Monday, April 25, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 57

Author’s notes:
I know alerts are still coming out late or not at all.  I’ll try to see what I can do!
How about a little something this afternoon?
It was so wrong it hurt.

Chapter 57:
Knowing that anything and everything that could potentially come out of your mouth is going to be the wrong thing to say, can really put a damper on conversations.
Everything I had been feeling I had pushed away – trying not to acknowledge it because everything about it was so entirely wrong.  I wanted her.  I knew I wanted her, and for some insane reason, she was pushing the issue.  The desire to just move forward a little more, even if only to give her to go ahead to act, was so strong I didn’t know if I would be able to stop myself from doing it.  If she decided to take that initiative – if she kissed me again – I honestly didn’t know what I would do.
While my internal ramblings took over my conscious thoughts, Bella shifted in her seat.  The movement was enough to cause me to focus on her again, and I could see my hand trembling where it cupped her face.  She leaned forward, and nothing short of sheer terror gripped me.
I couldn’t let her do this.
I couldn’t bring myself to stop her.
She reached out with her hands and ran the backs of her fingers over my jaw, across my ears, and into the hair behind my head.  Her eyes stayed on mine until the very last moment, when they dropped to my mouth and close as her lips covered mine.
It was so wrong it hurt.
But I kissed her back anyway.
Because it felt so good.
She rose up on her knees, angling herself down towards me as she pulled at the back of my head to bring me closer to her.  My hand on her cheek dropped to her shoulder, and I wanted to push her away – I did, but I didn’t.  I knew I should, I should tell her to stop this, because wherever it was going was not going to be a good place.
Somehow – I have no idea how – my hands ended up on her waist, and her tongue ended up in my mouth.  My body took over, leaving my mind somewhere a long ways away – probably hanging out in some gutter with a bunch of other trash.  Her hands dropped to my shoulders and pushed me backwards until I was lying beneath her a she straddled my waist and ran her tongue over mine.
I had to stop this.
I couldn’t.
Just having her hands on me was like nothing I had ever experienced.  Everywhere she touched, my skin grew hot and felt like it was vibrating under her fingers.  It wasn’t just the physical sensation of our skin connecting, it was something inside of me – something that had never given itself a voice before, but was now screaming for satiation.
I felt wanted.
Not for my looks or my money or anything else superficial like that.
It felt like she wanted me.
Me.
Just me.
And it was so fucking wrong; I knew I shouldn’t let her continue.
My head knew how stupid this was, and had categorized every reason this would never, ever work.  She had been hurt too badly, and I was directly responsible for that pain.  I could make her safe again, but nothing I did could ever take away what she had been through.  Even if she could somehow get past what had happened to her and my direct involvement in it, her father was a cop and I was a crime lord.
I’d give it up for her.
It meant nothing to me.
I’d go to work in a fucking shoe shop if it would make a difference.
It was all too much…way too much.
I had to stop this before it went any farther.
I knew I had to.
But I didn’t.
I let her keep the lead, her tongue exploring my mouth and lips as her hands ran over my shoulders, arms, and chest until she ran out of breath and had to back away.  She looked down at me with her eyes full of sparking excitement in the darkened room, and her tongue ran over her lips.  She leaned against one of her hands for support as the other pushed my hair from my forehead before running over my jaw and neck.  Her fingers traced over my lips and down my chin before she kissed me again.  It was a soft kiss, gentle and unassuming.
“Take me to bed,” she said quietly, and I tried to figure out if it was a question or a demand.
And the terror that gripped me before came back a thousand fold.
I had to stop this, right?

Chapter end notes:
Is it too late for Doofus to stop what’s happening?
Will Jacob, the long-lost high school sweetheart break in at any minute?
Will Alice come in, guns a-blazin’ and aimed at Edward’s “gun”?
The answer to these questions and more in the next installment of “As the Twific Universe Turns”!

76 comments:

  1. Oh, Edward. Whether he tries to stop it or not isn't really important to me. The question is does he respect her enough to know her own mind or not? The poor guy has so much to learn, but it is so nice to feel truly wanted.

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  2. Will Alice come in, guns a-blazin’ and aimed at Edward’s “gun”. Lol i can just imagine that, it would be so funny but, and Bella would be so embarrassed if Alice jumped in. thanks for the new chapter, i cant get enough of this story!!! cant weight until the next chapter!

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  3. omg omg omg this girl is jonesing for some Edward loving and the poor guy can't think straight cuz he is jonesing for her just as bad! GAH! Love it! Can't wait for the next chapter!

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  4. Wow that was smexy and all they did was kiss. Poor Edward I would be freaking out too! And what is this about Jake??? He needs to stay away! :))))

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  5. maybe you should Edward, but argggh temptation!bed?!
    Uh.Oh here come Alice.. and Jake!

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  6. Hi, I just wanted to say that I've been using feedburner for a while now for alerts for my blog and the way it works is that no matter how many times you update your blog in a day it sends one email per day at a certain hour of the day (which you can specify.) So, there's no way for the alerts to go instantaneously if you use feedburner. I bet there's another service that delivers updates instantaneously (wordpress for instance has a built in Email Subscription gadget that sends instantaneous alerts) but I'm guessing they won't be for free? I just wanted to say that because I've seen people complaining and there's nothing you can really do... Anywho, great job with this story... it's actually really sweet, even though it dealt with a pretty dark subject in the beginning...

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  7. Take me to bed? Certainly did not expect that from virginal Bella. Unless...is she not as inexperienced as Aro wanted Edward to think?
    Sincerely, sheviking

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  8. Fuck it...hit that kitty, Eddie!!!

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  9. Ok, I'm busy busting a gut over here at RoseArcadia's comment! Bahahahahaha!

    I have to say that I'd love to see this Edward in action between the sheets.

    And Bella... you go girl! Get your man!

    Soooo... one more update today? yeah? I know you've spoiled us and that should make me grateful, but I think it's just turned me into a spoiled brat ;-) !

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  10. I got all the updates at once yesterday...in one email...

    I just check in myself during the day...

    Oh dear...Edward! I like that he's letting HER lead...must be a change for him.

    I'm hoping she knows her own mind...

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  11. loved it and hey eddie the guy that got her kidnap has/is died you killed him in away, you kind of change to the guy thats saving her! dont think you should have sex with her but you need to tell her that you are fulling in love with her. as for jake he a asswipe sorry real dont like him, even if you gone to make him the sweety guy on earth (which he can be that edward) i still want like him bella and edward are married:P so hopeful if they do have sex then she try to tell him she stay and NOT GOD BUY AS I have said if she goes he gone loss it then again may be not may be he get a real job an meet her the way he should of do the first time, and they can start a freash, :) he no long be the guy that got her kidnap keep up the great up dates loving them weekitty

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  12. All I am going to say is the suspence is KILLING me! This is one of the best strories I have read in a long time.

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  13. She really wants you for you Doofy...but I don't think he's going to be able to go through with it...too much going on in his "big" head (as opposed to the little head that's rapidly getting bigger!)...

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  14. i just realized why this format works so well for you, sav. its the opportunity to give us literally cliffies every time. just think, you've basically left us panting for more FIFTY SEVEN TIMES. it takes a true sadist i tell you... ;)

    - green grasshopper

    ps i miss pming you! i might start doing it over at ff again even tho the story's probably not going back. YOU CANT GO HOME AGAIN. :)

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  15. I love the fact that Edward feels that he is wanted. I just love the whole story.

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  16. you are such a tease Savage. You know Jacob ain't gonna show up.
    another moral dilemma, to sex up the ex sex slave or not to sex up the ex sex slave?

    i don't think i am ready even thought Bella is, but i am on board which ever direction you take it

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  17. See? How can she not fall for such a lovable Doofus? :P For the first time in his life he feels wanted. Aww. Love.

    I will be very surprised if he has the strength to stop. *whispers* um kinda hoping he doesn't have the strength. ;)

    If Alice found 'em like that now, she'd for sure hang Doofy by his balls, not doubt.

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  18. Jacob???? ewww! I just threw up in my mouth a little!!! Tell ne you are kidding me :(

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  19. OMG!!!!! What is our charming Doofus do now? If he says no, he will hurt her worse than anything else that has happened since she was taken. If he agrees, he might feel he is taking something from her he shouldn't. But she is the one asking, telling, taking the lead. Or they may be interrupted.... It's stressing to think what can happen now. :)

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  20. Muah-ha-ha - “As the Twific Universe Turns” - you are so funny.
    He is still letting Bella take the lead - so all is good in my opinion. He is not thinking solely about himself, but his concerns are all about her well-being. And he truly has feeling for her and is willing to change his life to be with her. One Scooby snack for Doofus coming right up.
    Besides taking her to bed, doesn't necessarily mean they will have sex. They should take things slowly. As for Jacob and Alice - maybe Alice could shoot Jacob, that way both would not be interfering Bella and Edward exploring each other.

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  21. Love this line: "My body took over, leaving my mind somewhere a long ways away – probably hanging out in some gutter with a bunch of other trash." Genius, Savage!

    So...for me, the interesting part of this one was that Edward admitted to himself that he was willing to give up his weapons trafficking business for Bella. Whether he'll still feel that when not being kissed/seduced by her, I don't know. But the fact that he's thinking it at all is a step forward. From quitting smoking for a day in exchange for Pad Thai to quitting his way of life in exchange for a life with Bella... Not a bad progression at all.

    Yeah, Alice would make his death a slow and painful one if she walked in on this. And Jacob isn't really Bella's high school sweetheart, is he? Please say no.

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  22. Go Eddie!!!! .... Go Eddie!! ... GOOOOO

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  23. Yeah umm... I'm gonna go ahead and say that you are just fucking w/ us, w/ the whole "Jacob sweetheart" comment. Cos well, the dog doesn't ever exist in your stories... One of the things I lurve 'bout you! ;)

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  24. Now if Edward says no to what ever Bella wants, that would hurt her. He just needs to go with the flow! :)

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  25. I am Team Anybody but Jacob, okay? Seriously.

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  26. It's such fun being in this Edward's head! I love how even though he's so messed up, there's still comedy. And your chapter end notes reminded me of the way the old Batman episodes always ended. :-)

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  27. haha “As the Twific Universe Turns”, great analogy.
    Love this whole story.
    Lord I'm a HEA & a total B&E sap, I want their relationship to work. whaah But am concerned taking her virginity wont fix anything. Them staying together doesn't sound real hopeful because of the cop dad, shoe salesman or no. I don't think E. could exist as a shoe salesman either, he'd probably kill the 1st woman who started walking off after trying on 107 pairs of shoes without buying any. Actually that might make a good fanfic, think about it Savage or update with a better scenario than I'm coming up with;-P

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  28. If someone breaks in and stops this I'm going to kill them!!! Can't wait for this to happen!!!

    Jane

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  29. Oh God, no Jacob, please!!! This is about to get HOT HOT HOT! I'm all for it, but not sure Edward will be able to do it.

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  30. You're killing me slowly with these chapters.
    Please update soon.
    And I hope that Edward does not stop.
    Bella wants to be with him and obviously he is dying to be with her ​​too.

    There are problems with update notifications?
    No matter if you updated in the morning *sniff* I receive the notice in my mail at night.
    For example =( I still do not receive the notice of Chapter 57.

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  31. I am lost. Where was Jacob ever mentioned?

    He is so head over heals for her, he would give everything up.

    I say let them do it. Maybe they can have a real relationship

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  32. Jacob? Who is Jacob?
    We do not want to Jacob!

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  33. What's so wrong? They are married, right?

    BTW-NOOOOOOO Jacob!

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  34. Bahahaha! This is so a soap opera! You just had to throw Jacob in there didn't you ;D LOVE IT!

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  35. your chapter end notes are just slaying me girl. so great.. and where the hell did Jacob come from? Jusr couldn't leave the poor boy out of huh? .. i saved this site as an icon on my computer and just click on it several times to see if anything is posted.. worked awesomely yesterday.. I got an email about the updates sometime late.. but i've just been checking the site often.. doofus is so screwed.. Pam b

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  36. You took me from being repulsed by Edward to feeling to feeling so sorry for him and wanting to mother him....
    Great story. If people would have just let you continue rather than judge your story from the first few chapters, it would not have gotten pulled. You said it from the beginning, it had meaning and reason. Thank you for continuing.
    Wonderful story!

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  37. "I felt wanted."
    That says it all.

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  38. Oh please Savage.. no Jacob! Alice with guns would be better!

    At least he is trying to do the right thing - but Bella is doing it because she wants to - so it is not wrong.. poor Doofus. But we do love him :-)

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  39. Forgot to add... totally agree with sharon just above.

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  40. I want Edward to go for it, but not really I'm conflicted too!! No...don't do it Edward!!

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  41. best line ever:

    My body took over, leaving my mind somewhere a long ways away – probably hanging out in some gutter with a bunch of other trash.

    so funny, but so so sad. I wonder if Bella was a virgin when she was kidnapped? that might make a difference, no? that she had had sex before and knew what it was she wanted. how are they ever going to be together? i'm so worried about them!!!! and keep that mangy mutt out of this!!! he always up to no good.

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  42. Go Bella! She mitt as well get something enjoyable out of all this! Edward should just go with it!

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  43. I knew she would have to be the one to force the issue. Let's see where this goes!

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  44. Well.....Doofus isn't pressuring Bella into doing this. She is taking all the initiative, and I think, feeling as he does for her, he should just let her go to town and see where it leads.

    Funny, after yesterday, I was thinking the same thing! He could give up his life of crime, and just do his tech business, or as he said, he'd "work in a shoe shop" if he had to!

    You are killing us, kiddo~!
    xoSus

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  45. Doofus, what are you thinking? Stop overthinking and cockblocking the girl. GAHHH!

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  46. Of course he can still stop this...can't he? LOL

    Anyway, he will regret if he does and regret if he doesn't. But I think she'll regret more if he does...

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  47. I thought the door would bust open and a bunch of shorn sheep would start bleating, with their little bells ring-a-ding-ding-dinging, telling our fair maidenhead-daughters that we musn't, we mustycn't, we musn't read this, or we shall be all lead astray, and we shall never marry and never get a shiny white minivan of our very own that we may bring home to the castle our econo-size Poise and Charmin! Oh ! Oh the humanity!

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  48. Now that is just cruel. If he thought she hared him, her leaving him would hurt but he'd get over it. But if he thought she wanted him, her departure will kill him. Maybe not physically, but on the inside he'd be dead. I hope he stops, for his sanity.

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  49. So why didn't he run her there

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  50. man bella way to lead a guy on. tell him you care and he matters, make out with him, get him to trust you, and you still plan on leaving him!

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  51. Oh dear God, what's going to happen in the bed?! Obviously she's not ready to go all the way, but maybe an orgasm and a nap? I guess we'll see...

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  52. Arrrgghhh - do not threaten us with Mr I'm-all-teeth-and-muscles-and-practically-no-penis Black ... nu-uh - you don't do Jacob, that is a wicked thing to say lol! Oh Doofus, don't do it - yeah, we all want you to, as, of course, does Bella, the little minx, but something tells me that both you and she will regret it. Hmm, perhaps Eddie's "gun" will go off half-cocked or he'll find there's no ammo in the cylinder!

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  53. Tisk tisk...Eddie, you shouldn't do it. I kinda want you to though.

    Stephanie

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  54. omg like wow she really is pushing his respect boundaries!! hmmm yes he should stop...is it wrong that i don't want him to!! he really has been very good lately and it seems bella really wants this too!!omg idk i think i should just read the next fucking chapter and put myself out of my misery to know!lol!

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  55. please no jacob.. yuk!! i am sure something will cockblock him1

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  56. omg like wow she really is pushing his respect boundaries!! hmmm yes he should stop...is it wrong that i don't want him to!! he really has been very good lately and it seems bella really wants this too!!omg idk i think i should just read the next fucking chapter and put myself out of my misery to know!lol!

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  57. I want Edward to go for it, but not really I'm conflicted too!! No...don't do it Edward!!

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  58. It's such fun being in this Edward's head! I love how even though he's so messed up, there's still comedy. And your chapter end notes reminded me of the way the old Batman episodes always ended. :-)

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  59. Go Eddie!!!! .... Go Eddie!! ... GOOOOO

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  60. OMG!!!!! What is our charming Doofus do now? If he says no, he will hurt her worse than anything else that has happened since she was taken. If he agrees, he might feel he is taking something from her he shouldn't. But she is the one asking, telling, taking the lead. Or they may be interrupted.... It's stressing to think what can happen now. :)

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  61. I love the fact that Edward feels that he is wanted. I just love the whole story.

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  62. I got all the updates at once yesterday...in one email...

    I just check in myself during the day...

    Oh dear...Edward! I like that he's letting HER lead...must be a change for him.

    I'm hoping she knows her own mind...

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  63. Take me to bed? Certainly did not expect that from virginal Bella. Unless...is she not as inexperienced as Aro wanted Edward to think?
    Sincerely, sheviking

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  64. thinking maybe e should stop if he feels so guilty - nothing good can come of that.

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  65. hahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...................ur EndNote there made me laff out loud. He shud stop an its bad 4 them but I want it so much..............I tink #DoucheWard's rubbing off on me. I absofreakinlutely dont kno WAT DA HECK 2 think?!?!? But i knew Jacob wudve had 2 ride through in KNIGHT & SHINING ARMOUR sumwhere..............UGHHHHH!!!!! lol


    WAT A DYNAMIC CLIFFIE!!!!! I tink i'm gonna die..........hahahahahaaaaaaaaGO 4 GOLD DOUCHEWARD!!!!!!!

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  66. Jacob was her sweetheart, did I miss a chapter? NO JACOB, thats all I have to say about that.

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  67. Argh! Edward, just turn your brain off for 5 seconds and go with it 

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  68. Awwww fuck! I was going to go to sleep as it's 6am!! GAH

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  69. This chapter was really sweet and also really really funny!!

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  70. Yes I guess he should stop... But nome of us want him to

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