” I tried to get some words out, but like most dreams, I couldn’t make myself do what I wanted to do.  Her name came out as a breathy, sleep-filed whisper, and nothing more.  I tightened my grip around her waist, holding her close to me.

“Shh…”  I felt her hand cupping my cheek and her lips against my forehead again.  “Don’t wake up…shh…sleep now.”

As she said the word sleep this time, I felt my mind letting go, and I slowly drifted completely out of consciousness, with no more dreams to interrupt my rest.

It was all just a dream, right?

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Chapter end notes:

I always had a thing for that whole “what you hear when you are supposed to be asleep” thing from Eclipse.  Love that bit.  Not sure if I’ve worked it into every story, but certainly a lot of them!

More today?  Don’t know yet.  Maybe.  We’ll see.

CBWR? Chapter 66

Author’s notes:

Sorry I didn’t get one out yesterday.  Between soccer games there was…driving to another soccer game.  Hard to write and drive.  Here’s a early one, though!  I should have another out tonight.

Well…no shit.

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Chapter 66

The sweet taste of her mouth and the feeling of her fingers tangled in my hair were my sole points of focus.  Everything about the guy following us, the all day trip through multiple countries, and the subsequent paranoia over who Lee Stephens might really be was forgotten.  Bella was the only thing in my world.

 Again, I had to wonder why I had never really considered just kissing to be all that interesting.  I did it, since the women I had been with seemed to want it, but it was only the means to an end – not something to be enjoyed in its own right.

But with Bella, everything was different.

I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, licking along its edge before releasing it and moving to her chin, down her throat, and to the little indentation at the bottom of her neck.  I kissed her there, licked her, and then moved over to her shoulder. 

Bella’s grip in my hair guided me back to her mouth, where I went happily. 

As I kissed her, I could feel her hands running up my arms, over my shoulders, down my back, and back around to my chest.  I loved the feeling of her hands on me.  Her touch was so soft and gentle, and I almost couldn’t feel it through my shirt.  I wanted to take the damn thing off, and immediately started second guessing myself on how good of an idea that was.

She wanted me.  I could feel it.  Other women had wanted to have sex with me because I was attractive or rich or whatever, but this didn’t feel the same. 

I wanted her.  Well…no shit.

I pulled away from her a bit and looked down at her.  Her hands roamed up my sides and over my face.  She pulled my face back down to hers, and I felt the edge of her teeth catch hold of my lip, which made me moan.

She giggled, tilted my head with her hands, and kissed up the side of my jaw.  Once she got to my ear, she made her way back down my neck, and kissed my Adam’s apple.

I opened my eyes and looked down to her, trying to figure out why she was so blurry.

“Edward?”  Bella’s eyes narrowed at me.  “Are you all right?”

I tried to answer, but my words became all garbled.  I rolled to my side and wrapped my arms around her to pull her to my chest.  She smelled good.

“Edward.”  Bella’s voice change a little.  She sounded like she was…scolding me?  “Did you sleep on the trains at all?”

“No,” I managed to mumble back.  Now that she had said the word sleep, I had a pretty good idea what was wrong with me.  It’s like it was a magic word, and just her utterance was enough to put me out.  “Had to…watch.”

“You look like you are going to pass out,” Bella said. 

I was going to argue with her, but my head had gone all fuzzy, along with my logic.  It was also getting harder to open my eyes, even though looking at her was definitely something I wanted to do.  Some little, still working part of my brain told me I hadn’t been to sleep in over forty eight hours, and then insisted I go find a Starbucks.  I wasn’t so sure that was a good idea.

I felt Bella’s hand on my face, slowly stroking the ends of her fingers from the top of my head, along my hairline, down over my jaw, and then back again.  She repeated te movement, and I could feel myself smile a little.

“That feels good,” I told her.  My speech was all garbled, and I wondered if she could even understand what I was saying. 

“Go to sleep, Edward,” Bella whispered back to me.  I felt her lips against my forehead, and then her hand was gone.

“Don’t stop,” I frowned.  I managed to open my eyes just a crack, but then they closed again.

“Don’t stop what?” Bella asked.

It was harder to speak coherently than it was to move, so my hand grabbed for her hand and placed it against my face again.  I rolled against her, tucking my head into the space between her neck and shoulder.  I heard Bella laugh quietly, but her fingers began to stroke my face again, so I was happy.

It was okay to be happy for a minute, right?

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Chapter end notes:

Awww…isn’t that cute? 

I’m a total fail on this banner below.  It’s one of my favs, and I can’t seem to remember/find who made it!  Please tell me if you know, so I can get the artist credit!

I know, they still aren't getting any.  Remember - these chapters are short!  They still got a little while.  If they don't do it until chapter 84, we're still only talking about...what?  Thursday?  LOL

Also, if you have seen any rec’s for CBWR, let me know as well.  Fourchette is trying to get me all organized, and the more help you can give her, the less likely she is to get sick of my shit and abandon me! :)  She has done a FABULOUS job making the blog look good!  There's no way I would ever get any of it right!!