Author’s notes:
I know alerts are still coming out late or not at all. I’ll try to see what I can do!
How about a little something this afternoon?
It was so wrong it hurt.
Chapter 57:
Knowing that anything and everything that could potentially come out of your mouth is going to be the wrong thing to say, can really put a damper on conversations.
Everything I had been feeling I had pushed away – trying not to acknowledge it because everything about it was so entirely wrong. I wanted her. I knew I wanted her, and for some insane reason, she was pushing the issue. The desire to just move forward a little more, even if only to give her to go ahead to act, was so strong I didn’t know if I would be able to stop myself from doing it. If she decided to take that initiative – if she kissed me again – I honestly didn’t know what I would do.
While my internal ramblings took over my conscious thoughts, Bella shifted in her seat. The movement was enough to cause me to focus on her again, and I could see my hand trembling where it cupped her face. She leaned forward, and nothing short of sheer terror gripped me.
I couldn’t let her do this.
I couldn’t bring myself to stop her.
She reached out with her hands and ran the backs of her fingers over my jaw, across my ears, and into the hair behind my head. Her eyes stayed on mine until the very last moment, when they dropped to my mouth and close as her lips covered mine.
It was so wrong it hurt.
But I kissed her back anyway.
Because it felt so good.
She rose up on her knees, angling herself down towards me as she pulled at the back of my head to bring me closer to her. My hand on her cheek dropped to her shoulder, and I wanted to push her away – I did, but I didn’t. I knew I should, I should tell her to stop this, because wherever it was going was not going to be a good place.
Somehow – I have no idea how – my hands ended up on her waist, and her tongue ended up in my mouth. My body took over, leaving my mind somewhere a long ways away – probably hanging out in some gutter with a bunch of other trash. Her hands dropped to my shoulders and pushed me backwards until I was lying beneath her a she straddled my waist and ran her tongue over mine.
I had to stop this.
I couldn’t.
Just having her hands on me was like nothing I had ever experienced. Everywhere she touched, my skin grew hot and felt like it was vibrating under her fingers. It wasn’t just the physical sensation of our skin connecting, it was something inside of me – something that had never given itself a voice before, but was now screaming for satiation.
I felt wanted.
Not for my looks or my money or anything else superficial like that.
It felt like she wanted me.
Me.
Just me.
And it was so fucking wrong; I knew I shouldn’t let her continue.
My head knew how stupid this was, and had categorized every reason this would never, ever work. She had been hurt too badly, and I was directly responsible for that pain. I could make her safe again, but nothing I did could ever take away what she had been through. Even if she could somehow get past what had happened to her and my direct involvement in it, her father was a cop and I was a crime lord.
I’d give it up for her.
It meant nothing to me.
I’d go to work in a fucking shoe shop if it would make a difference.
It was all too much…way too much.
I had to stop this before it went any farther.
I knew I had to.
But I didn’t.
I let her keep the lead, her tongue exploring my mouth and lips as her hands ran over my shoulders, arms, and chest until she ran out of breath and had to back away. She looked down at me with her eyes full of sparking excitement in the darkened room, and her tongue ran over her lips. She leaned against one of her hands for support as the other pushed my hair from my forehead before running over my jaw and neck. Her fingers traced over my lips and down my chin before she kissed me again. It was a soft kiss, gentle and unassuming.
“Take me to bed,” she said quietly, and I tried to figure out if it was a question or a demand.
And the terror that gripped me before came back a thousand fold.
I had to stop this, right?
Chapter end notes:
Is it too late for Doofus to stop what’s happening?
Will Jacob, the long-lost high school sweetheart break in at any minute?
Will Alice come in, guns a-blazin’ and aimed at Edward’s “gun”?
The answer to these questions and more in the next installment of “As the Twific Universe Turns”!
