Monday, April 25, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 58

Author’s notes:
One more!  No time to chat – gotta get back to work!
Alone.

Chapter 58:
“Bella…”  I tried to speak, but I was completely out of breath, and I didn’t want to say anything I wanted to say.  Her mouth covered mine again, stifling any protest I may have had and definitely killing any desire I had to complain.  She just tasted so good…and she smelled so good…and she felt so right in my arms.  All I wanted to do was lean back and let her do anything and everything she wanted to do with me.   Even as my more rational mind continued to tap at the back of my head with a ball-peen hammer as it chanted in rhythm with the hits – stupid, stupid, stupid…
I didn’t care.
No, that’s not right – I did care.
I just didn’t want to care, because if I cared, then I’d have to make her stop.
If I made her stop, I just might never feel like this again.
Like I was where I was supposed to be.
Like I was where I was supposed to be, and the person with me actually wanted me here.
Like maybe if I just let this happen, I wouldn’t be…wouldn’t be…
Alone.
My hands found their own way up her sides, around her back and to her shoulders.   They slid back down to her waist, and even though there was a bit of a natural barrier there between the end of her shirt and the top of her jeans, my hands didn’t pay any attention to it.  My fingers wrapped around her backside and pulled her down against me at the same time my hips instinctively angled up, pressing hard against her.
I was so hard for her.
Bella gasped into my mouth, the heat from her breath mimicking the heat from between her legs, where my cock was pushing up against her.  She pulled back from my mouth, and as I opened my eyes, the sheer enormity of how wrong this was hit me again like a fucking really big brick.
The hands that held her tight against my raging cock pushed her back gently down my legs.
“Bella…” I said again, still not too sure what was supposed to come after that.
“I want to,” she said quickly, but her eyes were just a little too much like they had been before…when she had to.
“I will take you to bed,” I whispered up to her, “because you’re obviously tired and not thinking straight.”
“I want to,” she said again, though her tone had lost its urgency.
“Not tonight,” I told her; because there was no way I could tell her no.
Her eyes dropped and she bit down on her lower lip. 
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said quietly.
She released her lip from her teeth and met my eyes again.  I watched them slowly turn from disappointment, to hurt, to anger.
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” she snapped.  She pushed back against my shoulders and removed herself from first my hold, then the couch, and then the room.  I heard the bedroom door slam behind her.
I probably should have expected this, right?

Chapter end notes:
Awww…man!  I think I made myself all sad.
I was totally joking about the Jacob as the long-lost sweetheart.  
Drop me a comment/review, and tell me what you think!


95 comments:

  1. He just can't get anything right! I totally get what she is feeling; it is too late and he already hurt her, but he's trying so hard to redeem himself. Just have to say I am completely addicted to this story!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Okay awesome! Second of all, you can't leave us here tonight. Please fire off another one....please.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Edward just can't get it right. Just let her do what she wants to do. LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. I think ily. This had me checking my phone constantly for am update. sorry I can't log in to review. I think edward did the right thing but def didn't say the right thing. Poor guy. He's trying so hard.

    ReplyDelete
  5. i knew they wouldn't yet! its not your style. everyone says you're without morals, savage, but you're as close to conservative with sex as it gets over here in the dirty underbelly of the fandom ;)

    i also know you hate jacob, so i didnt believe you for a second!

    aren't i smart!

    green grasshopper

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel sorry for both of them. There is conflict and hurt. I wonder if they are going to be able to get past it....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Aw geez - Now you made me sad too. I feel bad for both of them because it seems they both are trying to be genuine here but neither one of seem to be able to get it right. Edward isn't the only one with communication issues. Our girl is a bit fail at the moment, too. Poor Edward, his belief that he is destined to be alone is heartbreaking. He's so defeated. I know he's a dope but still...

    ReplyDelete
  8. yeah savage, this isn't a nice place to leave us tonight! poor edward!!!!! he's trying so hard to be a man, but all i can think about is when Edward tells Bella in Eclipse "Stop trying to take off your clothes." and she is so humiliated and embarrassed. i hate that part when he says that. so canon edward can go to hell. give a girl what she wants.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Poor Eddy, doesn't get a break.

    ReplyDelete
  10. At first I was disliking the guy, now I feel so sorry for him. He has so many emotions going on inside himself that he doesn't know what to do.
    I'm sure that he'll figure it out soon.
    Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I am IN LOVE WITH this story!! PLease for the love of twilight update again!!!


    missouriangel

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hmm...... What do I have to do for a BPOV? I can't imagine being Edward in all his dysfunctional glory, plus trying to figure out the mystery of the Swan.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poor Edward trying to do the right thing. So confused with all the emotions going on inside. Hopefully he'll figure it out! Thanks for another great chapter!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yep, now doofus did it again. He thinks he's doing the right thing but he's not respecting her wishes....

    ReplyDelete
  15. I knew it! It just wouldn't be that easy. Bella hasn't forgive him yet. Doofuward still has a long way to go.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I want to be angry with Edward for being an idiot, but I feel is sorry for him.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well yeah she got mad because she has such a mix of emotions flooding her all the time and she knows that he is in part to blame for getting her into this deplorable situation, but at the same time she likes him, is attracted to him, and possibly is falling for him and doesn't want to lose him and when he turns her down it is out of respect but it is also rejection and treating her like a child who doesn't know what she wants. Hmm that sounds familiar... like the original. How many times did Edward make decisions for her, not respecting that she knew her own mind and could make up her own mind? And not wanting to hurt her sexually well I got to say I totally respect him for doing that in this instance given what she has been through. I hope she calms down and invites him into their bed. She needs him to sleep with her in order for her to feel safe and hey maybe they could take it slowing... the whole intimacy thing.

    Loved both updates today. Thanks very much. I read the note you wrote in response to a "fan", a reader's question about the sententces you include in the beginning and end of your story. Very interesting note... I love how you frame your story and I agree with your words and you meet your desired effect perfectly. I am intrigued and drawn in by the openning and the title and usually have a satisfied and yes comforted smirk after I read your closing remarks. Oh and of course wanting more.
    RoryCullen

    ReplyDelete
  18. Man o man. I didn't think it would happen but I still have to say, "DOH!". You are right to wait and I guess they should express their feelings first? They need to talk.

    Roshambo

    ReplyDelete
  19. No huh? Edward is trying to be a better person for Bella. He is trying to do right by her as he does care. The poor guy just can't seem to get a break though.

    ReplyDelete
  20. She lashed out and felt rejected you are a Doofus but he means well LOL well now he does bwhahaha

    ReplyDelete
  21. That last few sentences of hers basically proves she wasn't ready and he just did something totally selfless. Bravo... now give them a few weeks, let her go home and then need the hell out of him. Then it will be perfect!!!

    Jane

    ReplyDelete
  22. (*cockblocker*)......just sayin'!!! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  23. She lashed out at him because she put herself out there and he pushed her away (much like how she felt when canon Edward put on the brakes in the Eclipse 'bed scene'). Yes, what she said was true, but I think that was her humiliation talking more than anything.

    But maybe in the morning she’ll have a little perspective, and see that what his rejection just proves how much he cares. It was happening too fast, and he was right to put a stop to it. A little slowing down never hurt anybody.

    ReplyDelete
  24. :( Poor Bella. Edward needs to get his head straight.

    Sweets

    ReplyDelete
  25. What is she thinking?

    Savage, WHAT IS SHE THINKING?

    If he takes her to bed, and Alice finds out, his POV will change drastically *eunic*

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poor Doofus :-( I think he should stick with keeping his mouth shut.. but I want to give him a cuddle too, he needs some love in his life.. can't wait for next update! You have spoilt us today :-) Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Poor Edward. He's pissed off Bella and doesn't even know why. Complete Doofus!
    Thx!

    ReplyDelete
  28. I....But....She....DAMN YOU WOMAN!

    *le sigh* *pouts and crosses arms* i was all excited thinking that doofus was gonna get some, but noooo he grew a larger conscious the ass hole. im living vicariously here! nookie! he needs nookie!

    ReplyDelete
  29. DAMN IT!!!! Why now, why be all 'doing the right thing' NOW? Damn it....now i'm gonna be all sad while studying :/ no happy study time for me and its your fault Doofusward!!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poor Bella...getting rejected by the guy who bought you for sex not so long ago and now turns her down now that she's free. Yeah, I'd be pissed too. She's a (horny, frustrated and don't forget MARRIED) woman and will NEVER understand what he trying to do. He should have just went with it but took it really slow. They could make it work in "the real world" but they would have to LIE LIE LIE. Can't wait to see how he tries to fix this. hehe

    ReplyDelete
  31. Bella needs to remind him they are married! And like any other clueless husband do what she wants ;) I'm jus' sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  32. I am faintly irritated with Bella. She reminds me of canon Bella in Eclipse, with her begging to have sex and then backing out((.

    ReplyDelete
  33. I can understand why she is pissed. We can see what he is thinking, but Edward is telling her nothing of his feelings. She feels rejected - by her husband no less! And probably embarrassed too. It took her a lot of courage to make a move on Edward and he repeatedly turns her away. I hope Edward realizes that now is not the time to keep quiet. He better start talking - and fast.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Edward would be devasted. He care for her already too much; if he take her back to her parents having sex with her before, he's gonna think that yet again someone who he loved left him.
    It's strange to say but between the two, Edward is the more mature about the situation right now. wanting sex right out of the blue was going to confuse the guy for sure!

    I just want Bella to go to him this time. He didn't do anything wrong for once, I hope she would be able to see that when her blood cool off a bit. Maybe invite him to bed for a long session of make out and cuddling :D

    ReplyDelete
  35. stop with all the hurt to edward:( makeing me sad dont like going to bed sad but yet that was a great chapter and show how much he has changed over the last few weeks:)

    ReplyDelete
  36. What the hell! Edward could have got what he wanted and all the he did was piss Bella off. Will he ever learn? I hope so. I can't wait to see how Bella will react next.

    ReplyDelete
  37. WTF happened there?! Only HE would do that. He was so close, so close. And I am not talking about sex I'm talking about having a real connection because she was taking the initiative. No matter what, their sex life will always be sort of tainted because of how it started; at least in the beginning. He's always going to have that hanging over him but by doing this, he did all over again. He took that choice from her by saying "not tonight." WTF-EVER. Has he learned nothing! UGH, I want to slap him on the back of his head! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  38. There's so much that has to happen between these two for them to share intimacy.

    She must be able to put all the hurt behind and forgive him, and he must learn how to love her and maybe even himself a little, first of all.

    They've still got a long way to go, to love each other as they should...

    ReplyDelete
  39. Ah, Edward, it's okay. You did the right thing by stopping her. Even if she cries. Even if she thinks she hates you - which you deserve, btw, but not for this most recent action. You did the right thing. You're on a roll.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Edward is actually "caring" for the first time in his life. And he is actually trying to do the right thing. I think that Bella cares for him and wants to be close to him, and she feels like time is running out because she is going home soon. But I do think that it would be something they would both regret if they do this now. I think that once Bella gets over her hurt feelings from being rejected, she will realize that Edward is just trying to do the right thing and treat her right. The past is the past; either she can forgive him that, or not. I really want Edward to not be "alone". I would love to see them together. They could probably make this happen...maybe...if they just talk. I mean not everything that comes out of Edward's mouth is stupid...and he is trying.

    ReplyDelete
  41. illicit smoochiesApril 26, 2011 at 6:10 AM

    I really like how you display the dichotomy of Bella's feelings toward him. She does care about him, but there is still blame and resentment. I wonder what Bella's motive is here? Does she really want him because she wants him, or because she is trying to show him that she cares and she thinks sex is the only way he will understand. I really hope Edward starts telling her some of his internal monologue, it's all the right things to say...I hope she takes him home with her.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Edward needs some life lessons....Underneath it all, I think he's still a lost little boy. Come on Bella, straighten the boy out. I am totally hooked on this story.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Awe, I'm feeling for them. They're both hurting and wanting.
    I'm sad they have this ugly past, would love for them to work it out, but when you say, "it's complicated" that's putting it mildly. ha
    I don't know if Bella is throwing her previous torture up at him or if she's feeling rejected. You know what E. is going to imagine she's referring to.
    Either way I think he did a good job showing restraint considering his entire hearts desire is being dangled right in front of him. Love how that parallels the Twi story.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Cock Blockward... Give a sister a break, or an orgasm, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  45. In this case I think it's Bella that needs to apologize to HIM. He really is trying his damndest to do the right thing by her for all that shit she has gone through and she needs to recognize that. The two of them having sex right now would be a HUGE mistake. Both of them are hurt and confused right now. They need to TALK about how they are feeling about one another. They are obviously attracted to one another, that isn't going to go away, but to have TRUE intimacy they need bond on an emotional level. The fact of the matter is, she hasn't forgiven him for what he did no matter what he has done to correct it, and he is riddled with guilt and can't forgive himself either. Feel bad for them both. This could all end very badly.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Now I know what all the hateis about that I read about you all the time in Twatter... you are playing with us.

    I'm here thinking you are evil and depraved and my kind of people, but you are totally not the hot sl*t I was lead to believe are you? No. You are peeling an onion and this is very bad. I work in a kitchen for Hooters for low pay and get my ass pinched by lowlife boss and the worse part is the onions. I want sleaziness and I to hate women and laugh at sordidness so my bad life seems like a dream and and now I have think. I am ready to flounce. It's a good thing for you that Edward is hot and pretty funny and I don't know where you live.

    ReplyDelete
  47. I for one am glad that you're taking your time getting them together. It seems right that way. Lovin it, as always.

    On a sidenote... Shay, have you seen the funnyOrDie video that Christopher Titus made? LOL I just saw it on my morning news show and I have to share it with you. It's so effing funny I swear! And make sure you watch it all the way to the end because it has an actual message. He's trying to raise money to help fight against teenage homelessness. It seems as though the video is as contravercial as CBWR? so I figured you would love it too. Here it is. Don't have any liquid in your mouth when you watch it, or you'll ruin your keyboard. ;D

    http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5i2i

    ~Queenbeee78 (Cj)

    ReplyDelete
  48. I was thinking finally but then maybe it will be too fast, poor Edward , nothing seems rights for him :(

    ReplyDelete
  49. What a tragedy...they've fallen in love when they both know how wrong it is that they were brought together. Your writing is incredible.

    ReplyDelete
  50. You made me cry real tears. Again.
    Thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  51. I shuddered when I saw the name of this chapter... "Alone."

    btw, what on earth is a "a ball-peen hammer"? lol.

    ReplyDelete
  52. They have to talk. And, I mean more than a few sentences. Will this happen? Unlikely. I mean Edward is the specialist of the internal monologue, and is deathly afraid of saying the wrong thing. Bella wants him, but is confused. Understandably so. She keeps throwing the fact that she is in this position because of him in his face. Again, understandable. But, she needs to make peace with this, or it won't work. Aaahh Edward, your actions and the realities of the sex-slave trade have had far greater ramifications than you ever imagined, haven't they?

    ReplyDelete
  53. I'm very proud of Edward right now, he did the right thing. Bella cannot think he didn't want her, can she? I mean, his desire was evident. I'm not sure I understand why she did it in the first place. I hope she'll explain it sometime later.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Oh it's such a mess. Bella started it, apparently she was very sure of what she wanted, but then hesitated, Edward saw that. He has changed, a lot. The last thing he wants to do, even though it's what he seems to be doing the most is hurt her. Not an easy task. He just wants things to be right, for both of them. That's not bad, he just got to that conclusion at not the best moment. Poor guy!!! He needs to catch a break!!! Pretty please?

    ReplyDelete
  55. Ahh Bella.. ever the eager beaver *snort*

    Damn. I wanted them to get it on. Is that so wrong?

    Right now, our girl is feeling one thing. Rejected. Poor baby.

    And poor Doofy. His mind is a clusterfuck of emotion right now. He wants her.. obvs. But he feels like he'd be that much more of a terrible guy if he went for it w/ her.

    I haz a sad now. :'(

    Make it better Savage.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I think you are a freaking genius! You need to get paid for this shit, it's that awesome!! Mwah!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Well ya kinda knew that was going to happen but Bella will thank him later even if she can't see it now :))) Awww Edward is getting all sweet, who knew! :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. Oooh, interesting about the look when she had to. Yeah, Bozo, should have totally expected that... a woman scorned and all that. Thing is, how would the poor boy, or even Bella for that matter know what she really wants and what is psychological reaction. Seems her inner horny teen isn't dead, and wants to experience sex with Bozo before she goes home and never sees him again (which is what they both think, right?). I guess a girl's entitled to pick her first, and being married does open a girl up to feeling uninhibited in a way that's surprising! :D

    ReplyDelete
  59. come on bella the poor guy has no idea what he is doing.

    ReplyDelete
  60. This situation is very close to the conflicts in "Twilight". Edward has valid reasons to not let Bella get involved with him – he thinks that he isn't good for her, that he has no right to be with her, that she can't possibly want this and if she does, she isn't thinking clearly and will be sorry later. This time Edward doesn't choose what is good for him, but what is good for Bella. He doesn’t understand that only she can decide what is good for her, because it depends on what she wants, on what she can or can't do without. Bella likes him, knows that he likes her, finds the courage to make the first step and is rejected with the motive that it is for her own good. It is painful and the motive is infuriating. Her answer is very harsh, but I don't think that she means it like that, maybe she means to say that his rejection doesn't make sense.

    ReplyDelete
  61. It totally makes sense that they couldn'y go much farther. When they do start rounding bases, it should start with her exploring him. She's still so innocent...

    ReplyDelete
  62. Ahh, poor ol' Doofus, can't do right for doing wrong. Yep, it is a bit late, but he is trying to put things as right as he can make them - but I think Bella's ire has more to do with her disappointment and feelings of rejection right now. Once she's calmed down I think she'll understand that he was right to refuse her advances. No doubt, there will be a time when they can maybe consider a physical relationship, but it's not now, while she's still effectively his "property", unable to leave until he says so. Although something tells me he's not going to want to rush to annul the marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Bella, he's trying to do what's right. Do you not see that? :( Tough chappie.

    Stephanie

    ReplyDelete
  64. ooookaaaaayyyy!! poor edward no matter what he tries to do..it's taken the wrong way!! it would be good if he would just communicate or elaborate on the why's!! it's wonderful that he has her best interests at heart! surely she was really ready right?!! anyways i totally love you for this story but hate that you have me completely addicted!!lol!

    ReplyDelete
  65. well looked like he cockblocked himself!!! he can't get anything right can he? i cant' wait to see where this goes!!











    '

    ReplyDelete
  66. Well ya kinda knew that was going to happen but Bella will thank him later even if she can't see it now :))) Awww Edward is getting all sweet, who knew! :)

    ReplyDelete
  67. Ahh Bella.. ever the eager beaver *snort*

    Damn. I wanted them to get it on. Is that so wrong?

    Right now, our girl is feeling one thing. Rejected. Poor baby.

    And poor Doofy. His mind is a clusterfuck of emotion right now. He wants her.. obvs. But he feels like he'd be that much more of a terrible guy if he went for it w/ her.

    I haz a sad now. :'(

    Make it better Savage.

    ReplyDelete
  68. What a tragedy...they've fallen in love when they both know how wrong it is that they were brought together. Your writing is incredible.

    ReplyDelete
  69. I for one am glad that you're taking your time getting them together. It seems right that way. Lovin it, as always.

    On a sidenote... Shay, have you seen the funnyOrDie video that Christopher Titus made? LOL I just saw it on my morning news show and I have to share it with you. It's so effing funny I swear! And make sure you watch it all the way to the end because it has an actual message. He's trying to raise money to help fight against teenage homelessness. It seems as though the video is as contravercial as CBWR? so I figured you would love it too. Here it is. Don't have any liquid in your mouth when you watch it, or you'll ruin your keyboard. ;D

    http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/5i2i

    ~Queenbeee78 (Cj)

    ReplyDelete
  70. Edward would be devasted. He care for her already too much; if he take her back to her parents having sex with her before, he's gonna think that yet again someone who he loved left him.
    It's strange to say but between the two, Edward is the more mature about the situation right now. wanting sex right out of the blue was going to confuse the guy for sure!

    I just want Bella to go to him this time. He didn't do anything wrong for once, I hope she would be able to see that when her blood cool off a bit. Maybe invite him to bed for a long session of make out and cuddling :D

    ReplyDelete
  71. Bella needs to remind him they are married! And like any other clueless husband do what she wants ;) I'm jus' sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  72. Poor Edward. He's pissed off Bella and doesn't even know why. Complete Doofus!
    Thx!

    ReplyDelete
  73. (*cockblocker*)......just sayin'!!! LOL!

    ReplyDelete
  74. Man o man. I didn't think it would happen but I still have to say, "DOH!". You are right to wait and I guess they should express their feelings first? They need to talk.

    Roshambo

    ReplyDelete
  75. Poor Edward trying to do the right thing. So confused with all the emotions going on inside. Hopefully he'll figure it out! Thanks for another great chapter!

    ReplyDelete
  76. Poor Eddy, doesn't get a break.

    ReplyDelete
  77. I feel sorry for both of them. There is conflict and hurt. I wonder if they are going to be able to get past it....

    ReplyDelete
  78. Okay awesome! Second of all, you can't leave us here tonight. Please fire off another one....please.

    ReplyDelete
  79. ok, so it seems e did the right thing, esp. given b's reaction. think she also has some things to work through before she has sex with him. she must still have a lot of pent up anger towards him and her slavery

    ReplyDelete
  80. What?! That was fast. But yeah, I was just staring at the screen like a puppy died or something. For once I think I might have felt a tiny bit sorry for him. Maybe.
    ~Jessi

    ReplyDelete
  81. RL has been kicking me So much to catch up--Awesome and wonderful. Wouldn't mind E putting shoes on me lol Sad that B is mad, gee I would be too cat5050

    ReplyDelete
  82. Eddieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........................ur such a sweetheart. Bells' reaction hit me like dat really fcukin BIG BRICK too. i mean this chapt was short but friggin AWESOME!!!!!!! Bella can b soooo BADAZZ sumtimes, geeeeeeez. But that was a gud move on Eddie's part . Hell yeah, it was....jus wished B cud understand him. I mean da dude's really tryin here. I cud see dat was hard 4 him 2 do rite there givin all wat he feels for her n wat he doesnt feel (hahaaaaaa) lol Eddie's ah sweetheart.......thing are gunna get beddr, I PROMISE.......or do I????

    ReplyDelete
  83. :-(  Edward takes home the prize for this screw up, again. I feel torn on who to feel sorry for this chapter.

    ReplyDelete
  84. :( Bella, Bella, Bella...he's just tryingto do the right thing for once

    ReplyDelete
  85.  Thank God Jake was a joke! I was wondering how he could come bustin in a cabin in the middle of no where in Germany! LOL

    ReplyDelete
  86. Poor Doofus, he should know better than to turn her down, she wants the control back.  This is the Edward we all know and love that 100% believes he knows whats best for her until it all goes to shit!!

    ReplyDelete
  87. Tough call here. Na, I don't think there's a Jacob boyfriend and even if there is, she's never going to be the innocent teen again and go back to that, when she's got his doucheness with all his vulnerability and hotness. Poor Edward.

    ReplyDelete
  88. I thought you were funny about the Jacob thingie!!!  The relationship thing between Edward and Bella is a lot more work - uphill battle!!

    ReplyDelete
  89. He's actually trying to think with the right head this time and she is *ahem* frustrated...

    ReplyDelete
  90. She feels rejected and hurt so she felt like she needed to hurt him back :( one step forward two steps back.

    ReplyDelete