tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3623860806974270862024-03-13T23:06:32.652-07:00Could Be Worse, Right?Could Be Worse, Right?Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.comBlogger102125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-71154108512398265422011-06-15T17:59:00.000-07:002011-06-16T18:40:27.832-07:00Could Be Worse, RIght?<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Could Be Worse, Right? Chapter 1 - <a href="http://shaysavage-cbwr.blogspot.com/2011/04/could-be-worse-right-chapter-1.html">Here</a></span><br />
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</tbody></table></div><div style="border: medium none; text-align: center;">What happens when you never had anything?<br />
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What happens when you can suddenly buy anything you could ever possibly want?</div><div style="border: medium none; text-align: center;">What if you decide to exercise that power...the power of the all mighty dollar?<br />
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What happens when you decide to buy another human being?<br />
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</div><div class="" style="border: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;">What do you do when your stupid decision catches up with you?<br />
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What do you do when the one mistake you wish you could take back is irreversible?</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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</div><div class="separator" style="border: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin: 0px;">I'm Edward Cullen. I've fucked up, big time.</div></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iCfzVIael54/TaGvRIk8AUI/AAAAAAAAALA/IOZh6W2rGMM/s1600/269885091.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="146px" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iCfzVIael54/TaGvRIk8AUI/AAAAAAAAALA/IOZh6W2rGMM/s400/269885091.jpg" width="400px" /></a></td></tr>
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</div><div style="text-align: center;">And I don't know how to make it right.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">~</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-29582442853795988272011-05-22T06:27:00.000-07:002011-05-26T16:22:21.543-07:00CBWR? Epilogue<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">This epilogue is dedicated to my fabulous beta, DK. It’s just her sort of ending. ;)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have a fucking mortgage.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_______________________________</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Epilogue</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh…Edward!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Mmmmm…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward…Edward! Ugh!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I blink my eyes a couple of times and feel Bella’s hands against my arm, shoving at me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Get off of me,” she groans. “For goodness sakes, I can hardly breathe, I have to pee, and I need to get ready for work!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve managed to roll over on top of her in my sleep…again. I can’t help it –she’s soft and warm and comfortable.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking sue me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I roll over onto my back, releasing my beautiful wife from my heavy sleep-grip. She climbs out of bed and runs for the bathroom, nearly tripping over the stack of boxes next to the door. I had shoved them up closer to the dresser the night before, but they still stick out into the doorway a bit. I will have to make the bedroom unpacking a priority for today.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unpacking in our first, real house.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not an apartment.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have a fucking mortgage.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The house is not anything grand – just a two bedroom ranch with a kitchen big enough to eat in and a good sized living room. It has two full bathrooms, too, which is all kinds of awesome. I’ve managed to furnish a lot of it from yard sales and Goodwill, so the look is a little eclectic to say the least, but still homey. It’s kind of amazing the kinds of things you can find for very little money when you spend the time looking.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve got the time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s been hard to hold down a job, so I tend to have a decent amount of time on my hands, at least during the school months. In the summer I’ve been pretty lucky picking up construction or landscaping work. Even that can be difficult, because I refuse to work under the table. I’m not taking any chances what-so-ever. I don’t even go over the speed limit. When I find the work, I make enough during those months to at least keep us going without too much stress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella is sitting on the toilet in plain view of the bed. She never closes the door, and it drives me insane. She always says she just doesn’t think about it and she’s always waiting until the last possible second before peeing, anyway. Apparently, closing the door just takes too much time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reach my arms up over my head and stretch as I listen to the sound of Bella turning on the shower, and I start coming up with my mental list of things to do today. The toilet in the hall still needs some repair, and there is an outlet in the living room I should replace or at least tighten. Yeah, the house is a bit of a fixer-upper, but at least the timing was good for buying this place, and it was a foreclosure auction, so we got it for half of what it was worth. Also, since I’m not working, I have plenty of time for the house stuff. When you don’t have the money for a plumber or electrician to be at your beck and call, it’s amazing how much shit you can learn to do on your own. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I scratch my stomach and wriggle around in bed a bit – stretching my legs and my neck. I’m still groggy, but I hear the sound of a fire engine approaching, so I know I won’t be able to stay in bed much longer. I push myself up and sit on the edge of the bed and run my hands through my hair as I yawn. Bella walks out of the bathroom with her hair in a towel and nothing else. I’m immediately awake now, or at least part of me is. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I push my lazy ass off the bed and go to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hey baby,” I growl against her neck. She giggles and writhes against me, which just gets my dick harder as it comes into contact with her bare ass through my boxers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You make it very hard to get dressed,” she comments.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You make it very hard by being <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">un</i>dressed,” I retort as I grind against her backside. I keep kissing along her shoulder. “I got nine inches just waiting for you, baby…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh please,” Bella snorts.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What?” I ask, honestly confused by what is so funny. If it is a quickie, there is enough time so she won’t be late for school.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Nine inches,” she repeats as she shakes her head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What the fuck?” I say, my eyes narrowing. I grasp her hips and push against her and repeat. “Nine inches. I measured it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella turns her head and looks up at me. Her lips as smashed together, but still turning up at the corners as she holds in a laugh.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What?” I demand.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Were you looking at the correct side of the ruler?” she asks, and this time she has to bite her lip to keep it in.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh very funny.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I most certainly was!” I snap back. I’m not really pissed, but I’m not happy, either.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, darling,” she says in her most patronizing teacher voice. Her finger traces a line up the front of my boxers. “I love your big, beautiful cock, but it’s not nine inches long.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It is, too.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Did you start measuring at your balls?” she asks with her brows raised.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh I am not putting up with this shit,” I say as I grab her and pull her back down on the bed. “I’ll just have to show you – again.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lie on my back and pull her on top of me, pushing up against her heat and holding tightly to her hips. She leans over me and plants little kisses up the center of my chest.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Maybe I’ll just make you count the inches as they go in,” I murmured into her ear.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You know that isn’t going to work,” she says with a nod towards the open bedroom door. The fire engine sounds are getting closer. I release her hips and sigh, allowing her to get back up, throw on her normal teacher attire, and start drying her hair. A minute later, the sound increases as a red fire engine bursts through the bedroom door.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I can’t believe you bought him that thing,” Bella scolds me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What? It cost a quarter at the yard sale down the street! He loves it!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m not talking about the cost, that thing is so loud!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Woo woo woo!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our son, Anthony, crawls behind the plastic truck as he rolls it into the room, repeatedly hitting the little button on the top, which makes the siren sound go off again. He’s wearing nothing but his “big boy” underwear, and happily announces that he is not only dry, but already went potty by himself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That’s my big boy!” Bella says with a smile. She lifts him into her arms and rubs noses with him. My heart begins to pound as I watch them together. Bella is so loving and attentive to his every need, and it just makes me smile every time I see them. They gaze at each other with identical, deep brown eyes. Their looks also match – showing their adoration of each other and a love that can be felt across the room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s indescribable.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I take Anthony from Bella’s arms and place him back down on the carpet near the truck.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I think there’s a fire in the kitchen!” I announce. Anthony takes the bait, and I follow him and the truck out the door and down the hall on all fours, leaving Bella the chance to finish getting ready for work while I get Anthony his breakfast.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I find cereal and bowls for everyone, while Anthony pretends to put out a raging fire on the leg of the kitchen table. There isn’t time to cook Bella a proper breakfast, so I start thinking about what I can make her for dinner as I pack her lunch. She comes out of the bedroom, looking too fucking hot in her teacher clothes. It was a good thing she went with elementary education instead of high school or college. It would drive me nuts if I thought hormonal guys were looking at her all day. Anthony digs into his Fruity-O’s and Bella eats her raison bran. Yuck. That shit reminds me of prison food, and I do not need that reminder. I pour rice milk over my corn flakes and chow down.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Mom’s planning on coming over Sunday about noon,” Bella tells me as she finishes breakfast and places her bowl in the sink. I know this, and I nod slowly. It sucks because it’s a weekend day, when Bella doesn’t have to work, but I’ll muddle through.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll make sure I’m out of the house before then,” I tell her between bites. Our five year wedding anniversary will be in a few weeks, but Bella’s mother hasn’t said much of anything to me other than “may I speak to Bella” when I happen to pick up the phone. She’ll be in the same room with me if she absolutely has to be – like Anthony’s birthday – but she doesn’t like it. I try to just get out of the way so she can visit with Bella and Anthony without the tension. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, babe?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She said she would like you to stay…if you want.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stop shoveling cereal into my face and stare at my wife. I’m pretty sure there is milk dripping off my chin. She doesn’t appear to be joking – not that she would joke about this particular topic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She really said that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She really did.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Honestly? I think it was the Christmas picture of you and Anthony. She said something about how much he obviously worships you, and that maybe it was about time she at least thought about giving you a chance. For his sake.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No shit?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t swear!” Bella snapped as she looked over to Anthony. “You know he’s going to pick up on that.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sorry, babe.” I try to look properly chastised, but I don’t think she buys it. I go back to thinking about Renee’s impending visit, and try to wrap my head around what it would be like if she didn’t outwardly loathe me. It was bad enough that when people who were only acquaintances got wind of my ex-con status, they would stop talking to us or having anything to do with us. “Wow.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know, right?” Bella shakes her head, takes Anthony’s empty bowl and rinses it out while he goes back to fighting fires down the hallway. “Just when you think some people will never change.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I refrain from commenting, but still mull it over in my head a bit. Anyone can change, if they decide they want to. This I know.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"I thought she was generally still pissed at my lack of job," I point out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella puts the dishes down and comes over to me, placing her hand on my shoulder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"You have a job," she says as she stares into my eyes. "You're a daddy."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I smile, because I know she is right and we've had this conversation before. It <em>is</em> a big job, and it's the best one in the world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I have to get going,” Bella reaches over and runs her hand across my face as she leans against my shoulder. Her touch can still pretty much halt me in my tracks – there is nothing better. I close my eyes a little and just revel in the feeling as I wrap my arms around her for a quick hug before she has to go.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hand her lunch in a sack, and she gives me a quick kiss before she heads out the door. Images of the Cleaver’s run through my head, but with Ward vacuuming and asking June what she’d like for dinner instead of the other way around. Maybe I should feel emasculated by the whole situation, but I don’t. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really don’t think I could be any happier.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We moved to Arizona as soon as Bella got word she was going to get the job. She was teaching third grade at a private school, and we were really trying to get ourselves together away from the looks we received in her hometown and the occasional media barrage living in the same general area where I went to prison. Even after my parole was over, community service complete and my name of the registered sex offenders listing, there was no escaping some level of it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You can’t just lie about that shit, not all the time. People found out. Some judged, some didn’t. You had to take what you got. Starting over – again – was never easy, but we made the best of it. I never saw any of my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">business associates</i> again, which also suited me fine. Sometimes Bella would get pissed off about all the money they had taken from me, but I really didn’t want it. Blood money. I’m not him anymore. Besides, Bella only brought that up when the bills got a little tight. I tried to make sure that didn’t happen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Renee retired and moved here to Phoenix the year after Anthony was born, so it made sense to be in the same area. Bella still needed her mom’s support, and Anthony needed his grandmother in his life. She was his only extended family after all.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What ‘cha got there, buddy?” I ask as Anthony bounds into the room with his hands grasping colorful plastic items. He holds a small red boat up with one hand and two little plastic sailor guys in the other. The people have round bottoms and fit in the molded holes on the boat, so they can be sailed around in the tub.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bath!” he calls out. I laugh, pick Anthony up, and toss him over my shoulder. He giggles, squeals, and conks me on the head with the plastic boat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I can’t explain why, but bathing Anthony is my favorite thing to do in the whole freaking world. He loves taking his little boats in the water, and there is something about just caring for him in such a way that makes my heart soar. It started in the first few hours after he was born, while the doctor was checking on Bella, and the nurse asked me if I’d like to wash my son.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My son.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I smile to myself.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Potty first,” I remind him. He tries to spend time convincing me that he doesn’t have to go, but I eventually win by tossing a handful of generic Cheerios into the toilet and teaching him to sink them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hey, we’re guys!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fu…well…um…just sue us, okay?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lower Anthony into the warm water and get just the right amount of name-brand baby bath and baby shampoo to get him cleaned up and ready for the day. It is the one thing I refuse to skimp on. I watch him float the little boat around, knocking the plastic people into the water, rescuing them, and knocking them overboard again, as I wash his hair and make sure the spots behind his ears are clean.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I never stop smiling.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I have a house, a fantastic son, and Bella as my wife. Yeah, people who find out about our past tend to get pretty judgmental, and finding work for me is always going to be a hardship. There’s a beat up Chevy truck in the driveway, and not a fancy, expensive car. We don’t have a lot of things or a lot of money, but we have each other, we have Anthony, and we have love.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As far as I am concerned, it couldn’t be better.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And in this, I<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> know</i> I am right.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No reason to ask.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">~fin~</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_______________________________</span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"></b></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Story End Notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so ends the story of Doofusward turned Edward Swan.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hope you enjoyed it! I really am completely overwhelmed by the response this story got, from beginning to end. I’m glad there were people willing to ignore the drama and keep reading. I’m very thankful to everyone who supported me through the rough times, encouraged me, and kept me going. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Extra, extra thanks to Just Robin for helping me get this site together (well…okay...doing it all. I’m useless!), Lolypop82 for her fabulous manips to go with the story (can’t have those on FFN, huh?), and all the people who made banners, rec’d and reviewed this story, and generally pimped it out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As far as those who bailed either early or late – they missed a fun ride. I’m a roller coaster person myself, and will choose to leave the carousels to others. Nothing wrong with going in a circle on a plastic horse – I’d just rather be flying down a hill with a ridiculous grade getting airtime. That’s just me. Might be you, too. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Until the next one…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Savage – out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stop by the twilighted forum and say your *<b>sniff!*</b> farewells!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=15403"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Calibri;">http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=15403</span></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now to answer a few questions people have had:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Am I going to make this whole story available for download in PDF? No. At least, I don’t plan to. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Are you going to take down this blog now that the story is done? No, I plan to leave it right where it is.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Are you going to do a sequel? No. It’s done. They’re having a wonderful life. There is no more story to tell.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Are you going to do any outtakes? Not in the current plan. Unless I get inspired by some charity, I don’t see this happening.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Are you going to do another story with this sort of posting schedule? Maybe. We’ll see. It’s been fun, but kind of stressful, too. Not in a bad way, but I do need a break. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div></div></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com222tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-61137030637755991952011-05-21T15:17:00.000-07:002011-05-21T15:17:18.249-07:00CBWR? Chapter 100<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The end is nigh!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I don’t mean the rapture!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">FYI – this still counts as a 100 chapter story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There won’t be a chapter 101 – there will just be an epilogue called “Epilogue”, not chapter 101.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As if I was going to argue.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">____________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 100:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s not much,” Bella said softly as her eyes dropped down to the floor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reached over and took his chin with my fingers, tilting her eyes to mine and placing a soft kiss on her lips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How could I explain to her how much this place meant to me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My words were – as usual - inadequate.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s home,” I eventually whispered to her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She broke into a smile, and a tear started to escape from the corner of her eye…again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swear she had been crying for two days straight, ever since I walked out of prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least for the most part they had been happy tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I crouched down a little and grabbed her up into my arms so I could carry her over the threshold.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The apartment Bella had been living in since she graduated probably would have been considered small by most people, but when you spend over seven years in a ten foot by ten foot cell, a modest studio apartment seems pretty damn spacious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had a dividing wall that separated out a bedroom area from the living area, a small kitchen and a bathroom. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just the idea of peeing in private was pretty damn fantastic if you asked me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I decided taking a really good look around the place was going to have to wait, because my new wife was probably going to do something to me that would cause<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> her</i> incarceration if I didn’t make love to her immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I carried her straight over to the bed, dropped her into the center of it, and then crawled on top of her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella giggled as my fingers stroked over her sides and down to her legs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reached for the bottom of her simple white dress and pulled it up, smiling broadly as I found the garter wrapped around her thigh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kneeled beside her and pulled it off with my teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was pretty sure that was what the groom was supposed to do at a reception, and I was trying my best to make the most of our simple wedding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had it in small chapel, with Pastor Lee refusing to let me pay him anything for his services or the chapel rental.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seth stood beside me and when it was time, he handed me the gold ring with the little row of three small diamonds on top of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s mother, Renee stood beside her, though she refused to even look at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t care – she was there for Bella, which was all that mattered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did hold my breath when Pastor Lee asked if there was any reason we shouldn’t get married.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Renee didn’t say anything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I flicked the garter up towards the headboard with my finger, and then grabbed Bella’s ankle so I could start kissing her from bottom to top.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well…I actually only got about half way before I was distracted, and hung out there for a while as Bella screamed and moaned about how fantastic my tongue was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her hips bucked against my face and I tasted her sweet, sweet nectar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d have to taste the rest of her body later, because I needed to join with her as soon as fucking possible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella reached down to the edge of her dress, which was nearly up to her breasts, and pulled it up and over her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reached behind her back to help her with the clasp on her bra, freeing her beautiful breasts for my hands to rediscover. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella went to work on my shirt buttons, getting through them pretty quick so she could push the shirt off my shoulders.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Holy shit, Edward!” Bella murmured as her hands traveled from my shoulders down my arms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You weren’t this…um…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">buff</i> before!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I laughed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Well, I had a lot of extra time in the gym these past few years,” I reminded her. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She blushed, and started apologizing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No,” I whispered to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Don’t be sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only hope I changed more on the inside than I did on the outside.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You have,” she said quietly back to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her eyes glistened – first with tears, and then with humor – as she ran her fingertips over my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And I like both sets of changes.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Well, my insides and outsides completely belong to you now, Mrs. Swan,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So do with them what you will.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, Mrs. Swan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In prison it cost me fifteen dollars to change my last name from Cullen to Swan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would have cost Bella over two hundred if she was to change her name to Cullen on the outside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides, I needed the fresh start, and a new name made sense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking Bella’s name made even more sense to me, because she was the one that changed me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She smirked and reached down to the button of my Dockers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She popped it open and slid the zipper down before she pushed them off my hips, taking the boxes with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After I kicked them off my feet, ridding myself of shoes and socks as well, Bella’s hand ran up my thigh until she wrapped her fingers around me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Holy shit…Bella…that feels so fucking good.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her fingers moved lightly from the tip of my cock down to the base, then over my balls.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It felt way too good, and I couldn’t breathe right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started moaning.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You gotta stop, baby,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t want to come on your hand…not this time.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She smiled and bit down on her lip, but released my cock so I could take an actual breath again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed, holding me tight as I started nuzzling at her breasts.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The feeling of Bella’s fingers against the skin of my back was incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was almost as good as having them on my dick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She ran them up to my shoulders, then all the way down to my hips, and back again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I focused on her nipples, playing with one of them between my thumb and forefinger while sucking and licking the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I switched, and Bella’s hands suddenly dropped father down, grabbing my ass and squeezing it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">you</i>,” she said urgently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her fingers dug in, and she seemed to be trying to pull my backside up so I could get lined up for a little something more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her hips lifted off the bed and pushed against mine, grinding herself against my cock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Now!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As if I was going to argue.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lifted myself up a little and moved forward, positioning my knees between her legs and lining my cock up with her entrance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I placed my lips against hers, my tongue tracing over her mouth as I slowly pushed the head of my cock into her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I paused, breathed deep, and slid the rest of the way home.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The feeling of being inside of her again was absolutely indescribable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be buried once again in her warm, wet, silky flesh was like I imagined walking through the gates of Heaven must feel like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her body gripped me, holding me inside as I shifted my hips back and forth against her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had been so, so long…and even though I had been here before, it was different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing she was here as my wife – for real this time – because she truly wished to be, made the sensations so much sweeter. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt the tension building inside of me all too soon, and I slowed my pace to make it last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s hands found my hair, and she pulled my lips to hers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t hold back,” she mumbled against my mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Please…don’t stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have a lifetime for this.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh, God…Bella,” I whispered as I moved my mouth over the edge of her jaw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I love you so much…so much…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you, Edward,” she moaned back to me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My pace increased again, and as I rocked back and forth inside of her I let the pressure over take me, and spilled inside of her as I cried out her name over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My arms wrapped around her shoulders and I held her to me, kissing her tear-covered cheeks, her eyes, and her nose.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Eventually I rolled to my side, taking her with me and wrapping my arms around her to hold her close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t ever want to let her go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella snuggled into my chest and her hand reached up to my face as she ran her fingers over me, lulling me into the most restful sleep I had experienced in – quite literally – years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I could just keep her close to me for the rest of forever, that would definitely be a mighty fine thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wasn’t stupid…well… I wasn’t stupid anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew the times ahead of us were going to be tough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully they would be made easier because we would have each other in a much more real sense now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved her, and by some miracle, she loved me, too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Could be worse, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The End</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>_______________________________</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There ya go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who would have thought so long ago that this Reformed Doofusward could have pulled it off?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Scooby snacks for everyone!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Name change – I originally thought he’d change his name after his parole was up, but when I started looking up ex-cons changing their names, I found this article about inmates changing their name on the tax payers dollar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thought it was kind of interesting, so I added it in that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fucking sue me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOL</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would say there will be a short epi, but I think it’s going to be pretty long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should be out tomorrow or the next day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com133tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-70483391345282783892011-05-20T19:29:00.000-07:002011-05-20T19:29:04.565-07:00CBWR? Chapter 99<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I always liked the story 101 Dalmatians, so this also works with my OCD.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, this got too long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two more chapters to come, unless the next one gets too long, or…oh hell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s still almost done.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"The state will hear from Mister Cullen."</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">______________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 99</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Relax.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I scratched at the back of my head and tried not to yank at my hair too much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was practically sweating bullets, and wished I had skipped breakfast.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What if they don’t…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“We’ve been over this,” Irina’s calming voice attempted to reassure me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is your first parole hearing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The chances of being granted parole is not great, so you have to be prepared for anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve got good people on your side here, so just say what you need to say, and we’ll see what happens.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew she was right, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to tear my hair out while I waited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't know what made me more nervous - the fact that the direction of my life could drastically change over the next couple of hours or because I would be in the same room with Bella. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In person.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was going to be here any minute, and seeing her in the flesh – not through the glass in the visitor’s cubicles – was just about as exciting as the idea of getting out. Since that day five years ago, I hadn’t been in the same room with her - not really, anyway. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not somewhere where I could actually maybe touch her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart pounded at the thought. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to remember what Irina told me yesterday. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew the chances of early parole weren't great, and I didn't want to get my hopes up. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As much as that was true, I was far more concerned about Bella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't want her to be disappointed when they said no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was going to see it as a huge set back, and I didn’t want to see the hurt and frustration in her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had such high hopes, and I was far more terrified of her being crushed if parole was denied than the idea of another six months. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As if she could hear me thinking about her, Bella walked in the far side of the room along with the public attorney assigned to my case, my social worker - Nahuel Martinez, and Frank Banner – the head of the work program in the prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was dressed in a modest kind of jumper dress and looking all kinds of beautiful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our eyes met for the briefest moment before the door on the opposite side of the room opened, and five people walked in, including the warden - two men, three women. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I swallowed hard, and tried to keep my focus towards those who were to decide my fate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The woman in the center chair, who said her name was Emily Young, opened up the file folder in front of her and started to read. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"Parole hearing for inmate 2427289, Edward Cullen. Served six years, seven months of a ten to fifteen year sentence for second degree rape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Five hundred twelve days earned for behavior, been involved in extensive counseling for the past five years..."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She went on a bit, and I tried to at least look like I was paying attention, when I was really shaking in my fucking boots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was beyond terrified.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d faced death dozens of times, but never felt like this before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t feel this scared when I walked into this place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess that kind of went to show how much I had learned.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, so my hopes were up. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking sue me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"The state will hear from Mister Cullen."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As many times as Irina and I had talked about it, and as many times as I had practiced it in my head, I still wasn’t ready.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I stood up slowly and tried to wipe the sweat off my palms as I rose.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I…um…I’m Edward Cullen…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay, fucking brilliant start.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Sorry…you know that…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shit – this was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not </i>starting well! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried a long slow breath to calm myself down so I could focus, and then I tried again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“When I got here I was in a pretty bad place, and I had done something really…um…horrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I understood that when I plead guilty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the time, I didn’t really want to hurt anyone…I just didn’t understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I realized it, I knew I had to pay for what I had done.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ve spent my time here trying to figure myself out,” I continued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“My counselor has been really awesome for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s helped me figure out how I got screwed up in the first place, and I’m really trying to make sure that I don’t get back in that place again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to go out there and be a real person…um…with a wife and a house and maybe even a whole family some day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to get a real, legitimate job and just do things they way you’re supposed to do them.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took one last, long, deep breath and looked at the parole board straight on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t plan on ever being back here again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a simply incredible woman who’s agreed to marry me despite what I’ve put her through, and I just want the chance to be the best husband I can be for her, the best person I can be for society, and the best man I can be…for myself.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mumbled something like thank you, and then quickly sat back down before I fell over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt Irina’s hand on my arm trying to steady me and glanced up to her smile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I hadn’t done too badly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She spoke next, talking about my progress in therapy and how far I had come since she first met me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The state will now hear from the victim, Isabella Swan.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I turned to her and watched her stand slowly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She glanced to me for a second, but then straightened her shoulders and stared into the faces before her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had no idea what she was going to say, and out of all the words spilled forth from her mouth – talking about everything I had accomplished while I was here in prison, from helping to support her, getting my GED, to going to therapy – it was the last few sentences that would live with me forever.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward Cullen today is not the same man who raped me all those years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The person who raped me was nothing more than a scared little boy who had no idea how to relate to people or how to care about them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is a different person today, and one who I believe will continue to learn to grow and love in the years to come.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had paid for his crime against me, and I have forgiven him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He now deserves the chance to prove that he can be the loving, generous man who has always been locked away in his heart.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She sat back down and held her hands clasped together in her lap, looking straight down at the table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was killing me to not be able to go to her – to hold her and tell her I was there for her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes and tried to imagine myself doing it, hoping that if I thought about it hard enough it would eventually come true.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Banner talked next about how much I had done in the kitchens – improving the nutritional value of inmates’ meals without increasing their prices, and helping them to earn some sort of high grade for such shit from the state.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I barely heard any of it, because all I could hear was Bella’s voice echoing in my mind, and all I could see was her picture-perfect profile out of the corner of my eye.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The parole board looked back and forth at each other, leaned in and made some hushed comments, wrote things on papers to pass around, and eventually seemed to come to some sort of consensus.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Way too soon.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Emily Young looked up and me as she unfolded the paper in her hands.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward Cullen, in light of your heinous crime as well as the handful of infractions during your time here – one of which was serious – I am inclined to not consider you as a candidate for early parole.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt every muscle in my body tighten up, and I couldn’t breathe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard Bella’s slight intake of breath and saw her hand move to cover her mouth out of the corner of my eye.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“However,” Ms. Young continued, “considering the recommendation from your counselor, and the eloquent words of your victim, this parole board has decided to grant your request.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes!” I shouted, and I had to place my hands against the table to keep myself from falling over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella was thanking God over and over again, and even Irina was beaming from ear to ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have just gotten up and gone over to Bella, who now had tears running down her face, but Ms Young banged her gavel heavily on the table, silencing us all.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Mister Cullen,” she continued.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“There are several conditions of your parole, which will be provided to you in detail, but there are a few I want to go over with you now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will be required to visit with your assigned parole officer weekly for a two year period from your release.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded emphatically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Two years, once a week visits – shit, once a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">day </i>visits – I didn’t fucking care.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You are not to leave this state.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will be required to actively seek employment, and maintain that employment during this time as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You will continue your treatment with Ms. Denali, and you will also be placed on the national sexual offenders listing for this period of time.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took a deep breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that was to come, and it was something I had talked about both with Bella and Irina.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was going to make it very hard for Bella to get a full-time job as a school teacher when she had a husband on the list, and…and… </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Wait…what did she say?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Period of time?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard myself repeat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Correct,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“For a period of two years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As long as you meet all the conditions of your parole and keep to the restrictions of your parole, you will no longer be required to attend counseling, you may relocate out of state, and you will be removed from the listing at that time.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s not…not permanent?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ve reviewed your case extensively, Mister Cullen,” Ms. Young told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The reason for the sex offenders listing is to provide the public with information to keep their families safe from repeat offenders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Between the details of your exact crime and the notes from Irina Denali, I do not believe you are likely to be a repeat offender.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You aren’t going to prove me wrong, are you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to catch my breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“No, ma’am!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Good.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held the papers out in front of her and tapped them down on the desk until they were all even.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Congratulations, Mister Cullen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Release date set for one week from today.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She picked up an ink stamp and slammed it down against the paper before pushing it off to the guy on her left, standing up, and leaving the room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just sat there in shock until I felt Bella’s fingers against my cheek.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I turned into her, wrapping my arms around her waist and placing my face into her stomach.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her hands wrapped around my head, and her fingers stroked my hair.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you,” I mumbled against the fabric of her dress.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you too, Edward,” she replied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“One week, and I’m going to be yours forever.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sweeter words had never been spoken, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_____________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just a few more things to wrap up with the next chapter, which should be the last “Real” chapter before the epi.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Stop by the forum and give a shout!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com107tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-14502009317941055862011-05-19T17:21:00.000-07:002011-05-19T17:21:50.527-07:00CBWR? Chapter 98<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's Notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My desire to wrap this up at chapter 100 is getting you some much longer chapters. LOL</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As many of you have guessed/moaned about - there's some time jump here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>“Write to Bella’s mother?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fuck no.”</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><strong><span style="font-family: Calibri;">______________________________________</span></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 98:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m gonna miss you, but not this place!” Seth said with a chuckle as he and I stood next to my cell door, prepared to leave and head back out into the real world..</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, well, you just make sure you don’t end up back in here, okay?” I told him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, I know – I’m turning over a new leaf and all that shit.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Embry walked up then, his normally hap-hazard hair slicked back flat against his head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What the fuck is up with that?” Seth laughed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m properly groomed to be our boy’s protector now!” Embry said with a laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He clasped his hand on my shoulder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh along with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We finished saying goodbye to Seth, and he walked down the aisle to freedom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Embry and I went out to the yard, where he offered me a smoke.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I should quit,” I said as I lit one up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking sue me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What for?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella hates it,” I said with a smirk.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Can’t let the woman run your life,” Embry commented.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“If she’ll let me be in hers, I’m perfectly happy with having her run mine.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Where is she now?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Back in Washington,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“She’s trying to work shit out with her mom and get her school credits transferred and shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s supposed to start at the state college here in the fall.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Did she find a place to live?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She got the financial aid to live on campus,” I told him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“It might not be as cheap as an apartment with a bunch of people, but it includes all her meals and whatever as well, so it should be cheaper in the long run.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Good deal.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She thought so,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a drag off the smoke and watched some of the guys bouncing basketballs around.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The day Bella got her acceptance letter to the college just about twenty miles from where I was incarcerated, she couldn’t stand not being able to tell me in person and wasn’t patient enough to wait for a letter to arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She actually called Irina and dictated the message to her instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was so excited about it, but it still worried me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would cost a lot more, and there wasn’t a lot I could do to help.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shit, it’s almost ten,” Embry jumped off the bench and smashed his cigarette butt under his heel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I gotta go.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Where?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“To work!” he beamed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Work?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, there’s a new program where we can work in different areas of the prison and actually earn a bit of money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I talked to Irina about it the next day, and before I knew it, I was cooking vegetarian meals in the prison kitchen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Killed two birds with one stone, and had something to start sending to Bella every month to help her out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With Bella living close, I wouldn’t say the weeks started flying by or anything, but I had a lot more to look forward to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worked in the kitchen every day except for Sundays, which gave me something to actually get up and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I continued to see Irina once a week, and once I started eating a little better, I started working out in the gym as well – at least, when Embry could go with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes you just don’t tempt fate.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella came during visiting hours every Wednesday and Sunday.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Those days were the best.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Most of the time we talked through the letters we sent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once she started putting my ID number and cell block on the envelope, they started getting to me a lot faster, though I swear they must sit on the warden’s desk for a week before they get distributed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s probably the asshole reading them, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrote her every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Usually it was just about whatever bullshit was going on around me, but other times it was about my talks with Irina, how well my medication was helping, and what plans I wanted to make with her when I got out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wouldn’t have been so willing to say that life was good, but it was better than it ever had been before – even when I was a kick-ass fucking insanely rich gun-runner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t have anything to speak of, and I couldn’t leave, but I didn’t feel like I was alone all the time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As time went by, the stack of letters from Bella eventually had to be moved from under my pillow to a satchel Irina acquired for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still kept the most recent six in my pocket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I easily had over a thousand letters, and I had all my favorites marked so I could go back and read them over and over again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella said mine were in a shoebox in her room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she said they were in two shoeboxes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she had to buy more shoes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was doing really well in school, working towards a degree in teaching.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was a little behind because of all the bullshit I put her through, but she still thought she’d get out in good time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Be finished, not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">get out</i>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So as I marked my six year anniversary in the state penitentiary, Bella started preparing to leave college and get a job in the real world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had managed to send her enough money from my kitchen work to get a small apartment, though she ended up needing a roommate anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t really mind that so much – it was good for her to have someone else around her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I worried about her being alone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wished I could really be right there next to her through it all, but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that if none of this had happened I never would have become the person I was now – a person worthy of being in her life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How are you doing today?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Annoyed with myself.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I plopped down in the chair across from Irina.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What has you annoyed?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella’s all done with student teaching and graduates in two weeks,” I said. “I wanted to be able to give her a ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I could actually order one over the internet or something, I don’t have the money to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Cooking is only getting me seventy-five bucks a month, and I always send that to her anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if I kept it all, it would take me the rest of my sentence to get her a nice one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s pissing me off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to give her something.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The ring is just a symbol, Edward,” Irina told me. “Bella already accepted your proposal. There are a lot of ways you can symbolize how you feel about her. What else can you do?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t have a fucking clue, that’s why I’m pissed.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Think about it,” she said, like I hadn’t already been doing that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I think Bella would appreciate <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">any</i> symbol from you, not just one that costs money.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“While we’re on the subject, did you talk to her about the wedding date?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, but we’re not exactly seeing eye-to-eye on that one.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you listened to her reasons?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, and I get it – I do,” I sat back and rubbed my hand against my jaw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I know the kinds of things we’d be able to do…you know…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Conjugal visits.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Well…yeah.” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t look her in the eye.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But I just…I can’t even imagine taking her back to a trailer to…to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She deserves better than that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She keeps saying she doesn’t care, and she needs the physical contact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Believe me, I want to give in, but I know it would mean so much more to her if our real wedding was after I got out.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“When is your earliest parole hearing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As if she wasn’t keeping track herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“With my behavior record, I have a little less than four hundred days off,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“So I can be eligible for parole in fourteen months.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hmm.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s a long time, I know, but we’ve already gotten this far, and if I get out then…I just think it would be so much better.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“But you haven’t convinced her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I laughed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She’s seriously stubborn,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Besides, her mom is not exactly in favor of the whole thing, you know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not that I blame her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sure if I was her I’d want to rip my balls off, too.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you ever written her?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Write to Bella’s mother?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fuck no.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I gave a short little laugh and shook my head in disbelief.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why not?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Because she hates me, for starters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am sitting here now for raping her daughter, as you may remember.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“And how does her daughter feel about you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just sat there and stared at her for a minute.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I kind of knew what she was getting at, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with the information.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You are going to run into people once you get out of here,” Irina said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“People who are going to look at you, know you are a convicted felon, and make judgments based on that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who are going to find out you are on the sexual predators listing because your crime was against a minor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are going to have to learn to deal with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What better place to start than with Bella’s mother?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You are seriously trying to throw me into the deep end here,” I pointed out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You already know how to swim,” she shot back at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You’re communicating with people, you have friends, you’ve set goals, and attained some of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re ready for the diving board, Edward.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My eyebrows smashed together as I tried to think about what she was saying.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d talked about some of this before – about being on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the list</i> and how people were going to view me when I got out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had at least thought about that, but Bella’s mother?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t speak to Bella for nearly a year after she moved out here, and their relationship was still on rocky ground now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She didn’t even want to acknowledge my existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to put it out of my mind once the session was over – there was just no way could I say anything to Bella’s mother – but it wouldn’t leave my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even went I sat outside after dinner, just smoking and trying to clear my head, the idea of writing to Bella’s mother kept creeping back.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stomped out my cigarette and decided it was time to jump into the pool.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was feeling strangely nervous when I handed over the two papers I planned to give to Bella for graduation. Well, one was for her. The other one had another purpose.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I wish I had a frame for it,” I said when Irina held up the picture I had drawn years ago of two hands clasped together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You don’t need it,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But maybe I can come up with something for you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Seriously?” I asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I mean – if you could find something, I could pay you back, as long as it wasn’t too expensive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I’ve been saving back a little, because I want to get her a ring eventually, and I want to be able to pay for it myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have about sixty bucks though…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Let’s worry about that when the time comes, okay?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina smiled at me and then reached for the other paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat back and felt my chest go tight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried slow breathing for a minute, and it helped a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Irina opened up the second paper, the words I had written appeared in my mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dear Ms. Renee Swan,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I realize you probably never expected to hear from me, but if I want to turn my life around, one of the things I have to do at least attempt to make some amends. I’ve put all my energy in doing this for Bella, but I’ve neglected the person I have hurt almost as much.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There is nothing I can possibly say or do to make up for the pain I have caused you and your family. All I can do is assure you that if it was within my power, I would take it all back. I cannot bring myself to ask for your forgiveness, because I do not deserve it, but please believe I’m truly sorry for what I have done.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I love Bella with all my heart and soul. As ashamed as I am now for the decisions that brought her to me, I cannot regret having her in my life. She woke me up, and the events that followed have turned me into a different person. It is with that in mind that I ask something of you, even though I have no real right to do so.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know tradition holds that I ask for your permission to marry your daughter, but since Bella has already accepted, I will ask instead for you to please, for Bella’s sake, bless our marriage. You are very important to her, and I know she is very important to you. Having you in her life is paramount to her healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even if you don’t want to have anything to do with me, please be there when we get married.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It would mean so much to her to have you there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You wouldn’t ever have to see me again – I would make sure you and Bella could see each other anytime you wanted without me being in the way.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With all my heart and soul, I swear to you that I am a different person now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a better person, and I want to spend whatever life I have making Bella happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know things will always be a little difficult for us because of what I’ve done and where I am now, but I promise to make the best of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not perfect by anyone’s standards, but I will try to be the best husband I can possibly be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella deserves nothing less.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sincerely,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward Cullen</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina’s voice trailed off as she looked up from the letter and met my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to look away, afraid of how she might react to it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is it stupid?” I asked quietly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It most certainly is not,” Irina said, her voice just a little bit scolding.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you think she’ll say yes?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, do you think she’ll come to the wedding and shit?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t know, Edward.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina placed both papers on the desk in front of me again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You can never be too sure how someone is going to react, regardless of how sincere you may be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I do think this is a very important part of mending yourself.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I guess I did okay, right?</span></div>______________________________________<br />
<br />
<strong>Chapter End Notes:</strong><br />
<br />
Making amends = very important. For yourself as well as those you have hurt. Scooby snacks all around again!<br />
<br />
Two more chapters to go! AT least they're going to be long ones. LOL<br />
<br />
I expect one tomorrow, then the final (can you believe it??) chapter on Saturday.Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com124tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-9588645357728571752011-05-19T09:45:00.001-07:002011-05-20T02:34:50.195-07:00CBWR? Chapter 97<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I am not my own</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For I have been made new</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please don’t let me go</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I desperately need you</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Owl City – Meteor Shower</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I never told you anything.”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">____________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 97</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Three days on suicide watch at a local hospital wasn’t really all that bad, except that I was under constant surveillance by both the hospital staff and a prison guard. I was cuffed to the bed, which also sucked, big-time. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella wasn’t allowed to visit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina came to talk to me every day though, and she told me sometimes it took a giant step backwards in order to be able to move forward again. She didn’t hide the fact that she was still pretty ticked off at me for considering what I had tried to do…well, not really tried…thought about…whatever.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know if I really would have pulled the trigger or not. Everything was kind of a blur in my memories – at least until Bella was there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina also gave me a little detail of what happened that day. She had been walking out of the building and heading home when she heard someone arguing with the front desk about visiting Edward Cullen. She recognized Bella from the media accounts of my trial, though I hadn’t known Irina had ever looked any of that up. Irina went up to Bella to talk to her, and to find out why she was coming to visit me. Once Bella received my letter, she realized our messages had gotten crossed in the mail. She pawned the wedding ring I had given her all that time ago to get a plane ticket to come and talk to me in person. While they were talking, Irina was called about me being in her office with a gun. She took the chance, and brought Bella in with her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After my little <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ordeal</i> in Irina’s office, Bella had to be taken out of the inmate’s area while I was placed back in cuffs. It just about tore me in half. I was about five seconds from being sedated when Irina reminded me that people did get visitors here, and if I wanted to be able to see her again I’d better shut the fuck up and start cooperating. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Soon,” Bella whispered against my cheek. “I love you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you,” I replied, surprised at how easily the words came now – like the tiny hole in the dam that suddenly gives way to the flooding waters.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After the hospital stay, I was put on anti-depressants and my therapy sessions were increased to twice a week. I also had to spend a week in solitary.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No visitors there, either.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was kind of strange how anxious it made me feel not to be able to see anyone except Irina, when the day before all of this happened I hadn’t cared about visitors at all. I didn’t even are about seeing other inmates, but I found I was missing the presence of both Seth and Embry, and not just because I could trade food with them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina was still allowed to conduct our session from solitary, at least, but the guard had to be in there with us, so there really wasn’t much point. I didn’t really want to talk about shit in front of that guy, and Irina picked up on that pretty quickly. She kept our talks about what I was eating, if I was taking my medication when I was supposed to, and whether or not I still felt like I wanted to die.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My goals for getting out of prison were going to become the focus of the rest of my therapy – where I wanted to be, where Bella wanted to be, and how we were going to work together to make that happen. Obviously, when the two of us were trying to deal with it alone we were not very successful.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After I was brought back into the normal prison population, I was allowed visitors on Wednesdays and Sundays. Bella was there the first day I could see her. It was only through Plexiglas, but I would take it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I picked up the little handset on the pegboard wall, and Bella did the same.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you,” we both said at the same time. Bella’s cheeks turned red, and I couldn’t help but smile. It made my face feel weird – I don’t think I had done that in a while. For the longest time, we just looked at each other, but it wasn’t awkward at all – it just felt good.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ve got a long way to go,” I finally said. “But I’m going to do it, okay? I swear to you, I’m going to be better when I’m out of here.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I will be, too,” she responded. She took a deep breath and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye. “It’s not going to be easy, is it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Nothing worthwhile ever is,” I said. “At least, that what Irina keeps tell me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She’s your counselor,” Bella said with a nod. “I like her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I do, too,” I responded. I reached up and ran my hand through my hair. I didn’t want to hold anything back. Irina said that was important – I needed to tell her everything. “Um…she had the doctor put me on some pills. For the depression.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Good.” Bella’s hand reached forward and her fingers pressed against the Plexiglas. I raised my free hand up and placed my fingers on the other side, lining up with hers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How are you?” I asked, and then had to kind of laugh at how lame the question was. “I mean, really? I know I must have…scared you. Being like that. With everything you said in your letter…shit, Bella – I had no idea-”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know you didn’t,” she said with a nod. “How could you if I never told you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I never told you anything.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jzDqvoBUKks/TdY1qW60lYI/AAAAAAAAANc/7Z4h-MT8NKI/s1600/wheretheresawill.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jzDqvoBUKks/TdY1qW60lYI/AAAAAAAAANc/7Z4h-MT8NKI/s400/wheretheresawill.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No, you didn’t.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m sorry.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You’ve already apologized, Edward. You don’t have to apologize for it again every time it’s brought up. At some point, you have to let go.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Now you sound like Irina.” I smiled and pushed my fingertips against the glass a little harder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s what Sue keeps tell me,” Bella said. “She’s my counselor.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Figures.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We just looked at each other for another minute, which was when the guard came up and give me my five minute warning.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella…” My voice trailed off as I took a deep breath. “I’ve still got a long time in here. I’m not going to ask you to put your life on hold to wait for me. It’s not fair to ask you to do that. I have pretty much nothing to offer you as long as I’m here, and by the time I get out…shit, Bella – you could be thirty by then.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know you aren’t asking me to,” Bella said. “That doesn’t mean I won’t do it anyway.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took a breath, and it felt like my lungs were actually working correctly for the first time in a very long time. I was still torn – the selfish part of me that wanted her to wait, and the other parts that wanted to say I wasn’t good enough for her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I was going to be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was going to make sure I was the kind of man she needed me to be before I got out of here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You still have to do what you need to do for yourself, too,” I told her. “You have to finish college and have a life outside of me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know.” Bella sighed. “I’ve been trying.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll try to help you,” I promised. “Anyway I can – just tell me what you need from me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t close me out,” she said immediately. “Don’t do what I did, and sugar-coat everything. I want to know how you really are.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You too, right?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Right.” Her eyes locked with mine, and I was captivated by her gaze. I could have just looked at her for the rest of my sentence. No problem. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Time’s up, Cullen.” The guard tapped the edge of the wall.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What do we do from here?” I asked her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What do you want to do?” She really did sound like a fucking therapist.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want to figure out what I need to do to still have you in my life when I leave here,” I told her. “If you want me to be, anyway.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I do,” she responded immediately. “How do we make it work?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I’m going to figure it out.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> Where there’s a will there’s a way, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_____________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They are both learning, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Scooby snacks all around!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">100 chapters is still my target. Not sure if that will be the exact number, but it calls to my OCD. Nice, round number…mmmmm….</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com104tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-89532091896850649082011-05-18T16:48:00.000-07:002011-05-20T19:52:25.298-07:00CBWR? Chapter 96<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hang on tight. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Get the tissues. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Faith.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Trust.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You made it this far.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My finger brushed the edge of the trigger.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ____________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 96:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t even know it was Christmas Eve until people started going on about how dinner was going to be catered in from some charity or another. Turkey and all the trimmings. The idea made my stomach turn. I went to dinner anyway, had some sweet potatoes and Seth handed me his roll in exchange for my turkey and stuffing. Some new guy – Embry – sat with us. He was just about as big as Seth, and Seth said he was “grooming him” to watch out for me when he was gone. He seemed to think that phrase was pretty fucking funny, and laughed every time he said it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We had free time for the rest of the day, so I went back to my cell to grab my smokes and head outside. There was a letter sitting on my bed that hadn’t been there before. I reached out, turned it over and saw the Washington postage cancelation. I opened it slowly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I guess I have given up. I should have listened to everyone else all along. You have been getting my letters – I got the registered letter card back from the last one, and it was signed by the warden at the penitentiary. You obviously aren’t writing me back, and I can only assume that means you don’t want to hear from me.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m sorry about everything, but I have to start moving on.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella</span></i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NVIroeJ1Nz0/Tdco10PxvNI/AAAAAAAAANk/gvhuwHmqrGA/s1600/jailbanner1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NVIroeJ1Nz0/Tdco10PxvNI/AAAAAAAAANk/gvhuwHmqrGA/s320/jailbanner1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My stomach clenched so hard, I doubled over – fighting to keep what I had just eaten in my stomach. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She didn’t sign it “love.” She wasn’t writing again. How long ago did she send this? I flipped it over, and saw it was dated four weeks ago – about one week after I had sent her mine.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How could I have been so, so fucking stupid?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two years, and I never wrote her. Not even a fucking card on her birthday. Nothing. I did nothing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I waited too long.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I dropped to my knees on the floor. My breathing was coming way too fast, and my heart felt like it was trying to jump right out of my chest. I could barely stand, and I was definitely in danger of just passing out. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two years.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Two fucking years.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I needed to see Irina.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I pushed myself off the floor and went as quickly as I could to her office, not even sure if she would still be there. When I walked past the infirmary, I couldn’t believe how many people were in there – inmates and guards alike. Even the guard that usually stood at the door to Irina’s office was inside, trying to herd prisoners and bedpans.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">People were puking everywhere. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I mean <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">everywhere</i>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard the words “food poisoning” and “salmonella” being thrown around.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I walked a step into the room, looking around at the chaos of people throwing up, rolling around on the overfilled cots and chairs, screaming that they were dying, or that they needed to go to the hospital, and the guards trying to keep some kind of order while they themselves were turning green and clutching their stomachs. I looked around to see if Irina was there, but she wasn’t. I could see the door to her office from where I was, and it was open, but no one was inside.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">That’s when I saw it, and everything became crystal fucking clear.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The guard had his back to me. His Beretta was unclipped from its holster and just a couple of feet away from me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A guy puked on his shoes right about then, and he didn’t even notice when I lifted it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The cool metal felt good in my hands, like it was supposed to be there, like it had purpose. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I backed up slowly, making sure I didn’t draw attention to myself. I slipped into Irina’s office and shut the door, and then I pushed the desk up against it, wedging it tight. I dropped down to the floor in the back corner of the room, the gun held tight in my hands, even though they were still shaking.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4lu8EaT2vhY/TdY2ApzRd_I/AAAAAAAAANg/VSJj2CJxosI/s1600/shesgone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="339" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4lu8EaT2vhY/TdY2ApzRd_I/AAAAAAAAANg/VSJj2CJxosI/s640/shesgone.jpg" width="640" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had nothing. My businesses were gone – taken over by Emmett and Alice or just folded up because of where I was. I had learned just enough between the time all of this started and now to know that buying shit was never, ever going to mean anything to me again anyway. I also know there was only one thing…one person…who meant anything at all to me. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And she was gone now, too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I leaned forward, tipping the barrel of the gun up towards the ceiling and resting my chin on top of it. I was so fucking tired. I was tired of trying to pretend I could get better. I was tired of trying to think I could pick of the pieces of my shattered, so-called life. I was tired of trying to think and believe that there was any reason for me to continue.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was banging on the door, but I barely heard it. People were yelling my name, yelling for the warden, yelling for Irina. I glanced up at the camera in the corner of the office and sighed. My whole body felt cold, and there was pressure in my head and behind my eyes. It hurt, and I was so fucking tired of hurting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But I didn’t hurt like she had. Hospitals, money, her dad…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard a strange, unfamiliar sound from my throat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The racket outside the door continued. I heard different voices, then they went away, and there were new ones again. The phone rang, but I didn’t answer it. People started talking to me through the doorway, but I didn’t listen to what they were saying.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The noise of the door shattering right off its hinges made me jump a little, but I didn’t look up. I closed my eyes and felt the sharp point of the barrel dig deeper into my jaw. I tilted my head forward slightly, and when I licked my lips I could taste the black metal on my tongue. I closed my eyes even tighter. My finger brushed the edge of the trigger.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> “Give me the gun, Edward,” she said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sweetest, most incredible sound in the entire world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My eyes opened, and I saw dusty black and white converse shoes near my feet.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Please, Edward,” Bella whispered. “Please give it to me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My throat seized up, and I could feel tears pouring down my face at her hushed words. All this time, and I had never cried, not once. Not for her, not for me – not for anyone. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There’s no…no…reason…” I choked out, but I couldn’t finish my thought or my sentence.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Give it to me,” she repeated, and I opened my eyes enough to see her crouch down in front of me. “Please?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hands were shaking again, and all I could do was choke out barely intelligible syllables at her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I wanted to write you – I swear I did. I wanted to so much, and I didn’t know what I should do…please…I’m sorry, Bella…I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shh…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I watched her hand wrap around the barrel, and my fingers loosened. She pulled the weapon out of my hand and away from me. It felt like my body was trying to collapse in on itself. My eyes ached in a way I had never felt before, and I couldn’t stop the tears from falling out of them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not yet…give her a minute first. It will be better.” I heard Irina’s soft voice near the door.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella reached up her hand and put the gun on top of the desk. Another hand grabbed it away, but I had no idea whose it was. I didn’t know anything at that moment, because that was when she touched me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And my world shifted on its axis, tilted, spun, whirled around until its direction was true, straight, and certain. Everything else felt like it just melted away in that moment – the prison, what I had done to her, what I had done to us – it all evaporated as her hand reached up and ran over the side of my face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her scent enveloped me, her breath caressed me, and her skin called me home. I felt her arm around my shoulders as she pulled my head to her chest. I wrapped my arms around her back, and she pulled me even tighter against her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m so, so sorry,” I cried into her T-shirt. Knowing that timing meant nothing, and that whatever needed to be said had to be said <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">now</i>, I finally uttered the words that had scared me more than anything else in the world ever had.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I love you! I always did…I should have told you! I love you! I love you!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s all right, Edward…it’s all right…I’m here now,” I felt her lips against the top of my head. “I love you too, Edward. I should have told you, too. I never stopped loving you…never.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to ask her the how and the why of her being here, but I was afraid I would break whatever spell I was under. Maybe it was too late – maybe I had pulled the trigger, and by the grace of whatever God there is, I had been brought to heaven…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had atoned for my sins, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_____________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Suspend your disbelief, people! If canon Bella can run across a fountain through a crowd of people just before Edward walks into the sun, the prison counselor can keep the guards at bay while a prisoner with a gun gets comforted by his girl!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Um…still more realistic than a hybrid baby?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh fine!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Artistic license!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You’ll get the explanation of how she got there and all that in the next chapter, coming tomorrow.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com201tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-80029541615840728752011-05-18T16:39:00.000-07:002011-05-18T16:39:55.190-07:00CBWR? Chapter 95<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hang in there with me just a bit longer, peeps!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you ready?”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> _________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 95:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I pulled Bella’s last letter out of my pocket and opened it up, trying to keep my heart from pounding in my chest at the same time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I talked to my therapist last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She always knew I was writing you, but I wouldn’t really talk about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time, when she asked me what I had told you, I decided to tell her what was in my letters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured it didn’t really matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But after I told her, she asked me a question and it made me think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see, I only told you about the things that I thought you would want to hear, and not everything that has been going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She asked me what you would really want to hear, and what things I maybe should have been telling you, but wasn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She told me if I was going to keep writing to you, I needed to be more honest about it, because not telling you everything we doing a disservice to us both.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I thought about it a lot, and I think she was right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t been honest with you, because I know where you are has to be horrible, and I didn’t want to make you feel any worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I owe it to you to be honest, so here it goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been hospitalized three times for depression and suicide attempts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t think I ever intended to kill myself, really, but I just didn’t know how to cope with everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been on medication and in intensive therapy since I got out the last time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only barely finished high school because my parents hired tutors to help me get through my exams, and the school let me take them late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Between the tutors, the hospitalizations, and health insurance that doesn’t think mental problems are worth covering, I pretty much ruined my family financially.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m still struggling with a ton of guilt because of that, and because of what I did to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I keep being told neither are my fault, and some days I agree, other days I don’t. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still have nightmares.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only job I have been able to keep is the library job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t always make myself get up I in the morning, so I lost the one at the sporting goods store.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The library was always really flexible about when I came in, and as long as I got my hours in during the weekend, they didn’t really care what time I showed up.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My dad died of a heart attack two months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blame myself for that, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how much stress I have put on him over the past year and a half, and I know that hasn’t helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mom keeps telling me he always had high blood pressure, but I know everything that happened to her and to me took their toll on him as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did get into the community college.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I went there partially due to money, but also because I graduated late and didn’t get any applications in on time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I trying to study to be a teacher, but the classes are still pretty rough on me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m still trying to get enough money together to come and visit you, but I need at least $500, and I’m pretty sure my mom would kill me if I used it for plane fair instead of schoolbooks right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once the insurance money comes through from my Dad’s policy, I hope I will have enough, but they say that can take up to a year.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m starting to think that you may not write me back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t even know for sure if you are getting any of my letters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still hope you are okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still think about you every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People still tell me I shouldn’t, but I can’t help how I feel.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Some days I’m angry at you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m angry because of everything you did that started all of this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m angry because I haven’t heard from you at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m angry that you plead guilty, when you probably could have found a way to get off, or at least end up with a lesser charge.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also know you did it for me.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As for right now, mostly I’m confused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My therapist said you should have received at least some of my letters, and you could have written me back at the library, even if my dad had been throwing them out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know what I should do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She keeps telling me I have to move on with my life – finish school, go out on dates, be myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I try – I really do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have some good friends who have supported me a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not about everything, but they’re just worried about me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wish I knew what you were thinking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you are getting my letters, and you just aren’t responding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe you aren’t even reading them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I am stupid and naïve, like so many people have said I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If you can, please write me back.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah,” I mumbled back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hands were shaking and making the paper shake, too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you ready?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I still don’t know what to say.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What if she walked into this room right now?” Irina asked. “What would you do?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to think about that one. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Tell her that her friends and her family are right, and she should move on.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I rubbed my fingers into my temples.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And that I love her and I don’t want her to ever give up on me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Those two things don’t really fit together very well,” Irina said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Let’s see what we can come up with, okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know how long it took us to write it, but Irina cancelled her group session to help me finish it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I started over at least ten times, changing my mind on the wording, and wanting to not have too many pencil scratching all over it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When it was done, I read it again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know what to say to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s why I haven’t written.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to – please believe that – but I’ve not been in a good place at all, and I just didn’t know how to respond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes I don’t get your letters for at a month or more, and I think whatever I might have said then doesn’t make any difference now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything I just said was just an excuse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t write you because I was <u>afraid</u> to write you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to tell you what it’s like here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t want to fuck up your life any more than I already have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t figure out how anything I do or say now could possibly make anything better for you, except to say that I’m sorry.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m sorry for everything I did, and for all the things it caused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry I hurt you, and that I hurt your family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I plead guilty because I deserve to be here for what I did to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t expect you or anyone else to forgive me for what I’ve done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’ve been in therapy, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to get better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to <u>be</u> better, so when I get out of here, maybe I can be something…more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t really know what that means right now, but I’m trying to figure it out.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please spend your money on your education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As much as I want to see you, it’s more important right now.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I debated over how to sign it for at least twenty minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want to tell her I loved her in a fucking letter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want to tell her at all, and at the same time I wanted to fucking scream it loud enough that she could hear me all the way across the continent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to tell her I hoped she would still be in my life once this was over, but I didn’t want her to feel like she had to be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you sure this is everything you want to say?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is there something else I should say?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That’s not for me to decide, Edward,” she said with a shake of her head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I can help you come up with the questions, but the answers have to come from you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I think this is it.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up at her and tried to get some sort of read on her, but I never really could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Am I fucking it up?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t think so.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Okay,” I let out a breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“This is it, then.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina offered to take it and mail it for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She would understand, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter End notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next chapter is coming up in just a few minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That will be it for tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think at this point we’re very close to the end, and I believe I’m going to wrap it up right at chapter 100.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you stay with me just a bit longer? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The twilighted thread has EXPLODED over the past couple of days.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have to admit, though I have only barely been able to keep up with it, the amount of passion some of you have for this characters is really overwhelming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com85tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-68488860769639382092011-05-18T09:31:00.000-07:002011-05-18T09:31:28.091-07:00CBWR? Chapter 94<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Loving the chatter on twitter and on the twilighted forum!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You guys come up with a bunch of awesome ideas and theories!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It keeps me on my toes! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For those who wondered - no, I did not draw the hands - just found the pic on google. I never could draw hands - LOL</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Forget about me.”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ____________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 94:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried not to look at Irina’s face as she read the letters Bella sent to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what she would think, or what she would say, and the whole damn thing made me nervous as hell.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, our session is almost up,” she finally said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still didn’t look up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“May I hold on to these?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up at her then, nearly jumped out of my chair and grabbed for the ones sitting on her desk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She held one hand up in surrender mode, and the other held out Bella’s letter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I grabbed it away from her, and sat back down, holding them tightly in my hands.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The door slammed open behind me, and the guard who monitors the cameras put his hand on my shoulder, held me against the back of the chair, and asked if there was a problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina just shook her head no, and told him everything was fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He looked down at me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You gonna behave yourself, Cullen?” he asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, sure,” I responded.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He left after getting more reassurance from Irina, and she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“They must be pretty important to you,” she commented.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t see any reason to respond, so I didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our session ended, and I went back to my normal routine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Smoke, eat a little, try to sleep, wake, smoke, do it all again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you want to talk about the letters?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was the first thing she said after hello.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What’s to say?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You said you didn’t receive the first one until you had been here for some time,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What were you thinking about Bella before you saw it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I wasn’t.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You weren’t what?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Thinking.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How about after you received it?” she pressed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I scratched the back of my neck and fiddled with my hair.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess I was glad she was okay,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina didn’t respond, which usually meant she was going to just sit there until I said something else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sighed and took a breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I was relieved, at first.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I was just…I don’t know…I guess I thought she had forgotten about me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you think Bella could forget about you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You both went through a lot together.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More silence from the other side of the desk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I wish she could.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Could what?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Forget about me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why do you want that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Because if she did, she’d forget all the other shit, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She said she was in therapy or whatever, and I didn’t want her to have to…live through all of that again and again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If she forgot me, she’d be…better off.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The letters you have received from her are obviously very important to you, considering your reaction to parting with them last week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is your connection not only to Bella, but to the outside world as a whole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re holding on to them like some kind of lifeline.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She is my life,” I said quietly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She is thousands of miles away without the financial means to see you,” Irina pointed out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t know what the detail of her therapy contains, but I’m not surprised she has been advised not to contact you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why not?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Because at some point, you both need to heal,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“What have you said in letters back to her?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shrugged, and I felt a chill go up my spine.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, you don’t have to tell me, but I think it might help.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I haven’t sent her any,” I admitted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You haven’t responded to her at all?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a year and a half?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shook my head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why not?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t know what to say to her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The silence led to pen tapping this time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you received any other letters or visitors since you arrived?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t going to count the visit from Alice.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Would you like to?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What do you mean?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I mean there are a lot of programs available here where people from the outside – usually church groups – write to inmates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s kind of a pen-pal program, if you will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You could be signed up to receive letters from these kids of groups.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can help to have that kind of contact with others.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No,” I said without really thinking about it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, a large part of your problem has to do with connecting to people,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, yeah, I’d heard this since I first talked about my childhood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You don’t have any relationships with other inmates except for Seth, who will be out in six months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You don’t have any one contacting you outside of your victim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You need to learn how to deal with people if you are ever going to get to the point where you want to be.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t respond this time – I didn’t know what to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After a minute, Irina opened up one of her desk drawers and placed a green, cellophane wrapped <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">something</i> on the desk in front of me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What’s that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s a veggie wrap,” she responded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I brought it for lunch, but I wasn’t hungry enough to eat it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you like it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Damn if my stomach didn’t growl right about then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lunch had been non-existent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked over to see Irina smiling a little, like she was trying to hold it in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes and shook my head, then reached over and opened the damn thing up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was actually really good.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fine,” I told her when I was done with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll be a fucking pen-pal.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you thought anymore about getting your GED?” Irina asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We had talked about it a few times, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She kept asking me about it, though, and I finally asked what the point of it would be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Part of being able to lead a normal life includes getting a job,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Without a GED, and with your background, how are you going to do that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sighed and sat back.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I did run a legitimate company,” I finally said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Which has since dissolved,” she reminded me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I still ran it – that’s kind of a resume, isn’t it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She tilted her head and raised her eyebrows.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fine,” I relented.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’ll do it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I passed on the first try.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sessions with Irina were the only thing I actually looked forward to in the entire week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It both made the other six days go slower and faster at the same time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swear to God, that woman had talked me into doing a hundred things I never would have considered, including petitioning for vegetarian options on the prison menu.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had yet to be successful, but she hadn’t let me give up yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was only one thing she hadn’t talked me into, and that was writing any letters.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Did you get a letter this week?” she asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah,” I responded.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“From?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Pastor Lee,” I told her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That’s the third one from him, correct?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you written back yet?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I started to,” I told her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s not a pen-pal program if you don’t write back,” she reminded me…again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t know what to say.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“This all goes back to connecting with people, Edward,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You don’t have to have some kind of phenomenal insight to share in order to just respond to someone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just try writing what you did all day, or what you might like to do when you get out.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, that would be all kind of interesting,” I snorted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Set sarcasm to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">kill</i>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It doesn’t have to be interesting,” she said…again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Talk about the weather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk about the food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Talk about Seth, current events – anything.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Every time I say something it’s wrong,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If…if I piss him off…I mean, I’m not religious or anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I piss him off with something I say…he might…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I trailed off.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“He might what?” she prompted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Stop writing to me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I glanced up at her, feeling the tightness in my chest now that I had admitted the reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hands were starting the shake, and I placed one of them over my pocket – trying to get some contact with Bella’s letters that lived there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The same six had been in there for two months now.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You haven’t received any more letters from Bella, have you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not since that last one.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I swallowed hard, trying to keep my voice in check.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since the first one I had received, I had gotten at least one from her every month.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The last one I received had been over two months ago, and the tone of it had changed drastically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still kept it in my pocket, but I never read it again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You still haven’t written to her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I put my hands back on my thighs and stared at them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I still don’t know what to say.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Pen tapping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a lot of that going on recently.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you want me to help you write it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I swallowed again – hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hands clenched and unclenched, and I cleared my throat before speaking again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Would you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I would be happy to.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It couldn’t be that hard, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> __________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s letter will be in the next chapter – promise.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A work about timeline – yes, we have jumped ahead a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Edward is approaching the second anniversary of his incarceration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is making a bit of progress, don’t cha think?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There may be another update tonight – we’ll see.</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com106tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-12168983819322849182011-05-18T04:37:00.000-07:002011-05-18T04:41:45.455-07:00CBWR? Chapter 93<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Auythor's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">See what happens when I wake up to hot manips? I get up and write! Remember that Lolypop82! Her fabulous manips have been added to chapters 87 and 88 - check them out!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>“You’re a vegetarian?”</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;">________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 93</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We talked for weeks.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t think I had ever talked so much in my life. Sometimes I had to stop and drink half a bottle of water before I could talk anymore. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told Irina everything I could remember about growing up in the trailer. I told her about dropping out of school and driving the trucks full of gun shipments. I told her about taking over the business through blood and threats of blood.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She always asked the same questions – whether I was talking about my mom making lunch, my dad yelling, or putting a bullet in someone’s scull – what were you thinking at the time? How did you feel about it afterwards?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The answer with always the same.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nothing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Until you bought Bella.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Until I bought Bella.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What was different?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“At first? Nothing, really,” I told her. I mean, I was frustrated and ticked off about the whole thing, because I was so unprepared. I was used to being prepared for whatever was going to happen, and I wasn’t. I’d fucked it up. I didn’t even have any clothes or anything for her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“At what point did you begin to feel guilty for what you had done?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Right after I raped her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina leaned back a little and started tapping her pen rapidly against the edge of the desk. I had come to notice that she did this when she was trying to figure out how to phrase her question.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You didn’t recognize the act as rape at the time,” she pointed out. “Why do you think you felt guilty then?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s when she started having nightmares.” I leaned forward and put my elbows on my knees. I rubbed my fingers into my eyes. I didn’t understand how talking could give me headaches, but it sure as hell did.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I think we’re about done for today,” Irina said. “You look tired.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shrugged. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you eating any better?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shrugged again. Still the fucking master.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">”What did you eat for lunch?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There really wasn’t anything.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She opened up a drawer and pulled out the menu schedule.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It says here there was meatloaf, mashed potatoes with gravy and green beans,” she read from the form. “Sounds like something.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t…um…eat meat.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You’re a vegetarian?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, I guess.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“So what did you eat?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I ate some of the beans.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“This morning?” she pressed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> “Cereal.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Last night?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Damn, woman,” I said, but I smiled at her a bit. “I had a roll and…I don’t remember. Peaches or pears or something.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Have you asked for vegetarian meals?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I gave my shoulders a bit more of a workout, and Irina sighed and ended our session so she could go work with the group. I had been excused from the group sessions, since Irina was working with me personally instead. I went to the courtyard, smoked until we had to go back in, talked to Seth a little at dinner, where I tried to eat peas, but honestly – I never liked the fuckers. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went to bed at lights out, looking over the latest letter from Bella for the fourteenth time. I had received it two days ago, though it was obvious from the content it had been written six months ago. I had received two others that weren’t as old as this one.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hello Edward,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I graduated last week, and college is just around the corner. I tried to find one that wasn’t too far from you, but there just isn’t any way I can afford to move right now. I’m still hoping I’ll be able to move for my second year, but the first one will be at the community college near my hometown. I got a better job that’s close to school so I can get more hours. I’m living with my parents and saving everything. I want to see you, and I’m trying – I really am.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I haven’t gotten any letters from you, and I’m pretty sure my dad has been taking them before I can find them. He denied it, but I told him I knew they were throwing out my letters to you. Funny – he admitted to that, but still denied throwing yours out. I still work at the Port Angeles city library one weekend a month – could you trying writing me there? I don’t think they would throw out a letter if I got one there.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> I miss you. I hope you are okay.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love, </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I pushed the paper back underneath my pillow along with the others. I always carried most of them with me, but the no longer fit in my pockets very well, and I didn’t want them noticed again. Not after the last time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">During my next session with Irina, she found out about the letter from Bella. She was not exactly thrilled at the whole idea. Not at all, actually.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What happened to your eye?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fight,” I said with an award winning shrug.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What were you fighting about?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t answer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“When you first arrived here, you were attacked,” she said about three minutes after hello. “You spent a couple of days in the infirmary.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m not talking about that,” I said. I tried to talk a slow breath, but it wasn’t working very well.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You’ve been in two other fights since then,” she said. “One of those was six months ago, the other last week. You aren’t a prison brawler, Edward – why now?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“He…tried to take something of mine.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What was it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sighed and looked up to her blue eyes, and gave up. She had her determined face on, and I had honestly not been very successful in getting away with silence when she had that look on her face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“A letter.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Who wrote to you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For the first time, Irina was silent without the assistance of pen tapping.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She writes to you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How often?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Once a month, usually,” I answered. “It’s hard to tell, I usually get a couple of them at a time, and the last one I got was from six months ago. I have fourteen of them all together.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“May I read them?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We locked gazes as a little mini debate club started yelling back and forth at each other in my head. Was it betraying Bella to let someone else read them? Would it help Irina understand, and then she could help me, and I could get out of here with a chance of at least being in her life in some way? Would Bella be angry if someone else read them? Would Irina be angry at me for keeping them from her?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shook my head, trying to ward off the impending headache.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fuck it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took out the six letters currently in my pocket and lay them down on the desk.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It couldn’t hurt, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">___________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Chapter end notes: </b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I really wrote this whole story to bring out the lack of vegetarian options in the US penal system. It's true. Well, all right - not just in the penal system. Really though, from chapter one I intended Eddie to go veggie by the end.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">How do you think Edward is prgressing in his little talks? Do we like Irina? Drop me a comment and tell me what you think, or stop by the thread and discuss theory. :)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=15403">CBWR? Forum on Twilighted</a></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com104tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-32586609717774348382011-05-17T17:21:00.000-07:002011-05-17T17:21:32.842-07:00CBWR? Chapter 92<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Glad to see people are still with me. :)</span></div><strong><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Homework?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I raised an eyebrow at her.</span></div></span></strong><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><strong><span style="font-family: Calibri;">___________________________</span></strong></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 92:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told her everything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told her about buying a girl for sex, raping her, killing a dozen people in some fucked up idealistic view that it might absolve me of my involvement, and falling in love with my victim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told her absolutely everything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I thought maybe I would feel better afterwards.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That’s a lot to absorb all at once, Edward,” Irina said after I signified I was done by adding a little Porky Pig impersonation at the end of my story. “I have to admit it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How do I fix it?” I asked, and my words echoed in my own head, because I remembered asking Alice the same thing back in the beginning of all this mess.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What does fixed look like to you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking answering fucking questions with fucking questions. Lovely.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Make it never happen,” I finally said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That would be nice,” she agreed. “Not possible, but a nice thought. What about something in the realm of possibility?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess I can’t fix it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not in that way, no.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Irina leaned back in her chair and tossed the pen she had been playing with the whole time onto her notepad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t think she wrote a single word down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Will you meet with me again?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I guess so.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shrugged.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I need a little time to process all of this in my own head,” she told me as she tapped her finger against her temple.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“And I have some homework for you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Homework?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I raised an eyebrow at her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes, homework,” she smiled over the desk at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I want you to write down where you want to be one year from your parole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where are you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who are you with?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What do you do for a living?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any or all of the above.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t want to write it out, you can always draw me a picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll set up another appointment for next week.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went back to my cell with absolutely no idea what to write down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once I had sufficiently given myself a headache over it, I read all of Bella’s letters again – twice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lay back on the pillow as the lights went out, and wondered if I could even come up with something that looked like a normal life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The trailer I grew up in and the penthouse I ended up in – neither of them were real.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know what real looked like.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The lights went out, and the guards yelled at a few people to shut up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes, drifting off to images of suburban living that looked like they came right out of Edward Scissorhands .</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My fingers feel warm as I slip them through hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bring her hand up to my lips, kissing the backs of her knuckles one at a time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love the way our hands look all intertwined together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She smiles at me, and swings our arms between us as we step on to the private jet to take us…wherever we are going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The she is pushing me back against the sea,t and my clothes are gone, and as the plane takes off, she straddles me, and her warm skin is up against my hands as they explore her body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is both comfortable and familiar, yet there is no way I would ever grow tired of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JKwoFX1Ab9k/TdMP35v9uhI/AAAAAAAAANM/qtcil64Chh0/s1600/295155778.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" j8="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JKwoFX1Ab9k/TdMP35v9uhI/AAAAAAAAANM/qtcil64Chh0/s320/295155778.jpg" width="320" /></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hands slide down to her backside, lifting her up and slowly positioning her over the tip of my cock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bury myself in her silky warmth as her hand lays against the side of my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She sets the rhythm, moving her hips slowly so I’m just sliding back and forth inside of her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrap one arm around her back and hold her closer to me as I feel myself get closer to ecstasy…</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Come on, Cullen!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You gotta eat sometime!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I squeezed my eyes against the searing light, rolled over to one side, and started another day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina was waiting pretty patiently, but I had yet to hand her my <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">homework</i>, even though I had been there for a good five minutes now and had the damn thing in my hand.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Does it embarrass you?” she asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t know,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Maybe.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s just…stupid.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is it what you want for your future?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could only nod as Irina leaned across her desk and tilted her head to look at me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Please?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to glare at her, but it really wasn’t working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I finally sighed, tossed the single sheet of notebook paper at her, and then leaned back in the seat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I glared at a spot on the wall just for good measure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried not to watch her expression as she looked at the drawing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, this is very expressive,” she finally said after about three and a half hours of staring at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All right, it might have been a minute and a half, but it sure as hell felt like three hours.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My chest was tightening up again, and I wanted to get the fuck out of there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She lay the paper face up on the desk and gestured to it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You have some talent here, Edward,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Drawing hands is really hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Drawing two hands with their fingers all laced together like this is especially difficult.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But there’s more to it than just the quality of the drawing, do you know that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t respond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t actually even move.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-339O94pe_xI/TdMQFtIAqAI/AAAAAAAAANQ/V-i6-w9_IxQ/s1600/Holding_hands_by_BlackDrawing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" j8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-339O94pe_xI/TdMQFtIAqAI/AAAAAAAAANQ/V-i6-w9_IxQ/s200/Holding_hands_by_BlackDrawing.jpg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, I’m going to ask you an extremely cliché question,” Irina said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I hope you’ll talk to me about it anyway.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What is it?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Will you tell me about your mother?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh this was going to be interesting, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">___________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Chapter End Notes:</strong></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don't you just hate those stereotypical questions counselors ask? I hated them when I asked them...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks to Lolypop82 for the manip on the plane!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leave me some...something.</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com142tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-38507374774185022752011-05-17T10:12:00.000-07:002011-05-17T10:12:12.646-07:00CBWR? Chapter 91<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hate long author’s notes, but I wanted to respond to a few questions at least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This chapter should help with some of them anyway, but to clear the air – the blowjob was rape in every sense of the word, and it can fit the definition of second degree rape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Edward’s sentence is appropriate for that crime.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First degree rape can carry a 40 year to life sentence in some states. he also PLEAD GUILTY, which means they don't need any witnesses or really even proof. He's admitted to the crime, so he does the time. It was his choice.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella is young and naïve, and acts like a young, naïve girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Her parents are probably acting the same way most parents would - doing anything and everything to keep her safe in their own minds.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward has no friends -<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose were nothing more than business associates who only knew Edward as a cold-hearted criminal who bought a girl for his own use.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They know nothing of Edward’s past or how he has changed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why are you here, Edward?”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 91</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was sitting outside in the courtyard just smoking and generally trying to not think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes that worked, other times it didn’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still had the letter Bella sent me in my pocket – I hadn’t let it away from my person in the whole week since I had received it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know how many times I had read it, and I knew a lot of it still didn’t really register in my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Part of me had decided I would never hear from her again – it had been so long – but at that point I just didn’t know how to react to it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was just getting back to my cell when one of the guards handed me four more envelopes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Looks like your lucky day, Cullen.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All of them had been opened and, presumably, read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I looked over the envelopes, I could see they were all cancelled in Port Angeles, Washington, but there was no return address.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The cancel dates were November, December, January and February.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nearly a year ago for the first one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were things inside of it – a folded piece of paper and a card from a library card catalog with The Merchant of Venice on the back of it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hadn’t even looked at the envelope from the first letter I received.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I found out they were taking the letters I was sending you out of the mail.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m mailing this from the library where I work in another city, but I only come her one day a month. I hope you get it.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I unfolded the paper, and read it, too, with my heart pounding in my chest.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything I do is being monitored by my parents, and it’s driving me crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m seeing a counselor, which wouldn’t be so bad if they would stop telling me not to try and contact you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not even sure if I’m sending these to the right address, or if you are getting them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please try to write me back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss you so much, and when I think about what it must be like for you right now…well, I just can’t think about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can only hope it isn’t as bad as the movies and television make it out to be.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I keep thinking maybe I should have testified, but when they said I could be a hostile witness it sounded like I would only make it worse for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then you plead guilty, and they didn’t even tell me you were doing that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t get to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to – I swear I did.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I think about you all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I haven’t left you, Edward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Please remember that.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next three letters assured me that she was okay, and was surviving her senior year in high school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each one asked me to write to her, just so she knew I was getting her letters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Six more arrived the next day, all with similar themes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read them over and over until my eyes blurred with overuse, and I finally fell asleep.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If someone managed to remind me it is either Monday or Thursday, I went to group therapy for sexual offenders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was part of my sentence to attend the meetings, but not to actually participate, which was good, because I never said anything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t listen to the other participants, and just let the droning sound of their voices barely penetrate as I sat there and ignored everyone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When the hour was up, I stood and started to head outside for a smoke.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, will you stay a minute, please?” Ms. Whatever-her-name-was asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shrugged and sat back down in the blue plastic chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I can’t help but notice that you do not talk in group.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shrugged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still looking for the contest – I was pretty sure I could win now.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You do realize my recommendation can help with parole, right?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shrugged again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parole was a long fucking ways away.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why don’t you speak in group?” she asked, a little more forcefully.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked up at her and considered shrugging again, just so she could get an idea of how good I was at it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t have anything to say,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m not like these guys.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You aren’t here for a sexual offence?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went back to shrugging.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t you know all that?” I snarked back at her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No, I don’t look into the inmates files,” she told me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I would rather form my own opinions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only know what you tell me, but you haven’t told me anything in the past eleven months since you joined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s a lot of silence, and I’m starting to take it personally.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wasn’t going to be baited with her lame idea of a joke.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Would you be willing to meet with me privately?” she asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I was rather hoping you would speak to me if there was no one else listening.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I don’t know why I agreed, but I did.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I picked at my lunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t just a matter of how awful the food is – and it was awful – it was more because every other thing on the menu was some form of a burger.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every time I saw one I was brought back to Tanya the vegetarian in high school, and my thoughts at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe some fucker was going to sit down and eat that burger, but it wasn’t going to be me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not anymore.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Today was only different because I was about to have my first meeting with Irina, the counselor from the group.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still didn’t know why I agreed to do it, and I was still thinking about backing out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The group sessions were required – personal ones weren’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know why I would put myself through such a thing, except that there really wasn’t anything else to do.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was a little office next to the infirmary where Irina met with inmates one-on-one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was tiny, and I kind of thought it used to be a good sized closet before it was converted into a meeting place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sat across from her and wished there was a window or something I could stare out of instead of just looking at my hands.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You said you weren’t like the others in the group,” she started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Would you tell me why you don’t think you are?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not really.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A little silence.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why are you here, Edward?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I raped a seventeen year old girl,” I said bluntly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t you think that makes you right for my group, then?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know how to answer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It just…wasn’t like that,” I finally said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What was it like then?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked up to her, and was kind of surprised that her eyes didn’t hold the disgust and condemnation I would have expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She leaned forward a little.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, you are already in prison,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Unless you tell me you are going to hurt someone else or yourself, anything you tell me is protected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are my patient, and you are not going to get in further trouble if you tell me what happened.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sat in the chair and tried to focus on keeping the little lunch I had eaten down.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You aren’t taking care of yourself,” she stated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You’ve lost weight since you got here.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, I probably had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want to help you, Edward,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But you have to let me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Help me do what?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Help you get ready to leave this place and go out to lead a normal life.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t know why, but those words hit me – hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had stopped thinking about the future completely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never thought as far as the next hour, let alone what I might do when I got out of here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was no life to return to once I left, and I told her as much.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Everyone has potential, Edward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to argue with her – I was probably the last person in this entire place who had any potential what-so-ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a career criminal, and I didn’t know anything else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also knew I was not a career criminal anymore, and that I would never return to that life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“If you could have one thing when you left here, what would it be?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was the first easy question she asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“That sounds like a woman’s name,” she said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I nodded in response.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“If you walked out of here today, and she was standing at the gates by the road, how would you want her to see you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I went cold – colder than I had when I realized the extent of what I had done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colder than when they hauled me out of the courtroom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Colder than the first day here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not like this,” I whispered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hands started shaking, and I balled them into fists to make it stop as Bella’s written words echoed through my mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I haven’t left you, Edward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked up at Irina’s blue eyes and felt my heart start to beat again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe if I told her everything – everything – she could help me figure it all out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe she could help me figure out what I should do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I could look a little farther ahead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe somewhere in the future I could be in Bella’s life again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Irina could help me, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Time for soul searching.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know a lot of people bailed after the last few chapters, and I understand that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is HARSH, but I do believe it had to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Edward has to be able to reconcile what he has done with himself before he can move on, and getting away with his original crime would never allow him absolution.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still have a few brave souls left with me, right?</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com234tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-49041713912209179692011-05-16T19:08:00.000-07:002011-05-16T19:08:40.276-07:00CBWR? Chapter 90<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's Notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Don't hurt me, or I can't finish the story!!</span></div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was from Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">________________________________</div></span></b><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 90:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could hear a lot of yelling and screaming, and I felt my arms being released as I slumped down to the ground right before I blacked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I woke up in the prison infirmary feeling about as shitty physically as I already did mentally.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It helped, actually.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I opened my eyes and looked into a strangely familiar tanned face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hey Edward,” he said, and the sound alone made my head feel like it had just spilt open and a yoke fell out of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Remember me?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He really did look familiar.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fucking huge guy, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was really tan, and had black hair and eyes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Um…Seth?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He literally beamed from ear to ear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That hurt my head, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Don’t try to move or anything, okay?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You got pretty…um…beat up.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t really care to have any further elaboration on the topic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t worry, man,” Seth said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You gave me a job when I needed it, so I already made it clear to the rest of them – they don’t come near you, or they have to deal with me, ya know?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was coming back to me a bit – Seth ran guns for me four or five years ago, then became part of Alice’s pack after that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got himself caught because he couldn’t stop joyriding in expensive cars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alice got sick of bailing him out, and let him take the time for grand theft instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That had been eight months ago.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">After two days in the infirmary, Seth pretty much stayed at my side wherever I went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At nearly six and a half feet tall, and built like he did nothing but life weights all day, no one seemed too interested in messing with him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got the same treatment defacto.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Life in prison is weird when it comes to the relative nature of time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Days absolutely crawl by – like, it takes about six hours for every minute to pass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But at the same time, days and weeks just kind of magically disappear.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s so little to actually mark any change from one day to another that very small things tend to stand out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When someone got a letter from someone who loved them on the outside, or maybe a visit from someone, everyone listened to it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It ranked a lot higher than television.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In my first year of incarceration, I had exactly two visitors and one letter.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The first to visit was my public defendant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had a lot of paperwork for me to sign, including an annulment for my marriage to Isabella Cullen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me the options were to either sign it, or they’d have to go through months or maybe years and possibly fraud charges against one or both of us to have it completely voided.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t want Bella to have to deal with that, so I just signed them and tried to pretend it didn’t make me grow even colder inside.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The second visit was from a Ms. Mary Brandybuck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ms. Brandybuck looked a lot more like Alice Brandon than a hobbit, but I guess that didn’t raise as much suspicion at the visitor’s desk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was brought to the visiting room and placed in a little cubicle with an orange phone hanging on the pegboard wall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I picked up the receiver, and Alice did the same.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m honored,” I said dryly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Alice smirked and glared all at once.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Just wanted to let you know everything’s good on the outside,” she told me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Got all the chips in barbecue flavor, I assume?” I asked, hoping I wasn’t being too cryptic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No problem at all,” she replied.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Our mutual techie friend lives for that kind of shit you know.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded, and then I looked into Alice’s eyes, rimmed with heavy black eyeliner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The flecks of gold in her hazel irises glimmered in the harsh fluorescents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were not the least bit friendly as they narrowed at me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll have you know,” she said as she leaned in a little closer, “that from the very beginning of all of this, I fully intended to complete this job by ending you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt the blood drain from my face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“But seeing you here now, I kind of think this is more fitting.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded a little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, honestly, I’d take the bullet right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alice leaned in even closer to the Plexiglas.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You been fucked over yet?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The glimmer was still in her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I nodded once.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Good.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She slammed the phone back in its holder, then stood up, turned on her heel and walked out of the room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The letter though…the letter was different.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was from Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It came shortly before the calendar marked my first year in prison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It had obviously been opened and examined and then sealed up again, but I didn’t care.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wish I knew what to say to you, but I don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to explain everything, but I don’t think it really makes any difference now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want you to know that I didn’t expect you to do this, but I think I understand why you did.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I wouldn’t testify against you, everyone was so angry with me, especially my dad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The prosecutor and another police officer kept yelling at me until my dad finally told them they couldn’t talk to me anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I figured out they couldn’t make me testify since we were married, and it would take too long to get the whole marriage license revoked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it would mean they would have to drop the charged, but then they said you were going to plead guilty and I didn’t know what to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know everything that happened was my fault, and I’m so sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know they found us because I called home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know how stupid that was now, but I just couldn’t think of them going through that whole day thinking I was probably dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t do that to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t really think they could trace the call like that, and I thought it would take more time to do it, and we’d already be on our way back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to see you, but no one would let me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to actually sneak out of the hotel and walk twenty blocks to get to your hearing at all, and then when I got there it was too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to at least be able to talk to you before they took you away, but as soon as you were walked out my parents put me on a plane back to Washington.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t have enough money for a plane ticket, and I’m pretty sure my truck isn’t going to make it all the way there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to see you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to talk to you – I really do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just haven’t figured out how yet.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Someone you know came to visit me while we were still waiting for your trial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She used some funny little thing that looked like a remote control near my head, and said it worked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted you to know that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted you to know that everything you did for me worked out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You saved me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you did, and I hope you know it, too.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I asked one of the guys at my dad’s station about prison sentences and how long before you could really be out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He told me you could be out in eight years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s not really so long, is it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I promise I will come and see you as soon as I can figure out how.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Please be careful, and take care of yourself.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Love,</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lay down on my cot and held the letter next to my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could almost smell her on the paper, and hoped it would help me sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It really didn’t, and even after lights out, I kept holding it up to try and re-read it in the green glow of the emergency lighting outside the cell, which didn’t work well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally I lay back on the pillow with the paper underneath my head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took my hand and lay it against my cheek, slowly brushing stray hairs from my forehead and rubbing my own temple.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could at least remember and pretend, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">__________________________________</span></div><strong>Chapter end notes:</strong><br />
<br />
Okay - that's at least better than leaving you with the last one, right? <br />
<br />
I swear, things will start going uphilll now.<br />
<br />
Stop by the forum and berete me - <a href="http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=15403">http://www.twilighted.net/forum/viewtopic.php?f=44&t=15403</a>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com197tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-47933815865867911292011-05-16T18:54:00.000-07:002011-05-16T18:54:35.587-07:00CBWR? Chapter 89<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Method to my madness…everything happens for a reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Trust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes there is only one way to achieve absolution in one’s own mind.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome. </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ______________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 89:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All prison hallways should be referred to as gauntlets. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Various yells, comments, and even fucking singing were thrown out at me as I was led between two long rows of cells to number 242D. There was an electronic buzz, the door slid to one side, the guard released my wrists from the handcuffs, and I was pushed inside. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">At least it was a single cell. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sat down on the edge of the cot, rubbed my wrists, and stared at the cement floor. The ride from the city to the state penn had taken most of the day, and it was only ten minutes after I was placed in my new home when lights out was called, and I was thrown into darkness. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn't sleep. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I probably should have spent the night contemplating my missed steps in life to figure out just what I could have done to steer myself in the right direction, or some similar bullshit. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't think of anything. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn't feel anything. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When the lights came back on, I was still on the same spot. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I blinked my eyes a few times, but otherwise didn't move. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the guards came walking down the aisle, taking and giving insults back and forth with the other prisoners. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The electronic buzz sounded again, and the door to my cell opened. I didn't move. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">A few minutes later, the guard paused at my door. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"New guy!" he called out. "Cullen, right?"</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just nodded. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"Time for breakfast, Cullen."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I turned my head and looked him over. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was about my age, a little shorter but very muscular. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess you would need to be. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"Do I have to go?" I asked. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The guard shook his head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">"You should," he told me. "It only gets served once."</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn't really have any other grand plans for the day, so I followed the line of inmates to breakfast, avoided speaking to anyone, and tried to force myself to eat something. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It didn't work. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I spent most of the day in the courtyard not watching other guys play at basketball and hacky-sack.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I really wanted was a smoke, but I didn’t know where to get one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Finally, I saw the guard who had taken me to breakfast, and I asked him where some smokes could be obtained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He glanced around the courtyard, then pulled one out of his pocked and handed me a match.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found a bench that was off around the side of the yard, partially hidden from everyone else and sat back to smoke.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sun was warm on my face, and I just closed my eyes while I sat there.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had maybe smoked half of it when the warmth disappeared, and I opened my eyes to find a really, really big guy standing in front of me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hey new guy,” he said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His voice was menacing at the very least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were others coming up behind them – six others.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know that little down in the pit of your stomach feeling of dread?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, I had that.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What cha in for?” he asked as he tilted his bald head to one side.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Um…”I stammered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“A few things, I guess.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to shrug it off, but I knew…I knew it wasn’t going to work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Three of the guys moved to my right, further blocking the view of the rest of the yard.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Like what?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You know,” I tried to laugh it off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“A little of this, a little of that.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I heard he likes fucking little girls,” one of the guys in the back piped up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh shit.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked up to the face on the guy in front of me, though I couldn’t see him well with the sun right behind him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I considered trying to explain, but there wouldn’t be any point. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is that so?” he said as he took a half step towards me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to remain as calm as I could, slowly inhaling my cigarette and not making it obvious that I was looking for some direction to run or the eye of a guard to catch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t see either.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My cigarette dropped, burning the edge of my arm as he suddenly reached forward and grabbed my hair, using it to pull my head backwards and to the side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His foul breath crawled over me as he leaned forward.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I got a daughter, you sick son of a bitch,” he snarled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Get him on the ground.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even if I could have fought off this many of them, I knew this was going to happen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My shoulders were wrenched down towards the cement, and I felt my cheek tear as it hit the edge of the bench and then the blacktop below.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As the pain ripped through me, all I could think about was Bella and what she had been through because of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing I did – not killing Aro, or James, or any of the others could take that away from her memories.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had raped her…guilty as charged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I was being punished.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">An eye for an eye, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> _______________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I would not leave you here!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Next chapter coming VERY SOON!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like…minutes from now.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Deep, cleansing breaths…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-83866035626152945822011-05-16T15:24:00.000-07:002011-05-17T19:41:37.394-07:00CBWR? Chapter 88<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sorry, this is pretty much un-edited. I thought I'd better get this out before running to the school band concert, for fear there would be people with pitchforks on my lawn if I made you wait any longer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">FYI - I kept the state where Edward lives annonymous on purpose, so I can decide what the laws are. Artistic license, anyone?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>It’s not for you, fucker.</b></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>___________________________________</b></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 88</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Garrett Milton sat next to me and flipped through a bunch of documents, grumbling under his breath the entire time. The prosecuting attorney, Phil Dwyer, shuffled in the door and plopped down across from me, followed by his assistant – a little dark haired guy with dorky glasses and an armful of paperwork.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I knew him. We’d been in court a few times before, but I had always been exonerated. He hated me with a passion, and the feeling was definitely mutual. The look in his eyes was nothing more than sheer glee now that he had his sights on me again. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Garrett immediately started going through the list of charges and going on about how there wasn’t enough evidence for this and that, and how he basically suggested dropping everything and calling it a day. Dwyer looked at me as he spoke to my attorney, and spouted a bunch of bullshit about how much evidence they had, testimony from the victim’s parents, the PI’s report…blah blah blah.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I took a cigarette out of my pocket.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There’s no smoking in here,” Dwyer informed me. I looked into his eyes while I lit up.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EIIf_szcWec/TdMxuP_z50I/AAAAAAAAANU/R70o_jXID0U/s1600/guilty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-EIIf_szcWec/TdMxuP_z50I/AAAAAAAAANU/R70o_jXID0U/s320/guilty.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fucking sue me.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He just glared at me and leaned forward with his elbows on the table. He was about to speak, but I beat him to it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What do you really want, Phil?” The man hated having defendants call him by his first name. It was his own little power trip, and I could read the shock in his assistant’s eyes that I could possibly be so bold.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He glared at me some more, but didn’t respond.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Come on,” I prompted, “just spit it out. You want me behind bars, right?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I would very much like to see that,” he admitted with a nod. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Well,” I said as I blew smoke right into his face, “now’s your chance.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward-” Garrett started to say.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shut the fuck up, Garrett.” I didn’t look at my attorney, but kept my eyes on Dwyer. “I’m going to offer you a deal you can’t refuse, because you know there isn’t really enough evidence against me, and your only real witness is refusing to testify. High profile case, election year – you can’t afford the loss of votes if I’m set free.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ve got pictures of you with holding a teenage girl against the wall with your fingers shoved in her,” he snapped. “I’d say that’s evidence.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She was over eighteen, and I bet she’s already told you that was consensual.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He didn’t respond. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“So here’s the deal,” I said. “I plead guilty to rape in the second degree, you drop everything else.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I need a moment with my client,” Garrett suddenly called out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No.” Dwyer and I said at the same time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Plea bargaining, Cullen?” he snickered. “What’s the catch?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No catch,” I told him. “I go to prison, which is what you want, you get your votes, all other charges dropped. Everyone’s happy.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There’s no way you’re just giving this to me,” he said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s not for you, fucker.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t respond out loud, but I did blow smoke in his face again. He leaned back to get away from it, but still ended up coughing while I smirked at him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s the only way you are going to get me,” I said softly. “You know the chances of me getting off completely are there – you don’t have enough to tie me to anything other than a firearms possession and maybe the lame-ass transportation of a minor bullshit. That’s what? A year? Maybe? A little extra community service? You won’t even be able to get those to stick if I decide not to let you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“There’s plenty against you,” he insisted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Whatever,” I replied. “Take it or leave it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Cullen,” Dwyer said as he leaned forward on the table to look at me over his half-moon glasses. “I’ve been trying to put you away for years. I can’t say this is exactly how I thought this would go down, but I’m going to take what I can get.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I need a moment with my client…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fuck you,” I growled back, finally looking over to Garrett. He was obviously livid.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, we’re not-”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You’re fired.” I said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">About four minutes of tense silence ensued before Garrett Milton stood up, tossed his papers in his briefcase and walked out of the cramped little office. Dwyer’s assistant was filling out a bunch of paper, which he then handed over to his boss. Dwyer gave them the once over, and then signed his name at the bottom before pushing them across the table to me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I barely looked at them before I signed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“We can set up the sentencing hearing for two weeks from today,” Dwyer said. “You’re still under surveillance based on the terms of your bail, so don’t be stupid and try to skip out on me now.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I know that.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He stood up and his assistant followed suit. I stayed right when I was, finishing my cigarette and not really having anywhere else to go, anyway.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I assume you will find another attorney to represent you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, sure,” I mumbled. He nodded.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I have to ask,” Dwyer said to me as he was leaving, “why now? After all this time, why are you now pleading guilty?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just looked at him, not willing to give him a response even if I had a reasonable one to give. I probably could fight this, and he knew it. I could probably walk out of here with a hung jury, but I wasn’t going to. I couldn’t stand up in a courtroom with her there and plead innocent to what I had done to her. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just couldn’t.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I knew Garrett Milton would be pissed when I offered the plea bargain, which is why I didn’t tell him before hand. He was already so sure he could get me off. I figured I had already gotten off more than my fair share of times. Pun not really intended, but it did turn my stomach. I didn’t puke again – you have to be able to eat to have something to throw up. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The rest of the day I stayed in that little office and tried to get another attorney, only to find that my bank accounts had pretty much disappeared. All of them. There were only about four people who could have gotten access to that info, and considering all my other businesses were now apparently being run by McCarty, I had a pretty good idea what had happened to them. The tech company was still in my name, but the assets had been seized pending investigation. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every phone number I tried was no longer in service.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So two weeks later I found myself in the courtroom with a public defender, which was pretty much a joke. I didn’t care though. I didn’t care how much time I did. It would never be enough. Nothing would ever be enough.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My eyes never left the table in front of me with its little bottle of water and manila envelope filled with copies of the papers I had signed. The public defender stood up at the appropriate time and entered in my guilty plea. I barely listened as Lee Stephens took the stand, followed by Bella’s father and mother. They all told their stories to the judge in hopes of getting me the maximum sentence in this state.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Right as the judge made me stand as she pronounced sentence, I heard the soft creek of the door in the back of the courtroom. I didn’t have to look – I knew it was her. I could feel her eyes on me, and my breath was gone again. I wanted to turn around and look at her – just to see her and know she was okay – but that’s when the judge said my name.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward Anthony Cullen,” she stated. “You have been found guilty of second degree rape. Considering all the other information provided by the testimony here today, I am not inclined to offer you any leniency. Therefore, you are hereby sentenced to ten to fifteen years in the federal penitentiary, the maximum sentence allowable by this state. Your sentence will begin immediately.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The bailiff walked over alone with two other armed guards. They turned me around to place me in the handcuffs, and that is when I saw her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was so, so beautiful, and so, so young. She wasn’t in the dressy clothing she had worn all the time she was with me, but in a simple pair of jeans and a hooded sweatshirt with her hair pulled up in a ponytail on the top of her head. She looked very much like the high school student she was. Her eyes were wide, and her head was slowly shaking from side to side.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All I could do was stare at her as they pulled me away.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The pain in my chest, which had remained pretty constant since the day I understood what I had really done to her doubled, and the pressure was enough to make me stumble against one of the guards. She deserved so much out of life, and I had fucked that up beyond belief. She was everything, and she deserved to see the man who raped her punished for what he did. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She had to know that I did it for her, right?</span></div>________________________________<br />
<b>Chapter end notes:</b><br />
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Reminder! It still ain't over! Bear with me a bit...or a lot.Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com128tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-70384005891894131102011-05-15T19:38:00.000-07:002011-05-18T03:45:11.597-07:00CBWR? Chapter 87<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just remember - you guys wanted this update!!</span></div>Remember what I said waaaaay back towards the beginning of this?<br />
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Brave, trusting souls read on...<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Oh God.</b></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>_________________________________</b></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 87</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You are under arrest for the kidnapping and rape of Isabella Swan.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There was a long list of other charges – accessory to human trafficking, possession of an illegal firearm, possession of fraudulent identification, blah blah blah.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I stopped listening.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I didn’t rape her,” I kept saying. “It was consensual.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Statutory rape, then,” the officer sneered after I repeated myself for the tenth time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She’s nineteen,” I snapped back at him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He snorted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She turned eighteen two days ago.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My eyes snapped shut as all the little jigsaw pieces fell together. Another year of high school, her guarded looks when I mentioned her turning nineteen…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Her birthday was the first time,” I said. “She’ll confirm that.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He snorted again, and since I refused to make any further comment, he eventually locked me up in a cell and left me alone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Extradition from France happened a lot faster than I would have thought, and before I could truly even wrap my head around what was happening I was back in the states and awaiting a bond hearing. I hadn’t seen Bella since she was taken out of the room in the arms of her father.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything inside of me just felt…dead. It didn’t take me long to realize it was the way I had always felt before I had ever heard if Isabella Swan. The feeling was almost comfortable, and certainly very familiar.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My attorney, Garrett Milton, sat across the table from me and read over the list of charges while I smoked the first cigarette I had been allowed since I was taken from France.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LdHCC_J3xco/TdOi9DCSE3I/AAAAAAAAANY/kYXpdPQsamQ/s1600/cuffs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LdHCC_J3xco/TdOi9DCSE3I/AAAAAAAAANY/kYXpdPQsamQ/s400/cuffs.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The girl is being extremely uncooperative, which is good,” he said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella,” I growled.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“What?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She has a name, fucker.” I turned my eyes up to him and watched him flinch back a little. “It’s Bella. Not <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">the girl</i>. Got it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sure,” he said with a nod.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Garrett filled in a lot of the holes for me. Lee Stephens – private investigator hired by her father – had obviously managed to track us to Germany. He and his assistant lost us, though, and how they found out exactly where we were in Paris was still a bit of a mystery. I had a sneaking suspicion I knew how, though.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I asked Garrett if he could get my phone. It cost about ten grand in bribes, but he brought it during our next meeting. The first thing I did was to listen to the four voice mails from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">R.H</i>. on the phone.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Time to bug, E. We got a mole.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You better fucking call me back. J. Jenks knows B’s father.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Call me. Now!”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“They’re on their way. Long-range shooter in tow.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The only thing that surprised me was the name – J. Jenks, the document man. Jasper had used him for years. I tapped the phone until I brought up the recent history.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There it was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">September 13<sup>th</sup> at 17:47 – there was a single three minute call to a Washington area phone number. I would have been in the shower, getting ready for our date.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More than time enough to trace.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath through my mouth, then slowly let it out through my nose. I should have felt angry at her, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How old is she really?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She turned eighteen earlier this month.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reached behind my neck and scratched at the bandage there. The supposed sharp shooter claimed he had intended to only graze me, but I was willing to be Bella’s father had requested a kill shot.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“She’s definitely giving them problems,” Garrett continued. “They wanted to be able to treat her as a hostile witness, but then they found out you somehow got legally married before you left the country they had to throw that out the window. Until the marriage is declared void, she can’t be forced to testify against you. Not sure how you pulled that one off. Of course, it would never stand up long-term, but it’s election time and the Prosecutor is up for reelection next month…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When it came right down to it, after all of Garrett’s babbling, the only charges they thought they could make stick was the unauthorized transportation of a minor out of the country and statutory rape.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I didn’t have sex with her until her birthday,” I told him. Garrett just looked at me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward, you know we’re alone here.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m telling you, I didn’t.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You didn’t sleep with the girl you bought for sex?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No…I just…look, I didn’t, all right?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not even a blowjob?” Garrett snickered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fuck.” I ran my hands through my hair. “Does that count?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Well…yeah,” Garrett said. “In the legal sense, anyway. But you haven’t mentioned it to anyone, have you?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">He might have continued taking for quite some time after that, but I didn’t hear him. I was fairly sure someone out of a Wiley Coyote cartoon had just run by and dropped an anvil on my chest and shoved dynamite up my ass. I tried to swallow, but my throat wasn’t working.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Blow jobs count, fucker.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And she didn’t want it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She didn’t have any choice.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She thought Aro would kill her mother if she didn’t deep-throat me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She thought I was going to kill her if she didn’t do everything I wanted.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I wanted my cock sucked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I couldn’t breathe.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I raped her.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My head began to throb in my temples with a pain unlike anything I had ever felt before. My vision blurred, and the room started spinning on me. I turned and leaned over towards the floor just in time to avoid spewing lunch all over the legal papers Garrett had so neatly spread out before us.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I raped her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I raped Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More lunch.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started getting light-headed as my short, panting breaths began to over-oxygenating my brain.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Blow jobs count.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I raped her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I raped Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I did.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh God.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everything went dark, and I felt myself hit the floor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I deserved whatever I got, right?</span></div><b>__________________________________</b><br />
<br />
<b>Chapter end notes:</b><br />
Ohhhh Doofy....<br />
Truth sucks.<br />
Gotta get a whole lot worse before...<br />
Now I am going into hiding. Or at least to sleep.Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com132tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-47243357749003740792011-05-15T17:34:00.001-07:002011-05-15T17:34:23.936-07:00CBWR? Chapter 86<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What a bunch of whiners you are!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>LOL<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>j/k</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Sorry – I know I left you in a horrible spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, I am a sadist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t let you wait too long though, so here’s the next one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s not a lengthy chapter, but it will at least leave you in a slightly better place.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Slightly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t get the chance.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 86</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The back of my neck was burning, but all that went through my head was Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She’s not safe…not safe…not safe…</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was such a fucking idiot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had let everything I had been feeling for her – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with </i>her – take over all my logical thought, and had all but forgotten our actual predicament.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had forgotten the most important thing, which was keeping her safe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My arms went around her, and I flung her down to the ground, covering her with my body as much as I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shut up!” I hissed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Stay down!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t fucking move!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She whimpered, but did as I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoever was shooting wasn’t a great shot, or I’d be dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reached up to the back of my neck, which really fucking hurt, but seemed to only be a graze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hand came back with blood on my fingers, but I wasn’t gushing anywhere - definitely just grazed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked over to the little table next to the bed, where my gun was sitting.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fuck.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to get to it, but I couldn’t leave her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My mind spun around as I tried to think – as I tried to react – but all I could do was think about what an idiot I was for not remembering the person who had tried to follow us from Germany, as well as whoever else might be after either me or her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now Bella could be hurt again, and there was no fucking way I could let that happen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a deep breath, and started to raise myself up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I could haul her across the floor with me; still keeping her covered while I went for the gun.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t get the chance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The door broke open, and splinters of wood flew in every direction.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, I pulled Bella close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had fucked this up so bad, but there was no way I was going to let anyone take her away and make her do anything she didn’t want to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’d have to fucking kill me first.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Unfortunately, that probably wasn’t going to be very difficult.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next words I heard both thrilled and condemned me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Release your hostage and get your hands where we can see them!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Cops.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking cops.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">They wouldn’t hurt her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s hands gripped my arms tightly, and I turned my head to look down into her panicked eyes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I raised my hand off the floor long enough to brush the edge of her cheek with my thumb.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Release her, now!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“They won’t hurt you,” I whispered to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You’ll be okay…but you have to find Rosalie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have to get that chip deactivated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You hear me?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No…no, Edward!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll explain…they won’t…they won’t…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shook my head as I heard the footsteps of several people walking farther into the room and closer to where my body covered hers on the floor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still didn’t make a move to look at them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did notice a decent sized pile of rose petals under the corner of the bed, where the hotel staff had obviously missed them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella made a strange, muffled sound in her throat.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shh…it’s okay,” I told her, stroking her cheek one more time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to tell her more, and part of me begged to say the words I wanted to say to her, but I didn’t.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I won’t let them take you!” Bella said with fervor.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You can’t stop them,” I replied.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Like hell I can’t!” she snapped, and then she looked up over my shoulder with heat in her eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A heat the dimmed quickly, her eyes widening first in shock, and then elation.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The next word after that blasted through my torso and had the potential to have left me bleeding out as much as any bullet could have.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Daddy!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I moved to one side as she scrambled out from under me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard shouting, but didn’t completely make out the words, though my subconscious must have taken over to some degree, because I placed my hands on top of my head when they told me to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My fingers were still wet from being inside of her, they were covered in her scent.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply right before I felt my arms being wrenched behind me, one after the other, and I heard the distinctive click of handcuffs.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Someone up there hates me, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ____________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ah Doofy…poor guy…please note story title and insert [here].</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com101tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-63294967405926222182011-05-15T12:10:00.000-07:002011-05-15T18:52:36.235-07:00CBWR? Chapter 85<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s Notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I know I know…everyone’s freaking. This chapter isn’t going to make you feel better.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Remember how this story was categorized as angst? Yeah – we’re here.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plans can change pretty quickly. </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">___________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 85</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The thigh-highs were going to be the death of me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I pulled Bella into the elevator and jabbed at the button about four hundred times in the vain attempt to get the damn contraption moving faster. If it hadn’t been for some old dude with a cane I might have just jumped her in the elevator car. Why is there always an audience around when you don’t want one?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Louvre was fantastic, because Bella smiled and pointed at things and held my hand. Dinner at an outdoor café was chilly, so I put my jacket around her shoulders, and Bella smiled and let me run my fingers up and down her arm while we waited for our food to be delivered. The walk along the Seine was beautiful, because Bella smiled at me and let me put my arm around her shoulders as we walked.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span><br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B3iiwNe_U-o/TdCDO4B1EaI/AAAAAAAAANI/bwcc5RGu4zE/s1600/CBWR+ch+85+manip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="202" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-B3iiwNe_U-o/TdCDO4B1EaI/AAAAAAAAANI/bwcc5RGu4zE/s320/CBWR+ch+85+manip.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As much as I liked it, I didn’t care about any of that shit at the moment – I just needed her back in the hotel room so I could get back inside of her and listen to her scream my name again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Impatient much?” Bella giggled. I think she actually drank a whole glass and a half of wine at dinner, and seemed a little less sure on her feet than she usually was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“And you aren’t?” I scoffed. She practically molested me in front of a statue of a naked guy – right there in the middle of the museum. The statue guy had a fucking tiny dick, and I pretended to the offended that it would remind her of me. She giggled and rubbed her ass against the front of my pants. The elevator opened and I pulled her by our laced-together fingers down the hallway to our room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just like the previous night, the Eiffel Tower was all lit up and shining into the hotel window. The whole city seemed to be lit up below us. I pulled Bella close to me and cradled her face in my hands before I kissed her. I had planned to be slow…gentle…like I had been the night before, but Bella seemed to have other, possibly slightly drunken ideas.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She grabbed the belt loops on my pants and pulled me up against her, first grinding against my hardening cock and then reaching between us to palm it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“If you do that, I’m just going to come in my pants,” I warned her. She only giggled in response.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I think that might be kind of funny,” she said as she gripped me a little harder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh really?” I grabbed her hand and stepped forward, backing her up against the wall near the window. I lifted her arm up until it was high above her head, where I pinned it with my hand. I froze a second, hoping I wasn’t doing anything she wouldn’t like, but when I looked into her eyes they were sparkling with humor and excitement. She smiled slyly, then reached down and grabbed me with her other hand. I grabbed that hand, too – then held it up next to the first one. I raised my eyebrows at her as I gripped both of her wrists with one hand, and then used the other one to run the full length of her body.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh…Edward…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah, we’ll see who’s going to come in their pants now, huh?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m not wearing any pants.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Panties then.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I ran my free hand over each of her breasts, still looking into her eyes as I moved over her body. Once my hand got to her stomach, I cupped her sex for a moment through the fabric of her dress, and then dropped lower to pull the dress up higher.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It didn’t have to go a lot higher – the fucker had to be the shortest dress I had ever seen. I loved it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My fingers ran down her leg to the edge of her stockings, then around the hem to the inside of her hand and up until I could feel the heat of her core against my fingers. Her little tiny g-string panties were damp, and I pushed the triangle of fabric out of my way to I could reach her clit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella whimpered, and I covered my mouth with hers. Our tongues reached for each other’s, the slow caresses of the previous night replaced by a singular urgency. My fingers circled, retreated, and danced against her clit as she pushed her hips against my hands. I moaned into her mouth as I felt her getting wetter and wetter, and then slid my fingers deep inside of her with one thrust.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s head tipped back, banging lightly into the wall. I kissed her neck, her jaw, and then her ear. Bella moaned and writhed as I worked my fingers in and out of her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You like that, huh?” I growled against her neck. My fingers began moving faster and faster – in and out of her wet, slick pussy as my thumb circled around her clit, dropping down sometimes to collect her juices again.</span></div><div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GBlIpe3yXqQ/TdAkz5seV1I/AAAAAAAAANE/J2wlumyoSeI/s1600/007+pic+from+amyee.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="289" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GBlIpe3yXqQ/TdAkz5seV1I/AAAAAAAAANE/J2wlumyoSeI/s320/007+pic+from+amyee.png" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“God…yes…yes…please!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I shoved my chest against hers – still keeping my hips back so I could finger her better – and my mouth latched on to the edge of her jaw. I wanted some friction against my stiff cock, but it would just have to wait. I wanted her to come first. Maybe second as well. Then I was going to lay her on her back and take myself home again. At least, that was the plan.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Plans can change pretty quickly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just when things are going pretty well, and you start thinking maybe life isn’t completely out to get you, that’s when the rug gets pulled out from under you. That’s when you realize that gigantic glacier you’ve been picking your way across has started to melt, and you’re about to fall into a giant ice cave. That’s when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan. You can have every step of the next few minutes completely planned out in your head, and they can slowly fade to black as fate rolls the dice and comes up with snake eyes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It all happened so fucking fast, but at the same time, it was weird how everything slowed down all of the sudden and become crystal clear.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I saw Bella’s glazed eyes as they started to roll back into her head, and her body clenched down on my fingers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard the tiny pinging sound of glass shattering.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I heard the almost-not-there whistle of a tiny missile flying through the air.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt the burn of the bullet as it sliced into my skin.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I remembered I never did turn my phone back on again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh shit.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d just been shot, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ______________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">DON’T HURT ME!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It ain’t over yet – I swear.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m going back into hiding (i.e., working on UC the rest of today). There should be another post tomorrow. You will survive the wait. I promise.</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com131tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-90769787814343890662011-05-15T07:20:00.000-07:002011-05-15T09:03:49.000-07:00CBWR? Chapter 84<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No hints, no clues, no promises! You have to wait!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>“Is that your phone?”</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b><span style="font-family: Calibri;">__________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 84</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I hummed back at her, tilting my head against her hand as she ran fingers over my cheek.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Can I ask you a question?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sure,” I mumbled back. I was about eighty percent asleep, and could have found the other twenty percent pretty easily.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“How long do we have to…um…wait?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“For what?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Until we can…do that again?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay. I was awake again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You know,” she continued before I could gather an actual thought. “Before you can…um…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her voice trailed off. I guess the phrase <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“how long does it take for your cock to get hard after you come”</i> was a bit much for her to say ten minutes after losing her virginity.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Maybe twenty minutes or so,” I said. My heart was pounding again, and I was pretty sure it was considering cutting that time in half, just in case Bella was asking for a specific reason.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Really? So we could do it again? Tonight?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Fuck yes!” Damn my mouth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella giggled and then went back to stroking my cheek. I felt myself relaxing again, and dropped my head to the pillow beside hers. My eyes tried to close again, and I thought over the night we had just had – how fucking awesome it was, and how much I wanted to go back and do it all over again. That started me thinking, which is usually a bad idea. I wondered if this was a one-time thing for Bella – if she only wanted her one wedding night, and nothing else. Would she even go out with me again?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I opened my eyes and found her looking at me, a slight smile on her lips. My mouth opened before I could think, which was nothing new.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Will you go out with me tomorrow?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Sure,” Bella said simply. “Where should we go?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, at least I hadn’t said anything completely stupid this time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The Louvre?” I suggested. That’s in Paris, isn’t it? Fuck, what if it wasn’t? “Or just to a café or something? Go to the water? Watch the boats? Anything you want, really.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yeah, I was babbling now.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“The Louvre,” she said definitively. “And dinner again?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">By some miracle, my babbling didn’t seem to hurt. I thought about how she looked sitting across from me at dinner earlier tonight wearing that red dress, and I remembered she had another one, too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You just want a reason to wear that little black dress,” I teased. Like I didn’t want to see her in it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Maybe I’ll dress you up, too,” she said. “You look pretty good in a suit and tie, you know.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I fucking hate ties,” I told her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I think a black suit, with that same red tie,” Bella started planning and talking over me like I wasn’t even there. She placed one fingertip on the end of her chin and tapped softly. Then she started speaking in a horrible French accent. “Red suspenders would make you look absolutely delectable.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Actually, she sounded quite a bit like the gay guy at the salon.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you serious?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Most certainly.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was pretty sure she was mimicking him at this point. I looked at her eyes for a while, trying to decide if she was just messing with me or not. She really didn’t look like she was joking.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“If I have to wear suspenders and a tie, you have to wear thigh-high stockings and garters.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Deal!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Damn…I kind of thought she would refuse that one.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I already have the stockings and garters,” she admitted. “They were part of what Alice and I ordered before we left. She said there was no way I was going to be in Paris with nothing to wear.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You guys are crazy,” I mumbled, and she laughed. I leaned over and kissed her nose, and she wrapped her hands around the back of my head and pressed her lips to mine. A minute later, a buzzing sound came from the other side of the room. My fucking phone. It was probably Alice, pissed that we were talking about her. I didn’t know who it was, and really didn’t give a fuck, either.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is that your phone?” Bella asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yeah – ignore it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We went back to kissing, and eventually the damn thing shut up. It went off a few minutes later though, but I didn’t think Bella noticed. I continued kissing down her neck and then over to her breasts, sucking each nipple into my mouth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Twenty minutes was definitely up, and I didn’t want to waste any more time. I pulled her leg up over my hip and slowly pushed inside of her again. I felt like I belonged right there – like I had finally figured out where my home was. I rested my palm against her face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you okay? Not sore or anything?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Mmmm…more than okay,” she responded. Her heel dug into my backside a little, pulling me closer each time I moved my hips forward. I moved without haste, wanting it to last longer than the first one. I wanted to feel her come while I was inside of her this time. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hand moved from her hip to between us – just above where we joined. I spread my first two fingers apart, surrounding my cock as it moved in and out of her. Bella gasped as my thumb found her clit and started slowly circling - matching the quiet thrusts inside of her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You feel so good,” I mumbled. “So, so good inside…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella moaned unintelligibly and tucked her head against my chest. I grabbed her ass with my hand, pulling her to me each time I thrust into her, and she started gasping with each thrust, her sharp breaths matching how I moved, and encouraging me to move faster.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s hands wrapped around my head and the back of my shoulders, and I quickened my pace. With her eyes tightly closed, Bella’s panting breaths turned into short cries, muffled by my chest as her body shook around me, tightening on my cock. I couldn’t hold back at that point, and felt the waves of sensation cascade around my body as I whisper-cried her name against the top of her head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For a long time, we just stayed in the same position, wrapped up in each other and holding on tightly. I tried to match her breaths as they slowed and calmed, and tried to keep myself pressed close enough to her that I didn’t slip out. That didn’t really work for very long, though. Eventually we had to move a little. I kissed her forehead, and Bella looked up at me a smiled, then blushed, then mumbled about needed to pee.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">While Bella snuck off to the bathroom, my phone started buzzing again. I reached down to my discarded pants, pulled the thing out of my pocket and switched it off. I noticed Rosalie’s name on the screen right before it shut down, and I figured what she was calling about. They’d finally got it right, and deactivated the chips. I didn’t want to hear that right now, because it would just be the beginning of the end. I knew it was coming, but it didn’t have to show up right now – not this night. Nothing was going to ruin this night for us. Nothing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Whatever it was could wait until tomorrow, right?</span></div><b>_________________________________</b><br />
<b>Chapter end notes:</b><br />
<br />
Answer the damn phone, Doofus!!! I guess he's a little wrapped up in the moment.<br />
<br />
There should be one more chapter out today.Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-88892906009753124802011-05-14T19:29:00.000-07:002011-05-14T19:31:44.618-07:00CBWR? Chapter 83<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">These boring author’s notes brought to you by the ladies of twitter, who really just wanted to get a good mental image of Edward coming before taking the whole thing out on their various significant others. Poor guys. They won’t know what hit them.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I loved her.</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: black; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 83</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I sure as hell hoped it was okay to come in her because I was far, far beyond the point of no return. Maybe if she had screamed at me to stop or something I could have ended it, but I probably would have made a mess all over the rose petals anyway. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella…I’m gonna…gonna…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Please!” she cried out as her hips bucked up against mine, and there was definitely no turning back then. It just gets to a certain point and your body takes over, the sensations are too strong and you can’t completely stop. Having my cock in the most incredible little sanctuary in existence certainly didn’t help my resilience. Once the word<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> please</i> came out of her mouth, I was a goner.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My forehead was pushed against her shoulder, locked into the warm spot against her neck, and my hands gripped her hips. I kept her anchored against me, as tightly as I could while still moving within her body when the feeling overcame me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It had never, ever been like this. I’d fucked lots of women, had great orgasms, and walked away without even remembering their names. Right at that moment, I couldn’t remember <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">my </i>name, but I knew hers. She was life, and body, and soul, and…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">God-damnit</i>…she was love. I knew exactly who had me inside of her. I knew exactly who it was that – ironically enough – completely owned me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I loved her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And what I was doing to her…no… <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with</i> her…was not fucking.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was making love to her, and it was most certainly my first time, just as it was hers. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The muscles in my shoulders ached with the exertion of holding myself in the same position for too long, and the ache was beautiful. They also trembled in a way I didn’t recall ever feeling before. It was not from overuse or lactic acid buildup – they just ached to touch her more, like there was no way I could ever get quite close enough to her to make it good enough. My glutes, hip, and leg muscles all tensed and rippled as I slammed into her one more time, holding myself as tightly inside of her as possible.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I could have opened my eyes, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to see.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sensations flowed from my thighs into my balls, tightening them and clutching them against my body. I felt the waves of intense feeling shoot out down my shaft and into her, coupled with the most intense emotional response I have ever felt. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was desire and protectiveness, lust and neediness – it was want and admiration, passion and frenzy – hunger, rapture…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was everything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I screamed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One long, slow moan against her skin.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As my breath gave out, it sounded like a tearless sob.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s hand was in my hair still, holding me tight against her skin. I felt her lips on top of my head as her other hand ran up and down my back. After many, many minutes like that, I finally managed to push my weight off of her and look at her smiling face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her hand went immediately to my cheek, rubbing and caressing it with her fingertips. There were rose petals fucking everywhere – not just stuck to various parts of the two of us, but all over the bed, the pillows, the floor, the nightstand – even one on the windowsill like it was trying to escape or commit suicide or something. They looked even more like a fucking explosion than they had when I first put them out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I reached out and knocked one of the silly things off of her hair and kissed her softly before rolling to the side and off of her. I didn’t want to lose that contact, but I knew I was crushing her, and she was more important. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I lay beside her and reached out for her hand. Like I had the night before, I brought it to my chest, held it there a moment, then kissed the back of her knuckles before lying her palm against my cheek. Bella obliged with a smile and a little shake of her head. I looked at her and tried to thank her for what she gave me with my eyes, because I knew anything and everything that might have come out of my mouth would have been wrong.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">There weren’t any words for this.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Not really.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay, I could have told her how I felt. I could have told her exactly what she meant to me – what I had realized when we were so intimately connected. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted to tell her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted her to know.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I knew I couldn’t say it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So I didn’t.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I settled back against her and closed my eyes, reveling in the sensations of her hand against my temple, jaw and neck. I inhaled the scent of her neck and wondered if smells were something you needed as badly as water or food, because I was pretty sure I could live off of her smell. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her close to me, holding her within my arms and pretending – at least for the moment – that I was good enough for her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Good enough to love her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The night had been completely and totally perfect, and there was nothing that could have made it any better. Even looking back and knowing what was to come I wouldn't have changed the placement of a single rose petal stuck to her shoulder blades. Even if I had understood at that very moment that it would be our only night together, I still wouldn’t have changed anything.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I still wouldn’t have told her I loved her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It would have only made things worse, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ________________________________</span></b></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Leave me some love…or some panic…whatever you like.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Until tomorrow!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Savage – out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com134tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-79187219097592926822011-05-14T12:35:00.001-07:002011-05-14T12:42:47.381-07:00CBWR? Chapter 82<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Hopefully no one is having problems getting here anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you are, you aren’t reading this now, so I’m not 100% sure why I writing it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently I have not been wordy enough yet today.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You want me to do it?”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">______________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 82</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I crawled up her body, kissing here and there as I went.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was still breathing heavily, and her chest was rising and falling with her deep breaths as she tried to calm her body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her eyes stayed on mine, wide and seemingly in shock.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you okay?” I asked like an idiot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I mean…was it okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She nodded her head, but she still looked like she was in shock or something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I placed one hand on her shoulder, and then ran it up her neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The other hand held my weight as I leaned over her and brushed my lips over hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I looked at her, her tongue darted out – probably tasting herself on my lips.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you really…like that?” she asked.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You weren’t’ just saying that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I really do like it,” I told her, “and I wasn’t just saying that.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She looked away from me, and I wondered if she was thinking she should reciprocate or some such shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No fucking way.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No!” I said, my tone a little more firm than I really meant for it to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked back to me, visibly started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t want you to – never.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to do it to you – whenever you want it, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You won’t…miss it?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I meant that shit, too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know if I really thought about it, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck about ever being in her mouth again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I could just figure out how to be in her<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> life</i>, that would be plenty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I just want to be with you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">For a moment we just looked at each other, and I tried to figure out if I was supposed to say something now or if it was her turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never talked while having sex before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dirty talk, yes, but not an actual conversation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was there protocol?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Were we supposed to take turns with the talking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wasn’t it her turn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought it was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Now what?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s voice was so quiet I could barely hear her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you still want me to?” I asked, both hoping she would say yes and that she would say no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had no fucking idea what my preference really was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, I knew what I wanted for me, but I wasn’t so convinced that it was a great idea for Bella.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t going to turn her down again, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever will power I had on that front was completely obliterated.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes,” she said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you want to be on top?” I asked her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Should I be?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her eyes were wide again, and she was biting down on her lip, which just made me want to suck on it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It might be easier?” I shrugged.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I really had no idea, but it seemed like if she was in control of the…well, the penetration…then it might be easier.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I wouldn’t know what to do,” she said, and for the first time she started looking like she was scared.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran my hand over her face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You don’t have to do this at all,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She stared up at me from a sea of red petals.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They were all over the place – all over her, all over the pillows and in her hair and stuck to her shoulders.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You know we’ll only do this if you want to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can back out anytime – right now – if you want to.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t,” Bella insisted.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I don’t want to back out – I just want you to…um…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She stopped speaking and her face scrunched up a little, turning pink.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You want me to do it?” I guessed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She nodded, and I kissed her mouth again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel her relaxing a little under the touch of my hands and my lips.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kissed up her jaw and to her ear, sucking on it gently and closing my eyes before I spoke.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I would do anything you asked me to do,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I would do anything for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I know,” she said. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I opened my eyes as I felt her head turn towards mine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“But you don’t have to.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I do,” I said.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I covered her mouth again so she couldn’t argue with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we kissed, I moved my hand down her side, brushing my fingertips over her breast before reaching between her legs again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran my fingers over her once before I used my knees to push her legs farther apart, spreading more rose petals around on the bed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shifted my hips, bringing them close to her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to close my eyes as I held my dick in my hand and placed the head right at her entrance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran it up and down a few times, feeling the wetness coat the tip, and then repositioned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I opened my eyes again to find hers locked with mine – nervousness apparent, but also excitement and maybe even…trust? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll go slow,” I told her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You tell me if it’s…if it’s too much, okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She nodded quickly and bit down on her lip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leaned over her and kissed her cheek, then down her jaw.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I met her lips, she opened her mouth to me, and I slowly moved my hips forward.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ohhhh...God…</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I just barely had the head of my cock in her, and I was ready to blow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to think about sports and guns and Three Stooges episodes, but it didn’t help much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Tight didn’t even begin to describe her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pushed a little more, and heard her gasp.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My eyes flew to hers as I pulled back, though I had really only barely been inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She shook her head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Don’t stop,” she whispered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Did it hurt?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Not exactly…it just felt…strange.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I moved my hand from around my cock and slid my fingers back and forth over her again before slipping one inside.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It went fairly easily, so I tried two again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Within a couple of minutes she was panting and moaning slightly, as I pulled both fingers out of her and ran them over her clit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Try again?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s fingers wrapped around the bicep of my arm that held me over her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You sure?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’m sure.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded and ran my moistened fingers up and down my shaft before placing the head of my cock back at her entrance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Going very slowly, I pushed again, feeling a little less resistance this time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her fingers dug into my arm, and I watched her face closely as I moved a little farther inside and felt myself finally move past her entrance.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As soon as I did, I slipped in farther all of the sudden, even though I didn’t think I had pushed harder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was more like something just gave way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I realized something probably had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Holy shit…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella dug her teeth into her lip, and I let go of my shaft to reach up and place my palm against her cheek.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Still okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella turned her face towards my hand and kissed my palm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With her eyes closed she nodded.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Please.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I moved forward this time, I slid in farther and easier than before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was only another moment before I was completely inside of her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inside of Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inside my wife.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Inside heaven.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My head felt like it was spinning around in little circles like someone had placed it on a playground swing, twisted the rope up as tight as they could, and then let it go.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was so, so soft inside. It was like pushing into wet silk. I had never felt anything like it, and I wondered if it was simply the lack of a condom or not. I didn't think it was. I was pretty it was just the way she was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She felt so good wrapped around my cock, I could hardly stand it. I wanted to stay right where I was for the rest of my life. I didn't need to get off; I just needed to be in her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never leave this spot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stay in this bed, in this hotel, with this woman, forever. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella placed her hand against my cheek, and I leaned into the sensation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you okay?” she asked, echoing my words from earlier.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“More than okay,” I breathed back to her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I panted through my mouth, trying to keep myself enough in check to last more than a minute or two.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was going to be a hard battle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“You feel so, so good…Bella…God…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I didn’t move, just held myself in her and waited.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t know what I was waiting for – either for her to get used to me, for my impending orgasm to subside, or maybe just waiting for a meteor to drop on my head or something. It would just figure if one did.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tentatively, I pulled out about half way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wasn’t pulling out of her all together – no fucking way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I might never pull out of her all the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pushed back in slowly with a groan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The feeling was just indescribable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the very least I would be all over thesuarus.com looking for the right synonym for ecstasy, and then I’d get pissed off at none of the words being adequate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was fucking awesome, that’s what it was.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">But better.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">You know?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh, fuck it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s hand’s were on my shoulders, gripping me tightly as I moved in and out of her slowly and gently – like I promised her I would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my chest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could feel the little rose petals as the clung to my biceps and legs, and I might have found the little fuckers annoying except for the sight I saw when I opened my eyes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Lying in the middle of the bed, on her back with her arms reaching up to me was Bella. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The twinkling lights from the Eiffel Tower were shining into the room through the giant floor-to-ceiling windows and causing her skin to glow in color.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All around her were the deep red petals, making her look like she was lying in the middle of a fluffy, blood-stained cloud.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Okay – so romantic similes were never going to be my thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Fucking sue me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I moved just a little faster, rocking into her without pulling out very far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So slick…so wet…so warm…so fucking incredible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I lay my forehead against her shoulder and felt her hand coil back into my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was all I needed to send me over the edge.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was okay to come inside her, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> ________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I told ya I was going to do it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A whole chapter of just Edward’s O coming up next.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hang on – it should be out later tonight. *evil grin*</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com85tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-86995842000069505112011-05-13T13:39:00.000-07:002011-05-13T19:07:39.427-07:00CBWR? Chapter 81<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">And….they have sex, and then it’s the next morning, and then the hotel blows up. The end.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">OK, not really.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward was here…</span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_________________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 81</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You…you want to do that?” Bella said quietly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I don’t have to,” I said quickly. “Only if you want me to.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You don’t have to,” she said. “I mean, I can’t imagine you would want to…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella, I want to,” I assured her. “I want to go down on you, but I won’t if you don’t want it.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her brows tried to merge together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You…like that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Just thinking about going down on you has me so hard I could probably drill through the wall.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Really?” she both looked and sounded surprised.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Definitely.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella chewed on her lip some more. I was starting to get a little jealous, and considered forgetting the whole cunnilingus thing and just start nibbling her lips instead.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Okay,” she finally said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You sure?” I asked. She nodded, and seemed to be serious, so I kissed her belly once more before I starting trailing my lips over her smooth, pink skin. My hands slid down her calves, grabbing her ankles and pushing them up closer to her body, which made her hips raise up a bit and put her on display for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So fucking beautiful.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I slid my arms under her legs, angling her up a little to give me better access. I licked my lips once, kissed the inside of her left thigh, then moved in.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As soon as I tasted her, I knew I would never, ever be able to get enough. I moaned against her, and I could feel the vibrations as they passed to her skin. Bella’s hips pushed up as she gasped.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh my God…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You like that?” I murmured against her skin, causing more vibrations.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Ugh! Yes! Yes!” Her hands reached down and gripped into my hair.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My tongue touched her, tasted her, explored her, and generally had a really fucking good time. I could feel and hear her reactions to what I was doing without looking up to see her expression. I did glance at her a couple of times, but her head was back against the pillow and her neck was arched, so I couldn’t see her eyes anyway. I might have liked to see them as I did this to her, but mostly I just wanted to know that she was liking it, and she obviously was, so I kept it up – dipping my tongue inside of her and swirling it around before dragging it back up to her clit. I circled, pushed, hummed, and even drew my name with my tongue over her clit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Edward was here…</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I knew she was close when her thighs tried to squeeze my head, and I had to grip them a little tighter to keep her open for me. She started chanting my name, which caused me to increase my speed, trying to match the tempo she set with the slight rocking of her hips. I gripped her backside with my hands to hold her a little closer and continued the tongue dance over her beautiful pussy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I pushed the tip of my tongue hard against the throbbing little nub, and Bella nearly came right off the bed as she cried out, gripping my hair tightly as her hips pushed against my face. I kept circling my tongue as best I could, feeling her moisture all around me, tasting how fucking sweet she was as she dropped back down to the mattress, moaning. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The pace of my licks slowed, and I switched from using the tip to using the top, laving over her clit, just to give it one slow, last pass before trailing down to her entrance. I circled her there once, just making sure she was wet enough to make it easy to get inside of her, before I pulled my arms out from under her backside and pushing myself up. I wiped the back of my hand across my lips and looked up to Bella with a smile. Her eyes were wide, and she was still panting a little.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“So good,” I said. I hoped she believed me, and that she didn’t think I was just saying it because she wanted to hear it. I wasn’t just saying it. I would do that again and again – for as long as she would let me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Because nothing could taste sweeter, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I want Edward to write that on my clit…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">One O down, at least one more to go!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It’s definitely time for a pineapple and mushroom pizza. I still feel all deprived from last week and the infiltration of Chinese carry out into my normal Friday routine. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Talking about rickets on twitter…and pizza…and penises. Why does it always come back to penises??</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com69tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-40992734432605054842011-05-13T09:42:00.000-07:002011-05-13T09:44:44.167-07:00CBWR? Chapter 80<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Yay!!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Blogger back up!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully, they will test out there code changes a little more thoroughly next time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shall I bore you with a lot of author’s blah blah blah, or get on with the smut?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah, I figured…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seriously, though - 80??? 80 Chapters?? Geez!!!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want it to be right.”</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">____________________________</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 80</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She lay down in the middle of the heart.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">All I could do was stare at her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It wasn’t just how fucking hot she looked lying on the bed, waiting for me to climb in and take her virginity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t the little voice inside my man bits that wanted to become a lot better acquainted with her lady bits.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t even the nervousness I felt from the sheer responsibility of making her come – first time or not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was the waves of tension washing over my skin, through the muscles of my arms and legs, up and down my spine, and even behind my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was the brutal need to just be in her presence, not matter what we were doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was wanting nothing more than to just look at her until I dropped dead from starvation or scurvy or rickets or something.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">What the hell are rickets, anyway?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella smiled slyly, and then raised her arms up over her head, laying them against the pillow as she stretched out her body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The image was stunning, and I was stunned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Soon after the shock wore off, I started to panic.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even though I had done this before – even though I had <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">seen </i>her before – I had known I wasn’t going to be taking it any farther then.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing apparently made all the difference, because I was now just about as freaked out as I could be.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Edward.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s soft voice broke through my thoughts, and I met her gaze.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Come here.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She used her finger to beckon me, and I tried to keep my eyes focused on hers as I climbed into the bed and lay my head on the pillow next to hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She reached over with her hand to touch the side of my face, and I felt myself relax a little into her touch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not a lot, but at least enough to pull my thoughts back together.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why are you worried?” Bella asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want it to be right.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her fingers grazed my jaw.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It will be.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I met her eyes again, I could just tell she meant it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She had complete faith in me, though I was pretty sure that was as misguided as it could possibly be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She leaned closer and took my mouth with hers, licking across my lip before sucking it into her mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We kissed slowly but deeply until Bella finally broke for air.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t think I needed any – I was quite sure I could just live off of Bella – oxygen could become secondary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her fingers scraped my jaw again as she smiled at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I took a deep breath, deciding that if she could have that kind of confidence in me, I’d better be prepared to prove her right.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll go slow,” I told her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella only nodded in response.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I propped myself up on one elbow so I could use my other hand to just touch her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My fingers slid down over her shoulder, across each of her collarbones and over her breasts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I only touched her lightly – and I felt her shiver under my fingertips.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Are you cold?” I asked, glancing over at the slightly opened window, which was letting in cool fall breezes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“No,” she said quietly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I’m fine.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Nodding, I cupped one of her breasts in my hand, lifting it up a little and marveling at how well it fit in my hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I drew circles around her nipples, watching them pucker and harden under the sensation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just seeing them do that was making me harder by the second, but I tried to forget about that and concentrate on her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted it to be good for her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With one finger, I made a trail from the spot right between her breasts down to her navel, circled it, and then ran the backs of my fingers from one hip to the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My fingers grazed over the top of where her pubic hair used to be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella’s legs shifted a little, and she pushed her thighs together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I smiled, realizing exactly what she was doing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Do you want me to touch you again?” I asked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her breathy whisper was all the encouragement I needed.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her skin was so soft and smooth without any hair down there anymore, and for a minute I just palmed her right above her clit, feeling her smooth skin against mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When her hips lifted up, I let my fingers drift lower and between her legs, which she moved apart a little.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was already a little moisture when I felt down between her pussy lips, spreading her open with two of my fingers while the third ran up and down her slit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh God, Edward…that feels so good.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I put the tip of my finger inside of her a bit, pushing it in and out slowly until more went in easily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Once all of it was in, I pulled it out and ran the wetness over her clit, causing her to gasp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved down lower – wanting to get better access – and ran both of my hands up her thighs and over her hips before my hand went back between her legs, slowing pushing into her, coming back to rub her clit, and then delving inside again.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">With my finger still inside her, and my thumb pressing lightly down on her clit, my mouth went searching for the skin on her side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pulled my finger out, and then slowly pushed two back inside of her again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kissed her hipbone, then over to her navel, where I tongued her, eliciting a giggle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her hand went to my head, and her fingers latched onto my hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up at her and found her staring back at me with her lip stuck between her teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My fingers were so wet with her juices, and I wanted to pull them out and suck on them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to replace my fingers with my tongue and feel her come all over my face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want to taste you,” I told her, and her eyes went wide.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She said she never wanted to do oral again…did she mean this, too?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked upset, worried, maybe even panicked, and I thought she was going to end up actually puncturing her lower lip with her teeth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shit, shit, shit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I must have fucked this up already, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">_____________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Chapter end notes</b>:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So…is she going to let him go down on her?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shall we hold a poll?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shall she hold his pole?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shall she sell sea shells by the sea shore?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Shall I shut up?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next chapter…um…soon!</span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-7602874962912931642011-05-11T09:44:00.000-07:002011-05-11T09:44:38.958-07:00CBWR? Chapter 79<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author’s notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Answers to various questions/comments – 1) Bella got the depo shot from Aro, and it hasn’t been 3 months, so she’s still covered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2) Call it cock-block if you will, but this “scene” is going to last multiple chapters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t want it to last that long, say the word – I’ll fade to black and write the day after chapter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ha!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yeah…didn’t think so. *evil grin*</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Ok, failed that one.</strong></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 79</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s fingers ran around the edge of my boxers from the back to the sides before she started pushing them down, freeing my aching cock in the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I kicked out of them, toeing off my socks as well, but not breaking the kiss.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is, until I felt Bella’s hand wrap around me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Shit…Bella…”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tried to get a grip on my breathing while she had a grip on my cock, but it just wasn’t working.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pulled her hand away, and she narrowed her eyes at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Not yet, okay?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Why?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Because it feels so fucking good I’m going to come all over your hand if you do that now.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She bit down on her lip to try and hide her smile, then trailed the tips of her fingers over my length before letting go and placing her hands on my shoulders instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hissed at the feeling and leaned my forehead against her shoulder.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I want to make this right,” I whispered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“You will,” she said encouragingly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I’ll try.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was all I could do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked back to her eyes, kissed her once more, and tried to come up with some kind of brilliant strategy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Brilliant strategy step one – come up with brilliant strategy prior to being naked.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Ok, failed that one.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next step – she had to be ready.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Better luck this time…I hoped.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hands went to her breasts, my thumbs brushing over her nipples.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They hardened under my touch, and Bella leaned her head back against the wall, closing her eyes in the process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I moved my hands down, over her stomach and to her sides as I slowly knelt down before her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hooked my thumbs into the edges of her panties and then looked up to her eyes.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was smiling, and reached down to run her hand through my hair as she nodded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Taking a single, deep breath, I pulled them down her legs, watching my progress as they dropped lower.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t look up to the area I had exposed…I wasn’t ready for that yet.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I reached the floor, Bella stepped out of her heels and let me pull the panties over her feet and off of her all together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran the edge of my fingers across her feet and to her ankles as I tried to mentally prepare myself to look up again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wanted to see her – no fucking doubt of that at all – but I was kind of afraid of it, too, though I couldn’t tell you why.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I had known…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I slowly looked up, figuring I couldn’t spend all night down where I was, and my eyes tried to bug out of my head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Holy fucking shit,” I whispered.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella had apparently done more at the spa than I had realized.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She was totally fucking bare, and I wasn’t prepared for that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">at all</i>.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Is it okay?” Bella asked quietly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I didn’t really know what you preferred…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I couldn’t speak outside of expletives, so I went with a muted nod instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I ran my hands up the sides of her legs, resisting the urge to just haul her over to the bed and start pounding into her beautiful, naked pussy. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As if my cock was throbbing before, the visual floating around in my head was going straight to my other head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to get both my breathing and heart rate to calm down a bit, and then ran my hands up the back of her calves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I leaned forward, placing light kisses up one thigh, then the other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t reach out for her pussy – not yet – but I did bring my hands up to her backside to pull her towards me as my lips brushed over her hips and stomach.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I looked up to her face.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Yes?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently her breathing as a little off, too.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Can I take you to bed now?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She nodded, and I stood up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My hands found hers – lacing our fingers together before I turned and led her over to the bed and the rose petals, which were suddenly looking really stupid and childish to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wished I hadn’t done it at all, but then Bella gasped.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Oh my God,” she whispered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She let go of one of my hands and placed hers over her mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Did you do that?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Um…yeah?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She looked from the bed, covered in a rose-petal heart, to me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“It’s beautiful.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I guess I got something right, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">______________________________ </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter end notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">So far so good, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">More soccer games tonight.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There might be a late update, though.</span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">______________________________ </span></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com77tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-362386080697427086.post-88838852805449259352011-05-10T19:05:00.000-07:002011-05-10T19:09:46.971-07:00CBWR? Chapter 78<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Author's notes:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Just a quick one - hope to have more out tomorrow! I barely looked over this one after finishing it, so sorry about any typos.</span><br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal"><b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“So tell me my man, are you nervous in the service?”</i></b></div></div><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">________________________________</span></span></b></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapter 78:</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was pretty sure my heart was trying to leap right out of my chest, it was pounding so hard.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">We were heading back to the hotel after our lovely birthday dinner date and Eiffel Tower tour – husband and wife, ex master and slave, human buyer and kidnap victim – for me to take her virginity. If there was ever a more fucked up situation in history, I would have liked to know about it, just for the sake of comparison. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wanted a cigarette really, really badly, but I hadn’t had one all day.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The sliding doors to the hotel lobby opened, and one of the hotel staff greeted us with a big smile and a big bonsoir. Bella gave him a smile and a blushing hello, and then reached out for my hand and slipped her fingers into the spaces between mine. She swung our hands together lightly as we headed for the elevator.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I tried to remember how to breathe.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’d never held hands like this before. Whenever I had held hands with women in the past, it was to take them and lead them somewhere – pull them along so they would go faster or just go the right way. I’d never had my fingers interlaced with someone else’s before, and I really wasn’t sure what to make of it. I didn’t understand why there was this tingling sensation running up my arm. Once it got to my shoulder, it buried itself inside my gut and seemed to be trying to shove itself out of my body like something out of an alien horror flick.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I looked down to where our hands were joined, and looked and how perfectly they seemed to fit together, even though my hands were so much bigger than hers. The tip of the diamond in her wedding ring grazed against the edge of my finger, and Bella’s fingers clenched a little, holding my hand tighter. When our swinging hands reached the lowest point of the arc, the sleeves of my jacket – which Bella was wearing – covered most of her hand and mine. She kept us connected that way all the way to the room.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As soon as the door closed, she tossed my jacket over the back of a chair, grabbed a hold of my tie, and pulled me close to her. Her tongue traced over her bottom lip once as she looked at my mouth, then kissed me. I took a step closer and ran my hands up her arms and into her hair, holding her face to me as I pressed against her mouth, my tongue meeting up with hers gently.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gently.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I had to be gentle, because my wife of two months was a virgin, and I had no idea how to fuck a virgin.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">No…I’m not going to fuck her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m going to make love to her.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Strangely enough, the idea didn’t seem all that odd to me. If fact, when I opened my eyes and watched her pull her dress up and over her hips, then over her head and off, it didn’t seem odd to me at all. Even with her standing there in nothing but a little white bra and panty set, all I could manage to think about was making sure I didn’t go too fast, and that I stopped if she changed her mind, and that I made sure she came first.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">In more ways than one.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> idea</i> of making love wasn’t alarming me at all, like I might have thought, but I was so fucking nervous, anyone watching would have thought I was the virgin. I didn’t want to hurt her, and I wanted her to like it, and I wanted her to like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">me</i>. I was seriously afraid of fucking it all up. The obnoxious, high-pitched voice of Ruby Rhod from The Fifth Element popped into my head.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“So tell me my man, are you nervous in the service?”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I wished I was Bruce Willis.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Gentle.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Slow.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">She would tell me if I did something wrong, wouldn’t she?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Bella?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“Hmmm…?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“If I…um…if I do something and you don’t like it, you’ll tell me, right?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella’s hand went to the side of my face, and her eyes locked with mine. Her lips touched mine briefly before she pulled back and smiled.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">“I promise,” she said.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I nodded and let out a sigh before leaning down and kissing slowly across her left shoulder. Bella shivered a little, and I moved over to her right shoulder. I kept my eyes closed, because the sigh of her skin was driving me insane, even in the dim lights in the room. My hands rested lightly on her hips.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P-sZ-Zzasl0/Tcnucye2tCI/AAAAAAAAAM8/ELwO0tSYT8k/s1600/foreplay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" j8="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-P-sZ-Zzasl0/Tcnucye2tCI/AAAAAAAAAM8/ELwO0tSYT8k/s320/foreplay.jpg" width="208" /></a><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bella pulled the knot of my tie apart, unraveled it from my neck and dropped it on the floor next to her dress. Her fingers made quick work of my shirt buttons, and it joined the pile on the floor as well. Her hands reached up and tangled in my hair as she pulled me back down to kiss her again. Tentatively, I ran one hand up her back, my fingers trailing along the edge of the back-strap of her bra. I found the clasp, and flicked it open. Bella let go of my head long enough to let the straps slide off of her shoulders. I touched her hair, splaying it out over her bare shoulders, as I tried to hold in the pressure that seemed to be building inside of me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Placing my hands on the wall behind her, I leaned in to kiss her again. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I felt Bella’s fingers open up the front of my dress slacks and push them over my hips. I stepped out of them, kicking off my shoes in the process. I looked at her eyes once more, then leaned in to take her mouth with mine as her hands slipped around my waist and dipped into the hem of my boxers.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was now or never, right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">________________________________</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Chapter End Notes:</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">I've always wanted to work a Ruby Rhod quote into a fic...</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The manip pic is by Lolypop82 - she made another one I'm going to have to work into this story somehow...lol! It's gorgeous - this one may be one of my fav manips ever.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Thanks to all the twitter peeps for the french help! :)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">See you again tomorrow!</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b><br />
</b></span></i></div>Savagehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01540836633129138903noreply@blogger.com69