Sunday, April 24, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 56

Author's notes:
Yeah, the kids shared too much of their candy, so I think I've been writing on a sugar buzz.
Enjoy!

”I’m a guy!” I blurted out.  “I always want that!”
Chapter 56
I didn’t kiss her back.
She pulled back away from me, and her hand dropped from my face. 
“Don’t do that again,” I said.  My voice was so quiet I could barely hear it.  I didn’t want to hear it.  I didn’t want her to hear it.  I didn’t mean it, and I wanted to take the words back. 
“Why not?”
“It’s just not right.”  Whatever was going on with my mouth, there were a bunch of parts of me that did not agree with the decisions at all.  One part in particular seemed to be planning a mutiny with a couple other parts within close proximity of the first part.  I focused on her eyes in order to stop myself from looking at her lips.  If I looked at them, I was most certainly going to want to kiss her.  Every muscle in my body constricted – aching to reach out to her – to touch her, to comfort her. 
“Who says it’s not right?” she asked.
“Anybody from the outside looking in,” I replied.
“What if I don’t care what they think?” she said.
“Maybe you should.”
“Why?”
“Because!” I cried out and stood from the couch.  “Because doing that was fucking crazy.  I ruined your life!  Why in the world would you do something like that?”
I crossed my arms in front of me and waited for her answer.  My chest felt like it was caving in again, and I figured when I got back to the states I was definitely going to have to talk to my doctor about an acid reflux prescription.
“I wanted to,” she finally said softly.  “I’ve wanted to for a while now.”
“That’s just…it’s just…Bella, that’s nuts!” I finally said.  “It’s fucking Stockholm Syndrome or whatever.”
“It is not,” she yelled back at me.  “You don’t dictate what I do or how I feel, Edward!  Not anymore!”
Those words pretty much hit me right in the gut.  Not that I didn’t deserve them, because I did.  I deserved a lot worse, too.  Then there was the bit about how she was completely, totally, one-hundred and seven percent correct.
And there was that little piece of me that really, really wanted it to be okay.  It was the part I had shoved down and off to the side, because it was so fucking wrong I couldn’t even stand to think about it.  It was the part that wouldn’t let me get off in the shower, the part that desperately wanted to drag this trip out as long as possible, and the part that was completely and totally, head over heels…
Oh fuck.
I couldn’t say it, not even inside my head.
“How?” I finally blurted out.
“How what?” Bella questioned.
“How can you possibly…why…I mean…you just…kissed me.”
Her face turned red and she looked down at her hands.
“How could you want to do that?  I’m dangerous, Bella – don’t you see that?  Haven’t you seen enough of that?”
Her head turned back up and she looked at me.  It was nearly dark outside now, and we hadn’t turned on any of the lights except in the kitchen.  I couldn’t see her well, but I thought I could see the reflection of the lights in her eyes – off of her tears.
“Dangerous, yes, but you aren’t bad,” she spoke quietly.  “You’re not bad.  It’s just that…no one’s ever shown you how to care about someone else.  No one’s ever cared for you, and you’ve never cared for anyone else.”
But that wasn’t true…not anymore.  There was someone I cared about.
“I care about you,” I told her.  “I want you to be able to put all this shit behind you.  I want you to be able to keep going.”
Bella’s eyes dropped to the floor and she seemed to think for a while before looking back to me again.
“I think I will,” she said, though she didn’t sound completely convinced.  “The nightmares are better at least, aren’t they?”
“Not as often,” I agreed.  “But just as bad.”
Again, she went silent, and I thought better than to speak up.  For a while she looked from me, to the floor, and then back to me again.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I sat back down on the couch, but I kept my distance.
“When I have them,” Bella said, “and I wake up and feel you there with me…I know I’m safe.”
I met her eyes and was sure there were tears in them again.  My heart was pounding and my chest was tight.  When she would have those dreams, she would cling to me for the rest of the night, but if I was holding her, she never had the same dream again.  I might have killed all the ones who hurt her, but I couldn’t take them out of her head.  The very least I could do was try to make her feel protected from them when she did wake.
“I wouldn’t hurt you,” I swore to her.  “I wouldn’t let anyone hurt you.”
“I know,” she said.  “If there is anything I am sure of about you, that would be it.”
Her words calmed me a little, and I settled back against the cushions of the couch again.  I wanted her to feel safe.  I wanted her to know that there was no way I would ever let anyone ever hurt her again.  If anyone tried, they would never get a second opportunity.
My mind conjured up the feeling of her lips on mine again, and I thought about what she said –t hat she had wanted to kiss me.  I didn’t understand.  I didn’t understand it at all, but that mutinous part of me wanted to understand it better.
“You really wanted to kiss me?” I heard myself ask.  Bella nodded and her cheeks darkened.  My hand reached out to touch her, but I brought it back close to me again before it could.  Bella looked up, and she seemed confused and maybe even disappointed.  I didn’t want her to think I didn’t want it when I did.  I figured it was still stupid to say, but I needed her to know.  “I want you so much.” 
Bella smiled ever so slightly.
“I think that was apparent the first day we met,” she said. 
“Not like that,” I said.  “I mean…I do, but I didn’t mean that was what I wanted…I mean, yeah ‘cause…well…I mean I do want to…with you…I mean the kiss was…I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t…”
I didn’t have the slightest idea how I was going to dig myself out of the instant hole I had created, and though I looked frantically around the room for a ladder or some rope or something, I was unsuccessful.  What do you do when you dig yourself in that deep, and there’s no way out?  Make the hole deeper, of course!
”I’m a guy!” I blurted out.  “I always want that!”
I cringed at my own words and waited to see what she might throw at me.  She didn’t throw anything, so I looked up to see her covering her mouth to keep from laughing.  Her eyes were so beautiful and so full of life, I had to smile.  I shrugged a little, but I was too captivated by the light in her eyes to say anything else.  I shifted a little bit on the couch, and this time I let myself reach out and touch her.  My hand came up and cupped her cheek, and I ran my thumb over her cheek bone as I looked at her. 
“It’s not the same now,” I told her, wondering how I was going to explain that my physical desire for her would probably always be present, but that wasn’t the first thing I thought of when I looked at her.  I wanted to hold her hand, help her with the dishes and keep her safe.  Now how did I say all that shit without sounding like a total ass?
“I know,” she said simply.
“You know?” I responded in disbelief.  My eyes dropped down to her lips and the brief memory of how they had touched mine came back.
“Yes,” she replied.  “Believe it or not, it’s pretty obvious what you are thinking about most of the time.”
“It is?”  My eyes met hers again.  This was definitely news to me, and not what I would consider good news.  If she knew what I was thinking, then all the dumb-ass shit in my head I didn’t allow myself to say was still known to her.  I hoped that wasn’t really the case.  Did she know I was mentally at the bottom of a little sandy hole in the ground, tossing more and more dirt over my shoulder with a plastic toy shovel?
“Like right now,” she said as she shifted a little closer.  “I know exactly what you are thinking right now.”
“What am I thinking?” I asked, a little terrified she was going to say something about the tiny green beach shovel I was using inside of my head.
“That you want me to kiss you again.”
Oh.  That.  Yeah, I was thinking that, too.
But that was obvious, right?

Chapter End Notes:
Can't you just see Doofus and a plastic shovel, digging himself in deeper and deeper?
Typical Edward - he's trying to "do the right thing" and Bella just wants to make everything...hard for him.

99 comments:

  1. Another great chapter and so nice to see him trying to communicate with her.

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  2. How do you do it? You create the most dysfunctional Edwards - social rejects. Then chapter by chapter, you suck us in & make us love them. Is Doofusward the human version of Boobward? They seem to have gone to the same school of lady wooing. Completely ass backwards & yet so endearing. Bella again defies all sanity & logic but somehow manages to redeem the fuckers anyway. I just love it. Now I know you love your twisted endings. Please don't do something horrific to Edward. Even though he's still a rejectoid, he's come so far. He deserves something for that right?

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  3. I am loving this story. I'm even hoping Edward gets his HEA with Bella. She is good for him!

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  4. Sweet lord, that little plastic shovel nearly killed me. I can absolutely imagine it, even with some kind of a petulant look on his face. LOL

    Thing are getting much more serious between Edward and Bella and much more interesting (for me:))
    That ending you have already written for this story is haunting me since you mentioned it. I really want a happy ending for poor confused Doofusward, but have no idea how they can get it. So I will have to wait and see what happens:)

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  5. crying he so sweet he try so hard and i love him! YOU CAN NOT EVERY END THIS STORY NEVER NEVER JUST KEEP GOING we can grow olod with this story! real loving :) weekitty

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  6. Ok, thank your kids for me for the candy, lol your amazing. He is actually trying to talk to her, wow, alot has happened to dear doofus. lol thanks Savage

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  7. LOL I have to agree with the anonymous post with just keep this story on going. He is so sweet, he was so lost never knowing any type of love.

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  8. Up until now I've been able to just go chapter to chapter to see what happens next and now...now I have to wait! Oh well, it's worth it. :)

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  9. That was incredible :) I really loved it! Cannot wait to see what happens next! Poor Doofusward :(

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  10. Thanks for all the great chapters today..What a treat! I am addicted to this story.
    Thanks
    Carol

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  11. wow...another post.. I feel so spoiled... i laughed though when she told him he was not bad. I kept thinking of Jessica Rabbitt from Roger Rabbitt.."I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."... also laughed at the " I'm a guy" part.. awesome job.. Pam B.

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  12. That was such a sweet chapter! I love his outbursts ;)

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  13. Better and better (may the suger high continue!). I love how conflicted he is, how HE’s the one to put on the breaks, even though he still wants her. And I love it when Bella says “What if I don’t care what they think?”, and also when she pointed out that he doesn’t dictate her actions anymore. (That was the whole point of her not being a slave anymore, Doofus.)

    Bella may seem foolish to an outside observer, but she's following her heart. She is both compassionate and forgiving, something she has in common with her canon counterpart. She sees the potential for good in Edward when he doesn't see it himself. If anyone can save Doofus, she can.

    And LOL, it really cracked me up when he was struggling with how to say he wanted her (but not like that!). And the beach shovel stuff...priceless!

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  14. so totally love B and of course Doofusward just gets better and better

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  15. Ok the story has done an almost 360. It's now Bella who is tryin to help Edward and who seems to be the strong one right now. Edward I think is really becoming more aware of his feelings but is really unsure about letting them be known to Bella. Bella seems to be almost reassuring Edward. Thanks for all the updates today!

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  16. He is more aware of his feelings, but I think he just doesn't know what they are. When you've never experienced love, in any form, how do you identify it, know that you're feeling it. good stuff this.

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  17. Oh, Edward. I don't see how this can work out in the end. Not with full disclosure to her parents. Ugh. I don't even know if it would be possible for E&B to have a healthy relationship... But I'm still loving the story, and enjoy seeing Edward become human!

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  18. LOVED all the updates today! Then how confident Bella is with him and truthful they are both being I love that!

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  19. I don't know how you do it...but you've managed to almost completely redeem Edward and make it ok for Bella to fall for him... Just like you've done before! And it's not weird at all!

    That's pretty awesome...

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  20. I'm going to try and post again. For some reason Google is giving me a hard time logging in. Hope it works this time.
    I truly love this story, this Doofus Edward and sweet Bella. She is slowly teaching him how to be with another person, how to care what they think and feel. Most of all how to love and be loved in return. I'm waiting for that. I hope this doesn't end anytime soon, Id really hate that.

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  21. CBWR? updates = BEST EASTER PRESENTS FOR GROWN UPS EVER.

    Love where this is going. Love, love, love. Now... Edward. That thing burning in your chest... it's called a HEART. No seriously, dude, it is. And see, your heart likes Bella. A lot. Really a lot. And sometimes when a heart likes someone really a lot, they want to share their sandpit and their little green shovel with them and eat Pad Thai in exhcange for giving up cigarettes JUST because of their heart.

    You can handle that, right?

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  22. Bella the captive has become Bella the captiver.

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  23. Austenbrontemeyer

    Happy Easter, thanks for the candy!

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  24. I can tell that both Edward and Bella really care for each other. Even considering how those two came to know each other. I can't wait to see how they both react to everything that they say to each other.

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  25. Great chapter! Great story, not surprised it was taken down from FFN, all it takes is one cry baby to ruin a good story! Probably because it was about human trafficking. Try twilighted.net, if no one else has suggested it. Gosh this song reminds me of this story! Sorry if it doesn't for you but just thought I would share! :) It's called Under the Gun by The Killers----here is the link to the video Enjoy! and Happy Easter http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAk7BLMQ3Qk

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  26. Great chapter! Well at least he was trying hard to communicate. Edward has become slightly endearing. Thanks so much!

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  27. poor e. doesn't know what to do with himself
    tff000

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  28. 107%? LOL He is so adorable when he doesn't know he's actually feeling something. I actually feel bad for the guy but at least Bella can see through that :)

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  29. Read todays posts all together. Why is Bella having this convo with Edward now? She must know how fucked up it is that she would have any feelings for him.

    He has shown amazing (for him) restraint, and *gasp* commonsense.

    Interesting role reversal. Now what?

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  30. Do i sense a little double entendre in you a/n at the end there i think i might have can't wait to see how dufous ward fucks this up cause we all know he will

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  31. finally! read all 3 updates. so good. i mean really good.
    geez...he is so *argh* and she is so *awe* and I am like so *sigh*
    thanks for giving us more interaction between them and I really enjoyed how Bella is so blunt.
    i am off all week so feel free to update as much as you can everyday

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  32. He is so sweet... A criminal, who made horrible decisions... But still sweet.
    Love your stories.

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  33. Great chapter as always!
    Loved it!

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  34. I'm excited that they have finally let their feelings known to one another.
    It was so sweet and done in typical Doofusward fashion.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  35. Holy Hell, Savage! Did the stolen Easter candy come in IV form? You are tearung shit UP!

    This chapter...made me hope and worry in equal parts. But it was 107% beautiful, thanks for your hard work today.

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  36. I really love this story... But I really, really love the authors notes! :D Poor Doofus.

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  37. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  38. Sorry my friend loged on to my computer with his account so when it posted it was his But I loved this chapter very much she spoke and he listened some what thanks for sharing this with us and update when you can....

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  39. Thank you so much for updating so many wonderful chapters today! :) You certainly don't disappoint. These were wonderful. I love how Bella can see right through him most of the time and cut away all of the crap and show him that he's still that little boy upset at the destruction of his crappy toy piano. It makes me want to give doucheward a hug. :)

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  40. Awww Edwards having a mushy moment, I loved when he couldn't even say it in his mind that was hysterical :))) hehe

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  41. Two great sequences in one chapter!

    "...there were a bunch of parts of me that did not agree with the decisions at all.  One part in particular seemed to be planning a mutiny with a couple other parts within close proximity of the first part." *snort*

    and

    "Did she know I was mentally at the bottom of a little sandy hole in the ground, tossing more and more dirt over my shoulder with a plastic toy shovel?"

    His little I want you but I don't but I do speech killed me because I do/say things just like that!

    Like so many here, I don't know how you do it, but however it is, please keep doing it oh ye great woman behind the curtain!
    ;-D

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  42. Oh yes, it seems our dear Bella is ready to see just how... hard she can make... it for Edward. *mwhaa*

    And this is what I giggled thinking at one particular... part above: The party of the first part on behalf of the party of the second part wishes to have influence over the party of the whole part! ;D

    I CAN totally see E just a'diggin' to China with his little green sand shovel! LOL Talk about the metaphorical sand trap from hell!! tee hee

    I can feel things building! *mwha* Thanks!!!

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  43. Awe that was so sad and so endearing all at the same time. You are giving me and Edward hope.
    Happy Easter.
    RoryCullen

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  44. tell your kids to give you more candy,or take some of my sons. he doesn't need it lol.

    great chapter. can i get some yummy smut now PLEASE!!!!!!!!! *puppy dog eyes* i'll give you browmie batter ice cream or some Carmel apple pie, homemade your choice!

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  45. OMG>...now this is a turn-around! Last thing I remember is Bella telling Doofus she hated him! Well, they ARE man and wife....do I sense a little lemony goodness coming? Sure hope so...

    Oh yeah, belated Happy Easter.....I had a lot of my little niece's candy, too, but I combatted it with a lot of wine....*tee-hee*

    Great, prolific job, bb!
    xoSus

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  46. i can see the shovel! hehe! bella what are you doing to poor edward?

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  47. Oh... oh! Look what we have here... progression in their relationship, is it? Loved the chapter! I guess there's something to say about redemption, huh?

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  48. 107% ?? I'm confused, he was on the right track in the beginning of his argument, I get the feeling this is going to lead to a world of hurt for E. but I believe that was inevitable at this point regardless.
    I didn't even have sex but am feeling lucky...thanks so much for all the updates!

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  49. I'm such a hopeless romantic...they need to be together! Forever and EVER ;)

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  50. Hey, who said doing the right thing was ever easy?
    I loved the little green plastic shovel....and: “I'm a guy, I always want that!” LOL
    He's lucky that Bella is so kind and mysteriously attuned with him, that she can see the guy actually cares for her a great deal, more than he's accustomed too and more than he's willing to admit.

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  51. Poor old Doofusward has been digging that hole for so long he must have worn that little green shovel down to a stump. But the truth is that Bella just gets him and something tells me she's going to try very hard to come up with a way to go home but also come back to him. But to do that she's probably going to want him to give up a lot more than smoking.

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  52. omg GR8 chapter .. i loved it .. loved it
    awwww .. they'r gonna kiss again in the next chapter right ??? and he's gonna kiss her back
    plz let him kiss her back .. i want it .. he wants it and she sure wants it :):):)
    im loving where this is going
    i don't want her to leave him .. what r u gonna do about that ?????????

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  53. I like you on a sugah high bb! I'll happily supply the sugar too if it'll keep ya typing away like a mad woman!

    I was talking to my friend Julz. -And this is exactly how I wanted it to go down. I wanted her to be the instigator.... Then, him shoot her down, bc, he's still struggling w/ what he did and thinks he's the biggest dick (ehm) ever..... And wants to protect her from himself....... But then finally gives in of course........

    Thx for the influx of updates! Hope you had a good Easter!

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  54. Oh yeah she is making it real hard for him alright lol. Wow doofus just expressed himself. Incoherently, but he did it.

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  55. I admire how insightfully and evocatively you express Edward's and Bella's emotions and describe the way they deal with the situation. Edward behaves believably and his reaction shows that he is changing: he thinks what to do, wants to act responsibly, to understand Bella and to take care of her. He stops her, because he thinks it is wrong for her to want this and for him to take advantage, then he tries to understand her, and finally he tells her how he feels, because he doesn't want her to feel rejected, though he knows that by telling her he digs himself deep. The controversy about this story is whether Bella can fall for the man, who is to blame for her ordeal. It is strange that the story was criticized for this before it actually reached this point, which is in this chapter. Honestly, I am not sure that she can forgive him and fall for him, but I accept the way you justify it: Bella gets to know Edward and to understand how he has become what he is, she sympathizes with him; she knows that he regrets his actions very much and tries to correct the wrong he has done, in her desperate situation the fact that he is helping her means very much, she wants to be fair to him and to take into account both the good and the bad; she knows that he has feelings for her and appreciates how he tries to change for her and to be attentive and caring; she is attracted to him. The connection between your story and the canon is evident in this chapter: "How could you want to do that? I'm dangerous, Bella – don't you see that? Haven't you seen enough of that?" "Dangerous, yes, but you aren't bad." "What if I don't care what they think?" is like canon Bella's words "I decided it didn't matter." Canon Bella also chooses Edward despite the reasons against him, and loves him despite everything, which he puts her through directly or indirectly.

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  56. Clever sentence:

    Then there was the bit about how she was completely, totally, one-hundred and seven percent correct.

    OME.....I LOVE it when you write him stumbling and bumbling:

    “Not like that,” I said. “I mean…I do, but I didn’t mean that was what I wanted…I mean, yeah ‘cause…well…I mean I do want to…with you…I mean the kiss was…I just didn’t want you to think I didn’t…”

    *giggle* Bella is just jacking with him now! In a good way, but still...she is messing with him! I love it!

    Can't wait for more...'cause I'm greedy that way!! Thanks for making my morning!! Off work today and the last four chapters of this went really well with my 1st cup of coffee! *smacks lips*

    Keye

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  57. Aww, Doofus needs a HEA (please????). LOL!
    Thanks for continuing to enable this awesome addiction! Candy's on the way:)

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  58. Oh Doofy, you have fallen hard...I wonder if it's going to be easy for Bella to leave you? So good...

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  59. So, he wants to do the "right thing" but what's that now? I don't think he knows. Another reason he needs that little shovel to keep digging. I hope Bella stops him though. She wants it, he wants it... obviously, so why not?
    He grew a conscience. ;)

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  60. Bella becoming a cure for him, lonely guy that need company that won't leave him no matter what..even with slave thing, maybe he feared of being abandon. He really try hard to do his best to fix things.. Imagining his "I always want that" face heheh he is indeed a guy afterall--want to read more..thx!

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  61. I can just imagine Doofus with a plastic shovel..omg...your so good ! This story is awesome and I just love your Edward :)

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  62. Bella is spectacular in this chapter, she really ruled the scene. I loved how Edward stammered around about wanting her. His helplessness was endearing and hilarious - no wonder Bella was smiling.

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  63. Oh that inner war of body parts and floundering explanations was priceless...Well, well Edward, you are a glutton for punishment for all things anti-you and Bella indeed seems made-to-order for this very thing for you... so you might as well dig in.... because she will return to her parents... and it is reasonable to assume her Father will not pat you on the back with anything less than the full extent of the long arm of the law... I think you are doomed dufus... and it is such sweet sorrow.

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  64. Poor Edward doesn't even know the difference between acid reflux and heartache :( I'm glad they talked about it though, they both needed it. And someone wants to kiss him again ;)

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  65. Oh that shovel bit Funny and him stuttering like a preteen hilarious. Awesome chapter

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  66. Now we're getting somewhere! I love that Bella has the upper hand here! Looking forward to Bella guiding Edward out of this dark situation he got them into.

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  67. Loved this chapter. Made me laugh! Thank you.

    Stephanie

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  68. well she really blindsided him with that kiss and even more when she said she wanted to kiss him and well...just everything!! i love their interaction and how bella speaks right into his heart and how his chest tightens...cos his heart is telling him that it feels something more than physical for bella!! omg you frickin still rock my socks off!! i love this so much!! man if you write things like this as a side when you get writers block!!.....like wow girl you are srsly talented which i don't doubt for a second!!!lol!

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  69. bella alwys makes things difficult... but in this story she has a right to!!!

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  70. So, he wants to do the "right thing" but what's that now? I don't think he knows. Another reason he needs that little shovel to keep digging. I hope Bella stops him though. She wants it, he wants it... obviously, so why not?
    He grew a conscience. ;)

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  71. I admire how insightfully and evocatively you express Edward's and Bella's emotions and describe the way they deal with the situation. Edward behaves believably and his reaction shows that he is changing: he thinks what to do, wants to act responsibly, to understand Bella and to take care of her. He stops her, because he thinks it is wrong for her to want this and for him to take advantage, then he tries to understand her, and finally he tells her how he feels, because he doesn't want her to feel rejected, though he knows that by telling her he digs himself deep. The controversy about this story is whether Bella can fall for the man, who is to blame for her ordeal. It is strange that the story was criticized for this before it actually reached this point, which is in this chapter. Honestly, I am not sure that she can forgive him and fall for him, but I accept the way you justify it: Bella gets to know Edward and to understand how he has become what he is, she sympathizes with him; she knows that he regrets his actions very much and tries to correct the wrong he has done, in her desperate situation the fact that he is helping her means very much, she wants to be fair to him and to take into account both the good and the bad; she knows that he has feelings for her and appreciates how he tries to change for her and to be attentive and caring; she is attracted to him. The connection between your story and the canon is evident in this chapter: "How could you want to do that? I'm dangerous, Bella – don't you see that? Haven't you seen enough of that?" "Dangerous, yes, but you aren't bad." "What if I don't care what they think?" is like canon Bella's words "I decided it didn't matter." Canon Bella also chooses Edward despite the reasons against him, and loves him despite everything, which he puts her through directly or indirectly.

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  72. I like you on a sugah high bb! I'll happily supply the sugar too if it'll keep ya typing away like a mad woman!

    I was talking to my friend Julz. -And this is exactly how I wanted it to go down. I wanted her to be the instigator.... Then, him shoot her down, bc, he's still struggling w/ what he did and thinks he's the biggest dick (ehm) ever..... And wants to protect her from himself....... But then finally gives in of course........

    Thx for the influx of updates! Hope you had a good Easter!

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  73. Do i sense a little double entendre in you a/n at the end there i think i might have can't wait to see how dufous ward fucks this up cause we all know he will

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  74. CBWR? updates = BEST EASTER PRESENTS FOR GROWN UPS EVER.

    Love where this is going. Love, love, love. Now... Edward. That thing burning in your chest... it's called a HEART. No seriously, dude, it is. And see, your heart likes Bella. A lot. Really a lot. And sometimes when a heart likes someone really a lot, they want to share their sandpit and their little green shovel with them and eat Pad Thai in exhcange for giving up cigarettes JUST because of their heart.

    You can handle that, right?

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  75. Ok the story has done an almost 360. It's now Bella who is tryin to help Edward and who seems to be the strong one right now. Edward I think is really becoming more aware of his feelings but is really unsure about letting them be known to Bella. Bella seems to be almost reassuring Edward. Thanks for all the updates today!

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  76. Better and better (may the suger high continue!). I love how conflicted he is, how HE’s the one to put on the breaks, even though he still wants her. And I love it when Bella says “What if I don’t care what they think?”, and also when she pointed out that he doesn’t dictate her actions anymore. (That was the whole point of her not being a slave anymore, Doofus.)

    Bella may seem foolish to an outside observer, but she's following her heart. She is both compassionate and forgiving, something she has in common with her canon counterpart. She sees the potential for good in Edward when he doesn't see it himself. If anyone can save Doofus, she can.

    And LOL, it really cracked me up when he was struggling with how to say he wanted her (but not like that!). And the beach shovel stuff...priceless!

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  77. That was incredible :) I really loved it! Cannot wait to see what happens next! Poor Doofusward :(

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  78. Up until now I've been able to just go chapter to chapter to see what happens next and now...now I have to wait! Oh well, it's worth it. :)

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  79. Sweet lord, that little plastic shovel nearly killed me. I can absolutely imagine it, even with some kind of a petulant look on his face. LOL

    Thing are getting much more serious between Edward and Bella and much more interesting (for me:))
    That ending you have already written for this story is haunting me since you mentioned it. I really want a happy ending for poor confused Doofusward, but have no idea how they can get it. So I will have to wait and see what happens:)

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  80. I am loving this story. I'm even hoping Edward gets his HEA with Bella. She is good for him!

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  81. Another great chapter and so nice to see him trying to communicate with her.

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  82. Ha, okay I had to laugh at the little green shovel idea that did in fact spring into my head. Beautiful chapter, even if he still doesn't have a clue.
    ~Jessi

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  83. Ok, so ma fave part of this chap was DoucheWard stummering around to tel Bells he actually does want her..............hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I dont kno y but i cant help but smile when i tink of their situation cuz its so cute. But den this heavy wave of worry crashes into it n washes it all away!!!! These moments of intimacy haolds no promise of happiness for these 2. I shudder at the reality that Bella's goin to go home sumday soon.....an dleav him like all d othr women hmmmmm.....an lets nt evn get started on Papa Swan. I fear for DoucheWard......this situation is only comfort for the fool at the moment!!!! I hold fast, tings wil get betr, but its hard 2 believe wit all dats goin on!!!!!

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  84. Love his little green shovel!  

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  85. AWWW, had they had a sweet and tender moment. Hard for him, literally right? 

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  86. He gets diahrea of the mouth. Not fatal, but hurts non the less.  

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  87. Oh Edward, just relax, the girl knows what she wants. 

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  88. Bella has always had all the power and I think she knows this!!

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  89. Bella having the advantage . . . loving it :)

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  90. Bella taking the upper hand. I love it. unsure Edward even better. Cannot wait to see where this goes.

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  91. Loved him floundering around when he couldn't figure out what to say!!

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  92. Awe... He's trying so hard to make it right for her

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  93. He realized he loves her! Yay!

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