CBWR? Chapter 21

For all those worried about UC - don't be! I've been working on it while I was supposed to be working on ...well..work today. :)

"Why don't you use the pillow?"

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Chapter 21

No matter what Alice or I said, Bella was adamant that we not go after Aro. She wouldn't say anything about why, only begging me to just keep her, promising to be a good slave until I thought Alice was going to puke on my shoes. I finally managed to get Alice to sit on the balcony while I tried to talk to Bella myself, but made no progress. Eventually I gave up, and allowed Bella to start making dinner at her own request.

I grabbed my bottle of Makers Mark 46, growled under my breath at how empty it has suddenly become, and poured myself a glass before joining Alice.

"You suck at this," she said as the sliding door clicked shut.

"At what?" I asked, figuring her list was probably a pretty long one.

"All of it." She responded. "You don't know how to be a master, or whatever the fuck, and you don't know how to let her go and be herself. You totally suck at this. All of it."

I sighed and lit a cigarette while Alice continued to berate me for being an idiot.

I couldn't really argue with her, it just wasn't helping the current situation. Bella made some kind of casserole for dinner with noodles, peas, and cream sauce that was just awesome. By the time we were done it was pretty late at night, and Alice had already conked out on the couch with her boots up on the fabric, snoring really loudly.

Bella followed me to the bedroom, which was the first inclination I had that I needed to discuss different arrangements.

Yeah, so I hadn't thought that far ahead.

Fucking sue me.

"Hey…um, Bella?"

"Yes, Master?"

"You can sleep in your own room, if you want."

She looked up to my eyes, obviously confused.

"Aren't you going to fuck me tonight?"

"What?" I exclaimed. My hands found my hair and tugged a bit. "Um…shit, no…Bella. Did you hear what we were saying before? How we're going to kill Aro and you'll be free?"

"Yes," she said quietly. She ducked her head down so her chin was just about against her chest.

"So I'm not going to fuck you, all right?"

"You aren't?"

"No," I said as I shook my head. "I'm not. That's what I was trying to tell you before."

"I don't understand, Master," Bella admitted. "You said you weren't sending me back, but you still don't want me?"

"Fuck." I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling while I walked around in a little circle and tried to gather my thoughts. "I shouldn't have bought you, Bella. I just…didn't think about what I was really doing. But I'm getting it now, and I'm not going to hurt you. That includes fucking you or anything else, for that matter. Just…why don't you sleep in your own room tonight, and we'll figure it out in the morning, okay?"

"Yes, Master," she replied as she turned and went into her bedroom.

I went into my room, showered, tried to ignore the burning need for some release, finally gave up, jacked off, and then tossed myself into bed wearing only my boxers. The whiskey must have helped, because I fell asleep pretty quickly.

I didn't sleep for long, though. I woke up when Bella came into my room.

"Bella? What is it?"

Her eyes danced around, not meeting mine, though I could see the glimmer of the light from the hallway on her irises.

"May I stay here…with you?"

"Yeah…sure."

She placed her hands and one knee on the bed and crawled in, lying on her back with her head just below the pillow and staring at the ceiling above. I remembered her doing that before.

"Why don't you use the pillow?"

She looked up to me, her expression confused.

"I'm not supposed to," she said quietly.

"Why not?"

"I'm not…good enough for a pillow." Her words were so soft, I could hardly hear them, but that didn't stop them from driving straight into my gut. Not good enough for a fucking pillow? What the fuck is that all about?

"Use the pillow, Bella."

"Yes, Master."

She shifted up and laid her head on the pillow beside me. She seemed on edge…I mean, more on edge than she always was.

"Did you have another nightmare?" I asked.

"Yes, Master."

"Tell me about it." I didn't really think I was going to get anywhere, but it was worth a shot.

"I can't," she said. Of course.

I wondered if she had talked in her sleep, and kind of wished I had heard her. If she wasn't going to tell me anything directly, I should at least be able to hear her talk about it while she slept. If I heard her talk in her sleep often enough, maybe I could put some of the pieces together and figure it all out. Of course, not all of her dreams would be about the same thing, right? And not all of her dreams would even be something that had happened to her, of course. She could dream about freaking kittens and shit, too.

That's when I had the first actually brilliant thought in the past month. If only I could convince Bella it was a valid argument.

"Bella, if you just tell me what you dreamed about," I told her, "you aren't telling me anything they did. You aren't breaking any rules. You are only telling me what you dreamed about. And dreams aren't real, right?"

"Sometimes they feel real," she said quietly.

"I know," I acknowledged, "but they aren't. It's only a dream, and you can tell me what happened in your dream."

She looked at me and nodded slowly. I watched her lip hide beneath her teeth as her eyes narrowed and even closed for a moment. She opened her eyes and spoke.

"I was in his playroom," Bella said. Her eyes glanced up to me quickly. "In my dream."

"I know – only in the dream." I nodded at her to continue.

I wanted to hear this, right?

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Chapter End Notes:

I know! Doucheward left you with a cliffie. His fault, not mine. He's the one who said "right". I'm force to end a chapter when ever he says "right", right?

He did have a cute little bitty light bulb go off over his head tho, didn't he?

Update tomorrow. Or tonight. Maybe later. Or not. I don't know, Okay?