Author’s notes:
Method to my madness…everything happens for a reason. Trust. Sometimes there is only one way to achieve absolution in one’s own mind.
I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome.
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Chapter 89:
All prison hallways should be referred to as gauntlets.
Various yells, comments, and even fucking singing were thrown out at me as I was led between two long rows of cells to number 242D. There was an electronic buzz, the door slid to one side, the guard released my wrists from the handcuffs, and I was pushed inside.
At least it was a single cell.
I sat down on the edge of the cot, rubbed my wrists, and stared at the cement floor. The ride from the city to the state penn had taken most of the day, and it was only ten minutes after I was placed in my new home when lights out was called, and I was thrown into darkness.
I didn't sleep.
I probably should have spent the night contemplating my missed steps in life to figure out just what I could have done to steer myself in the right direction, or some similar bullshit. I didn't. I didn't think of anything. I didn't feel anything.
I was numb, and the feeling was quite welcome.
When the lights came back on, I was still on the same spot. I blinked my eyes a few times, but otherwise didn't move. One of the guards came walking down the aisle, taking and giving insults back and forth with the other prisoners. The electronic buzz sounded again, and the door to my cell opened. I didn't move.
A few minutes later, the guard paused at my door.
"New guy!" he called out. "Cullen, right?"
I just nodded.
"Time for breakfast, Cullen."
I turned my head and looked him over. He was about my age, a little shorter but very muscular. I guess you would need to be.
"Do I have to go?" I asked.
The guard shook his head.
"You should," he told me. "It only gets served once."
I didn't really have any other grand plans for the day, so I followed the line of inmates to breakfast, avoided speaking to anyone, and tried to force myself to eat something.
It didn't work.
I spent most of the day in the courtyard not watching other guys play at basketball and hacky-sack. What I really wanted was a smoke, but I didn’t know where to get one. Finally, I saw the guard who had taken me to breakfast, and I asked him where some smokes could be obtained. He glanced around the courtyard, then pulled one out of his pocked and handed me a match. I found a bench that was off around the side of the yard, partially hidden from everyone else and sat back to smoke. The sun was warm on my face, and I just closed my eyes while I sat there.
I had maybe smoked half of it when the warmth disappeared, and I opened my eyes to find a really, really big guy standing in front of me.
“Hey new guy,” he said. His voice was menacing at the very least. There were others coming up behind them – six others.
You know that little down in the pit of your stomach feeling of dread? Yeah, I had that.
“What cha in for?” he asked as he tilted his bald head to one side.
“Um…”I stammered. “A few things, I guess.”
I tried to shrug it off, but I knew…I knew it wasn’t going to work. Three of the guys moved to my right, further blocking the view of the rest of the yard.
“Like what?”
“You know,” I tried to laugh it off. “A little of this, a little of that.”
“I heard he likes fucking little girls,” one of the guys in the back piped up.
Oh shit.
I looked up to the face on the guy in front of me, though I couldn’t see him well with the sun right behind him. I considered trying to explain, but there wouldn’t be any point.
“Is that so?” he said as he took a half step towards me. I tried to remain as calm as I could, slowly inhaling my cigarette and not making it obvious that I was looking for some direction to run or the eye of a guard to catch. I didn’t see either.
My cigarette dropped, burning the edge of my arm as he suddenly reached forward and grabbed my hair, using it to pull my head backwards and to the side. His foul breath crawled over me as he leaned forward.
“I got a daughter, you sick son of a bitch,” he snarled. “Get him on the ground.”
Even if I could have fought off this many of them, I knew this was going to happen.
My shoulders were wrenched down towards the cement, and I felt my cheek tear as it hit the edge of the bench and then the blacktop below. As the pain ripped through me, all I could think about was Bella and what she had been through because of me. Nothing I did – not killing Aro, or James, or any of the others could take that away from her memories. I had raped her…guilty as charged. Now I was being punished.
An eye for an eye, right?
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Chapter end notes:
I would not leave you here! Next chapter coming VERY SOON! Like…minutes from now.
Deep, cleansing breaths…
