Thursday, May 19, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 98

Author's Notes:
My desire to wrap this up at chapter 100 is getting you some much longer chapters.  LOL
As many of you have guessed/moaned about - there's some time jump here.
“Write to Bella’s mother?  Fuck no.”
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Chapter 98:
“I’m gonna miss you, but not this place!” Seth said with a chuckle as he and I stood next to my cell door, prepared to leave and head back out into the real world..
“Yeah, well, you just make sure you don’t end up back in here, okay?” I told him.
“Yeah, I know – I’m turning over a new leaf and all that shit.”
Embry walked up then, his normally hap-hazard hair slicked back flat against his head.
“What the fuck is up with that?” Seth laughed.
“I’m properly groomed to be our boy’s protector now!” Embry said with a laugh.  He clasped his hand on my shoulder.
I rolled my eyes, but couldn’t help but laugh along with them.  We finished saying goodbye to Seth, and he walked down the aisle to freedom.  Embry and I went out to the yard, where he offered me a smoke.
“I should quit,” I said as I lit one up.
Fucking sue me.
“What for?”
“Bella hates it,” I said with a smirk.
“Can’t let the woman run your life,” Embry commented.
“If she’ll let me be in hers, I’m perfectly happy with having her run mine.”
“Where is she now?”
“Back in Washington,” I said.  “She’s trying to work shit out with her mom and get her school credits transferred and shit.  She’s supposed to start at the state college here in the fall.”
“Did she find a place to live?”
“She got the financial aid to live on campus,” I told him.  “It might not be as cheap as an apartment with a bunch of people, but it includes all her meals and whatever as well, so it should be cheaper in the long run.”
“Good deal.”
“She thought so,” I said.  I took a drag off the smoke and watched some of the guys bouncing basketballs around.  The day Bella got her acceptance letter to the college just about twenty miles from where I was incarcerated, she couldn’t stand not being able to tell me in person and wasn’t patient enough to wait for a letter to arrive.  She actually called Irina and dictated the message to her instead.  She was so excited about it, but it still worried me.  It would cost a lot more, and there wasn’t a lot I could do to help.
“Shit, it’s almost ten,” Embry jumped off the bench and smashed his cigarette butt under his heel.  “I gotta go.”
“Where?”
“To work!” he beamed.
“Work?”
“Yeah, there’s a new program where we can work in different areas of the prison and actually earn a bit of money.  It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”
I talked to Irina about it the next day, and before I knew it, I was cooking vegetarian meals in the prison kitchen.  Killed two birds with one stone, and had something to start sending to Bella every month to help her out.
With Bella living close, I wouldn’t say the weeks started flying by or anything, but I had a lot more to look forward to.  I worked in the kitchen every day except for Sundays, which gave me something to actually get up and do.  I continued to see Irina once a week, and once I started eating a little better, I started working out in the gym as well – at least, when Embry could go with me.  Sometimes you just don’t tempt fate.
Bella came during visiting hours every Wednesday and Sunday.
Those days were the best.
Most of the time we talked through the letters we sent.  Once she started putting my ID number and cell block on the envelope, they started getting to me a lot faster, though I swear they must sit on the warden’s desk for a week before they get distributed.  He’s probably the asshole reading them, too.  I wrote her every day.  Usually it was just about whatever bullshit was going on around me, but other times it was about my talks with Irina, how well my medication was helping, and what plans I wanted to make with her when I got out.
I wouldn’t have been so willing to say that life was good, but it was better than it ever had been before – even when I was a kick-ass fucking insanely rich gun-runner.  I didn’t have anything to speak of, and I couldn’t leave, but I didn’t feel like I was alone all the time.
As time went by, the stack of letters from Bella eventually had to be moved from under my pillow to a satchel Irina acquired for me.  I still kept the most recent six in my pocket.  I easily had over a thousand letters, and I had all my favorites marked so I could go back and read them over and over again.  Bella said mine were in a shoebox in her room.  Then she said they were in two shoeboxes.  Then she had to buy more shoes.
She was doing really well in school, working towards a degree in teaching.  She was a little behind because of all the bullshit I put her through, but she still thought she’d get out in good time.
Be finished, not get out.
So as I marked my six year anniversary in the state penitentiary, Bella started preparing to leave college and get a job in the real world.  I had managed to send her enough money from my kitchen work to get a small apartment, though she ended up needing a roommate anyway.  I didn’t really mind that so much – it was good for her to have someone else around her.  I worried about her being alone.
I wished I could really be right there next to her through it all, but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that if none of this had happened I never would have become the person I was now – a person worthy of being in her life.
“How are you doing today?”
“Annoyed with myself.”  I plopped down in the chair across from Irina.
“What has you annoyed?”
“Bella’s all done with student teaching and graduates in two weeks,” I said.  “I wanted to be able to give her a ring.  Even if I could actually order one over the internet or something, I don’t have the money to do it.  Cooking is only getting me seventy-five bucks a month, and I always send that to her anyway.  Even if I kept it all, it would take me the rest of my sentence to get her a nice one.  It’s pissing me off.  I want to give her something.”
“The ring is just a symbol, Edward,” Irina told me.  “Bella already accepted your proposal.  There are a lot of ways you can symbolize how you feel about her.  What else can you do?”
“I don’t have a fucking clue, that’s why I’m pissed.”
“Think about it,” she said, like I hadn’t already been doing that.  “I think Bella would appreciate any symbol from you, not just one that costs money.”
“I guess.”
“While we’re on the subject, did you talk to her about the wedding date?”
“Yeah, but we’re not exactly seeing eye-to-eye on that one.”
“Have you listened to her reasons?”
“Yeah, and I get it – I do,” I sat back and rubbed my hand against my jaw.  “I know the kinds of things we’d be able to do…you know…”
“Conjugal visits.”
“Well…yeah.”  I couldn’t look her in the eye.  “But I just…I can’t even imagine taking her back to a trailer to…to do that.  She deserves better than that.  She keeps saying she doesn’t care, and she needs the physical contact.  Believe me, I want to give in, but I know it would mean so much more to her if our real wedding was after I got out.”
“When is your earliest parole hearing?”  As if she wasn’t keeping track herself.  Ha!
“With my behavior record, I have a little less than four hundred days off,” I told her.  “So I can be eligible for parole in fourteen months.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s a long time, I know, but we’ve already gotten this far, and if I get out then…I just think it would be so much better.”
“But you haven’t convinced her.”
I laughed.
“She’s seriously stubborn,” I said.  “Besides, her mom is not exactly in favor of the whole thing, you know?  Not that I blame her.  I’m sure if I was her I’d want to rip my balls off, too.”
“Have you ever written her?”
“Write to Bella’s mother?  Fuck no.”  I gave a short little laugh and shook my head in disbelief.
“Why not?”
“Because she hates me, for starters.  I am sitting here now for raping her daughter, as you may remember.”
“And how does her daughter feel about you?”
I just sat there and stared at her for a minute.  I guess I kind of knew what she was getting at, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with the information.
“You are going to run into people once you get out of here,” Irina said.  “People who are going to look at you, know you are a convicted felon, and make judgments based on that.  People who are going to find out you are on the sexual predators listing because your crime was against a minor.  You are going to have to learn to deal with that.  What better place to start than with Bella’s mother?”
“You are seriously trying to throw me into the deep end here,” I pointed out.
“You already know how to swim,” she shot back at me.  “You’re communicating with people, you have friends, you’ve set goals, and attained some of them.  You’re ready for the diving board, Edward.”
My eyebrows smashed together as I tried to think about what she was saying.  We’d talked about some of this before – about being on the list and how people were going to view me when I got out.  I had at least thought about that, but Bella’s mother?  She didn’t speak to Bella for nearly a year after she moved out here, and their relationship was still on rocky ground now.  She didn’t even want to acknowledge my existence. 
I tried to put it out of my mind once the session was over – there was just no way could I say anything to Bella’s mother – but it wouldn’t leave my head.  Even went I sat outside after dinner, just smoking and trying to clear my head, the idea of writing to Bella’s mother kept creeping back.
I stomped out my cigarette and decided it was time to jump into the pool.
I was feeling strangely nervous when I handed over the two papers I planned to give to Bella for graduation.  Well, one was for her.  The other one had another purpose.
“I wish I had a frame for it,” I said when Irina held up the picture I had drawn years ago of two hands clasped together.
“You don’t need it,” she said.  “But maybe I can come up with something for you.”
“Seriously?” I asked.  “I mean – if you could find something, I could pay you back, as long as it wasn’t too expensive.  I mean, I’ve been saving back a little, because I want to get her a ring eventually, and I want to be able to pay for it myself.  I have about sixty bucks though…”
“Let’s worry about that when the time comes, okay?”  Irina smiled at me and then reached for the other paper.  I sat back and felt my chest go tight.  I tried slow breathing for a minute, and it helped a bit.  As Irina opened up the second paper, the words I had written appeared in my mind.
Dear Ms. Renee Swan,
I realize you probably never expected to hear from me, but if I want to turn my life around, one of the things I have to do at least attempt to make some amends.  I’ve put all my energy in doing this for Bella, but I’ve neglected the person I have hurt almost as much.
There is nothing I can possibly say or do to make up for the pain I have caused you and your family.  All I can do is assure you that if it was within my power, I would take it all back.  I cannot bring myself to ask for your forgiveness, because I do not deserve it, but please believe I’m truly sorry for what I have done.
I love Bella with all my heart and soul.  As ashamed as I am now for the decisions that brought her to me, I cannot regret having her in my life.  She woke me up, and the events that followed have turned me into a different person.   It is with that in mind that I ask something of you, even though I have no real right to do so.
I know tradition holds that I ask for your permission to marry your daughter, but since Bella has already accepted, I will ask instead for you to please, for Bella’s sake, bless our marriage.  You are very important to her, and I know she is very important to you.  Having you in her life is paramount to her healing.  Even if you don’t want to have anything to do with me, please be there when we get married.  It would mean so much to her to have you there.  You wouldn’t ever have to see me again – I would make sure you and Bella could see each other anytime you wanted without me being in the way.
With all my heart and soul, I swear to you that I am a different person now.  I’m a better person, and I want to spend whatever life I have making Bella happy.  I know things will always be a little difficult for us because of what I’ve done and where I am now, but I promise to make the best of it.  I’m not perfect by anyone’s standards, but I will try to be the best husband I can possibly be.  Bella deserves nothing less.
Sincerely,
Edward Cullen
“Edward…”  Irina’s voice trailed off as she looked up from the letter and met my eyes.  I had to look away, afraid of how she might react to it.
“Is it stupid?” I asked quietly.
“It most certainly is not,” Irina said, her voice just a little bit scolding.
“Do you think she’ll say yes?  I mean, do you think she’ll come to the wedding and shit?
“I don’t know, Edward.”  Irina placed both papers on the desk in front of me again.  “You can never be too sure how someone is going to react, regardless of how sincere you may be.  But I do think this is a very important part of mending yourself.”
I guess I did okay, right?
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Chapter End Notes:

Making amends = very important.  For yourself as well as those you have hurt.  Scooby snacks all around again!

Two more chapters to go!  AT least they're going to be long ones.  LOL

I expect one tomorrow, then the final (can you believe it??) chapter on Saturday.

124 comments:

  1. Oh, he has done well!  Interesting to see what Renee's reaction will be.  I am curious..  what happened to Edward's physical belongings, like his condo etc, wouldn't he still own those??

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  2. Le sigh. You are awesome
    @shelgibson

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  3. I am so, so proud of our Doofus....look how far he's come!  And look how much Bella's love has changed him, and made him want to be a better man!  It takes big balls to write to Bella's mother after all that has happened.  I am also quite proud of Bella, getting her degree, and waiting for Edward to get out.  Our two broken kids are healing, and trying to become healthy, productive adults.
    I really want to give a shout-out to your Irina.  What a big support and wonderful counselor she has been!  Eddie was so lucky she took an interest in him!
    So, are you going to give us some suggestions as to what we should do when this story is over?  LOL!

    biggest hugs,
    Sus

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  4. Awwww, sorry I have been totally cheating and reading the chapters in the email updates I get :)  It's just quicker and while I am working over 12 hours a day I have to go with what lets me read the updates the fastest :)

    I am so proud of Edward making such progress and such, i am curious what happens when he gets out? will they ever see Alice and the gang again???  What will he do for a living?  Gosh only two chapters left....  bummer I'm so greedy :) 

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  5. OCD

    111 is FAR better than 100.

    How will we possibly get the lemons to heal our souls from all the hurt in 2 chapters?

    must be a hell of a reunion . . .

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  6. That letter to Renee was beautiful  He has really grown - as have you - as a writer and storyteller!  You were always amazing but now you are phenomenal!!  when you first started this I was like WTF?!!  But now I am like WTFTWA (what the fk that was awesome!!)  You have amazed me with each chapter!!  I really don't want this story to end but I really can't wait for the ending.  I was hoping for long chapters for the end so thrilled with that!! 

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  7. I'm going to be sad when this story ends!  I've loved seeing Edward change and act like a normal human.  lol  I can't wait to see how you're going to wrap everything up.  :)

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  8. OOhh and I wanted to say, if you could do an outtake of when Bella called her parents and their reaction, I would love you even more!!!  I'm dying for that one!!
     

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  9. Wow. He's come sooooo very far!

    Have you decided what type of teacher Bella is? It shouldn't be with children, right since Edward's a sex offender and will always have to register with local authorities as such for the rest of his life, right?

    Yes, Scooby snacks for all: both he and Bella have worked so hard to get better for themselves and each other.

    Gah! Only 2 chapters to go! I can't believe it.

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  10. II can't believe that there are only two chapters to finish the story.
    The story could not be extend it a little more? Just kidding!  = (  It just that makes me sad that story is about to end.
    We'll have more updates to UC or everything will continue as at present?

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  11.  This made me a little emotional. Love it.

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  12.  Very happy that things are looking up for them somewhat, however, I worried about how thy would both cope once Edward is out in the  real world....

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  13.  Wow, that letter Edward wrote was beautiful, he came from not communicating at all to writing a sincere letter.  Im proud of him and where he's at.  I really hope Alice and Emmette saved some money and stuff for him when he gets out.

    im sad the story is coming to an end soon, I enjoy reading the regular updates, you have great talent :)

    till next time,
    ps I can personally relate to Edward on being a Veggie, its hard sometimes to get food of interest :)

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  14. Wow, he did what he wanted to, he turned his life around, that's awesome.  I hope Renee at least gives him a chance. 

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  15. Great chapter, yes the letter to Renee will at least give him a little peace. I can't even imagine how she feels towards him. He destroyed her family. Looking forward to tomorrows chapter. Thanks for writing.

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  16. If it is canon Renee she will forgive him and give her permission. That my hope!

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  17. Absolutely loved his letter.  Such a great story.  I'll miss it when it's over.  Thanks! 

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  18.  well, forget what I said in the last comment about not crying today.  sitting here freaking sobbing like a baby.   sobbing.   that letter.  the picture of the hands clasped. 
    let me go get a kleenex.  love that he got a job and is working out.  love that he has really changed.  i'm hoping that somehow his legit business is being taken care of and they will have some kind of nest egg to live on - a teacher's salary isn't much for a family, though it would probably be enough for them just being together.  still - if he had some kind of business to work at - maybe he could upen up a veggie restaurant?!!! 

    hope irina gets him a picture frame and let her pay for it herself.  he deserves a bit of kindness.

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  19. So, is it really childish that I have urge to stomp my feet and yell 'NO!' because I don't want this story to end?  Yes?  Okay, haha.....I'm seriously sad to see it end soon but it's true that all good things must come to an end.  I always adore all of your stories but I do believe this one is my all time favorite.  Edward's letter to Renee was really beautiful.  Can't wait to read the next chapter!!

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  20.  Hello! is the first time I comment. Just to tell you that I read each chapter and I likedeach of them immensely. This afternoon I also read your fic "Surviving Bella" and Ilove your writing, with such passion, such love. Edward is so different from what we're used to, as real and complicated, sopassionate and outside the standard given to us by Meyer. Thanks for giving me an Edward with which I can not never boring and is so rough thatit becomes perfect.
    Thanks and I hope the end of the story forward. You're great!

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  21. The man in the beginning of this story and the man he has become now are completely, utterly, vastly different. That was the point, no? :) He's changed so much. And that letter to Bella's mom was a huge step. Now we just have to wait and see how it will be perceived.. I have my doubts, but at least he doesn't have to worry about Daddy Swan.

    And hey, I learned something new today!... All about conjugal visits! lol! Had no idea the prison provides a trailer just for that purpose! Wow. Tres romantique. LMAO.

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  22. I hope Renee accepts the letter and comes to the wedding.  Can you imagine how hard that would be?  It's funny that Bella wants the conjugal visits and Edward wants to wait because she is too good for that.   

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  23. no, i dont want it to end. but I do want Edward to be free.

    thanks for update. :)

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  24. And still can't believe we only have two 2 chpts left *sad sad panda* Savage, here's a thought... maybe you should overcome your OCD and see if you can stand 115 chpts.. or hey... 120 is a good, solid, even number, no? :)))))))))))))

    Thx for the ch.

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  25. That letter brought tears to my eyes.  He has come so far—from not even knowing what to say to Bella to this beautiful, sincere, eloquent letter to her mother, the woman who probably hates him more than anyone else in the world right now.  I hope Renee can see his sincerity and put aside the pain of what he did so that she can be there for her daughter's wedding.  

    And from earlier, this line spoke volumes:

    ‘I wished I could really be right there next to her through it all, but I took a deep breath, reminded myself that if none of this had happened I never would have become the person I was now – a person worthy of being in her life.’

    Yes, that sums it up right there.  This experience has changed him, bettered him.  There were rough patches along the way, and there will most likely be more to come as they try to establish their lives together, but I feel like at this point they are strong enough to make it through.  I love that he is already doing what he can to help her out in the small way he can offer; I'm sure it means a great deal to her.

    And lastly, the picture of the clasped hands is the perfect gift for her, much more meaningful than a ring.  (I think we all need to give Irina a big round of applause for helping him find his way through all of this.)

    I am still sad that this is coming to an end, though longer chapters help.  Such an amazing ride this has been....

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  26. "The list" is the main reason I did all the harping about him pleading guilty to rape, the reason that I wished that he had pleaded guilty to something that would not follow him forever.  Plus, if this were real, they would probably get more media attention when they marry than the teacher in Seattle that went to prison for statutory rape and then married the young man when she got out.  But anyway...that being said, I loved this chapter.  It left me choked up, but it was great.  I love that Edward and Bella have found a way to be there for each other in spite of their circumstances.  I do not know if Renee will grant Edward's request, but it was a beautiful letter and really shows just how far Edward has come in learning to communicate with people.  Fourteen months is a long time to wait for physical contact, but I have to agree with Edward that Bella deserves a proper wedding and a "special" wedding night.  It may not be Paris that they have this time around, but I have faith in our Edward to make it special once again.  Please tell me that Edward will be really successful when he gets out, maybe start a new tech company or something, be able to provide for Bella like he wants to.  He was always smart, so I really think it could be possible.  And really, if that works out, being on "the list" should not be a real issue for their future.  Money cannot buy happiness, but it can certainly provide a buffer.  And thanks to Embry for protecting our Edward after Seth left.  I would really like to see Edward take Embry and Seth into business with him after he gets out too.  Maybe Irina too?  One big happy family! 

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  27. No final!!!!!  Just keep going and going and going like the energizer bunny.  I am going to feel so empty! :(  I guess you're keeping him in there for the 8 years as he is on 6.  Good letter Edward, being a mom, I would seriously consider it.  If you had sent a picture with the letter so I could see how hot you are, that would make it a definate YES YES YES!! 

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  28. I know I loved Surviving Bella too..and Hide and Drink and love love love Unexpected Circumstances!!!!.  Such different Edwards and Bellas and I love them all!

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  29. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Now I'm crying for a totally different reason. Please oh please don't leave us.

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  30. edward's letter to renee was a positive step in making amends, but it's still all so fucked up and somewhere inside of me i wonder if it could ever be right.  all of their lives have changed.  all of them are different people than they would have ever been had this not happened.  i'm curious as to how people move on and live with the knowledge that this is who they are because of who they once were.

    this story gives a new meaning to the term "hea".  it's all relative isn't it?  

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  31.  you know- I have to say that this has become one of my favorite stories and you have become one of my favorite authors.  your heart is reflected in this writing. Be proud- like I know you are :)

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  32.  you know- I have to say that this has become one of my favorite stories and you have become one of my favorite authors.  your heart is reflected in this writing. Be proud- like I know you are :)

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  33. This has been an amazing journey and I am glad that I have been along for the ride.  Thank you for all the time and effort that you have put into this story.  I hate to see it come to an end but was pleased with the direction that the characters took.  It's funny to look back at the beginning and how I thought this was going to be just another smutty fic, but here I am 98 chapters later!  

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  34. He may be a slow learner, but boy does he make a showing when he finally goes for it!  :D  Bravo, the letter had me so misty eyed and rather verklempt with Irina (I suspect).

    Eager to see just how you take us down the home stretch!

    Thanks!!!

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  35. Thanks bb! Oh how Edward has changed! And only 14 months to go! And he's getting all buff for Bella...Woot! I will miss this story so much...js....

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  36. Oh man come on Savage - give us more than 100 chapters!  PULEEEEZZZZZ!  He's got to get out of prison and they get married.  (At least I'm hoping that they do and that Bella isn't pulling some kind of shit trick on him!) 

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  37. He's come so far... 

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  38. All good things must come to an end, but I'm really going to miss this one. 

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  39. Well, he wrote a beautiful and heartfelt letter to Renee didn't he. We can see with that how much he has grown and changed. Whether Renee can find it in her heart to accept Edward and his marriage to Bella remains to be  seen. He was the cause of terrible pain in their lives...Charlie's death beingt attributed to all the stress it caused being paramount. Time is flying by and I hope by the next update that he is free. Life will not be easy for them and I hope they can cope with that. I trust that you will do them jusice and really give them  a wonderful HEA because of all the suffering they have been through. Thanks for the longer chapters! I am going to be so bereft when this is over, like how I felt when Icy ended MoTU.

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  40. Awe... He did do good! I'm glad he's giving Bella the picture he drew.

    Part of me hates the whole "sex offender registry". I think it's another one of those things in our government where someone had a great idea but the didn't quite think everything through. I know one guy on our "local" list and people send anonymous "hate mail" to his employer trying to get him fired and stuff. People automatically look down on him and feel he is a bad person. He's not... The offense was from over 5 years ago, he never served time and he has since married the girl that he was charged with sexually assaulting --- he was 18, she was 16. You get the picture... Yes, he "technically" broke a law but really? Having sex with your girlfriend (that you obviously love since you marry her when she turns 18) shouldn't ruin your life and essentially, labels like that will. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees here in the US. If you've never heard that phrase before it basically means we are so focused on all the petty bullshit that we can't see the big picture.

    We do the same thing with kids in public schools... We harp on the "good" kids for stupid stuff like wearing your cap backwards or not tucking in your shirt, but we don't address stealing or bullying.

    Wow, not sure how I got off on this tangent. I guess I was just thinking how hard it's going to be for Edward to catch a break and get a job once he gets out. The real world is not very kind to the ex-convict!

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  41. As a mom myself, I would want to be there for my daughter, but I am not sure I could watch her marry the man directly/indirectly responsible for the kidnapping of two people and know he was in prison for the rape of daughter... i would want to think of my self as a forgiving person, but this might be beyond the realm of feasability.... the letter was very noble of Edward to write and he does seem to truly be a changed man .. Will just have to see how Renee's heart goes.... glad also of the job.. good for someone to have a feeling of worth. Will also be sort of tricky once he gets out and is listed as a sex offender with her being a teacher and all....

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  42. Edward did more than okay, he did impresively right!!!! His letter was amazing, honest, sincere and true. Renee might not like it, she might still not come to the wedding but she can't say that in his own strange way Edward isn't trying to make Bella happy. That has to count! At least that's what I think.
    Six years time has passed, the last four years faster and brighter than the first two. Those were pretty awful.
    I remember you mentioned Alice, Emmett and the reat weren't Edward's friends and as soon as he was caught all his accounts "disappeared". Still, he had to have something hidden. What about his properties? He reall lost everything? Or is there something you're keeping from us?
    Really wrapping up k two more? I think I'm gonna cry!!,

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  43.  "A little difficult"? Really? I think it will be VERY fucking difficult. I'm afraid their life now will seem like rainbows and unicorns comparing what they would have to endure after they reunite. Will Bella even be allowed to be a teacher if her husband is a registered child molester? I don't know how it would work, honestly. I hope it will but I just don't see how. Yes, the first couple of months will be euphoric, and then what? Will he be able to find a job? Will she? Who will start to blame who first? Although Edward doesn't want to have anything to do with his previous lifestyle, I really hope there's a forgotten Swiss bank account somewhere that will help them to avoid all that crap that usually ruins the strongest of loves. 

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  44. Fabulous chapter! I am anxious, yet sad for the ending ;) 

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  45. I'm sad that you are still pushing for 100 chapter mark. We need to see more of E and B after they start their life together, not just a summarized version (jumps and all) of their lives as a couple. After everything they have been through it would have been nice to see them work a life together. Please at least tell your OCD that the last two chapters should be a pretty round number like 20,000 each, pretty please :)

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  46.  not good crying in front of your work colleagues lol
    another excellent chapter, thank you
    xx 

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  47.  That letter to Renee was beautiful. I don't know how she'll respond, but kudos to Edward for reaching out. If your OCD is dead set on 100 chapters, do you think a short (or long) sequel would be within the realm of possibilities. I'd really love to read about their life together, and I don't see how that would be possible in just 2 chapters.

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  48. This has been such an amazing ride! I would love to download this story once it's done, so I can reread it again and again! I can't believe it's almost over... *sigh* 

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  49.  *pouts* only 2 more chp to go. It feels like it is just getting started. Been with you since the first chp. Still have loved the short snippets and just how far they both have gone. 

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  50. I've loved every part of this story. What really appeals about these last few chapters though is that you're not sugar-coating anything - he's in prison, he's been beaten up, he's dealing with his emotions, he's facing the consequences of his decisions.
    Love your honesty, and thanks for being brave enough to write this story.
    Tori

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  51. He definitely deserves a Scooby snack LOL  I'm actually proud of him :D He is really trying and I can't stop smiling because he has friends. The fact that he knows he has to be protected and he is cool with that cracks me up. ^_^ Just to think back to the beginning and that persona was too though for that shit LOL

    I agree with Bella BTW. They don't need to wait that long. They had a beautiful wedding night already and, at least for me, it would be more important to be able to be close to him than to wait until he gets out. It's not like the fact that he was in jail gets erased because they waited until he got out. This is just their life for now and being together would definitely make it better and I'm not talking about sex.

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  52. WTF Edward? You already gave the girl her wedding night, and now that she's had it she just wants more of it. Damn, take her to the trailer already. Hell, she'd probably do him in solitary if she could figure out a way to get in without getting caught. The letter to Renee was beautiful but you never know how she's going to react. I imagine that Renee would eventually want to see her grandchildren as well so she will more than likely come around. It's not as if this is some fling that Bella is going to get over. She has proven that she loves him unconditionally and is in it for the long haul. A lot of people commented (myself included) that they are really hoping that some of "the gang" will come through with money or one of his companies. We have been told in no uncertain terms that they weren't his friends and nothing but a working relationship with any of them, but come on "somebody" made Seth (and then Embry) Edward's protector. Was that all Seth's doing or did our Evil Pixie have a hand in it? We would like to think that Alice and Rose being "girlie" with Bella about the original wedding and Paris lingerie that they would come through on something. Maybe they will pop-up with a "wedding gift" for them? Maybe someone will anonymously send him some money so he can buy her a ring? It was his money anyway. Please? They've struggled so hard already, please let them catch a break somewhere down the line. Please?

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  53. we have come a long way baby!!  i can't believe the journey is almost over... 

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  54. I forgot to comment about this:

    "Embry walked up then, his normally hap-hazard hair slicked back flat against his head.“What the fuck is up with that?” Seth laughed.“I’m properly groomed to be our boy’s protector now!” Embry said with a laugh.”

    This two share one peanut for a brain but they crack me up. I love them!

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  55. Been there since day 1 and will really miss!

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  56.  I guess the rocks in his head fit the holes in hers.

    If Renee tells him to fuck off, my guess is that Bella will choose Edward over her mother anyway. At least he tried, and we know his apology is sincere, and not court ordered.

    o.o. Renee could speak at his parole hearing, begging the courts to not release him. Could delay the wedding plans...

    Just call me Wet Blanket Adonica.

    xx

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  57. This story has been funny, sad & heartbreaking.  So glad that Edward is healing himself and that Bella has persued ambition of becoming a teacher.  I have loved each and every chapter of this story and truly hope that a sequel is somewhere in the back of your mind cuz that would make for some very interesting story telling.  I can only imagine how many trials and tribulations they would encounter as a new couple considering their rocky start.

    Just wonderful and hoping for more.

     

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  58. The letter to Renee was so sweet. I'm so glad that he decided to ask her for her blessing. He's doing a fabulous job of fixing things.

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  59. I am so very proud of Edward.  I think things might just work out for them.  I'm more than a little impressed by his decision to write Renee, and I'm VERY impressed by his letter.  I love all he's done for Bella to support her in her education.  I cannot believe the story is almost over...

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  60. What a beautiful chapter. So much has happened to both of them. I'm surprised he didn't get his degree while he was in prison, but at least he finally got to eat. Thank-you for giving him Embry and Seth. I hope he keeps intouch with them... he is still alive because of them especially Seth. I was wondering if Bella would ever get to see the picture he drew and if there were other pictures too? What a lovely gift. I hope he sends Renee's letter through Bella so she can read it. It is very beautiful and so heart felt. I don't know if she can forgive him either but maybe she can be there for Bella.

    I sure hope he makes early parole... but there are no guarentees are there. He is really counting on getting released... a little too much I fear. He could get turned down. God I hope not though, I'm just saying don't wait any longer for something that he does not have control over. I hope he gives in and they get married.... that would be a wonderful graduation gift. Edward said that Bella is stubborn (just like the original Edward always said that too) but he is just as stubborn. Doesn't he understand she is crying out to him telling him that she needs physical touch... she needs to be comforted, to hold him. They could wait to make love if he wants to be able to give her a "bed of roses" a proper wedding night again when he is out of jail but if they were married he could hold her in his arms and she could hold him. They could say their vows again in a Church after he is released if he wants. My God anything could happen to either one of them... there are no guarantees in life... he could get killed tomorrow or get lung canser the day he is released. Fuck. Now I am just depressing myself.

    I don't want this story to end... but I have accepted that you have made up your mind about that which God love ya... we are just thankful for this wonderful story, and that you shared it with us even if we are not ready to say goodbye to Edward and Bella just yet. Please take care of them for us though and allow them to be together, PLEASE. Maybe you would consent to writing an epilogue - giving us a glimpse into post prison life for them after you put this story  - Eddie and Bella - to bed at 100 chapters? How about that? You could give us one hell of a lemony Swan song in the Epilogue... how about that? 

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  61. Longer chapters-sweeeeeeeet. I'm glad you didn't do a jail wedding and conjugal visits in a trailer.*shudders* Their reunion will be that much better if they wait. Although I hope Bella had the good sense to invest in a decent dildo to get her through the last few years. LOL!!! Sorry, my mind is in gutterland right now.... xD

    So what job will Eduardo get when he gets out? Hmmmm.... Chef? Hmmm...

    And Renee... yeah I don't know how that's going to go. Maybe if she knows about Edwards past with his mom and dad... then she might understand. Or maybe not. Can't have it all...

    Ok, I'm off to write some lemony goodness. See ya tomorrow, Savage. And thanks for the update!

    P.S. I would love to be a vegetarian, but I love SAUSAGE too much! *wink wink* ;D Hahaaaaaaaa! Goodnight

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  62.  Savage, you're amazing. For a lot of reasons, obviously, but one of them being that you somehow nailed prison correspondence. I don't know, and we all don't need to know why you understand prison correspondence, but the last few chapter have been incredible.

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  63.  yup, that one got me--tears in my ears!

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  64. Oh Savage.. thanks so much... question.. if you can... will karma come to Alice and co?... 

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  65. Savage, have you considered what's going to happen to us .., not sure I can go cold turkey! I'm starting to shake just thinking about this finishing.
    You've had me scared, excited, giggling and crying ( sometimes all in one chapter), glad I came along for the ride.
    The letter to Renee made me cry - everything he does is for Bella - so beautiful. I'm looking forward and dreading he final chapters with equal measures. Don't want it to end....

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  66. Here we are, selfishly worrying about missing this awkward, but what about therapist Irina?? What is she going to do when he's paroled?? :P

    I've forgotten to tell you that the idea of the sketch of the clasped hands is great. I love that & the idea to use it as a gift for B. Nicely done! Skipping the proposal & such? Well, it was handled well, I suppose. :)

    Thx for these longer chaps. The format has been addictive, but now I just don't want to let go!

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  67. Did edward lose all his blood money? Why is he broke? or can he just not use it while he's in jail?

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  68. I have thoroughly enjoyed the characters you have brought to life. Your imagination, your way with words, the voice you have given each of the players in the story you have woven is an absolute joy to read! It saddens me to know that this is coming to end, but I selfishly hope it is because you have another tale to share with us.
    As for Edward and Bella, I have wondered if your readers have appreciated and recognized your commitment to Twilight canon enmeshed in your story.  Well done!

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  69.  *sigh* Almost there..... almost the HEA..... A question though, in all this six years they didn't touch each other not even once???????

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  70.  Btw what happened with Edward's money??????? 

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  71. oh it's so good that they're gonna get married for real and he's very brave and selfless for writing to bellas mom! but you know i have to tell you now how absolutely thankful i am that you got hit with this story and obviously the whole thing came to you so hard, fast and continuously!!! just frickin excellent!! love it and am..but not..looking forward to the next two chapters cos that would mean it's all finished! *sniff* 

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  72. Irina's reaction to the letter made me tear up.As a mother I don't know if I could ever forgive Edward....but he's trying and it's true, he is going to have to face so much when he gets out. He has to understand that reality.

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  73. I'm so impressed with Edward's progress...maybe he can be a professional chef once he's out of prison, and work in a restaurant for vegetarians...Maybe he can even open up his own place in time. He's smart enough to do it, in time and with the new determination he has.

    So, Bella wants to marry him whilst he's still in prison. I can definitely understand her, even though Edward has his point also, when he thinks it would not be the best of places to start off their marriage.

    I hope Renee reponds well to that letter...I was so wrapped up in the drama of these two, that I've forgotten how much she has also suffered.

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  74. omg it was perfect .. we didn't have any Bella in this but i loved this chapter
    i can't believe 6 years passed .. sigh
    i can't believe this is ending so soon :(

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  75. :( pouty faces in abundance!!!!!! please more than 100! 110? can i get110!

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  76. I love this story and I will be sad to see it end. But I can't wait to read about the wedding. 

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  77. Yippee!!  Longer chapters!!!  This chappie warmed my heart.  Loved it!!  First of all, I hope SOMEONE had his back on his money!!  Soo, when he gets out they can buy a place in the country on some acreage and "the list" won't be such a HUGE issue.  Make sense?  Can't wait to see what happens with Renee.  WOW!!  You could finish up this sucker today!  Holy cow!!  That makes me a little sad BUT at the same time there is always UC and that sequel for SB (wink). 

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  78. I admire the resolution of the story – a HEA, where every word makes sense, there are actions, plans, amends, life is still complex and you show how the characters make it work. I have the feeling that after this story I won’t be fine with the perfect problemless, effortless HEAs in other fics the way I was before. I also admire your writing –the thoughtfulness, the emotions, the humor, the amazing details – “Then she had to buy more shoes”, “Be finished, not get out”, “I couldn’t look her in the eye.”
    I admire the person Edward has become – the way he addresses the issues and works to resolve them in the same resilient way, in which he takes everything, which life brings upon him.
    Thank you for the advice about making amends in your note, it is helpful for me to know that amends work even if what you have done isn't amendable.

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  79.  Funny - i kind of based them off two guys I knew in highschool - people always used to ask them which one had the brain cell today.  LOL

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  80.  I have worked in both adult and juvenile correctional institutions. :)  I still googled a bunch, and spoke w some friends.  Aside from a couple traffic violations, my record is clean. :)

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  81. I loved Edward's letter to Renee. If she accepts, there is no better wedding present Edward could have gotten Bella. Right now I have the distinct urge to erect a statue or something for Irina.

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  82. I love Edward! He has turned out to be so sweet...I seriously wish this could go on forever...I love the passion and angst these guys have. So sad to see it finish :( 

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  83. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said.
    I hope Rene has been around Bella since she's had E. back in her life & has seen the improvement in her daughters demeanor and can come around.I also like gennell's idea about tech business with Seth & Embry working for him;D)

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  84. ROFLMAO! Poor guys :-p

    Btw I love how you incorporate something funny even on a very angsty chapter like the Hobbit one for Alice on a previous chapter. It didn't stop me from crying but at least it made me snort a laugh and they stay on my mind after I get over the angst :)

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  85. Yeah that list thing I think will cause some issues especially her being a teacher.  That could be a whole other story with that subject, she would have issues getting a job because her husband would be considered a "pedifile" That is going to be a struggle....Yes, yes, I am talking like they are real!  lol

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  86. I agree  I just wrote  a response before even looking at yours.  I think it will be a great struggle especially Bella gettin a teaching job because he will be considered a pedifile!

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  87. As much as I hate to admit it, my son-in-law is currently in jail. Not sexual abuse this time(although that one will be a cloud on him forever). No he's an idiot who is DUI, no ins. speeding, assulting an officer. I think he is where he belongs and should rot in there. My daughter thinks they were too hard on him. He's diabetic and not getting the medical care he needs. She sends him money for phone call etc. Piece of shit if you ask me.
     

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  88. He won't be allowed within so many feet of a school. Definately no kids over.  

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  89. No matter how forgiving, forgetting isn't easy. Unfortunately, most inmates learn to do worse crimes in jail. I cringe when my son-in-law finally gets out. I think he should be in for life.  

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  90. Don't think it's true for all prisons, though.
     

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  91. Really hope this isn't going to end with me being confused at the end as in Saving Bella. Don't really know what happened there. Seems like it was left open.  

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  92.  The letter brought tears to my eyes.  I can with out a doubt say that if i was in Renee's shoes I would not be a happy camper either. I would not want my daughter to marry and ex convict, no matter how much in love they were.  I hope the two find their happiness together and maybe you can share a little of that with us?  If not we will just make the stories up in our minds im sure! LOL Thanks so much for this story!  I have followed it from the beginning, sitting on the couch shocked when a notice came from you of a new story you were posting!  I was hooked immediately! Such controversy when it first started.  LOL It was a nice long chapter still wish you would take us a little further into their future and continue updates for a while.  I guess readers never want their favorites to end huh? Take Care!  Have a good weekend!

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  93. I like the contrast of all the dresses on rubies and diamonds and fancy hotels a la romantic fantasy and we can recall Edward desperately calling Kate asking her what he can give Bella so this will be special for her.
    He honestly did not know.
    But he learned. He learned not from what Kate told him, but from what he experienced with Bella.

    We see this scenario once again repeated with Irina, and we are struck at the contrast from deciding between a menu of furs, cars and jewelery, at how truly these things are empty gestures. Now that Edward works six days a week for 75 dollars a month, but has found his life with a heart and soul, we can see how incredibly valuable this sketch is. As he began to imagine his new life, it truly came from his heart and it made his life and their future possible. 

    I loved that this taciturn man is willing to stand by Bella as her future husband. They will be there for each other, but they need to address these issues because it will come up.
    He must acknowledge to her what he has done to her family. this is very important and must not be downplayed.

    I can imagine How upset Renee would be when Bella first started writing Edward, or defied them and would not testify against him in court. That is completely understandable.
    But Bella has done a lot of therapy, and she gotten her teaching degree and she is a grown woman and her only daughter.

    They are doing the right things by attending therapy.

    I would suggest a group therapy session with Bella and Renee to begin with, and then later have Edward join in.  There is no need to make Bella an orphans out of this.

    I get where people are like "...he's a rapist and I could never accept it if my daughter..."

    ...but you see that is why fiction is so powerful.

    It gives us a scenario where you get to say: ".. but what about this particular situation? Is everything in this world so perfectly black and white, cut and dried, tarred and feathered?"

    I know Savage sure did give me a lot to think about...

    Lolypop82 helped with that too though....

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  94.  Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww............dat letter was da sweetest thing!!!!!!!!!! It really iz sincere n i cus see he put alot into that *without any help from Irina i mite add*. Truly truly sweet....he's come sooooo far from the DoucheWard i met in chapt 1!!!!! I'm utterly proud of him!!!!!!

    Thank God for Irina too.........she was a HUGE INTEGRAL part of that healing progress. She really was amazing & she helped him so much!!!!!!!! *Finally an Irina character, i actually like, heheeeeeeee*

    Now plz tell me that the last chapt.....whatevr it may b chapt 100 or 110, wil be their wedding!!!!!! an i def need one more Bella/Edward SMUT scn!!!!!! i've been dyin probably jus as much as they both have for sum SMUT!!!! its been wat 6yrs for them......*an 2 me...like 3 days!!!!* hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee*

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  95. I was thinking the same thing about the money. But why didn't Rose give Bella some of the money when they found her to disarm the chip? Why would they let Bella struggle after seeming so willing to help her initially? I do hope they come through.

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  96. Love the new manips added in the last few chappies!  They are awesome!  Especially the one of Edward holding the gun! 

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  97. I can't believe we only get 2 more chapters!I I love this story and I don't want it to end! It's so funny because when i first started reading it i kind of thought it was a little comical - so farfetched and amusing! All the characters were so great and quirky and then it became this beautiful love story and so heartbreaking - I have been crying for days reading this!! Thank you so much for writing this! We could always hope for a sequel, right?

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  98.  OMG OMG OMG Its wrapping up too soon :( Make them long chapters :DDD And ever think about a BPOV one shot or something..^_^

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  99. Love, love, love it!! I don't know what I'm going to do without this story! Your characters have some much depth and are so compelling. Bravo on another fuck awesome chapter... 

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  100.  Only 2 more chapters. It just doesn't seen right even if the OCD in me too says its perfect. Loved this chapter, though. It's a bitter sweet thing to see this amazing story come to a close. I find myself agreeing more and more with everyone else about this 100 chapter business ;)
    ~Jess

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  101. Scooby snack for Doofy and this amazing letter !  I love him so much... I don't want you to stop this story !  There's so much more to it !  Please...pretty please :) 

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  102. Wouldn't it be awesome if Bella, her mom or Irina had retrieved the pawned rings that he first gave her and he had them to give her again!

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  103. Where's #99, bb????  Breathlessly awaiting it! 

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  104. My thought was Bella would get her law degree & get some legal counsel for Edward to reduce his sentence!  8 years is ridiculous.  Just this week some guy who killed his stepdaughter then stashed her body in a barrel received only 9 years!  That is ridiculous.

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  105. You have 99 comments and it's driving me nuts so with hopefully my help we can get a rounded number going here. Just kidding (sort of) I wanted to say I loved the chapter & how long it was. Awesome job!!

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  106.  With the tears in my eyes, I am in awe of this chapter.  Your story has definitely moved me in a lot of ways.  I am glad that Edward had decided to write that letter to Renee.  It was certainly important that he did write it.  You are an amazing writer.

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  107. glad he was able to take his healing further.  

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  108. I think it was a great idea for Edward to write a letter to Renee. It really shows that he is making progress and is committed to starting a new life with Bella. I'm sad that this is going to end at 100 but has been an amazing ride and I have loved every minute of it. 

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  109. Wait, are you saying I caught up just as you finished? NO FAIR!!

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  110.  I'm still speechless.... Saving up for the end I guess..

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  111. Healing and moving on!! How very grown up x he's come a long way!

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  112. Another step in the right direction. Life beyond prison is going to be very difficult for everyone, but especially Edward because of the sexual predator label that will follow him around for the rest of his life. I like his stance on marriage and look forwrad to Bella's reaction to the drawing. I hope the letter will help Bella's relationship with her mother too.

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  113. No mother in her right mind would actually agree to what Edward is asking of her, and I'd be highly surprised if Bella's mother did. 

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  114. As a mother of a daughter I believe I would find a way to forgive and reach out. Shit happens and most of the time a second chance is deserved.

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  115. LilacfieldsforeverJune 23, 2011 at 1:27 AM

    I think its sweet he wants to buy her a ring and wait until he is out before they get married.  The letter to Rene was good for all parties concerned. 

    I never thought about that he will be on the sex predators list.  That's going to be rough when they have kids and with Bella's work.

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  116. Here we are, selfishly worrying about missing this awkward, but what about therapist Irina?? What is she going to do when he's paroled?? :P

    I've forgotten to tell you that the idea of the sketch of the clasped hands is great. I love that & the idea to use it as a gift for B. Nicely done! Skipping the proposal & such? Well, it was handled well, I suppose. :)

    Thx for these longer chaps. The format has been addictive, but now I just don't want to let go!

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  117. I've loved every part of this story. What really appeals about these last few chapters though is that you're not sugar-coating anything - he's in prison, he's been beaten up, he's dealing with his emotions, he's facing the consequences of his decisions.
    Love your honesty, and thanks for being brave enough to write this story.
    Tori

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  118. Awe... He did do good! I'm glad he's giving Bella the picture he drew.

    Part of me hates the whole "sex offender registry". I think it's another one of those things in our government where someone had a great idea but the didn't quite think everything through. I know one guy on our "local" list and people send anonymous "hate mail" to his employer trying to get him fired and stuff. People automatically look down on him and feel he is a bad person. He's not... The offense was from over 5 years ago, he never served time and he has since married the girl that he was charged with sexually assaulting --- he was 18, she was 16. You get the picture... Yes, he "technically" broke a law but really? Having sex with your girlfriend (that you obviously love since you marry her when she turns 18) shouldn't ruin your life and essentially, labels like that will. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees here in the US. If you've never heard that phrase before it basically means we are so focused on all the petty bullshit that we can't see the big picture.

    We do the same thing with kids in public schools... We harp on the "good" kids for stupid stuff like wearing your cap backwards or not tucking in your shirt, but we don't address stealing or bullying.

    Wow, not sure how I got off on this tangent. I guess I was just thinking how hard it's going to be for Edward to catch a break and get a job once he gets out. The real world is not very kind to the ex-convict!

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  119. Dammit, dammit, dammit. Now I'm crying for a totally different reason. Please oh please don't leave us.

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  120. Just two chapters left and I'm off to bed!

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