Saturday, April 23, 2011

CBWR? Chapter 52

Author's Notes:
Doh!!!  That's the second time I posted a CBWR? chapter on my regular blog, then realized I had it in the wrong place and had to delete it and move it.  Hehe - sorry about that.

Jumping ahead a bit in this chapter...gotta move along now. :)\
I know some people (myself included - ha!) have been having issues with the email alerts.  Sorry I can't really do anything about it.  They do seem to come...eventually.  You can always follow me on twitter or check the Twilighted thread - I usually inform everyone in both of those palces when it's been updated.

Enjoy!

And it scared the shit out of me.

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Chapter 52

It was still really early in the morning, and the summer air was still cool as I stepped out the sliding screen door and onto the little cement patio in the back of the cottage. I dropped down into one of two small plastic chairs and lit up.

Four weeks.

We hadn’t left the cottage except for quick stops to the local market for food. Even then I made a point of making sure we wore hooded sweatshirts and dark glasses. I wasn’t going to take any chances of some random security camera catching a glimpse of us.

Back in the states, Rosalie and Jasper worked on trying to deactivate the chip. One of the slaves had apparently found a doctor willing to try removing it, but it didn’t go well at all. She didn’t make it – died right on the table. I didn’t tell Bella about it, but I would if she ever pushed to find a doctor willing to do the surgery to remove it. No way in hell was I going to let her take that chance. The last report I got from the Hales was some success with EMPs stopping the signal for a while at least, though it seemed to come back after a day or so.

It would be better than nothing.

During the day, Bella tried to learn a little German by watching television and quizzing me on common words and phrases. I had done a lot of my legitimate business in Germany, and I knew enough to be able to hold a conversation and watch the local news, which was more than adequate for my needs. Other than being able to pay for groceries and whatever, I didn’t plan on holding a lot of lengthy, deep discussions.

At night she slept in bed with me, and when she had nightmares I held onto her until she calmed down enough to sleep again. I never said anything apart from reminding her that it was a dream, and that she was safe. If I had learned one thing during any of this, it was to shut the fuck up about ninety percent of the time. Anytime I wasn’t sure exactly what to say, that’s what I did instead. Sometimes I still had to answer one of her questions or something, but otherwise I stayed quiet.

Bella talked.

Bella talked a lot.

I took the last long drag of my smoke, stubbed the butt out in the ashtray, and lit another one. I did my best to get all my smoking in while Bella was either asleep or otherwise occupied. I could tell it really bothered her when I smoked, though I didn’t understand why. She kept saying it was bad for me, but really – who would give a shit if I keeled over from lung cancer, really? Regardless, I had cut back quite a bit just due to the circumstances, and tried my best not to smoke right in front of her, even though sometimes when she started talking about her childhood, I really, really wanted one.

Bella talked about her parents and her friends at school. I was a little surprised to hear she still had a year left of high school, since she was obviously really smart. I didn’t know why she would have started late or been held back or something, but I didn’t ask either. I also didn’t ask why she never mentioned what her father did for a living, though I could probably guess. Part of me wanted to call her out on it, because she talked about her mom’s job as school principal quite a bit, but never talked about Cop Daddy.

I guess if I was in her position I wouldn’t have mentioned it either, but it did make me wonder if she realized that I already knew. I figured that she didn’t, which is why she wasn’t brining up his career. Then again, she was obviously bright – she had to have picked up on me not asking what he did, too. I guess that kind of put us at an impasse of sorts.

I had found enough articles on the internet to reassure Bella that he mother was fine, and had recovered from most of her injuries. That had served to keep her from asking me about calling them every single day. I had taken to sleeping with the phone. I also found plenty to tell me her parents were completely distraught, and had pretty much put their lives on hold to search for her. I didn’t show such things to Bella, though I felt bad that I was kind of deceiving her. We were half way through the stretch now – in another month, she could call them. It would be hell on them all in the mean time, but at least by then I could make sure she was safe and it wouldn’t happen all over again.

I wanted to get her back her parents.

But I sure as hell never, ever wanted to meet her dad.

Something told me Cop Daddy would not take too kindly to the guy responsible for his daughter’s kidnapping and enslavement. Nope, pretty unlikely, despite what the same guy might have done to get her out of it. Yeah, I was not going to be invited to the Policeman’s Ball or Christmas Dinner or whatever the hell cops did to raise money for whatever the hell they needed to buy. Or was it charity for something else? I had no freaking idea.

I’d probably donate anyway, if he’d let me.

Why?

Because over the past four weeks, I got a look into the way a family was supposed to be, and I had never known anything like it before. Bella told me about trips to the zoo the three of them took, and how her dad held her hand when she got scared going through the Nocturnal House and she saw the vampire bats. I heard about Bella cooking weird food with her mom, and the way her dad would try to eat it, even when it was awful. I learned about bedtime stories, holding on to the back of the bicycle, and swinging a baseball bat at tennis balls.

I had never heard of any of this before.

For the first time in my life, I figured out the way other people had lived, and how different it was from the way I grew up. Part of me figured I should be angry about it – I mean, no one ever did any of that shit for me – but I just wasn’t. If anything, I felt more dead inside than I had before.

It reminded me about some of the shit Jasper said to me out on the balcony. I didn’t know how to deal with people, he had said. What the fuck was that supposed to mean, anyway? I knew how to deal with people, didn’t I?

All right, fine. I didn’t.

I just wasn’t sure what difference it made.

But now…now I was starting to understand something else. I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was, but I knew…I just knew that it should make a difference. I should want to know how to cope with people. If not people, a person. One person in particular.

Bella.

Because ever since we danced on our wedding night, if you could call it that, I could not get her out of my head. The more she talked about her life, the more I wanted to know. I didn’t know if any girl I had ever met or dated before had ever talked about their past – I really couldn’t remember. If they had, I didn’t listen because I didn’t care. But listening to Bella was like crack or something – I couldn’t get enough of it.

And it scared the shit out of me.

I stubbed the cigarette out as I heard the bedroom door open and Bella walked sleepily into the kitchen to make breakfast. She always cooked breakfast as soon as she got up – usually just eggs and toast, but sometimes it was something more elaborate, depending on what we had to the kitchen. Yesterday she bought blueberries so she could make blueberry pancakes.

I was pretty sure I had never had blueberry pancakes before.

Her gaze met mine through the screen door, and I knew by the look in her eye that she was on to me and my early morning nicotine fests. I gave her a bit of a smile and a shrug before I went back inside, slipped past her in the kitchen and went to take a shower and get the smoke scent off of me.

At least she didn’t have to smell it, right?

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Chapter End Notes:

I just send my hubby to the store for blueberries.  Its bad when what you're writing starts influencing your real life like that, isn't it?  Or as long as I stick to blueberries all is okay?

Working on the UC Outtake for Fandoms Fight Tsunami relief the rest of the day.  Unless I get stuck on that, I probably won't end up posting again until tomorrow, but you never know. :)

80 comments:

  1. OHHH i love this story i cant get enough!!!!!!


    xxx

    thanks for the update

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  2. I am still feeling so sad for Edward. Coming from a loving family I just can't imagine someone's parents not loving their children. I hope that Bella and Edward get closer during their time together.

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  3. When I was in college, I was visiting a new friend, helping her study. I can't remember what I had to call my parents for, but at the close of the convo, I said, "Bye, Daddy." Didn't think a thing of it.

    I turned to talk to my friend, and was startled to see tears rolling down her cheeks. She confessed that she never, not once, called her Dad anything other than "him". He was an abusive drunk.

    Edward needs to know that somewhere in the world, somebody grew up *normal*, like on TV. At least that's how my (now lifelong) friend described it.

    xx

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  4. Hey if the story influences you to get blueberries, and maybe make blueberry pancakes, it cannot be all bad, can it?

    Enjoying the updates! Keep the coming.

    Keye

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  5. Thanks for the update!

    pssst... It's hard on the eyes to read the gray letters on gray background!

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  6. He has had four weeks to learn to talk to Bella, but it does not sound like he has done much talking. But I would love to see Edward with genuine love in his life, with a loving family. It is true that sometimes ignorance is bliss. But Edward will no longer have the bliss of ignorance, not since knowing Bella. I keep hoping that they will somehow have a future together, because I know they both care for each other. But not sure how that would work with cop daddy. As a parent, I do feel for what her parents are going through in the meantime. But in this one instance at least, Edward does know what he is doing, because letting her contact them too early could jeopardize everything, including her parents' lives. See? He is smart sometimes! I enjoyed the chapter!

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  7. Mhhhh blueberry pancakes - I love 'em and have them almost every Sunday.
    I didn't think they would stay there that long. What the hell are they doing all day long? No sightseeing, no going to the pool, the zoo, something?....anything? I thought Edward wanted to make up for everything by showing her Europe. He better start stepping up his game. Hiding in a house in the middle of nowhere and not letting her out, is a like a modern from of imprisonment. He should at least get a Xbox or something. I bet Bella is talking so much, because she is bored to death. I do like the positive side-effects of Bella talking about her life has on Edward. He really is smitten by her. And he is learning what kind of behavior is accepted.

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  8. Very painful chapter.

    It will destroy him when he finally has to let her go. : (

    Thanks for the chapter.

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  9. Yum. Blueberry pancakes sound really good right now.

    So Dufusward is learning a little about the "good"life.

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  10. You know what I love most about your stories?
    That I'm just as clueless Edward. I don't understand her either.

    Thanks for the update.

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  11. Bet the hubby knows the blueberries will most likely be beneficial for him as well. Would be difficult I think to hear about someone's normal life, and know how different your own life has been. .... Like the new site. easy to naviagate and read.. Pam V.

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  12. TY S... my heart breaks for him! - xo

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  13. So glad that I saw your tweet today. I probably would've gone searching in another few days, though... I'd just figured you were really busy so you hadn't had a chance to update in a bit. :) Loved the updates. Nice to see that they're surviving together, at the very least.

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  14. another great chapter love your interview. still real want to give him a hug, please for the love of god let her stay with him, or alest go back to him he needs her so much. waiteing for the chapter were she going to kiss him couse she skick of waite on him. one more thing eddie boy she does not want you smokeing bucause she care about you and does not want you to get ill or die duh!

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  15. Savage, I just HATE when the chapters end. Don't know what to do about it. Maybe i should go kill someone? Haha jk. Seriously, I am so in love with this fic.

    Taking a shower. The dufus. I mean, how sweet is he?

    Update soon, I beg you!!!!!!!!!!!

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  16. The way Edward grew up is so depressing and sad. Bella is really good for him. I hope they can figure out how to get the chip deactivated. Thanks for another great chapter!

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  17. Now I want blueberry pancakes too.

    PS - I like to watch the TOTAL PAGEVIEWS number go up and up...it's fun.

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  18. I love it as always! I can't wait to see what happens next.

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  19. "Part of me figured I should be angry about it – I mean, no one ever did any of that shit for me – but I just wasn't. If anything, I felt more dead inside than I had before.” – my guess is that Edward has learned to ignore the things, which disturb him, and to tell himself that he doesn't care, and in this way he has suppressed his emotional response to anything until Bella. The reality shock and the responsibility, which he feels for taking care of her, break through his indifference and he begins to react emotionally to her.
    "I knew how to deal with people, didn't I? All right, fine. I didn't. I just wasn't sure what difference it ma...I just knew that it should make a difference. I should want to know how to cope with people. If not people, a person. One person in particular." – these thoughts ring true – Edward wants to be able to make Bella feel better, starts to get attached to her, for the first time he cares about and wants to be close to another person, though he doesn't know what it takes and what will be different between them.

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  20. Great post Savage, it keeps getting better aned better. Even though Edward did cause this whole mess, he's so naieve about people, and he seems to really be trying to set things right. I hope that can someday be enough, but it really doesn't make up for all the abuse Bella endured. Thanks again.

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  21. Edward, I do believe you are falling in love. I hope you're able to make things right, as much as that is possible. I wouldn't be planning on buying a suit for that ball, though!

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  22. My heart breaks for poor Doofus, especially when he said he felt even more dead on the inside. Aww.... :(

    When he said he wasn't telling Bella about her parents' frantic search because he didn't want her to worry...well, I suspect she KNOWS they'd react this way, whether she reads it in an article or not. But it's nice that he's trying to protect her.

    It's clear that they both care for each other, even if they don't want to admit it out loud. Bella wants to help him (and doesn't want him risking his health), and he obviously is growing more and more attached to her. And dependent. If they end up going separate ways, I don't think he'll survive long.

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  23. Great update! Poor Edward and he doesn't even know if he should be mad. Where are his parents? Will he be mad when he finds out where they went if it was voluntary? I can't wait for more ;)

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  24. For the life of me, I can not figure out why FF would take down this story., If they only stopped to read it instead of taking the word of one stuck up reader, they would know that this story is more than having one's way with a sex slave. I can name at least 50 stories that have more sex in it than this.

    Loving the story. Consider it FFn's loss.

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  25. I so enjoyed the move in time. It's breaking my heart that hes learning just how shit his life growing up was, this was so a case of ignorance was bliss.

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  26. So happy you have a new home for this fic.. even though I have no idea what "rule" you violated... seems to me there are a lot worse fics out there.
    But have now read and caught up to your finished posting - yeah !!
    He is so feeling an emotion he has never felt before... will he ever admit to it ??

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  27. Well, a fic once sent me to get the kids a play date and go pick up some icecream, so, I suppose berries is all good -- you probably would have craved them soon anyway, right?! Yeah! ;D

    Wow, a month. I'm wondering if Bella's kinda going out of her mind. Makes me think the talking is to keep her mind off of what she wants to be occupying her mind with, and to just try to connect with him. It is interesting the windows of assumptions we feel we can make "knowing" her from canon! lol

    Thanks!!!

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  28. It's great that Edward is enjoying what Bella is doing. Sharing her life with him. I'm sure he needs to realize that everything in the world is not bad. There are many ways that people can live.
    Thanks for sharing.

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  29. mmm blueberries, it's not easy for me to get them here, but I will sure try. I might go for muffins instead of pancakes.
    One month they have been staying in the cottage. Bella is talking, according to Edward, a lot. It's what any guy would say. But if Bella were to stop talking, Edward wouldn't like it. He is finding out a lot about her and normal family life. He wants it, but only if it's with Bella. If it could only be that easy.... Poor Edward, he is doing much better, but still... not yet there.

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  30. awe not too much longer now and my predictions will be coming true!! Edward is falling in lurve!

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  31. Yes...you may get blueberries but don't even THINK about going out and taking out a crime organization... :D

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  32. I love it , I love it and I love it more everyday. And I feel sorry for Edward and want to hug him alot, even if he smells of smoke..

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  33. Sh*t, almost cried for poor E. learning about a real family. Is he figuring it all out now? The chip sounds pretty hopeless.
    cat5050

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  34. man up Edward, action caused reaction. Feeling pitty though, from his side what will happend if he must return to Bella-less life...argh where's next!! Thx 4 updates..it's hard to find blueberry here.i'm having pineapple :(

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  35. I think it was wise to pass the time a little. Good thinking there. I loved doofus' introspection here. Do I sense a little maturity? Can he actually talk now without putting his foot in his mouth? LOL! Yeah I was still wondering what's up with Bella and not mentioning her dad. But duh! Of course she wouldn't mention him.

    Dammit now I want some fucking blueberries. I was just in the store yesterday and bought strawberries

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  36. aw, edward's got a soft spot for bella. and some day soon he will have to let her go, as promised. poor lonely edward.

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  37. So ridic glad you didn't just give up on this story and made such a cool new homebase. FFn has done many a dumb thing since we began our relationship a couple years ago, but this stupidity takes the cake. Another great story was removed with no warning etc, and I hope this isn't a replay of that mass axeing of cutting edge, yet epic fics and authors. I smell a fish barrel afoot here this go around. Keep it up, thx for staying on task with this story, which desperately needs telling to completion. E and B need to find their happy places, wherever you deem they are found. You amaze me... I would've set my laptop afire, literally, in revenge anger. Your path is way smarter and braver, not to mention it doesn't waste a perfectly good technology for short and fleeting satisfaction. I'm impulsive, who knew? The UST is painful to read, just give us a taste she even remotely gets his remorse and subsequent stupid guy acts to "fix it". Gah, I just love it all around!! UC too, both in fangirl ways actually, sigh.

    Respect n luv,
    Annie

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  38. don't see how e is going to fit into b's life after without her parents going ape shit
    tff000

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  39. So... she's still sleeping w/ him. :).. (operative word being sleep. He calms her, comforts her after nightmares. And she's being very talkative- telling him stories of her past. And even more importantly, he's actually listening and wondering why he suddenly gives a shit at what this chick has to say... Not to mention, wanting to hear more! ....And oh, he's being esp sweet- cleaning up so he doesn't reek of smoke... for Bella's sake.

    Aww just love it.

    TY!

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  40. I love your stories, ALL of them. I really feel for the characters and am drawn into their lives. I can see that Bella really has feelings for Edward or else she wouldn't care as much the effect the cigs have on him. It is just a glimpse, but a very telling one at that.

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  41. Hey Savage - love the blog! And I really love the banner for CBWR? it is awesome!

    Poor Doofusward, at least he is learning to shutup - but it is lovely she sleeps with him - methinks Bella doesn't hate him :-)

    Looking forward to the next update - as always!! oxo AllyVera

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  42. Oh darn, I'm all caught up, what's a girl to do do?
    Looking forward to the next update - as always!
    I hope he finds a way to open up & share his feelings, what's inside seems good.

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  43. Ah, Edward. He has absolutely no idea how ot recognize the signs that someone cares about somone else becausde no one has ever shown him that before. So sad!

    Love the jump in timeline, and that Edward is at least smart enough to recognize that the smoking bothers Bella on some level.

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  44. Thanks for the update...poor Edward ! I wonder what's next for them. Can't wait to read you again, it's always a pleasure to receive a new chapter :)

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  45. illicit smoochiesApril 24, 2011 at 7:46 AM

    Love this story! Something tells me maybe Bella's dad had lung cancer... Maybe that's why she is a year behind in school? Did he survive it? Can't wait to find out where this story goes!

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  46. Yeah, as long as it is blueberries, you're cool. When it's drugs, booze or cigarettes you've got a problem. Thanks for going thru the trouble of putting up the new blog!

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  47. Glad to be able to read you here. This story is so addictive! Like the others you write. Thank you for sharing you talent. I feel lucky!

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  48. Poor Doofus, he's having real feelings for Bella and he can't even label them, because he's never had to do it before. He can't even hurt over the fact that he wasn't given the chance to be loved whilst growing up, because he is putting himself down all the time and thinks himself unworthy of love.
    I believe Bella could help him in that department.

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  49. "But listening to Bella was like crack or something – I couldn’t get enough of it."
    I really liked this line... it felt like it was saying so much more... I felt the shifting, a sort of plate tectonics under that too long held silent facade.
    Hmmmmm *taps long red nail on arched brow* I like that: Your hubby getting your blueberries is the good life imitating art and fueling the muse et al and so I advise you to write some hawt lemons for your jealous and hissing lurkers because life is short but true love and revenge is such sweeeet music together when rubbed the right way.... don't forget the salt.

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  50. Poor Edward, it kills me every time he thinks about his childhood, or rather, lack thereof. Since Bella became his crack, I imagine he would hurt a lot when it's time to let her go.

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  51. Going to be hard to let her go I believe

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  52. Oh Edward...what are you gonna do in a month when Bella want to go be with her parents? So so sad.

    Stephanie

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  53. wow poor edward..he's starting to fall hard! what's he gonna do when she goes back to her parents?!! poor edward will probably go back to the way he was! his childhood is so heartbreaking everytime he thinks about it makes me sad for him!

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  54. Ah, Edward. He has absolutely no idea how ot recognize the signs that someone cares about somone else becausde no one has ever shown him that before. So sad!

    Love the jump in timeline, and that Edward is at least smart enough to recognize that the smoking bothers Bella on some level.

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  55. Oh darn, I'm all caught up, what's a girl to do do?
    Looking forward to the next update - as always!
    I hope he finds a way to open up & share his feelings, what's inside seems good.

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  56. man up Edward, action caused reaction. Feeling pitty though, from his side what will happend if he must return to Bella-less life...argh where's next!! Thx 4 updates..it's hard to find blueberry here.i'm having pineapple :(

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  57. Now I want blueberry pancakes too.

    PS - I like to watch the TOTAL PAGEVIEWS number go up and up...it's fun.

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  58. Well, a fic once sent me to get the kids a play date and go pick up some icecream, so, I suppose berries is all good -- you probably would have craved them soon anyway, right?! Yeah! ;D

    Wow, a month. I'm wondering if Bella's kinda going out of her mind. Makes me think the talking is to keep her mind off of what she wants to be occupying her mind with, and to just try to connect with him. It is interesting the windows of assumptions we feel we can make "knowing" her from canon! lol

    Thanks!!!

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  59. Mhhhh blueberry pancakes - I love 'em and have them almost every Sunday.
    I didn't think they would stay there that long. What the hell are they doing all day long? No sightseeing, no going to the pool, the zoo, something?....anything? I thought Edward wanted to make up for everything by showing her Europe. He better start stepping up his game. Hiding in a house in the middle of nowhere and not letting her out, is a like a modern from of imprisonment. He should at least get a Xbox or something. I bet Bella is talking so much, because she is bored to death. I do like the positive side-effects of Bella talking about her life has on Edward. He really is smitten by her. And he is learning what kind of behavior is accepted.

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  60. Hey if the story influences you to get blueberries, and maybe make blueberry pancakes, it cannot be all bad, can it?

    Enjoying the updates! Keep the coming.

    Keye

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  61. OHHH i love this story i cant get enough!!!!!!


    xxx

    thanks for the update

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  62. If I had learned one thing during any of this, it was to shut the fuck up about ninety percent of the time. - glimmers of genius

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  63. Someone is getting attached.
    ~Jessi

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  64. Jus as i said last chapt...........DoucheWard iz fallin hard fuh dat chic an he's only nw admittin it!!!!!!! He really doesnt kno hw 2 handle anyting in life cuz he was nevr taught hw to....i mean he was literally robbed of his childhood an 2 me, daz fcuked up!!!!!!!! But i kno Bells is feelin sumtin 4 him 2 an it wil b devastatin wen dis iz all ovr n she goes bk 2 her family. But I cant help but feelin she wont leav him n neither wil she ratt him out 2 Papa Swan!!!!!! I love DouchWard n i cant help but feel da slightes glimmer of hope 4 him......

    I mean, this iz all gunna wrk out rite!?!?!?!?

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  65. My RL meals are always reflected in my stories, no big surprise there.

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  66. Edward is falling in love :) 

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  67. Edward is falling in love. Awww.  

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  68. It must be love. Awww. I have this feeling that Charlie is dead, perhaps from cancer and that's why Bella isn't so keen on Edward's smoking. 

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  69. Sigh....  Oh, she should know he knows that her dad is a cop.. It said that or showed him in uniform in that first online article he found and showed her.

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  70. Yeah my brain just said mmmm blueberry pancakes! Lol x things are gonna work out right?

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  71. and reality for Edward sets in again......

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  72. It is amazing the impact on so many lives one decision can make.

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  73. So glad to be reading this story again!  

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  74. I think this time togthr without any other influences is good for them. It's letting them see the other as they really are.

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  75. He's learning manners & common courtesy, yayyyy! The strings and ties of something more than just lust are weaving through him.

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