Wednesday, May 18, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 95

Author’s notes:
Hang in there with me just a bit longer, peeps! 
“Are you ready?”
 _________________________________
Chapter 95:
I pulled Bella’s last letter out of my pocket and opened it up, trying to keep my heart from pounding in my chest at the same time.
Edward,
I talked to my therapist last week.  She always knew I was writing you, but I wouldn’t really talk about it.  This time, when she asked me what I had told you, I decided to tell her what was in my letters.  I figured it didn’t really matter.  But after I told her, she asked me a question and it made me think.  You see, I only told you about the things that I thought you would want to hear, and not everything that has been going on.  She asked me what you would really want to hear, and what things I maybe should have been telling you, but wasn’t.  She told me if I was going to keep writing to you, I needed to be more honest about it, because not telling you everything we doing a disservice to us both.
I thought about it a lot, and I think she was right.  I haven’t been honest with you, because I know where you are has to be horrible, and I didn’t want to make you feel any worse.  But I owe it to you to be honest, so here it goes. 
I’ve been hospitalized three times for depression and suicide attempts.  I don’t think I ever intended to kill myself, really, but I just didn’t know how to cope with everything.  I’ve been on medication and in intensive therapy since I got out the last time.  I only barely finished high school because my parents hired tutors to help me get through my exams, and the school let me take them late. 
Between the tutors, the hospitalizations, and health insurance that doesn’t think mental problems are worth covering, I pretty much ruined my family financially.  I’m still struggling with a ton of guilt because of that, and because of what I did to you.  I keep being told neither are my fault, and some days I agree, other days I don’t.   I still have nightmares.
The only job I have been able to keep is the library job.  I can’t always make myself get up I in the morning, so I lost the one at the sporting goods store.  The library was always really flexible about when I came in, and as long as I got my hours in during the weekend, they didn’t really care what time I showed up.
My dad died of a heart attack two months ago.  I blame myself for that, too.  I know how much stress I have put on him over the past year and a half, and I know that hasn’t helped.  Mom keeps telling me he always had high blood pressure, but I know everything that happened to her and to me took their toll on him as well. 
I did get into the community college.  I went there partially due to money, but also because I graduated late and didn’t get any applications in on time.  I trying to study to be a teacher, but the classes are still pretty rough on me. 
I’m still trying to get enough money together to come and visit you, but I need at least $500, and I’m pretty sure my mom would kill me if I used it for plane fair instead of schoolbooks right now.  Once the insurance money comes through from my Dad’s policy, I hope I will have enough, but they say that can take up to a year.
I’m starting to think that you may not write me back.  I don’t know why.  I don’t even know for sure if you are getting any of my letters.  I still hope you are okay.  I still think about you every day.  People still tell me I shouldn’t, but I can’t help how I feel.
Some days I’m angry at you.  I’m angry because of everything you did that started all of this.  I’m angry because I haven’t heard from you at all.  I’m angry that you plead guilty, when you probably could have found a way to get off, or at least end up with a lesser charge.  I also know you did it for me.
As for right now, mostly I’m confused.  My therapist said you should have received at least some of my letters, and you could have written me back at the library, even if my dad had been throwing them out.  I don’t know what I should do.  She keeps telling me I have to move on with my life – finish school, go out on dates, be myself.  I try – I really do.  I have some good friends who have supported me a lot.  Not about everything, but they’re just worried about me.  
 I just wish I knew what you were thinking.  Maybe you are getting my letters, and you just aren’t responding.  Maybe you aren’t even reading them.  Maybe I am stupid and naïve, like so many people have said I am. 
If you can, please write me back.
Love,
Bella

“Edward?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled back.  My hands were shaking and making the paper shake, too.
“Are you ready?”
“I still don’t know what to say.”
“What if she walked into this room right now?” Irina asked.  “What would you do?”
I had to think about that one.
“Tell her that her friends and her family are right, and she should move on.”  I rubbed my fingers into my temples.  “And that I love her and I don’t want her to ever give up on me.”
“Those two things don’t really fit together very well,” Irina said.
“I know.”
“Let’s see what we can come up with, okay?”
I don’t know how long it took us to write it, but Irina cancelled her group session to help me finish it.  I started over at least ten times, changing my mind on the wording, and wanting to not have too many pencil scratching all over it.  When it was done, I read it again and again. 
Bella,
I don’t know what to say to you.  That’s why I haven’t written.  I wanted to – please believe that – but I’ve not been in a good place at all, and I just didn’t know how to respond.  Sometimes I don’t get your letters for at a month or more, and I think whatever I might have said then doesn’t make any difference now. 
Everything I just said was just an excuse.  I didn’t write you because I was afraid to write you.  I don’t want to tell you what it’s like here.  I don’t want to fuck up your life any more than I already have.  I can’t figure out how anything I do or say now could possibly make anything better for you, except to say that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for everything I did, and for all the things it caused.  I’m sorry I hurt you, and that I hurt your family.  I plead guilty because I deserve to be here for what I did to you.  I don’t expect you or anyone else to forgive me for what I’ve done. 
I’ve been in therapy, too.  I want to get better.  I want to be better, so when I get out of here, maybe I can be something…more.  I don’t really know what that means right now, but I’m trying to figure it out.
Please spend your money on your education.  As much as I want to see you, it’s more important right now.
Edward
I debated over how to sign it for at least twenty minutes.  I didn’t want to tell her I loved her in a fucking letter.  I didn’t want to tell her at all, and at the same time I wanted to fucking scream it loud enough that she could hear me all the way across the continent.  I wanted to tell her I hoped she would still be in my life once this was over, but I didn’t want her to feel like she had to be.
“Are you sure this is everything you want to say?”
“Is there something else I should say?”
“That’s not for me to decide, Edward,” she said with a shake of her head.  “I can help you come up with the questions, but the answers have to come from you.”
“I think this is it.”  I looked up at her and tried to get some sort of read on her, but I never really could.  “Am I fucking it up?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay,” I let out a breath.  “This is it, then.”
Irina offered to take it and mail it for me.
She would understand, right?
 ________________________________
Chapter End notes:
Next chapter is coming up in just a few minutes.  That will be it for tonight.  I think at this point we’re very close to the end, and I believe I’m going to wrap it up right at chapter 100.  Can you stay with me just a bit longer?
The twilighted thread has EXPLODED over the past couple of days.  I have to admit, though I have only barely been able to keep up with it, the amount of passion some of you have for this characters is really overwhelming.  Thank you!

85 comments:

  1. Yup, pretty much crying my heart out here.   Poor Edward and Bella. 

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  2. I think if Bella had written that letter in The beginning of Edward's stay, I think he would have done something to get himself killed. Still feel heavy hearts for the two of them.

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  3. I freaking hate that letter.   that's all he could say?  after two years?

    forget it.  she'll never respond to such drivel. 

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  4.  Break my damn heart all over again she flailing and dealing with it.

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  5.  Thanks for the chapter.

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  6. Wow, you sure didn't disappoint with the letters. You are pure awesome! As much as I'm looking forward to the conclusion of this story, I'm going to be really sad to let this Edward and Bella go. Thank you for another great update! 

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  7. 100 you're crazy if you think I'll be ready to let go at 100! I could read this for the rest of the year and I don't think it would be enough. On a side note- very canon how Edward has conflicted feelings for what's best for Bella

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  8. nicolecullen41090May 18, 2011 at 4:58 PM

    this started off as a writing tool for you and its so great how big its become! 100 is coming up soon  and as much as im upset about that i know that some things have to end. will there be a sequel-ish story in the future or even steamy outtakes? and i know its useless but did FF ever email you back about them taking this story down, just curious?

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  9. I know.. the thread has exploded! .... Poor Bella ... I hope the Bella haters have a little compassion after this ... ty bb 

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  10. I loved this chapter even if it broke my heart again...
    but please savage. 5 chapters is not enough... will leave us in doubt? not knowing if they are together or not? please... at least promise us an epilogue if you are really going to do that... if you are not planning to leave us hanging, forgive me for this.  

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  11.  Her dad died? *cries* For some reason this upset me more than her suicide attempts and depression :(

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  12. i mean, he couldn't say he loved her????? why not?

    he does, doesn't he?  or not?   you are going to have them break up for good I guess?
    because this poor excuse for a letter after two years will make her try to commit suicide again. ugggh.   Why did I ever start reading this?????   I'm tormented!

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  13.  This chapter made me cry a little.  Wow Bella.  I knew things could not be all unicorns and rainbows.  I am glad she was finally honest with him.  And Edward's letter. Was it too much to say I love you?

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  14. Bella's letter broke my heart.  So tell me again why this is the way things needed to go?  How he needed to plead guilty to a sex crime that will follow him for the rest of his life?  How he was doing it for her?  Sorry, but I do not agree, not at all.  That being said, Edward's letter was "okay", but seriously inadequate.  He could have signed it "Thinking of You" or something else other than love, but signing it with nothing will feel empty to Bella.  For him to give her nothing to let her know that he reciprocates her feelings, that is really belittling her own feelings.  No happy...still no hope.   

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  15. they are both breaking our hearts...  

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  16. I hope that you're not including me (Amydee) as one of the "Bella Haters"? 

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  17. Because That's not what my posts were about, Monica. : ) 

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  18. Holy hell...Charlie dead, suicide attempts, depression, medication, lost job...Bella's been in a bad place. 

    I wish he could have said a little more in that letter, something that indicates how much he cares for her.  But I understand why he didn't, because aside from not wanting to say he loves her in a letter, he has the classic Edward dilemma of wanting to be with her but believing she's better off without him.  So heartbreaking.  I just hope she can read between the lines and see that he does care.

    It's also really sad that this story will be over in a few chapters.  It's been daily part of my life for what seems like forever (even though it hasn't been that long, lol).  Sigh...well, I guess we still have UC...

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  19.  You keep getting better and better.
    I can't wait till Bella and him finally get back together. They love each other so much. And Edward and her deserve to find happiness together.

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  20. I'm so sad for both of them. I might have cried a little. Oh my goodness poor bella she's depressed tried to commit sucide and her dad died that's fuked up. How are you going to wrap it up.

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  21. I knew things weren't going well for Bella. God...

    My heart breaks for both of them. *sob*

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  22. Yikes. Things were sooo much worse for Bella than I imagined. Must have killed Edward reading that one.
    Loved that though he more or less says she should concentrate on herself he gives himself away by saying 'much as I want to see you'. What will Bella make of that.

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  23.  Wow. This chapter was... very hard to read. A lot of emotion and such flying around here. Amazing job as per usual. 100 chapter? I want to say that's it? But ummm... YEAH of course I'm sticking with this! I want to see how this ends! This has been one long haul!
    ~Jessi

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  24.  Ok Savage, I love all your stuff, but this?  Hitting my pet peeve. 

    "Once the insurance money comes through from my Dad’s policy, I hope I will have enough, but they say that can take up to a year."Uh-uh, no way in hell.  They'd have the death benefit within a couple DAYS of sending a death certificate of the insurance company.  Sorry -- I've worked in life insurance for 20 years and stories that get it wrong in order to make a plot point are my pet peeve!!

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  25. Well, bella's letter wasn't as bad as I expected. Not in terms of giving up on Edward, anyway. Edward's letter seemed very impersonable... If he hadn't said he wanted to see her, I would have been seriously pissed seeing as how that's the only indication he gave her that he even cares about her.

    And I would bs on the twilight thread tearing it up but that site doesn't agree with my iPhone very well. Off to read the next chapter and maybe get a little peace for this story tonight. Seems like all of my current stories have decided to make this the week of angst. Damn!

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  26.  Sorry - I didn't look.  I know when a friend of mine lost her husband it took forever to get the death certificate - that may have been what I was thinking of, not insurance.  My humblest apologies!  *cough* artistic license! *cough*  :)

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  27. I am soo sad! I 100 chapters huh? Probably not enough time for them to meet again? Would love for them to be able to see each other face to face and just hug each other! I have so enjoyed this story and it's frequent updates! ...... Karen
    T

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  28. Wow that was a tough one.  

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  29. I'm in shock!  *SOBS*
    If Bella had to pay a "penitence" for the "mistake" she made when she call his parents,,,
    She already paid it and with interest.
    If we thought that Edward was going bad for being in prison ....
    How wrong we were!
    Edward's stay in prison has been a trip to "Disney World" compared to what Bella has lived all those years since she returned with his family...Bella's life had gone from bad to worse.

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  30. Vanessa CampbellMay 18, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    My heart breaks for the two of them but can't they see they need each other to get them through this...damn this story just gets better and better. 

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  31.  *sigh* Now this I can handle, as long as she's not moving on. I can breathe again :)

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  32. Now I feel really bad for Bella!! Damn its playing with my emotions!!! Anyway....I dont want to see it end! 

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  33. Isn't it funny how upset we get when we know that the story has some FICTICIOUS irregularities in it???  after all, this story is SO real life!!! (insert sarcastic eyeroll!)

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  34. Isn't it funny how upset we get when we know that the story has some FICTICIOUS irregularities in it???  after all, this story is SO real life!!! (insert sarcastic eyeroll!)

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  35. okay now i just want to cry for both them being in such a terrible situation... how terrible to be just stuck and miserable and lonely.  they say when it rains it pours and it has poured on both of them.... sooo sad.  i love ed sooo much for changing and trying to do the right thing but he seems to get screwed up the ass every time he turns the corner... bella just wow too!!  i really have enjoyed your story.. i hope it just turns out okay.... 

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  36. Speechless. Now do you all still hate Bella?

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  37. OMG...Bella's letter is heartbreaking!  I am so saddened by it.  I don't know who is more f'cked up.....Edward or Bella.  I don't think Edward's letter said enough.  I think he should tell her he loves her, but wants her to move on.  I can't imagine them functioning as a couple right now, although maybe the love they feel for one another would help them along.  Does Edward have any money left?  Or was it all taken away?  Would Emmett share any of it, or have they all washed their hands of him? 
    I can't believe you are only going to 100 chapters....that will probably be over by tomorrow or Friday at the latest!  I hope you are planning some epis for us diehards.
    I <3 you, and this story so much!
    xoSus

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  38. OMG, poor Bella. I figured she wasn't telling Edward everything, but had no idea it was THAT bad. 

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  39. This is deep.

     

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  40. How can you end at chp 100? That doesn't seem like enough time. I guess I'm just afraid i'll suffer from withdrwal symptoms when this is done. sigh. 

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  41. If I write here what I still think about Bella a bunch of people would come to my house pitchforks in hand, so I'll just keep that to myself now.

    I still think that wrapping it up on chapter 100 it's too soon unless you are already planning on doing a sequel named something along the lines of "It could only get better, right?" OR that the last 4 chapters are no less than 12,000 words each ;)

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  42. so hard. feel sorry and bad for e, but at the same time, know he's done a lot of bad shit and deserves jail time. he needs to heal and grow as well. wonder how b will react to the letter. wondering if em/ali/rose/jas have his money saved for him or if they just took it

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  43. Okay...I am always always team Edward and Bella, but how in the world can she still be hanging on? Don't get me wrong, I WANT them to heal and be together, but he started a chain of events that truly ruined her life and her family.

    Her letter is just hearbreaking. Charlie's gone; she's a freakin' mess; they're broken in just about every way possible. just UGH.

    I don't even know what i wish for at this point. i'm at your mercy.

    I can't wait to see how you pull this together in nine chapters.

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  44.  wait...FOUR chapters to go...not nine.

    say it ain't so!!

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  45. is he really going to be there another 5 years? 

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  46. okay, well, last night i was team savage.  tonight i'm team kleenex brand.  yes, this story has become something else...i don't know.  even in the early chapters there was (thank god) some hilarity because of edwards inept(ness).  the last several or more (i lost count) chapters have been disheartening and nothing short of oppresive.  i'm not wanting to quite on you, but 4 more chapters?  to me it's inconceivable that it can be wrapped up in that many words.

    but what did i say earlier?  a the end of the day, it's still all fiction...depressing fiction perhaps...maybe the discussion on healthcare reform is not that bad afterall. 

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  47. Okay, now that I've come back to read this chapter 96 makes more sense!  I'm glad I asked the question in my ch96 review and that you responded so quickly.  Don't I look like the ditz!?!  Hell this chap even has the a/n about 100 chapters--but I still need to set up a Twitter account.  Please, please, please don't let him blame himself for Charlie's heart attack.  He is dealing with enough guilt and he's just starting to come out the other side of it.  I like to hope that being reunited with Edward would cure Bella's depression.  I still hold out hope that even though Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper weren't really Edward's "friends" they still have some of his money set aside somewhere so that when he gets out he has the means to build a life for Bella and himself.  Even if the money isn't there, he still has the business know how.  I can't wait to see how this ends up.  I can't help but think of the catch pharse from Emmancipation Proclamation--True love waits forever.   ---Monique (MoniJo)

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  48. Wow, Bella had been keeoing a lot to herself, which is completely understandable. But at the same time it makes me think what if both had been open? What if Edward had written and Bella had shared rality? Maybe sonethings might have changed, perhaps all would be exactly the same. What I see right now is two people, both in pai, lost and hoping to find any clue that might help them to move on. Wishfully thiking, move towards each other.
    This will beover in less than 10 chapters?!?!?!?

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  49. Sounds about right to me (much as that sucks).  The thing is the damage is done -- it will ALWAYS be there for both of them.  The cracks can be patched and they can be better, but there is no poof their healed, healing that can magically happen.  Tissues heal, psychological wounds can only be patched and managed.  Much as those of us who haven't survived tramatic events or childhoods would like to believe it's different, having a mom who's a survivor of 9 months of being held hostage, raped and strangled to the point of murder twice, along having met others with trauma as deep, just goes to show the reality - even when it's awesome (like for my mom) it's still there, and events can still trigger it even decades of recovery later.  So yeah, love what you did even as it rips my guts out for them! :)

    Love that they're getting real.  It's their only hope, Obi Wan.  ;D  LOL

    And Gah, thinking about Charlie just kills me too, but it too makes sense (damn it!).   :D

    Thanks!!!

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  50.  Huh, TeamDeadCharlie can rejoice now but somehow I don't feel like celebrating. Yeah, Bella's previous letters were, for the lack of a better word, ... misleading. I don't even know what to say anymore except for I can't believe only five chapters are left.

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  51. oi... I missed this chapter! we hatesiz whenz we do thiz...
    And it was pivotal too.
    I knew Bella had to be suffering! Tazering while blowing some guy while worrying about your mother and what was being done to her would definitely have it's long term effects. And until we come to terms with the mental health and insurance coverage, well... the prisons will keep on filling up because I just bet Edward's mom suffered from depression or something that could have been treatable.
    Okay... deep breath... I get excited because we run marathons and shave heads for cancer but when Brittany shaves her head we frown and and sneer or happily make fun of Charlie Sheen getting fired but mental illness will have its long term consequences; on their children.

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  52. You have really taken us on a wild ride with this one. Drama, angst, romance, love, and heartbreak (for both of them). Its funny how in some of the last couple chapters a lot of people were bashing Bella for only writing one and then a couple of letters during his incarceration, but no one was bashing Edward when he had received a years worth of letters and he hadn't written back once. They are both scared but at least she gave him a lifeline. I knew things weren't going to be rainbows and fairies in the Swan household. Eventually Bella was going to have some sort of break. Wow, suicide attempts? Charlie dying? Of course no one would understand why Bella would be missing Edward because they weren't there. They could talk until their blue in the face and prescribe every med know to man and it would not change what she feels. Even if Edward told her he wanted her to move on and not write again, that would not change. Edward turned out to be her safe zone in the end and that's how she will remember him. Hopefully him writing to her will help her even if its not all sunshine and rainbows its communication. As far as the money goes, don't most cities have some sort of victim compensation funds set up to pay for things like therapy and damages incurred? Please let this take a brighter turn because we want to see these guys healed and in a better place before saying goodbye. Oh, and Savage I hope you have the ideas churning for your next fic because we're addicted to you now.  

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  53. best birthday present ever lol. thanks!  

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  54. ARGHHHHH Are you fucking kidding me!  When she reads that letter she is going to feel rejection!  What the HELL are you thinking DoofWard! 

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  55. I have tears in my eyes. Both letters broke me. I love these charactors so much and everything has exploded over on the twilighted thread because they LOVE these charactors too. Please don't end this story so soon, please don't. You will seriously send many of us into withdrawal. Not unless your updates are going to be at least 4,000 words each... please don't end it yet. 

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  56. Bella's letter hurt. I'm glad she told the truth though. I hope that Bella gets Edward's letter. 

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  57. No, no, no!  That's too soon to end!  You're going to leave us with drama/angst, aren't you???  Do you know that happy endings actually happen in real life?  Maybe even more often than buying sex slaves? :P

    Sigh.  Those letters were painful.  You could FEEL the pain in their letters.  While reading Bella's letter, I was hoping that her weakness was going to inspire Edward to be strong for her.  She was always much stronger than him...and it's his turn to step up.  His letter is progress, but it's rather wimpy.  He is scared, and has reason to be, but holy hell, look at her!  The New Moon phase is over, he "left her alone," and now he needs to man up.  Stand by her.  Etc.

    OK, rant over.  Awesome story, woman!

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  58. I don't know what to say besides I feel for both of them. They're both stuck in really fucking shitty situations. I don't know if this story is even gonna be a HEA kinda deal. I have strong doubts.

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  59.  Oh No - how can this be over in four more chapters?  This chapter was sooooooo
    full of emotion!  Both letters were tear jerkers.  Is there hope these two will have a HEA?

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  60. I loved Bella's letter to Edward, because its extent of honesty was mesmerizing. Edward, was not quite as forthcoming, but he was honest about that.

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  61. WHATTTTTTTT .. I DON'T WANT U TO WRAP IT UP .. it feels like there so much more to say and so much more to happen ..i can't imagine it wud end any soon .. unless u'r planning on a sequel ..

    u'r still breaking my heart with this .. i still cried this time too .. now i feel sorry for Bella too .. i really want them to get together any soon .. to see each other .. i want him to hold her so bad i want him to hold her when she's sleeping and make her nightmares go away and i want her to put her hand on his face and rub his temple .. they both deserve some peace and some calm .. they deserve to be together

    i hate that now Edward will be even more guilty at how Bella is doing ..
    ok thats it *running to read the next chapter*

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  62.  Well, life has continued for everyone. Really not in the direction that anyone wanted. Everyone feels so alone. Belief and hope. That is what is left I suppose.

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  63. Wow.  Bella's letter was a shocker!.  I think Edward should have written more about how he felt about her. I think she needed to hear it.  I know he wants her to heal too but she is in a bad way too....without anyone that really understands.  I think he should have said more 

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  64. omg how sad that bella has been suicidal and how badly her life has been since edward got taken away! soooo fucking sad..her and edward so need each other they're pining for one another and yet are trying to do what's best for the other. it's all so fucked up right now! but yayyy he's finally written her and i do hope she understands why he didn't write and that his letter is some kind of comfort for her! and i can't believe that this is gonna end in just a few more chapters! it's been such a wonderful and intense journey that's for sure!

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  65. Bella's been through hell, and his letter is just too contained, too elliptic, considering her level of honesty, the way she signs her letters and what he really feels for her...this is just what I feel... 
    Can't believe you'll finish at chapter 100...I will miss this story!

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  66. Don't know how this will end at 100 but I'll be glad it doesn't drag on forever. Hope it makes more sense to me than Saving Bella.  Felt that one was left with a big question mark. So happy he finally wrote. Hope it makes her feel better. Know someone who was arrested for sexual assault. Even though you do your time, your life is never your own after. Hope they will both realize that.

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  67.  Oh myyyyyy........those 2 letters shattered my heart *well it was already broken fro past chapts* Wen wud da sufferrin end!!!!!!!! Poor Bells.........hasnt she been thru enuff. And now, i'm sure Eddie feels evn more guilt now that he knows she's goin thru evn more pain!!!!!!!! Daymeeeeeee, evn tho i'm soooo sad 2 hear dis......I honestly believ it needs to b said, heard and understood!!!! If any true progress is to be made in the least. Hey, who evr said healin/progress wudnt hurt rite?!?!

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  68.  Damn that was a lot to take in!!!!!!!!! I'll stay with you tho, so don't worry!!!!!!

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  69.  its an interesting story but I want to know the ending. I LOVE the quick updates, but I want you to have more time for UC.... so I have mixed feelings about you ending it in just 5 chapters.....

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  70. Wow. Um, anyone have any extra tissues? I'm sobbing like a baby over here. I wasn't expecting that letter from Bella at all. I'm a bit sad that Edward didn't write 'love, Edward' but I understand why he didn't...it just wouldn't be right coming from a letter. 

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  71. Ouch, ouch, ouch...my chest hurts! This chapter is definitely angsty and painful.

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  72. OMG, so much misery.........   My heart hurts...

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  73. He's always holding back but at least it's for the right reasons!!

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  74. And the hardcore emotional reality just keeps coming. You are doing such justice to this story - it's hard but good and so right.

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  75. Darling Shay Girl,
    There are those of us out here that are not in the least surprised that there are explosions of threaded comments.  This story is powerful, and sweet, and lovely, and sad.  Beautiful broken Edward causes beautiful Bella to be broken.  What else could happen but love?  Five more chapters will never be enough.  You could keep writing them until the end of time.  They, and you, are loved.  Remember that.
    Thank You,
    kitty j

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  76. As if Edward didn't have enough to feel guilty about! Now he knows Bella is even more Fucked up than he knew, hospitalized, suicidal, Charlie died as a result of her/his stress...how is he supposed to start healing when he's getting more to break him?! 

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  77. If I were Bella I would be hanging onto "as much as I want to see you" and reading into everything else.

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  78. I am soo sad! I 100 chapters huh? Probably not enough time for them to meet again? Would love for them to be able to see each other face to face and just hug each other! I have so enjoyed this story and it's frequent updates! ...... Karen
    T

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  79. I'm so sad for both of them. I might have cried a little. Oh my goodness poor bella she's depressed tried to commit sucide and her dad died that's fuked up. How are you going to wrap it up.

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  80. 100 you're crazy if you think I'll be ready to let go at 100! I could read this for the rest of the year and I don't think it would be enough. On a side note- very canon how Edward has conflicted feelings for what's best for Bella

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  81. Yay he wrote her back! Bella's been hurting too, poor girl! :(

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  82. And the passion is still strong as even through third read this letter of his brought tears.

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