Tuesday, May 17, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 91

Author’s notes:
I hate long author’s notes, but I wanted to respond to a few questions at least.  This chapter should help with some of them anyway, but to clear the air – the blowjob was rape in every sense of the word, and it can fit the definition of second degree rape.  Edward’s sentence is appropriate for that crime.  First degree rape can carry a 40 year to life sentence in some states.  he also PLEAD GUILTY, which means they don't need any witnesses or really even proof.  He's admitted to the crime, so he does the time.  It was his choice.
Bella is young and naïve, and acts like a young, naïve girl.  Her parents are probably acting the same way most parents would - doing anything and everything to keep her safe in their own minds.
Edward has no friends -  Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rose were nothing more than business associates who only knew Edward as a cold-hearted criminal who bought a girl for his own use.  They know nothing of Edward’s past or how he has changed.
“Why are you here, Edward?”
Chapter 91
I was sitting outside in the courtyard just smoking and generally trying to not think.  Sometimes that worked, other times it didn’t.  I still had the letter Bella sent me in my pocket – I hadn’t let it away from my person in the whole week since I had received it.  I didn’t know how many times I had read it, and I knew a lot of it still didn’t really register in my head.  Part of me had decided I would never hear from her again – it had been so long – but at that point I just didn’t know how to react to it.
I was just getting back to my cell when one of the guards handed me four more envelopes.
“Looks like your lucky day, Cullen.”
All of them had been opened and, presumably, read.  When I looked over the envelopes, I could see they were all cancelled in Port Angeles, Washington, but there was no return address.
The cancel dates were November, December, January and February.  Nearly a year ago for the first one.  There were things inside of it – a folded piece of paper and a card from a library card catalog with The Merchant of Venice on the back of it.
I hadn’t even looked at the envelope from the first letter I received.
I found out they were taking the letters I was sending you out of the mail.  I didn’t know.  I’m mailing this from the library where I work in another city, but I only come her one day a month. I hope you get it.
I unfolded the paper, and read it, too, with my heart pounding in my chest.
Edward,
Everything I do is being monitored by my parents, and it’s driving me crazy.  I’m seeing a counselor, which wouldn’t be so bad if they would stop telling me not to try and contact you.  I’m not even sure if I’m sending these to the right address, or if you are getting them.  Please try to write me back.  I miss you so much, and when I think about what it must be like for you right now…well, I just can’t think about it.  I can only hope it isn’t as bad as the movies and television make it out to be.
I keep thinking maybe I should have testified, but when they said I could be a hostile witness it sounded like I would only make it worse for you.  Then you plead guilty, and they didn’t even tell me you were doing that.  I couldn’t get to you.  I wanted to – I swear I did.
I think about you all the time.  I haven’t left you, Edward.  Please remember that.
Love,
Bella
The next three letters assured me that she was okay, and was surviving her senior year in high school.  Each one asked me to write to her, just so she knew I was getting her letters.  Six more arrived the next day, all with similar themes.  I read them over and over until my eyes blurred with overuse, and I finally fell asleep.
If someone managed to remind me it is either Monday or Thursday, I went to group therapy for sexual offenders.  It was part of my sentence to attend the meetings, but not to actually participate, which was good, because I never said anything.
I didn’t listen to the other participants, and just let the droning sound of their voices barely penetrate as I sat there and ignored everyone.  When the hour was up, I stood and started to head outside for a smoke.
“Edward, will you stay a minute, please?” Ms. Whatever-her-name-was asked.  I shrugged and sat back down in the blue plastic chair.  “I can’t help but notice that you do not talk in group.”
I shrugged.  Still looking for the contest – I was pretty sure I could win now.
“You do realize my recommendation can help with parole, right?”
I shrugged again.  Parole was a long fucking ways away.
“Why don’t you speak in group?” she asked, a little more forcefully.
I looked up at her and considered shrugging again, just so she could get an idea of how good I was at it.
“I don’t have anything to say,” I told her.  “I’m not like these guys.”
“You aren’t here for a sexual offence?”
I went back to shrugging.
“Don’t you know all that?” I snarked back at her.
“No, I don’t look into the inmates files,” she told me.  “I would rather form my own opinions.  I only know what you tell me, but you haven’t told me anything in the past eleven months since you joined.  That’s a lot of silence, and I’m starting to take it personally.”
I wasn’t going to be baited with her lame idea of a joke.
“Would you be willing to meet with me privately?” she asked.
“Why?”
“I was rather hoping you would speak to me if there was no one else listening.”
I don’t know why I agreed, but I did.
I picked at my lunch.  It wasn’t just a matter of how awful the food is – and it was awful – it was more because every other thing on the menu was some form of a burger.  Every time I saw one I was brought back to Tanya the vegetarian in high school, and my thoughts at the time.  Maybe some fucker was going to sit down and eat that burger, but it wasn’t going to be me.  Not anymore.
Today was only different because I was about to have my first meeting with Irina, the counselor from the group.  I still didn’t know why I agreed to do it, and I was still thinking about backing out.  The group sessions were required – personal ones weren’t.  I didn’t know why I would put myself through such a thing, except that there really wasn’t anything else to do.
There was a little office next to the infirmary where Irina met with inmates one-on-one.  It was tiny, and I kind of thought it used to be a good sized closet before it was converted into a meeting place.  I sat across from her and wished there was a window or something I could stare out of instead of just looking at my hands.
“You said you weren’t like the others in the group,” she started.  “Would you tell me why you don’t think you are?”
“Not really.”
A little silence.
“Why are you here, Edward?”
“I raped a seventeen year old girl,” I said bluntly.
“Don’t you think that makes you right for my group, then?”
I didn’t know how to answer.
“It just…wasn’t like that,” I finally said.
“What was it like then?”
I looked up to her, and was kind of surprised that her eyes didn’t hold the disgust and condemnation I would have expected.  She leaned forward a little.
“Edward, you are already in prison,” she said.  “Unless you tell me you are going to hurt someone else or yourself, anything you tell me is protected.  You are my patient, and you are not going to get in further trouble if you tell me what happened.”
I sat in the chair and tried to focus on keeping the little lunch I had eaten down.
“You aren’t taking care of yourself,” she stated.  “You’ve lost weight since you got here.”
Yeah, I probably had.  Whatever.
“I want to help you, Edward,” she said.  “But you have to let me.”
“Help me do what?”
“Help you get ready to leave this place and go out to lead a normal life.”
I didn’t know why, but those words hit me – hard.  I had stopped thinking about the future completely.  I never thought as far as the next hour, let alone what I might do when I got out of here.  There was no life to return to once I left, and I told her as much.
“Everyone has potential, Edward.  Even you.”
I wanted to argue with her – I was probably the last person in this entire place who had any potential what-so-ever.  I was a career criminal, and I didn’t know anything else.  I also knew I was not a career criminal anymore, and that I would never return to that life.
“If you could have one thing when you left here, what would it be?”
It was the first easy question she asked.
“Bella.”
“That sounds like a woman’s name,” she said.  I nodded in response.  “If you walked out of here today, and she was standing at the gates by the road, how would you want her to see you?”
I went cold – colder than I had when I realized the extent of what I had done.  Colder than when they hauled me out of the courtroom.  Colder than the first day here.
“Not like this,” I whispered.
My hands started shaking, and I balled them into fists to make it stop as Bella’s written words echoed through my mind.
I haven’t left you, Edward. 
I looked up at Irina’s blue eyes and felt my heart start to beat again.  Maybe if I told her everything – everything – she could help me figure it all out.  Maybe she could help me figure out what I should do.  Maybe I could look a little farther ahead.  Maybe somewhere in the future I could be in Bella’s life again.
Irina could help me, right?
Chapter end notes:
Time for soul searching.
I know a lot of people bailed after the last few chapters, and I understand that.  This is HARSH, but I do believe it had to be done.  Edward has to be able to reconcile what he has done with himself before he can move on, and getting away with his original crime would never allow him absolution.
I still have a few brave souls left with me, right?

234 comments:

  1. Still here, bb, and will be until the end!  I understand Edward's need for punishment.  I'm looking forward to seeing the man that he becomes. 

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  2. I'm still here. Still invested in this story. Edward needs this time. You've promised a happy ending and I have faith.

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  3. Yes. I am with you. I know he had to put himself in prison for Bella and himself. I hope Irina can help him.

    Sorry about all the abuse you are getting.

    Roshambo

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  4. I'm still here! Edward and Bella didn't bail on each other and I won't bail on you. ;)
    Edward is finally going to get some help. I like that he actually wants it for himself. And Bella is so sneaky by mailing the letters...I kinda love it. 

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  5.  Yes you do!!! I can't leave you now... Like i said.. I'm hooked! I'm glad he's getting help...and that he's (hopefully) going to start talking to somebody... 

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  6. I still LOVE your story! I will be here to the end too! I just hope Edward and Bella get their HEA!! I don't know how you are going to pull that off but I can't wait to find out!!! 

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  7. Notleft just yet. As awesome as ever.

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  8. Whoa people bailed? I couldn't even imagine!

    I think it's just starting to get real good stuff, Thank you for writing and updating as much as you do, seriously. :)

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  9.  I'M STILL WITH YOU!!!! I love the progression. This is needed. Love,love,love,love.

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  10. Im here *snif* still here ....
    time to get it all out..... 

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  11. I don't know about brave ~ but I love your characters and your words! I will trust and follow where ever you take us!

    Thank you!
    Much love ~ Ginny

    @Ginny_ficaddict

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  12. i'm still here! i felt it in germany that any chance for redemption ed may have it's gonna have to be via jail. unavoidable! i'm bummed that some of the other readers couldn't see this AMAZING story through. don't get discouraged, shay! the remaining are obviously your die hard supporters. keep going, baby! xoxo

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  13. of course we are still here... whinning as bitchies, but still here...
    and I'm very hopeful now 

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  14. I'm still here! I'm so glad he's learning about himself and is growing! Keep em coming! Please! :)

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  15.  Here to the end! Bella is so naive -- does she really think her parents will allow her to accept a letter from Edward?!? I keep expecting her to show up one day as a visitor...

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  16.  I am here and not going anywhere....I agree with you, he needs to fix himself and realize what he did wrong before he can move on....

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  17.  I'm here with you completely and understand and agree with you.  LOVING seeing him change and heal hopefully.

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  18. Yep, still here.. til the end.   

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  19. im still with ya .. i can't leave this story .. if u had Edward raped i wud'v .. but since he's alright i can manage .. yeah it's pretty hard ..
    u sure rn\y my favorite person right now .. although i do understand what u'r saying .. i still fucking hate this Alice .. and my heart is still breaking for him .. and i still don't want him to spend 8 years in prison .. sigh 

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  20. still here til the end, then probably get withdrawl symptoms when its done

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  21. yeah, still here.  :)

    this is the right thing, the realistic path.

    before any of the heart ache of the last chapters, i wondered how he was going to manage a life beside her, with so much against him.

    she is too young, being with him will force her to grow up too fast, that was my first thought.

    and  then, her parents.

    some one like SB's Bella wound have no problem, she is alone, but this Bella has good parents.
    why make them suffer.

    i thought you were going  for the ambiguous ending, but this, this is realistic.

    very well written, intriguing, engaging.

     love the story.  cant wait to see how it ends.
     

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  22. It is harsh...but he did some really BAD things.  I actually think him pleading guilty, because he WAS guilty, was a huge step for him.

    And now, with Irina, he can find his way through and out of the pit that was his life.  Bella showed him the light at the end of tunnel...now he has to work to get there.

    He can LEARN...that's what makes him different I think.

    He just needed to be taught.

    I want him to get a note to Bella...SO glad he got those other notes from her.

    Thanks, so much...for sharing! 

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  23. Still around, look forward to each update. It's a tough time each of them have to go through right now.

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  24. With you to the end! I think it's a good thing that the crime was not glossed over and dismissed. There is punishment, atonement, redemption...and Doofus just needs to grow the fuck up and be a whole person...not sure why anyone would want anything less for a 17 y.o. girl who was kidnapped to be a sex slave and tortured to train as one - even if she's discovered something more to the man that was ultimately responsible to that fate. It's gonna be a hell of a lot more satisfying when/if they get together in the end! 

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  25. I am still here...I haven't left you. You story effing rocks.

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  26. AthazagoraphobiacMay 17, 2011 at 10:41 AM

    I'm definitely still here and still loving this story. :)

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  27. Oh yes, we are still here.  I never bail on a good story, well-written.  You don't fail in that, so I don't bail!

    I think Edward just found his first friend, after Bella who is his love.  Bella knows just what to say to him, "I haven't left you, Edward" and Irina is learning what to say as well.  Edward has a lot to deal with, and I can't wait to read about it.

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  28. Just because it's hard to read and isn't instant HEA doesn't mean that it isn't the right path for the fic to take.  I'm still here!

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  29. I hope you didn't really losereaders. What happened to bella was worse imo. I love this. life has consequences so our fan fiction should too... As long it out also has HEA;)

    jk.. I trust you!
    @shelgibson

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  30.  I'm new to this story but I'm freaking HOOKED. You're doing alright, sister. 

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  31.  So glad to see it turns out that Bella was actually under house arrest and still cares about him...
    But I still hurt for him...because he's been on a wrong path from the beginning, and the fact there was no one there to care for him until Bella will always hurt...
    Anyway, it's good that he has the motivation to change now. Irina can surely help him understand his life and who he wants to become.

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  32. still here.I would never leave you miss savage!  I am crying, clenching my jaw and fists but not leaving.  I have read enough of your stories to know they almost always end happy (or at least resolved!)
    can you share?  will this be hea?! 

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  33. Still staying with you!  I love all your stories and your recommendations too.  As a parent of teenagers, I can see clearly what Bella's parents are doing and why.  They probably think she is suffering from 'Stockholm Syndrome' or something like it.  Maybe therapy will help them both.  Only you can tell us.  Thank  you for sharing your creativity.  

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  34. Im still following. Keep up the awesome work. Im looking forward to Edward realizing he can be better.

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  35. Will be here until the last word. Everything so far has been hard to read but understandable.

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  36. YES I'm with you. Be true to your characters & yourself, don't write for us. The story is so much better that way. Plus, you're right, you're right, you're right! ;)

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  37. Oh, he's on his way toward absolution! And all those letters from Bella... will he try to write back? 

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  38. I'm still here!!!  Loving the quick updates, also!  I concur with the plan... he needs help and he needs it now so he can be better for Bella.  Yes, the New Moon break was harsh but it was completely in character so I'm okay with it.  Looking forward to the counseling and hopefully more letters from Bella and maybe even a letter from him!  

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  39. Still here, proud of this story & of you.  It still hurts though. 

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  40. Those who bailed are just ......
    Seriously, the real thing is just getting started.
    Him made me cry by being in a jail feeling what he feels is so much better than him dry humping bella.
    I admit it i do like smut and fluffy scenes but it cant all be that. Itll be BORING.

    keep up the good work shay

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  41. I for one am still here. You don't bail because you didn't like what was written. If that was the case, the would be bailing on a lot of stories.

    I agree with what you said above, he does have to come to terms with what he did AND I think he needs to talk about and come to terms with what happened with his parents.

    My one question is Bella keeps asking him to write back but when she sends the letters there is no address. How is he supposed to write her back? Charlie would find it.

    You are writing a really great story her Sav, don't worry about the ones who left.

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  42.  Still here! I've held on with everything because I just wanted to cry when Edward plead guilty, but I stuck it out. I have faith in you Savage! And our Edward. I'm sticking around til the end!

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  43. I'm not going anywhere. I love that you don't pull your punches.

    I had a feeling that there were more letters from Bella out there that he wasn't getting. :(

    I feel like, if he hasn't actually turned a corner, that the corner is at least in sight.

    Poor, poor Edward.

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  44. Of course I am still here! This is my CRACK FIC! I need my hit! LOL Feeling better that Edward got more letters from Bella and she has been trying to write him all along.....I wasn't too happy with her. I'm WAY GLAD to see that Edward is FINALLY gonna get some THERAPY! The poor guy has been through so much in his life and he needs to purge out the hurt and self hatred and learn how to be a good and healthy man, not only for Bella , but for HIMSELF.

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  45. Of course we are here....well I am I know that!  I don't think people left....but if they did they are idiots!  Just cuz the story gives us a stomach ache haha. I like the angst but totally want a happy ending.  You are just making us go through alot of shit before we can have it .  And you are totally right in what Edward has to go through in order to be fixed....we...well I just love Edward and hate for him to hurt so I forgive him alot, which is not always the right thing.  I love this story and you as a writer so don't fret Savage...you're doing great!  It's going in the direction you want it to and you are the writer so that is that!  If people stop reading cuz they don't like the direction you are taking than that is their loss!

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  46. Love this chapter, although makes me sad what happening and I hope she does wait or can find way to see him or he writes...im wishing for alot lol anywayz I feel hope because he does need to get to cause of everything and go over what he has done. I cant wait to see how this story ends.

    RachPayne88/AnastasiaC88

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  47. As soon as you keep writing this amazing story, I'll be here. Love your daily updates, please keep doing that. Thanks!!!!

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  48. To bad for those who left, its their loss. I agree with you, and trust you to do with your characters what you feel is right, and I don´t think you should explain why you decided on one path or the other, that´s your right as an author. As for me, I am sticking till the end. I love your stories!! GO SAVAGE!

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  49.  so happy that he is getting some help...love the doofusward and glad B told him she hasn't left him

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  50.  I wanted to say I understand why people stoped reading your story after the past few chapters, but I really don't. This makes a much beter story to me that if they had gone directley to the happily ever after forget I made you be a sex slave for a while. So thanks for sharing and keep it up!!

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  51. Do you really think that people are bailing on this story.  I still check several times a day for updates.  This is the way this story need to go.  Bella is sticking by Edward, because she is the only person he has ever opened up to.  To everyone else he is a reprehensible person.  I really hope he opens up to Irina.  I feel as though she could really help him.  Update soon.   

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  52. I'm still with you 100%...a first step in the right direction for your Edward...it's evident he still wants to be good enought for Bella...please let him realize that he has to do the work so he can see the change within himself...Bella already loves him...as he is...he just has to like himself, too!  Great chapter, Savage!  Bravo!
     

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  53. It's not an easy place in the story but your right, he had to come clean and get his punishment for not only himself but Bella as well. As much as I'd like to be pissed at her, she was/is just a child. Her actions speak to that. Edward now is someone we want to hold and shower in love but the Edward when this story started wasn't. We can't lose sight of that, easy as it would be to do. Hopefully he won't be in prison forever but I trust you.
    You always tell an amazing story and this one is no different.

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  54. I'm hanging in till the epilogue...I believe in the characters and the storyteller.  I will not abandon ship! 

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  55. I may have had my doubts about some parts of this storyline, but faith in the author has kept me here and it will continue to do so till the conclusion of the story =) 

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  56.  I guess I am supposed to feel bad about berating Bella for only writing Edward one letter in a whole year.  But I really do not feel it.  I am thinking that maybe she does really love him, that her “Love, Bella” on her letters really means something.  She is just so young.  She has had her whole world turned upside down by these circumstances.  Now she loves the man who initiated said circumstances, and her once happy home life as a high school teen sounds very stressed.  I get that.  But I cannot feel that bad for her because as stressed as life is she is loved while Edward continues his life of being unloved and abandoned.  I am glad that Edward has her letters since they are such a comfort.  I hope that Irina is sincere because at the rate Edward has been going he would not even live to see parole.  Now if she can keep him focused on being ready for Bella then maybe there is hope for him.  But how will Bella wait eight years?  I get what you are saying about him needing to pay for his crime and that the sentence fits the crime and all that.  I also agree that once Bella made that phone call everything was set in motion, with no turning back.  Without the phone call, they could have possibly devised a story/plan that would have allowed them to go from there to living a normal life together.  Once the call was made, no hope for that.  Serving the time is not making him a better person, it is not going to make him more acceptable to Bella’s parents, it is not making Bella or him happy.  It would not have been despicable for him to “get off” from serving time for his crimes.  In the real world, good people go to prison every day, and also bad people get off, but some days good people that made stupid decisions get off too.  I know he was driven by guilt, but he could have made a lesser deal, like illegal possession of a firearm maybe.  Anyway, it’s your story to tell, and the way you are telling it makes a lot of logical sense.  I am just saying that Edward may have been really wealthy and all, but he has never caught a break in his whole like; I do not think that it would have been a terrible thing for him to have finally caught a break.  Hopefully Irina will be his break, and she will save him from himself, so that once he has paid for his crime there will still be an Edward. 

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  57. I was wondering if Bella was going to write to him.  While it wasn't specifically obvious to Edward, it was obvious to us, as readers, that she didn't give up on him, and I was wondering if she would make contact.  How does she think he's going to be able to send her letters, though?  If her parents wre stealing HER letters out of the mail, doesn't she think they'll steal HIS letters from the mail, too?  I soo want to see these two be together under good circumstances.  I have faith that it will work out.
     

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  58. The hard parts are what makes this story great! I am with you until the end ;)

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  59.  So she did write him all that time, huh? That one letter sounded like a first letter to me though. But maybe her every letter sounded like that because she wasn't sure he got them. Or maybe you wrote about the old letters to shut us all up?

    Anyhow, I'm glad Edward agreed to some therapy. Maybe he finally will see how fucked up his childhood was and how it affected him. I'm kinda glad he decided not to go back to being a criminal, but how on earth would he earn his living after the prison? Even if he earns a degree while serving his sentence, who would hire an ex-convict? :( Oh and him becoming a vegetarian is very significant of his repentance. 

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  60. But yuh had to drop it dry so "Edward has no friends".. cha that's rough. 

    I am with you to the end. I stumbled across this because of some of your other stories. I started with Judging Books, I believe - so different, I thought. Then Unexpected Circumstances which lead me to Surving Bella. Still haven't read Hide and Drink yet - working up to it. lol. I have come this far, i.e. past chapter 1, because I trust your vision. Aside: it took me forever to read Emancipation Proclomation, because I found the summary difficult to handle, but I'm glad I did.

    You write your story; not necessarily the one that I or anyone else wants you to write. For me this is such an unbelievably sad story at times, one of redemption after having made some of the most horrible mistakes, with devastating consequences, but also sheer joy at having found, undestanding finally that nebulous thing called love. The desire to be a better man.

    We must each seek our own salvation.

    You may loose readers, but I think that's OK, once you are true to yourself. Write on.

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  61.  I haven't left you.  This has been a very interesting ride.  I look forward to each chapter.  (Thank you for the regular updates.)  I almost feel sorry for Edward at this point.  Thank you for hanging in there.

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  62. I'm definitely still reading.  Honestly, as much as I might wish to change it, prison is not for reform, it is for punishment; so while Edward is reformed, he hasn't been punished.  We all have plenty of shit in our pasts, and a lot of people overcome it.  A shitty childhood isn't an excuse to buy a sex slave and rape her, there's just no amount of childhood abuse that allows a pass for that.  Thanks for grazing over Edward's rape though; I really don't think I could have handled more detail on that.  The three chapter long heartbreaking scene of Bella choking herself on Edward's dick was more than enough of that.

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  63. Honey..this is EXACTLY what I hoped and thought should happen. I knew Bella wouldn't have abandoned him...I knew she would have tried to reach him and I also knew that Edward had to get better for Bella. He's a non person...going through the motions...I've said all this over on the thread. He should want to know why he is the way he is...that his parents did wrong. He's on the right track now. 

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  64. I don't have the strenght to stay away from this fic. It's like heroin. And I'm not even a sparkly vampire.

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  65. I can't believe some ppl actually bailed on the story. When I read some of the comments last night....oooooh i was so pissed. But whatever. Their loss.

    Anyway, loved this chapter and the fact that Bella had been trying to write him all along. :')

    Can we please get him out for good behavior now? He's suffered enough, right? Purdy please with a martini on top??? :D

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  66. Still here....would never bail, the last few chappies were some rough angst, and hard to take though.  Like I said before, I think I found my threshhold on how much angst I can take, but now we are on the uphill (thank god) :)  Because I didnt know how much more my heart was going to be able to take!

    Glad to see Bella has sent more letters...

    Waiting (im)patiently for the next update!  

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  67. ilovealion
    Edward needs help. If we have ANY hope for a HEA for these two, this had to happen. ALL OF IT. And, it will still be a hard sell for a HEA even if he pays for his crime, gets counseling, and starts a new crime-fee life. I love love love the path you have taken with these characters. I want Edward to redeem himself and turn his life around and finally finally have happiness (with Bella, of course;)

    I hope he writes her. I want to learn more about her life before and after the kidnapping.

    Finally, i hope he learns that he is worthy of love...her love.

    thanks for writing.

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  68.  as you should know I'm a fluffy HEA lover, and you sucks at romance, my darling, as ever BUT I just cannot give up reading your stories (even if I slowed down a lot and quite relented on UC, cant stand Bella, sorry) and this one particularly. Just please dont keep him in jail for 15 years :( even Tom Clancy's bad guys end better ;)and, since I'm quite a money sensitive soul (didnt know how to translate from italian and this is the closest I got), please let him find again his loads of money when he's coming out, a guy must survive, you know..... (bet I'm the only one worried with money)hugs cristina(avvocri)

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  69. Oh, poor Edward. I think it will really do him some good to actually tell someone else every thing. It could be very good for the soul. I love it. 

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  70.  Why would people bail? Ridiculous. This story rocks and I am enjoying the ride!

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  71. The reaction to this point in the story is making me feel old and disillusioned. Taking responsibility for your crime is a good and wonderful thing. Of course what he did was rape, and much worse. Having a bad upbringing doesn't justify crime. B's parents aren't holding her hostage, they are devastated by what happened to her. And as for hating Alice, if you knew someone who BOUGHT a child for sex, wouldn't you want to shoot them? Do you think that B was an adult at nearly 18? If you are this age, you probably think so, but not only is she still incredibly young, much too young for E, she has been broken by the violence inflicted on her. Savage, you did exactly the right thing, I only hope readers learn and grow from your words.

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  72. People bailed? I'm not going anywhere? This is not your typical fic, that's what makes it so good! Don't let the door hit you on the way out! LOL! Bella was writing Edward all along! She still loves him! He needs to figure his shit out so she has a man to wait for! Get it together Doofus! Maybe he will find a way to write her back? As always, I look forward to your updates each day! Keep going Savage! .....Karen

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  73. i haven't bailed and don't intend to.  life is not fair.  glad he is finally getting her letters.  usually go for the happy hea stories and hope this will get close  :)
     

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  74.  I think these last few chapters have been completely necessary. I know we all love Edward and love to forgive him, but you're right, he still did wrong and if he really wants to be with Bella, he needs to get past it. However, I do miss the smut ;)

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  75. I'm here, love this story! I cry for Edward-he's so lost 

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  76. I love this story and will be with it till the end!

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  77. I am still here and I am right on track with you. I understand where you are going. These last few chapters have been rough, but I have faith in Edward...and Bella. Can't wait for the next chapters. 

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  78.  I haven't reviewed yet....I know shame on me! You have my permission to spank me!  I did want to review to let you know that I have mad respect that you took this path in the story.  You are absolutely right about him needing absolution and this being the only means to that end.  What he did was heinous and to redeem him in any way he needs to pay for his crimes.  So here's my props to you....

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  79. This is my favorite chapter (and AN) yet... 

    You are not strong and brave surrounded by money and guns and refusing to admit weakness or accept failure. It is when we're at our lowest and we've got to find the strength to admit all our crimes and failures, and ask for help and admit we need it... that is when we are truly bulletproof.
     
    You are killing me softly, bb... keeping it real because your teeth disclaimer at the top of this blog does not lie... but you forget it is there and then you look down and wow... yup.... you gone and sunk your choppers in, but slow and sneaky like... yeah I know, I know; I WAS warned so I promise.... no sniveling from this fan-grrrrl.... just head shakes and things muttered like 'wow' and '#%*%# me' and 'order pizza will ya? I'm busy here!'.

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  80. YES, you still have me even though I am questioning my own sanity.  I even thought that when I read Surviving Bella.  BUT, the truth is you are an fuck awesome author and I can't help but read.  Even though it does tear me up at times like finding out you were going to write a sequel to SB.  GEEZ!!  I didn't want to hear that.  You also blow Meyers and Harris out of the fucking water when it comes to writing.  You fucking rock!!   

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  81. Whatever it takes, I trust you for a HEA!

    Can she not at least get a letter from him to know that he is getting her letters? Could je call her at the library?

    Please?

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  82. I'm still here babe!  
    It has to be done.  Even though we all like fantasy and predictable happy endings with a big red bow on top, sometimes you gotta keep the integrity of the story by being realistic.
    I still think they can end up happy....or happier at some point in their futures. 
    I trust ya. 

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  83. I know people will want to lynch me for this comment but I'm gonna go ahead and say that for some reason I don't really care much if Edward and Bella end up together. Actually I don't think they should. Like you said she's young and naive and he needs to take time to get himself together just as much as she does. Right now they are toxic for each other and not a good combination. I also think that Edward needs to look for someone his own age and at his own maturity level. To be honest o don't think they should be together until they can get their heads right. Again I know the cray cray are gonna want to kill me for this but just asuch as he fucked up SHE FUCKED UP TOO and really they don't need to have a relationship until they are able to understand. Everyone has a right to an opinion right? *shrugs*
    -KK

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  84. I can't believe that anyone could bail from this fantastic story. Thank-you for taking this realistic direction towards Edward finding redemption. As much as I wanted Edward and Bella together after Edward had changed it was too neat and clean and Edward had to feel like he paid for his sins against Bella in order to feel like he might deserve her forgiveness.  I never thought about Bella's letters being kept from Edward even though a similar situation happened to me when my mother kept the letters that were sent to me from a boy I met after he returned home, who I had met when hewas on a foreign exchange from England as a student. I only found out ten years later when  he visited with his wife. So that kind of thing happens, parents think they are in the right to protect their kids in less than honest ways sometimes.

    Anyways, I don't know you but if I did I would give you a big hug and tell you I am very proud of you for going this direction with this story... even if it is not popular with some it is what will make this story a truly great one because it will be honest, full of depth and a feeling of completion in the end. I hate simple endings in which so much of the real story is just glossed over. Instead the direction you have chosen  there  will be a feeling of growth and healing for our charactors and for us as well.

    Thank-you Shay Savage, very much.

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  85. Shay, if everyone were happy with your story then it would probably suck.  All great stories enflame masses because they stay true to life.  They look at the ugly underbelly of our socities (and yes prison rape does happen) but that's not what people want to see.  They want the fantastical and impossible HEA. 
     
    I would rather get a great story than an generic HEA.
     
    You are doing a fantastic job with this story and I love every decision that you have made with the plot and characters because it gives them life!  I feel what they feel, I hurt when they hurt.  And yes, I seriously got nauseus reading the part when Edward was attacked.  (Which by the way I hope he discusses with Irina, cause that's gotta scar a man!)
     
    You have woven a rollercoaster tale that makes me want to throw my hands up and just enjoy the ride, though it may get fast and scary.  I would never jump out in the middle of the ride, partly because the harness won't release until were safely back at the exit, but mostly because I don't want to fall to my death in an amusement park.
    Wait... I think I just jumped the track there.  Damn rollercoaster analogies!

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  86. Irina is godsend. Edward needs guidance and someone who can help him work through his screwed up life and issues. She will help him be a better man for himself and Bella. I hope he does write Bella back. In many ways she is just as lost as he is. However I don't think her parents will give her that letter he sends. But since he is already in over a year, she should be finished with school soon and be going on to college. I wonder why her letters didn't reach him before now. Who would hold them back, and why?

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  87. Sorry for the readers that have bailed.  I mean this is your story right!?!  I believe you have a literary license to do as you want in your FICTION story.  I just found this about a week ago and am finding it quite different and intriguing.  Looking forward to the continuation and how (if we do) we reach an HEA.    Write on Savage Write on!

    P.S.  I've enjoyed your past stories also - there were rough circumstances in them also - but good reads.  Am also enjoying presently Unexpected Circumstances - just can't figure out why Isabella isn't pregnant yet?   

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  88. Yeah. Sorry, nope. Not bailing.
    But, still having issue with his guilty plea. They needed him to be accused of rape. Was he? Did I miss that part? Because if all you need to do to be put into custody is make claims of guilt then I'm sure some homeless people would do the same. They really do need her to make those charges against him in order to put him in jail. Spoke with my aunt who's a lawyer.

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  89. Yeah I'm still here. I am dying waiting for them to get back together. So I will be here til the end.
    Mwah
    Barb 

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  90.  I am SO glad that you're not shying away from the hard stuff. So very glad. He NEEDS therapy. And I'm so glad that Bella's words are finally registering with him. 

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  91. Seánín McCluskeyMay 17, 2011 at 12:39 PM

     of course we havent left you!  im soo happy he is going to counselling :)counselling :)

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  92. I love this story and I wouldn't miss it.  Prison isn't disney world.  He wanted to plead guilty and he wasn't ignorant of prison life.  Lucky for him he found a friend to help him out.  Glad he is speaking with Irina.  Love Bella.  Also love your continuous updates! 

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  93. With you all the way!  Talk to Irina, Edward.  She sounds like she really can/will help you.  And you really need help.  Just realizing that you need help is a big step.  And now you have something new - hope.  Hope that Bella really will wait for you.  I hope that's true.  Even if it isn't, it might get you through this and out the other side.

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  94. People bailed? Really? From the way the story started out (and from reading your other stuff), was this really so surprising? lol

    I think you're doing great. Keep up the good work!

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  95. I'm still here! Although I don't comment much, since I read it in Thunderbird via RSS :) Thank you for this story!

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  96. I am still with you Shay. You're amazing and so is this story. I am AND have been on pins and needles since it's initiation. Don't get discouraged and continue.

    queenxochitl

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  97.  I am still here:O please savage tell me is he going to spend 8 or more yeas in jail or get out befor then, if it were real life and a guy raped a girl i be the first to say leave him there, but this is just a story and i love edward please let him out soon he being good and hope iran will help him deal with some of his shit, hope bella come to see him soon knew she would of been wright to him

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  98. I sit here and I cannot for the life of me figure out why someone would bail on you now!!!???  What did they think was going to happen since Edward met with Aro ages ago!? Like 85 chapters ago?  Just don't get it.  Everything you have written is perfect to the story, let me rephrase that, to the STORY!!  I have loved everything - well, maybe not the abuse Bella endured at the hands of James and friends but otherwise everything else!  I can't wait to see how your mastermind ends this amazing saga!!  Good job!! 

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  99. People bailed? It was rough alright, I almost cried when he received the first letter from Bella, but I wouldn't imagine dropping this amazing fic. Bella needed to be reunited with her parents, finish school and grow up, and Edward needs to face his demons and get professional help, the first ever in his life. But please, try to find  a credible way to not have him serve 8 years, ok?

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  100. Oh, Shay. This story owns me....I ain't going nowhere. Plus, I have to say that even though you have this knack of making characters who make awful choices likable, there had to be some consequences for Edward's behaviour. Heartbreaking yes but crucial to your artistic integrity. Bravo! 

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  101. One brave soul right here, Savage. :)

    Well, there we are, folks.  The biggest problem a lot of us had with Bella last chapter was that she only wrote once in a whole year—and it looks like she was actually writing every chance she got.  Are we really surprised that the mail doesn't always work well in prison?  After not getting anything in return from him, she must have been questioning HIS feelings.  I guess maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to judge people. 

    I just want to say, I find it interesting that as soon as something bad happens, people start pointing the finger of blame back and forth.  ‘Bella is a heartless idiot who never loved Edward’ or ‘Edward is a rapist who deserves to rot in hell forever’  yadda yadda yadda.  My take on it is that they BOTH made mistakes—stupid, naive mistakes.  Edward's mistakes were definitely more serious (we can gripe all we want about Bella's foolish phone call, but after all, HE was the one who brought them both into this situation in the first place, even if he has done his best to atone for it).  If not for that initial mistake, Bella would be living at home, oblivious to this dark world, and Edward would be running guns without a conscience and failing at more relationships.  Good can still come out of this, and I don't hate either of them; I feel compassion for both, and both are good people at their core.

    Moving on, I hope he writes back to her now, and I hope the counselor can help him.  I'm not sure of the wisdom of telling her EVERYTHING, if that includes the whole episode of wiping out Aro and friends...but if it really is confidential...

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  102.  No bailing, Shay, I have faith in you and Edward :) 

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  103. Flavia_frescuratMay 17, 2011 at 1:26 PM

    You bet!!!! I`m with you 100%

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  104. I'm still here. I like realistic stories even if it's fictional. He had to face the consequences...it's just sad because vie grown to love this Edward. I feel hopeful that Irina can help him now.
    Thanks :)

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  105. OK, first off - this girl here (me) will be hanging around til the bitter (or happy) end. I've read all your stories, and I know how involved I get in them. Your writing is different than most - with very odd themes and twists. But I like that!!! Secondly - so glad to find out that Bella DID write him. I also was one who faulted her for abandoning him. Glad to see I was wrong. She asks him to write back, but there's no return address to write to, is there? (Did I misread that section?)
    Yes, Edward did wrong, and yes, he needs to pay his debt to society. So glad that Irina has spoken to him - I'll bet that she can help him make progress, not just stay stuck in his lonesome self. Yeah, Alice, Rose, and everyone were just business acquaintances, but I would like to hope that Jasper put a bug in everyone's ear on how it might be possible for Edward to be changing.
      

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  106. never left , never will. i'm with you  untill the end  .

    i think that was good think to do , to get edward to see the counselor. he need to deal with his shit .

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  107. Well.. this IS hard to take.. yes. But hell, I'm not bailing.. yet. ;)

    I think Irina is going to get thru to him. A little introspection never hurt anybody. 

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  108. wow people gave up what do they expect a magic wand to fix everything... i like the way you write it is very realistic... people make bad choices and have to fact the consequences.  he was dumb he had to pay.  yeah to some it didn't seem that bad, but he did ruin her life she was abused and tormented all because of his choices.  yeah he went out and stop them but he still did that and has to pay.  i don't like it that he doesn't have anyone and it just brings up all that hurt of being left by his parents.  i don t  see how that plays in and it is down right depressing.  because to me i feel he will just fall into a depresssion and be just as unfeeling as before even worse, but i guess that is not the way it is going to go..

    I like the story and even though it isn't going the way i want it too doesn't mean i bail  that is pretty bratty of everyone!!!!  anyway can't wait for more!! :) 

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  109.  I'M STILL WITH YOU! Beautiful as always!

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  110. Aw, I'll never abandon you Savage and Edward either.  I love that he has a counselr to help him see the light, just like Bella did.  He did need to make amends, however harsh it seemed in lala fictionland.  We all want our Edwards to prevail, even the bad ones.  Ha!  I feel a good ending coming our way.  I do hope he gets out early. 

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  111. About people baling. I am pretty new to FF and have read tons and tons but this is one of my first "big" angsty ones to read live as a WIP. With almost all of the other "big"' complete ones I read, I had to put then down for at least a day or two. Sometimes a week or two. Wide Awake. Emancipation Proclamation. Good lord, I barely made through that one. Sob. I always came back though. I couldn't stay away. I bailed on The Red Line (complete) and I was pretty far into it. I have a feeling I will finish it someday though even though it has been months and months. Same thing with University of Edward Masen. I
    My point is that I bet most if the ones who bailed will be back. They just need some time to calm down. It is so hard to get so emotionally invested in something. Putting it down and taking a brake helps.
    Trust me. They'll be back...

    Roshambo

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  112. Really, you had a lot of people bail? That's stupid of them. You're story is great. Edward needs counseling.

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  113. Bela has written to Edward every month, he starts feeling a little hope and for the first time after Bella he opens up to another person and decides to look for help in order to figure out what is the right thing to do and if he has a chance with Bella.I am very interested to read how his sessions with Irina will go and I hope he will write Bella a letter.

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  114.  I'm with you bb... all the way... I'm sad for both of them, but Doofus did need this.  The ones I'm angry with, are Alice, Rosalie, Jasper & Emmett.  I like Irina & Seth.. =) @MoniNP 

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  115. Oh good grief!  They bailed?  Their right and I'm not really wanting to be critical, just surprised.  This kind of thing makes the HEA more true to life and more enjoyable even if it's still wrapped in a nice fantasy wrapper! lol  He wouldn't be worth having as he is (or as he was in Paris even).  He would have destroyed them through his self loathing and lack of intimacy skills in the way that makes a long term relationship possible.  It would have been good in the short run perhaps,  but wouldn't have made it past the 10-20 year mark (if it even made it that far) without either Bella subsuming her needs to a detrimental degree or her numbing her needs with escapist behaviors (like alcohol) only living for the good moments.

    This is better.  He'll have all the time he needs to work on HIM, to find those answers he craves and to decide WHO he wants to be and how to get there and grope around for how to achieve that without hurting anyone else in the process.  This is what prison would do for all prisoners in a more Utopian world (and it does for some, for which I think everyone is grateful).

    Thanks for sharing what you do!!!

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  116. Oh, and this chapter had me misty eyed!  Loved it.  And it ripped my guts out for him and gave me hope for her.

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  117. Never Never Bailing.. I have CBWR on Fav Feeds on Firefox and I keep waiting on updates, ... I love Edward in this FF, I do hate the circumstances , but heres to hoping to better beginnings :D

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  118. I'm still into this!  and so relieve that Edward is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Not so sure about Bella yet... I'm never been a huge fan of Bella character, I've learn to like her a lot through fan fic but in this one I think I went like 20 steps back..... can't say the same about Edward... totally love him a lot in this story... he's proving he can do good, I think i'm biased :P

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  119. I'm absolutely not bailing. I love these snippets of yours that keep popping into my email. The one thing that gets me to bail on a story is when the author decides to have Bella or Edward pairing up with others

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  120. I am completely with you on this one. As I stated from the beginning I have to see how Edward becomes redeemable and if he and Bella will be together in the end somehow

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  121. I've never been so happy to have not been reading a story!
    Because...............I was able to catch up and read a bunch of chapters at once.
    I know, that's cheating but RL was doing a number on me.

    So what if some bailed. Let them go back to FF and read T rated stories that have no substance to them. I'd much rather have something that grips me and is real. Seriously, this could be made into a movie. 

    Lovin' it.

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  122. I haven't left you, Shay, and I won't - I'm all in. I think it's remarkable that you are able to create characters and stories with such strong commitment and emotional investment from readers.

    Another powerful chapter. Thanks.

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  123.  Yeah, I'm with you... even if it's hard to read this.... I feel so sad about Doofy... I hope Irina can help him!!!!! And I hope Bella grows a pair.... she needs to woman up and come to Edward!!!!

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  124. Still depressed but will never bail. I'm here from the beginning and will be until the end.

    I know I just started to review in the last few chapters but like you, I have a method to my madness and I was not going to review until they had sex (unlike the law I don't count bjs as sex, I wanted the honeymoon).

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  125.  I'm still with you! The last few chapters have been the best part!

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  126. Thanks for the note Savage.  I couldn't believe some of the  comments on here and how most of them were hating on Bella.  People quickly forgot that Bella was a victim as well as her family.  There was also a lot of assumptions made as to why only one letter and you did a great job clearing it up and that is what I had assumed is that her letters were being interecpted.  Nobody or it seemed that no one asked as to why Edward didn't write back.  I think he still feels exteme guilt over what he did to Bella.  It wasnt' just he that raped her it was also Aro and James and maybe others.  They paid with their lives now its Edward' s time to pay.  I do hope the counsleing will help them both see that no matter your upbringing somethings are just wrong. I have faith in you for a Happy ending, even though it might not be the way most people want it.

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  127.  I'm not going anywhere. If there's anything I've learned in reading your stories it's that you know what you're doing. You're not just going to tell a silly, implausible story with boilerplate characters. Yeah, I wish they weren't suffering like this, and I tend to avoid angst like the plague, but I'm invested in them, and in you, so I'm here for the long haul.

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  128. Brave soul reporting for duty.

    You know I'm your olderst fan? LOL  I am  - as verified by twitter - that wealth of knowledge. No one is older than I. Your younger readers have lots more savvy than Bella, and prob a lot more $ and freedom. I never did, not until I left COLLEGE!

    My parents would have behaved EXACTLY as Bella's. Bella has no resources of her own, she is young and naiive - and her actions reflect as much. Edward screwed up IMHO, not by the BJ, but by PURCHASING Bella in the first place. I am certain that if the courts learned of his actions with Aro, Edward would NEVER get out of jail. He's lucky it ws only a rape charge.

    Your story may be *rough*, but honestly? I adore your plotting, storylines, character development. Everything. Even the cliffies. I may even order pineapple pizza one of these days.

    xx

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  129. Still here! It has been a roller coaster ride...but I would do it again in a minute! Im just wondering...what is exactly the time line???? Im so confused by how long its all been since hes been there. 

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  130. Bailers are idiots!! This story keeps getting better and better! Can't wait to see how it turns out. Thanks :)

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  131. Still here and will stay here til the end. You get me thru the day. I must say I was upset after the last chapter but had full faith you would work it out!
      To me at the end of this chapter we were seeing the scare little boy again and it about broke my heart. He has a long way to go but the journey will be worth the reward.
      Can't wait til the next update! 

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  132. Never!! This story is too good to just bail out on!! =( I cant believe anyone would actually stop reading because things arent going their way for the time being 

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  133. I am still here! Those whom bailed will miss the ending. Why start it if you aren't gonna finish it? Edward most def needs to right himself so he can be right with Bella if that is even possible.

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  134. Hitchy *crazy for THG*May 17, 2011 at 4:05 PM

    Did people seriously flounce on you after that?  Yeesh.  I have to wonder why people only want to read things that are completely unrealistic and somewhat irrational.  He bought her for sexual gratification.  He raped her.   He is in prison, as he should be.  He's learning from his mistakes. 

    Ignore the people who only want to read fluff.  Seriously.  What are people thinking?  It acutally kind of bothers me that a lot of twi-fic readers only want to read E/B fics where they fall in love, they go through a lot of self-imposed angst together and then they get their HEA. 

    This isn't simple angst.  It's painful and shitty and fucking REAL.  And I, for one, love it. 

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  135. I'm still here.  As for bailing...not gonna happen for me.  It's fiction for goodness sakes.  I want to see how Edward redeems himself.   

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  136. I'm glad your author notes are long this time because my comment's too...
    we all know this is no fluffy story... the sex scenes are great, sure... but the plot is why this is worth reading for...
    the angst is well... angst...again you have mad skills... you sure make my heart and *gasp* stomach jump the hill every now and then... but more important is that you keep it real.
    of course Bella was raped...she was kidnapped, abused and humiliated...she did not join willingly the "BJ Training Camp"... so there's no doubt about that...
    of course her parents are trying to keep her away from Edward.... I know I would kill anyone who hurts my babyboy ... so no moot point...
    of course Edward has to pay for what he did...he plead guilty because he realized what he had done was so damn wrong... thank God for that...
    of course his "partners" are little  fuckers like him... surprised much? no...
    so, I'm still chanting *uphill...uphill...* and still want to slap the hell out of bitchy Alice (because this was a cruel and fucking low blow when the poor guy was already at his lowest...) and I'm still loving everything about it!
    keep it coming bb ;)

    ps: bailers are goners...won't be missed much... *sneezes* fools!

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  137. Yes, I'm in pain! Yes, I feel so much for Edward ... But I'm still here waiting for the HEA!!!
    I believe in you woman! I really love the story!

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  138. I'm still here and will stay until the end : )
    I admit I freaked out when Edward was sent to jail but now I know that this is what has to be done. Hope that Irina can help him!

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  139. OK, been trying to figure out the different ways you could take this. I, too, want to see Edward get out of jail, SOON, and hook up with Bella. So here's my thoughts.Maybe there's still one very big bad guy out there, and Edward has information that could bring him down. And in return, they would nullfiy the rest of his sentence, let him out, and set him up in the witness protection program. Then Bella could come and meet up with him, wherever he is! This is, at least, my idea. Can't wait for yours!
     

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  140. It's been a year! Is his company that they froze assets to still functioning?

    Could he send her one of his 6 cars for graduation?

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  141. EdwardsBloodTypeMay 17, 2011 at 4:27 PM

    People are bailing? This is the most realistic outcome possible. What were they expecting? Edward and his former teenage sex slave slash wife to ride into the sunset one a white horse with rainbows shooting out of its ass? I think jail is the most appropriate place for him. I love the story. Im still here:)

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  142.  alot more than a few brave souls - this story is SO addictive.

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  143. My heart aches for Edward.  His childhood neglect formed him into the man he became.  His love for Bella can hopefully be enough to allow him to receive the therapy he needs to function properly in the future.  I am loving your story and always look forward to new updates.

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  144. I'm so glad to hear that she was writing him that whole time.  I was frustrated that she hadn't tried to contact him, so this makes me feel better.  Poor Edward, I'm sure that first year in prison is the hardest, and getting these letters earlier would have been priceless for him.

    Glad Bella kept writing, even when she got no response.  Poor thing might think Edward is mad at her and doesn't want to talk to her. Hope he responds and lets her know he hadn't been receiving them and that's why it took so long to write to her.  I'm also glad that they are both getting help.

    So annoying that her letters were being taken out of the mail.  I'm pretty sure  it's illegal to mess with someone else's mail. 

    But I'm confused as to the chronology of the letters.  Did Bella first begin sending them from home or from work, hence the once per month?  And did she find out her letter weren't being sent, and so she resent them all now?  Did her parents stop them from going through and if so, wouldn't they have thrown them away?  I'll go back to reread, maybe it'll clear things up a bit.

    I can't wait to see just how much time goes by and see them actually talk again.  I don't know that it'll actually be 8 years, since you've written a pretty realistic story so far, and I think realistically that after 8 years Bella would have grown up and moved on, however hard it might be.  Unless they don't end up together... Which will make me cry. 

    Thanks!

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  145. I'm here Savage.  I'd never leave you.  And now that I officially sound like a crazy stalker, I'll just add ... 

    Mightly fine chapter too!  You are correct.  Edward will never move forward and become the man he needs to be for Bella if he doesn't deal with his past.

    I just hope he doesn't have to stay in prison for the whole years... gah! 

    Love ya lots!!!

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  146.  I can't believe that people bailed. This is a great story. You've got all the bases covered. Edward has to come to terms with his past--all of it--if he really wants to keep Bella in his life. And prison sucks. That's sort of the purpose of it.

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  147. Yes, just like crack.If could read the updates at work I would. Please keep going, I need to know how it ends..... 

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  148.  Bailed ? ...no way. I have to see this to the end and hope and pray there is an HEA. I can live with all the angst inbetween as long as I have it. 

    You are right. They both have their own things to do and solve before they are capable of giving all of themself. 

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  149. So  he's finally going to see the light and straighten his life up. HOPEFULLY?

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  150. I am still here, I like how this is evolving. I do believe that edward really had to understand his actions, once he did the man who he truly is come out hence the guilty plea.
    still loving this story

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  151. You are amazing and this story is amazing.  I am with you until the end!
    First I have to say that this a story for entertainment and should be viewed as such and second in stories just like in life people make mistakes and those mistakes do not define who they are as a person.   
    Post soon, thanks for sharing your awesome talent with us all.

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  152. I'm here 'til the end Shay. I know that everything you said in your AN is right and as harsh as his life is now, he really needs to go through this to come out the other side a whole person. I think  Irena can help him reach that goal. I was relieved to see the Bellla mailed him all those stolen letters so he at least knows that she was thinking of him all that time that passed.  I'm excited to see you've updated WTSE and can't wait to get to it!

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  153. If folks bailed, I see it as their loss. You have tried to make this story as realistic as possible it seems.  The harsh reality (of your fiction story-lol) is that Edward did committ a crime. He plead guilty and must serve time for said crime. That is how it works. .As a parent, I can also understand Bella's parent's trying to make sure she has no contact with the man they know is directly or even indiretly responsible for her disappearance and subsequent rape. Glad Edward has decided to talk to a counselor. Maybe she can give him some direction in his life. Besides Bella, he has never had anyone to talk to or confide to.  Glad he finally got her letters. To bad he can't let her know he has recieved them.

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  154.  I could not stay away from this fic if I tried.  I am hooked.  In for the long haul.  It's great stuff.

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  155. I hope that Irina can help him and won't wind up being someone who wants him for herself. Not to worry about me bailing on you. I'm in this for the long haul. Cheers!

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  156. well i have to say that i'm very surprised that people bailed! but i'm not gonna lie to you i'm finding it so hard at the moment! i'm just crying cos edward is all alone...fuck his so called friends and it's a good thing that bella writes to him..even tho she's pissing me off still! he fucking parents need to fuck off! she is an adult now regardless of how people view her maturity!

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  157. This is the right path for him.

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  158. Whoever is abusing you is welcome to piss off. They clearly don't know your writing style! Love how you are playing this out.

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  159. I'm starting to feel hopeful fir Edward

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  160. I'm still here! I don't have an account here but I'm Rob'sTaste on twilighted. These chapters were extremely harsh but I think I get why you had to do it. I will admit to being glad we're past those chapters. That was very difficult to read.

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  161. Awww I hope Irena can really help him and not hurt him.  I can't wait to see if Edward writes Bella back and how long it will be before he can get out :) 

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  162. You got me til the bitter end, bb!! I couldn't bail if I wanted to!  This story has totally drawn me in.  I am actually hopeful now for Doofus...maybe he will start seeing the "big picture!" 
    Thanks for clarifying the rape charge.  Makes more sense to me now!
    xoSus

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  163.  Wonder where he can write her?  I thought there was no return address on the letter?

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  164. I'm sure we must be more than a few. It would have been incredible if Edward had gotten away with what he did and him and Bella would have found a way to stay together or run away. That's a lot of wishfull, inrealistic thinkkng and not how reality goes. There have to be consequences for our actions and Edward's couldn't be the exception. He did a reaaly terrible thing and he has to man up to it, learn and move on. That's not what he had been doing. Irina apparently found the way to get to him, hopefuly.

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  165.  why would you flounce when it's just at the nitty gritty? this wasn't gonna be no crackfic. I'm with ya, Savage ;)

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  166. Oops! Sorry I got my authors mixed up. WTSE is by bronzedhairedgirl620. 

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  167. Hi Ginger,

    Like you, I'm not one of the young ones; I'll be 51 in a few weeks. I do think maturity changes perspective and I totally agree with you about Edward serving his time. His childhood doesn't absolve his responsibility. I also mostly agree with you about Bella. If I was her mother, I would certainly not understand her allegiance to Edward, I would watch over her like a mama hawk, and I would absolutely confiscate letters she was sending to her captor! I would be concerned, devastated, and worried. 

    Having said that, I don't think it's quite as simple as saying, "he bought a child for sex". She certainly wasn't completely mature and was put through horrific abuse. But, I do think she was very adult, despite her age. If you look back at the earlier chapters and see the way she dealt with Edward, she seemed like the mature one. He is so broken emotionally and she had the benefit of almost 18 years of love and nurturing. She saw fairly quickly what was going on with Edward, and her response to him was very adult and quite compassionate. Add to that the fact that he didn't know she was a minor. I just don't think it's the same thing as buying a "child". At the age of 17 I was living on my own, going to college - not a mature adult, but not a child, either. This also harkens back to canon Bella, who was wise beyond her years and didn't seem 17 even when she was. I guess that doesn't really matter in the end. Her age shouldn't matter. Her kidnap and torture was evil, no matter her age.

    Regarding Alice, I still maintain that she's a hypocrite. If I knew someone bought a child for sex, I wouldn't want to shoot them (I would want to do other awful things to them, however, and I would want them to be held accountable). But, Alice wants to shoot everyone! She is an assassin! She MURDERS people! In my book, that's worse than what Edward did. It doesn't make what he did okay, but who is she to act so self-righteous? 

    I do also agree that Savage is doing the right thing! This is the only plausible way for either of them to have any sort of HEA! He needs to be healed, and that won't be a short process, I'm sure. I'm hopeful for his future now that he's decided to talk to Irina. I can't wait to see how Bella's story will pan out!

    Respectfully,
    VW

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  168. I am here to the finish, I have faith in you. :)   

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  169.  I'm still with ya bebe!  OMG!  I am not sure if I trust Irina.  Call it 90 chapters of twists and turns and craziness from you.  Okay so I loved Edward's reaction to Irina's question.  If Bella was outside that door, would she be happy that he had wasted away? No she wouldn't.  So I say go for it Edward.  

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  170. So the teacher goes to sleep and people bail on you? what? how could people leave this story? I am also one of the older ones (just turned 40) so I do understand that Edward has to face the consequences for all of his actions, in my opinion I think that maybe going to prison  may be one of the best things that could've happened to him. Its' forcing him to look at his life and his decisions and make some changes.
    Okay Im going to read the next chapter and I'll comment again. See you soon :)

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  171. I haven't left you, Savage... :] 

    I find it odd that people didn't threaten to bail on you when we learned of the tiny cell/cages the slave girls where living in and when we learned more details about all the "training" but they are gonna flounce when Edward ends up behind bars... Which is like, the likeliest of outcomes for the scenario. There is a disconnect here that I don't understand. What Bella (and the others) endured was cruel and unusual... It was bizarre, something no one ever thinks will happen to them. I would suspect as a career criminal Edward had to realize there was a chance he'd do time, at least once. This probably isn't what he expected to go down for but still, notta shocker. It's a shock for a twific but not for THIS story if that makes any sense.

    Anyway glad Bella has been writing to him. No, I don't understand all the letter logistics either but I am sure neither does Edward so, why should we. I really love and respect that you are sticking to one POV.

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  172. Had a feeling she wrote more than once but can she hang in there if he doesn't contact her? Haven't bailed on you. Hope this ending will make more sense to me than Saving Bella did. Never was really sure about that.  

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  173.  You confused me a bit. :)

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  174.  You couldn't run me off if you tried. Let em leave. They aren't worth the brain cells to think about them. Use those for the next chapter. ;) 

    Okay, about the chapter now. First off, for the love of all that is holy, pleasepleaseplease, do NOT let Irina be a conniving bitch that wants to fix Edward for herself. I can just see it now, she'll hear his story about how he was neglected and she'll fall for him even though he really wants Bella and what guy doesn't get desperate for attention in prison. Please make her a good person who just wants to help him so he can get better and have a normal life hopefully with Bella eventually. 

    You could rename this story Edward's Pothole-Riddled Dirt Road to Redemption. 

    Wow, you hit us where it hurts. We all realize that if this was anyone else we would want him strung up by their nuts and put in prison where a dude named Bubba made him his bitch for about 40 years. The only problem is it isn't just anyone, it's Edward and we love him unconditionally. We know he had to pay for his crimes but his crimes didn't seem quite so bad. Yes, it's biased and hypocritical  but it is what it is. We are harsher on Bella because we expect her to fight harder for them to be together. We expect her to do what we think we would do in that situation. We forget that she was kidnapped, mentally and physically tortured, raped, and sold to a man whom she was told could kill her if he wasn't happy with her. We didn't "experience" her side of it so we can't be as sympathetic to her. It sucks, really. There were a lot of comments asking why only one letter showed up a whole year? Well, obviously there were others that we didn't know about. So, there is probably a multitude of things going on with Bella that we don't know about and we have no idea what she is going through. Yes, she was young and naive (she even considered it possible for them to be together after she returned home) while they were together but she seemed to recognize that Edward didn't set out to hurt anybody and he really was messed up. He was just trying to get what he thought he wanted/needed the only way he knew how. He wants to be a better person and be who he could have been if he had a different upbringing. He needs intensive therapy and he needs to have everything that he was deprived of addressed so he can make the changes and know what normal actually is. I also noticed that Bella wanted him to write her back but if he has no return address he can't do that and I hope she figures that out. I think I finally got the burger analogy figured out. Edward thought he was just getting a girl out of Aro's "herd". He didn't know that a new "cow" was going to be picked up for him specifically. He probably compared it to going to hiring a hooker/porn star that he could keep forever. Strange how the mind works. 

    Sorry this was so wordy but there's just sooo much going on. Can't wait for the next chapter, and I would love to see a Bella chapter to get an idea of what's going on over there.

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  175. still here :) I was going off of my states laws when I replied before and I agree that he should have to deal with the consequences of his actions and he his dealing quite well and frankly im glad he got his ass kicked when people found out what happend. thats a reality in prison, its why rapists and pedophiles are kept away from genreal population, for their protection.

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  176.  That was a huge step for him. Okay so the doom and gloom may have just gotten a little thinner. I can't wait to see how this progresses.
    ~Jessi

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  177. Everything? I'm not sure that's a good idea he could get really screwed over this one. Him being an ex-crime lord doesn't help. I hope he just means about what happened after she was with him. 

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  178. cullencougerwannabeMay 17, 2011 at 8:00 PM

    This is quite a journey you're taking us on! Don't worry BB! I'm not going anywhere, except coming back to this story repeatedly!!   

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  179. I'm not going anywhere...I have to see it to the end!  This is such a great story.  I thought the tears I cried when he tried to  console himself after Bella's letter were hard.  But Edward realizing how he wants Bella to see him was harder.  God, I love this story!  Thank you for sharing it.

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  180. still here bb, and loving it!! 

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  181. Yep, still here, and I agree with you that Edward needed to do his penance in his own mind for what he did to ruin Bella's life. This remorse is what makes Edward redeemable as a person to me and means he can really have love and care for Bella in the future instead of continuing to be a selfish bastard. I love that holy did not take the easy way out of the story for the sake of some lemons, and it's why Surviving Bella is such a great story. Still all in, babe!

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  182.  See, patience IS a virtue - the only issue I had w/any of the previous awesome chapters was the length of time between Bella's one and only letter to him - but it seemed SO deeply uncool and cold of her that I gave you the benefit of the doubt, because you are an incredibly talented writer and there's just no way you would have let those kind of shenanigans fly without a twist. It all makes sense now and I continue to EAGERLY await more whenever you are able. Yay dark twisted fic! 

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  183.  he definitely needs to heal and grow. therapy will probably help him a lot

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  184. So glad to hear there are more of the not so young-ones, I'm 45 myself! Couldn't agree more with your comment, I have a 19 year old daughter and if it were her, my reaction would be exactly that, trying my uttermost to stop her from having any contact with her alleged rapist and kidnapper.

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  185. yeps i'm still here. man of he tells her i wonder what she is going to say. 

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  186.  Ah, all part of the journey of life. He wasn't given the best start. And now that he knows how to use his emotional side with his thinking side, he might get somewhere. He just needs guidance like we all do. And that is why I don't give up. Maybe it is the uneducated but experienced counsellor in me, I stick it through, because too many gave up on me. But listen, yup still have a heart beat and breathing. That makes me worth it. Even if this is fiction, its a good life lesson. Every person counts. Every living thing counts. *gives Savage a huge, whether willing or not because I think we both need one*

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  187.  Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit, Sav...............i dunno wat 2 do wid dis. I cant bear 2 see Eddie suffer like this but hw cud u nt want more of it?!?!? Those dudes who stopped readin are soooooo weak!!!!!! I mean CMON, we all feel for Eddie but in perspective, wat keeps me goin iz dat i know tings wil wrk out in the end sumwhere. Trust me, dat is all dat keeps me readin on.....Things will come around.....wats a gr8 story without a few heartROBS???

    Shay, ur freakin GR8!!!!!! I'm so glad i stumbled across this fan fic last week thursday!!!!!!!!!! I cant stand 2 b away from it I was actually readin UC through class last night......lol.

    Now, an I agree wit da whole ploy here..............Its normal for us 2 feel compassion, sympathy  empathy, grief, fear...all these emotions and more toward Eddie, an mayb a lil anger or sadness toward Bella. But truly Eddie must cum 2 terms wid the disaster, hurt & grief he has caused both to Bella & himself. We all kno that guilt plagues him already but its a little more than that n I tink the professional help shud be gud in a ways 4 him. Lady Isabella Bella really needed to continue on wit her life, finish skool n wat nt, fill in the voids that were created wen she was taken!!!!!! I tink they needed that separation to find themselves...evn so they wud realize more n more hw much they really do love each othr & hw much it hurts them 2 b apart!!!!!

    I tink Shay's gonna giv us one helluva REUNION between these 2..............wen the time is right of course!!!!!! TINGS ARE GON GET BETR....my FAITH IZ GROUNDED!!!!!

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  188.  Tears still pouring down my face.  It's heartbreaking, but it's often that way ... a little pain for some gain ..and I'm feeling his hurt.
    Great writing, so moving.

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  189. I'm still here too!!!! I think Edward doing time is necessary to the story. I am glad that Bells hasnt given up on him yet! I'm here till the very end too, your crack fic is far too addictive!

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  190. I can't believe people bailed! This stroy is wonderful and realistic. Are people forgetting what happened to Bella to "train" her for Edward? He is very brave to own it and pay for it. I'm looking forward for him to get help and learn how to live right. Awesome story, I'm tots wtih you bb! 

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  191. I've always been a bad one about reviewing, but I am here reading. This was such a good chapter. I can't wait to see what happens!! 

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  192.  People are flouncing b/c Edward's in prison??? WTF did they think would happen? He & Bella would fall in love and live happily ever after, the end? Idiots.

    This had to happen. Edward needed to take responsibility for what he did, and I think  that, even if she doesn't see it now, Bella needed him to do this. He can never change what happened to her because of him, but this shows her that he's trying to make it up to her. That if he could go back and do things differently, he would.

    Really cold that R, Em, J, and A made off with all his money. I know they weren't friends--and it's totally realistic that they did what they did--but still harsh. It'll be interesting to see what Edward does to earn a living when he gets out (in hopefully less than 8 years).

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  193. You have a few.lol, I'm hanging around for that absolution thanks Savage 

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  194. well, you are right.  he DOES have to pay for his crime.  Funny how all the murders are mysteriouslyl forgotten?  Besides that, I do think he has paid more than enough for his bj and mistakes with Bella.  Glad the dr. will help him now with his life.

    I wonder Savage, did you write all those letters from Bellas after hearing how everyone was so mad she didn't send but one?  or was that always planned? 

    Finally feeling a little better about all this, seeing an ending, maybe a hea afterall.  

    I want that for the little boy who only wanted a bath, please? 

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  195. Edward in prison is breaking my heart. :( 

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  196. i'm not going anywhere! you are right - edward raped bella. i love how hard it hit him to imagine bella seeing him this way.

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