Monday, May 16, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 89

Author’s notes:
Method to my madness…everything happens for a reason.  Trust.  Sometimes there is only one way to achieve absolution in one’s own mind.
I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome.
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Chapter 89:
All prison hallways should be referred to as gauntlets.
Various yells, comments, and even fucking singing were thrown out at me as I was led between two long rows of cells to number 242D. There was an electronic buzz, the door slid to one side, the guard released my wrists from the handcuffs, and I was pushed inside.
At least it was a single cell.
I sat down on the edge of the cot, rubbed my wrists, and stared at the cement floor. The ride from the city to the state penn had taken most of the day, and it was only ten minutes after I was placed in my new home when lights out was called, and I was thrown into darkness.
I didn't sleep.
I probably should have spent the night contemplating my missed steps in life to figure out just what I could have done to steer myself in the right direction, or some similar bullshit.  I didn't.  I didn't think of anything.  I didn't feel anything.
I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome.
When the lights came back on, I was still on the same spot.  I blinked my eyes a few times, but otherwise didn't move.  One of the guards came walking down the aisle, taking and giving insults back and forth with the other prisoners.  The electronic buzz sounded again, and the door to my cell opened. I didn't move.
A few minutes later, the guard paused at my door.
"New guy!" he called out. "Cullen, right?"
I just nodded.
"Time for breakfast, Cullen."
I turned my head and looked him over.  He was about my age, a little shorter but very muscular.  I guess you would need to be.
"Do I have to go?" I asked.
The guard shook his head.
"You should," he told me. "It only gets served once."
I didn't really have any other grand plans for the day, so I followed the line of inmates to breakfast, avoided speaking to anyone, and tried to force myself to eat something.
It didn't work.
I spent most of the day in the courtyard not watching other guys play at basketball and hacky-sack.  What I really wanted was a smoke, but I didn’t know where to get one.  Finally, I saw the guard who had taken me to breakfast, and I asked him where some smokes could be obtained.  He glanced around the courtyard, then pulled one out of his pocked and handed me a match.  I found a bench that was off around the side of the yard, partially hidden from everyone else and sat back to smoke.  The sun was warm on my face, and I just closed my eyes while I sat there.
I had maybe smoked half of it when the warmth disappeared, and I opened my eyes to find a really, really big guy standing in front of me.
“Hey new guy,” he said.  His voice was menacing at the very least.  There were others coming up behind them – six others.
You know that little down in the pit of your stomach feeling of dread?  Yeah, I had that.
“What cha in for?” he asked as he tilted his bald head to one side.
“Um…”I stammered.  “A few things, I guess.”
I tried to shrug it off, but I knew…I knew it wasn’t going to work.  Three of the guys moved to my right, further blocking the view of the rest of the yard.
“Like what?”
“You know,” I tried to laugh it off.  “A little of this, a little of that.”
“I heard he likes fucking little girls,” one of the guys in the back piped up.
Oh shit.
I looked up to the face on the guy in front of me, though I couldn’t see him well with the sun right behind him.  I considered trying to explain, but there wouldn’t be any point.
“Is that so?” he said as he took a half step towards me.  I tried to remain as calm as I could, slowly inhaling my cigarette and not making it obvious that I was looking for some direction to run or the eye of a guard to catch.  I didn’t see either.
My cigarette dropped, burning the edge of my arm as he suddenly reached forward and grabbed my hair, using it to pull my head backwards and to the side.  His foul breath crawled over me as he leaned forward.
“I got a daughter, you sick son of a bitch,” he snarled.  “Get him on the ground.”
Even if I could have fought off this many of them, I knew this was going to happen.
My shoulders were wrenched down towards the cement, and I felt my cheek tear as it hit the edge of the bench and then the blacktop below.  As the pain ripped through me, all I could think about was Bella and what she had been through because of me.  Nothing I did – not killing Aro, or James, or any of the others could take that away from her memories.  I had raped her…guilty as charged.  Now I was being punished. 
An eye for an eye, right?
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Chapter end notes:
I would not leave you here!  Next chapter coming VERY SOON!  Like…minutes from now.
Deep, cleansing breaths…

77 comments:

  1.  Holy crap.........

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  2. That was completely F'd up and not in a good way. Disappoint is palpable. I know you write for yourself and what you want to see, but this was just to much. Not necessary at all. 

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  3.  Oh...My...God why hasn't Bella spoke up yet. She has to come forward eventually right? 

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  4. I'm gonna cry! Somebody help him, plz??!

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  5. Ditto to the first comment...bless you for posting again tonight


    @shelgibson

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  6.  I want to cry!!!!! He doesn't deserve that. Yes he has done lots of things that deserved him his spot in jail, but not this. Poor Edward!!! He thinks he deserves it. It seems he isn't going to defend himself, fight is out of the question it seems. 
    Oh our Dufus!!! How much atonement does he think he has to do?
    I do hope/wish/expect Bella to go visit him.

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  7.  Is he suffering what I think he's suffering or is it just a bad beating . . . o _ o . . . Wow! Really, to hell and back ? Bad karma and all ?

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  8. Gah! So hard on himself! Painful.
    :-(

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  9. Of course I am in pain right now... Oh poor Edward. Please don't let him be in there too long!

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  10. I knew this was going to happen. You're breaking my heart Savage. "Now I was being punished" << so sad! So yah, I'm just gonna go ahead and move on to the next chapter.

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  11. oh fuck that is messed up  this really sucks i hope the light at the end of the tunnel is coming fast 

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  12. OMFG. he us not eve trying to defend himself?

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  13. are you taking this toooo far? you know what they are going to do to him right? came on he help her after all he wasn't bad or malicious, give him a break.

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  14. That sucks! Not much else to say!

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  15. Maybe not necessary, but it is real. It happens. Child molesters and rapists don't do well in prison.  

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  16. Expected, that's what happens to those who commit child crimes in prison and that is what he was sent in for.

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  17.  shit. damn. fuck. crap. ass. shit. fuck. Sorry for the really bad language but seriously I'm so nervous for next chapter. 

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  18. i'm going crazy here! man i'm glad there is no detail to any of this. 

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  19. Noooooo! I wanted him to get punished but not like this, never like this. What he did to her on a whim and what he did most of his life is serious, not something to excuse, but this is horrible. I'm about to cry please don't let it happen.

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  20. oh, no!

    he is an idiot , not a pedophile, otherwise i would be kinking him my self.

    i knew this would happened. but still...i hoped you wouldn't write it.


    i am crossing my fingers for a better outcome in next chapter.
    :)

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  21.  UGH he is paying thats for sure but is it more in his heart then physical 

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  22. No right here.  The guilt alone will kill him.   

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  23. Ok. I'm taking deep breathes but I think I am hyperventalating. Hurry before I pass out.
    Barb 

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  24.  he feels he deserves this..... told ya he was too pretty for prison....

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  25. This is just SUPER Savage.   

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  26. Awesome!  Doofy gets more pain!   

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  27. Please no butt rape...please no butt rape...p-p-please no butt rape!

    Lol. You're gonna do it, huh.

    Doh! >.<

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  28. @credorosa: this is the real shit that happens in prison, bb. My hubs best friend is a prison guard and trust me when I say that what you read here is pretty damn spot on. I don't think it was un-necessary at all but that's just my opinion.

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  29. oh yeah not only does he get to suffer mentally he gets to suffer physically... wow  i guess an eye for an eye  yeah but he really did try to make it right and he never tried anything after that..... wow i can't  believe you are hurting him soo badly buti guess thisis only a fraction of what bella went throught 

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  30. I wanna cry. Though Doofus did bad things, but he had tried very hard to make up. He really didn't deserve this.

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  31. Holy crap dude, I'm not sure that's really a fair trade. Maybe, but maybe not, I can't decide and I'm too in shock to try to figure it out 

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  32. I hope he at least fought back or he could end up dead if he just lets them do what they want. 

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  33.  I don't know if its technically any better but at least Bella was still a virgin in the literal sense. Def not an eye for an eye or he would be handing out blowjobs not getting raped . 

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  34. Please tell me he only got a very bad beating and was not raped!!!   Especially ganged raped!!   Please please please..... 

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  35. Ok, now that is 2 chapters in a row that you have me crying like a baby. It even took me twice as long as it should for me to read this one; everything was too blurry for me to read. I'm dying here! 

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  36.  OK...this has got to stop here! He may be gulty as charged, but getting raped isn't going to erase what he put Bella through either...it is only going to enhance the deeply rooted emotional issues he already has.

    Some fucking guard has to be there! And an eye for an eye only works when the person who gets it never repented for the wrong he's done. But this Edward already has...

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  37. It's a shame that he is getting raped, but even sadder is that he thinks he deserves it. The psychiatrist is going to have a full schedule with him before there is any hope again.

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  38. was wondering if he was going to get it since most inmates don't like criminals that harm kids

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  39.  He could have just said murder. Its not what he was convicted of but is true.

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  40.  Holy fuck! Does he get raped??? Omg... I don't think I can handle that... 

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  41. i have no words
    im SO leaving this story if he gets raped 

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  42. This is what could be expected to happen to him in prison, awful, but real. And the way he takes it - "An eye for an eye" - is also real. Carrying his blame, paying his dept. Very harsh, but he accepts it as the way it should be. Loving the story! 

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  43. I can not handle him getting raped!  

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  44.  Oh shit, what was he thinking when he choose this to be charges with? I completely forgot that the rapists are often getting killed in prisons 8(

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  45. Oh man- I hope what I think is about to happen doesn't 

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  46. Even in jail, prisoners don't like child sex offenders. 

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  47. I'm not reviewing often, but am loving this. I read a few reviews above, just a few, & have to say I 100% agree with your approach here. Canon E would absolutely die for B & completely believe it was better than what he 'deserved.'. I'll also add that Alice or Em is likely holding/hiding his assets & probably trying to give them to Bella. Running off to read what u have for us next!

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  48. Oh god. Oh god. This is bad. Its terrible what those guys are doing to him, but even more depressing is that he's just given up. Yes he's done wrong.. we all know that. But he thinks he deserves the beatings. I want to cry. 

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  49. Wait, why are people saying those dudes are raping him? I just read as their kicking the ever loving shit outa him. Am I wrong? I can't bear that happening to him. No plz no. 

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  50. Those punishments we choose for ourselves tend to be worse than those our loved ones would choose for us.  Little bits of reality in the fantasy.  Good on you (as hard as it is to take).

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  51. Holy shit! I don't know if I can handle him being raped..please let them just be beating him, he's suffering enough as it is. 

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  52. omg noooo please....he's gonna get fucking raped over a fucking bj!! omg i don't think i can handle this!! he does not deserve it!! oh my fucking stomach wants to vomit right now!! 

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  53. Oh man....  not good not good at all! 

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  54. Edward dude, you are in jail.  What level of pain must you reach in order to feel like what you did has been paid?

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  55.  Hell fcukin NOOOOOOOOOOOO Shay, WTF!?!?!? dis issss not.......i dont evn kno wat id is 2 b exact........as sum1 rightfully said, i dunno wat my heart hurts more at HIM GETTIN FIXED which i highly doubt or HIM TINKIN HE DESERVES IT!!!! 

    OH GOSSSSSSSSSSSH NO, Shayyyyyyy, c'mon, hw do u feel writin these stuff ???cuz trus its tearin at me on d insides and i'm sure alot of othr cud vouch wid me!!!!

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  56. o.0 he shouldn't of went to breakfast after all.

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  57. OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

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  58. Oh fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!! And also bugger.. bugger...bugger...damn!!!

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  59. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! sob!!!!

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  60. Wow, this is really getting bad for dear Edward. Will they scar his pretty face? Will he survive day after day of this? Or will he find a way to rule the joint? The old Edward would have, but this repentant one doesn't seem interested.

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  61. I guess he did rape her, technically. More so due to his own idiocy than anything else - certainly not by pure physical force. Still, I don't think he deserves this. He's likely hurting her more this way.

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  62. Poor Edward...how much could a person take...he has been punished enough.

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  63. I'm not reviewing often, but am loving this. I read a few reviews above, just a few, & have to say I 100% agree with your approach here. Canon E would absolutely die for B & completely believe it was better than what he 'deserved.'. I'll also add that Alice or Em is likely holding/hiding his assets & probably trying to give them to Bella. Running off to read what u have for us next!

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  64. are you taking this toooo far? you know what they are going to do to him right? came on he help her after all he wasn't bad or malicious, give him a break.

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  65. Ditto to the first comment...bless you for posting again tonight


    @shelgibson

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  66. noo!!!!! anything but that! it's The Red Line and Sir Kevin all over again :-(  

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