CBWR? Chapter 93

Auythor's notes:

See what happens when I wake up to hot manips?  I get up and write!  Remember that Lolypop82!  Her fabulous manips have been added to chapters 87 and 88 - check them out!

“You’re a vegetarian?”

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Chapter 93

We talked for weeks.

I don’t think I had ever talked so much in my life.  Sometimes I had to stop and drink half a bottle of water before I could talk anymore. 

I told Irina everything I could remember about growing up in the trailer.  I told her about dropping out of school and driving the trucks full of gun shipments.  I told her about taking over the business through blood and threats of blood.

She always asked the same questions – whether I was talking about my mom making lunch, my dad yelling, or putting a bullet in someone’s scull – what were you thinking at the time?  How did you feel about it afterwards?

The answer with always the same.

Nothing.

“Until you bought Bella.”

“Until I bought Bella.”

“What was different?”

“At first?  Nothing, really,” I told her.  I mean, I was frustrated and ticked off about the whole thing, because I was so unprepared.  I was used to being prepared for whatever was going to happen, and I wasn’t.  I’d fucked it up.  I didn’t even have any clothes or anything for her.”

“At what point did you begin to feel guilty for what you had done?”

“Right after I raped her.”

Irina leaned back a little and started tapping her pen rapidly against the edge of the desk.  I had come to notice that she did this when she was trying to figure out how to phrase her question.

“You didn’t recognize the act as rape at the time,” she pointed out.  “Why do you think you felt guilty then?”

“It’s when she started having nightmares.”  I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees.  I rubbed my fingers into my eyes.  I didn’t understand how talking could give me headaches, but it sure as hell did.

“I think we’re about done for today,” Irina said.  “You look tired.”

I shrugged. 

“Are you eating any better?”

I shrugged again.  Still the fucking master.

”What did you eat for lunch?”

“There really wasn’t anything.”

She opened up a drawer and pulled out the menu schedule.

“It says here there was meatloaf, mashed potatoes with gravy and green beans,” she read from the form.  “Sounds like something.”

“I don’t…um…eat meat.”

“You’re a vegetarian?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“So what did you eat?”

“I ate some of the beans.”

“This morning?” she pressed.

 “Cereal.”

“Last night?”

“Damn, woman,” I said, but I smiled at her a bit.  “I had a roll and…I don’t remember.  Peaches or pears or something.”

“Have you asked for vegetarian meals?”

I gave my shoulders a bit more of a workout, and Irina sighed and ended our session so she could go work with the group.  I had been excused from the group sessions, since Irina was working with me personally instead.  I went to the courtyard, smoked until we had to go back in, talked to Seth a little at dinner, where I tried to eat peas, but honestly – I never liked the fuckers.

I went to bed at lights out, looking over the latest letter from Bella for the fourteenth time.  I had received it two days ago, though it was obvious from the content it had been written six months ago.  I had received two others that weren’t as old as this one.

Hello Edward,

I graduated last week, and college is just around the corner.  I tried to find one that wasn’t too far from you, but there just isn’t any way I can afford to move right now.  I’m still hoping I’ll be able to move for my second year, but the first one will be at the community college near my hometown.  I got a better job that’s close to school so I can get more hours.  I’m living with my parents and saving everything.  I want to see you, and I’m trying – I really am.

I haven’t gotten any letters from you, and I’m pretty sure my dad has been taking them before I can find them.  He denied it, but I told him I knew they were throwing out my letters to you.  Funny – he admitted to that, but still denied throwing yours out.  I still work at the Port Angeles city library one weekend a month – could you trying writing me there?  I don’t think they would throw out a letter if I got one there.

 I miss you.  I hope you are okay.

Love,

Bella

I pushed the paper back underneath my pillow along with the others.  I always carried most of them with me, but the no longer fit in my pockets very well, and I didn’t want them noticed again.  Not after the last time.

During my next session with Irina, she found out about the letter from Bella.  She was not exactly thrilled at the whole idea.  Not at all, actually.

“What happened to your eye?”

“Fight,” I said with an award winning shrug.

“What were you fighting about?”

I didn’t answer.

“When you first arrived here, you were attacked,” she said about three minutes after hello.  “You spent a couple of days in the infirmary.”

“I’m not talking about that,” I said.  I tried to talk a slow breath, but it wasn’t working very well.

“You’ve been in two other fights since then,” she said.  “One of those was six months ago, the other last week.  You aren’t a prison brawler, Edward – why now?”

“He…tried to take something of mine.”

“What was it?”

I sighed and looked up to her blue eyes, and gave up.  She had her determined face on, and I had honestly not been very successful in getting away with silence when she had that look on her face.

“A letter.”

“Who wrote to you?”

“Bella.”

For the first time, Irina was silent without the assistance of pen tapping.

“She writes to you?”

“Yeah.”

“How often?”

“Once a month, usually,” I answered.  “It’s hard to tell, I usually get a couple of them at a time, and the last one I got was from six months ago.  I have fourteen of them all together.”

“May I read them?”

We locked gazes as a little mini debate club started yelling back and forth at each other in my head.  Was it betraying Bella to let someone else read them?  Would it help Irina understand, and then she could help me, and I could get out of here with a chance of at least being in her life in some way?  Would Bella be angry if someone else read them?  Would Irina be angry at me for keeping them from her?

I shook my head, trying to ward off the impending headache.

Fuck it.

I took out the six letters currently in my pocket and lay them down on the desk.

It couldn’t hurt, right?

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Chapter end notes: 

I really wrote this whole story to bring out the lack of vegetarian options in the US penal system.  It's true.  Well, all right - not just in the penal system.  Really though, from chapter one I intended Eddie to go veggie by the end.

How do you think Edward is prgressing in his little talks?  Do we like Irina?  Drop me a comment and tell me what you think, or stop by the thread and discuss theory. :)

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